I started doing midnight prayers cos we're going through financial difficulties and debt And everyday after the prayers I get a bad dream.
1. I saw myself trying to clean up my baby's poop from her anus with my teeth. My husband came in then I started using water to wash her bumbum

2. I saw myself with my old secondary school mated chatting and laughing. One girl introduced herself as Alpha and she's 29 yrs old. After that I started bathing in a bathroom inside the classroom. I found out the door was open I closed it. And after bathing i found out I had no clothes to change. Then I quickly tied a towel

3. It was as if there was war or riot outside my house. We couldnt go out. I later went outside to check. And a woman in a black jeep started shooting at me. I caught the bullet in my hand and ran upstairs. Locked up. But the woman still came inside with her gun. I told hubby to start praying and a knife appeared in my hand. I started singing praises and stabbing her and I woke up.

4. I saw 3 tiny snakes on our sitting room chair. My husband killed them. Then I told him the mother must be around. And we found it coming out of the Air condition. I found a gun in my hand and shot it dead.

5. I saw a well known actor. He wanted to wed and was asking me to help him budget. We were doing it together. Later I saw the wife to be behaving uncultured. I started imagining how the actor could marry her. She just came to me again with a shaved hair. I asked her why is her hair shaven when her wedding is close by. She started acting funny. In my mind I said " this girl is mad" she started chasing me till I wok

helovesme:


Gbammmmmm.

This is exactly what I will do if I was in her shoes.

Avoid him like a plague publicly completely until he changes his ways.

Cc thewife306
Have a one on one chat with him about it and
tell him he needs to change his ways. If he doesn't, then simply adopt the method above. You need to get rid of that househelp though.

Was going to do dat by year end but She left on her own... For greener pasture

helovesme:


Gbammmmmm.

This is exactly what I will do if I was in her shoes.

Avoid him like a plague publicly completely until he changes his ways.

Cc thewife306
Have a one on one chat with him about it and
tell him he needs to change his ways. If he doesn't, then simply adopt the method above. You need to get rid of that househelp though.

Double post

tearoses:


If you are sure that this is a new pattern and he didn't do this or show any signs of this whilst you were dating then you need to get to the bottom of this sudden development
You need to understand why he is doing this, then you can tackle it appropriately and take things from there.

Find time to talk to him
Do not give him any opportunity to go off
point as "sit down and talk" conversations can easily go tangent if care is not taken
Do not shout, cry or get emotional
Just remain focussed on the topic and do not relent until you get to know/have an idea of what has caused his sudden change in attitude.

If he wont tell you, then wisely select one wiser and mature person who can talk to both of you.

BTW Who employed the househelp?

At d bolded. We both did. We got her From our family friend. Initially I wanted to be the one paying but he insisted dat it's his responsibility to pay.
The househelp issue is another issue that I wouldn't want to discuss on this thread. The lady in question isn't with us anymore. I intend doing the payment for the next one and telling him not to interfere.

RoadsAndGreen:
OP your husband is very stupid. and a goat sorry to say

meanwhile, i go with the ishilove's advice..

No i wont take dat frm u. Pls take ur dirty mouth somewhere else. Sorry for yourself

AlphaHandMaiden:


You can only take so much before you yourself will snap back one day! So i suggest after one shouting episode, when you get into a private place, you tell him straight up in a calm and controlled voice, that he should not speak to you in that manner, not in public, not in front of your staff nor in front of the inlaws. It does not show you any regard as his wife.

Your hubby seems to have some anger management issues and if he doesnt see the the wrong in his behavour then there is a big problem.
Stress or no stress, there is a line you draw and there is a limit of external bullshi.t one can bring home with you.

If anyone have aggression issues, it is not wise to dump it on your spouse.

Go for proffesional counselling as you both need the help. As he may not be aware of it but this is emotional abuse. ( please dont go with all those churchy version of counselling that everything has to be the woman's fault and they will start quoting submit to your husbands. ) if anyone says that to you..... quote the second bit that says husbands should love their wives and re-inforce it with thw passage that gives the atttributes of love..... see boldened below.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

God bless and direct you.

Thanks a whole lot. Av actually beenwaiting to read from u, tearoses n onegai.

comtem2011:
Since you have talked to him by yourself and he refuse to change, I think the best idea is to talk to his parents especially his father.

And if he refused, just take a walk whenever he shout at you in the public. Shikena. Pls don't loose your sanity.

Thanks.

oatzeal:
thewife306

Am not here to impress anyone.... TO EVERY ACTION, THERE S EQUAL OR OPPOSITE REACTION...

Mode of reaction in people varies... If you are tired of your husband... You may just come here , pick any advice and apply.. Its your choice.
.....

The difference between single mothers out there and the mothers in-house is their level of wisdom and adaptability....

I have only read few sensible statements on this topic, others are just trying to feel among, sound sweet and nice.....

MADAM, PRAY FOR WISDOM..

There s sumtin in you that is pissing your husband off, you need to detect it and WORK ON IT...

So any mother thats not "in-house" lacks wisdom and adaptability not minding the circumstances.
Mr, stop commenting on this thread.
So if you have attitude issues, it means your wife doesnt have wisdom. Are u even married?
You aff sense well well
If u cannot read my first post or did not understand, pls quit commenting.

tearoses:


If you are sure that this is a new pattern and he didn't do this or show any signs of this whilst you were dating then you need to get to the bottom of this sudden development
You need to understand why he is doing this, then you can tackle it appropriately and take things from there.

Find time to talk to him
Do not give him any opportunity to go off point as "sit down and talk" conversations can easily go tangent if care is not taken
Do not shout, cry or get emotional
Just remain focussed on the topic and do not relent until you get to know/have an idea of what has caused his sudden change in attitude.

If he wont tell you, then wisely select one wiser and mature person who can talk to both of you.

BTW Who employed the househelp?

Thank you ma

missjo:

WALK AWAY
You can never get it wrong by walking away dear.

DO NOT react and shout back at him, totally wrong. Not in the sense that he doesn't deserve it, but in the sense that you both will come off looking insane especially if it's in public.
I can't imagine seeing a friend or blood sister of mine engaging in a shouting match with her husband IN PUBLIC.
I wouldn't know how to explain it when someone walks up to me and asks me what is going on.

When he starts raising his voice, you WALK AWAY and create some distance between you two. It might not be possible to completely make yourself scarce from the immediate environment so creating good distance between you two is better for the optics.

Thanks

EfemenaXY:
This story is very one sided.

@op you say he shouts at you in public and it's becoming a frequent occurrence. What triggers this?

You need to get to the root of the problem and sort it out from there, rather than trying to treat the symptoms.

Unpleasant as this may sound, you might need to do a self assessment of yourself.

And this is why I say your write up is one sided. I'm quite certain your husband would have a very different version of events to what you're telling us.

What self assessment? Dat you cannot caution your spouse in private except when you're outside. or in the presence of other people.

EfemenaXY:
This story is very one sided.

@op you say he shouts at you in public and it's becoming a frequent occurrence. What triggers this?

You need to get to the root of the problem and sort it out from there, rather than trying to treat the symptoms.

Unpleasant as this may sound, you might need to do a self assessment of yourself.

And this is why I say your write up is one sided. I'm quite certain your husband would have a very different version of events to what you're telling us.

And what if its not one sided. i posted thevreasons. What do i stand to gain posting one-sided story. i would be doing myself

Ishilove:

I noticed his comments but I didn't want to comment. Very one sided and unrealistic.

I'm not married so I don't know how will I react in the situations you've described.

However, this is how my mum will react: she will NOT shout back at him when he is misbehaving. She will rather wait until they're alone then bring the roof down, shake the whole building and tear the entire house to pieces.

It is wrong and very disrespectful of your hubby, and I will suggest that you talk to him when he is calm, describe what you're feeling and seriously warn him of dire consequences if he continues disrespecting you publicly.

The bible exhorts us women be submissive to our husbands, but it also asks the husbands to treat their wives with respect. Something your hubby is not doing.

I wish you the best and hope you sort it out.

Thanks Sis

RadicallyBlunt:

I understand how you feel. Have you talked to him about it recently?

I have. he doesnt seem bothered.Keeps saying he doesnt hide his feelings. Dats why i made this post.

oatzeal:


There are different kinds of people, when you compare Mr A to B , you will miss it.

Just like I said earlier. May be he has more things bothering his mind now.

MAY BE.

I don't know ur husband, but am like dat.

Wen i have deadline for something, late for work... I can't give anybody 1sec to waste . I naturally become more aggressive. I can shout at anybody.



Immediately, am done, get to my destination. I can play and smile with anyone. Just the opposite.


Then I hate rhetorical questions.

Now, its not 24/7 your husband shouts at you, at least you still do have time for romance. Use style to talk to him,
Get to know him more.

I believe he loves you

You must be a selfish person. How about after you must have met your deadline, you lose your loved ones. See who's talking about doing assignment. You think life is all about you

RadicallyBlunt:
Op be cautious of the way you follow the advises above me o. You just said ur hubby wasn't like this before but now he's showing his color at d slightest provocation. Who knows...you may think taking the above steps will calm him down but turn out to make things worse and these so called advicers would not be there to help your marriage. A man with a child can still remarry o but an after-one woman may find it difficult.

Even if you're young blooded with radicality i still advice you to use a better approach not because ur husband is d head blabla but because you dont want to go thru a long marriage palava so early in life. Because if he takes d matter to his family he will not say he started it first. And your own family have received your total bride price...eaten it sef. So

Calm your anger, talk to him heart-to-heart first, if that doesnt work, you can talk to your pastor or snr in-laws that have good sense of reasoning too...this is essential. Let them know you told them first so that when you take action, it will have deep effect and impression. Don't be deceived with the "no 3rd party" advice for new couples. There are some things you may actually need some one for. what matters is the kinda 3rd person you involve and of course not always.

Besides what you're going thru is normal in the first 1-2yrs of marriage. Both of you will stabilize soon

Thank you. i really do not want to retaliate as 2 wrongs dont make a right but my kind of person. wen someone intentionally hurts me i try to avoid the person and grow cold. but in this case its my husband. and i know its affecting my feelings towards him

Richy4:
[b]Two wrongs can never make a right dear OP.... I suggest you table it to him nicely again the way you said it here

Let him know how it was affecting you negatively,...... Ask him how he will feel if you loose your self respect outside.....Ask him how he will feel if a total stranger, a male to be précised starts yelling at you; say in a function over a minor mistake or issue......If he says he will feel bad, then let him know that he is giving them the license the way he was acting in public...Tell him that you did not ask him not to yell.. but yelling between spouses is like sex, It's not done in public....If he treats you like a door mat with welcome written allover it, then that means it is ok for anyone to say or do as they pleases....

Again try and find out if something is eating him up....It could be work related or fatherhood is catching up on him or finance etc...

I did not want to ask this question but how long did you court this man?....You can't tell me you did not see any sign or you chose to ignore it..
He says he does not like to hide his feelings but obviously you must have seen a little sign and did not act on it fast enough.... But hey, there are good actors out there when it comes to a relationship, if there was no sigh, then he was very good...[/b].

thank you sir

oatzeal:
I have heard my mother and other mothers saying things like : OUR DADDY WILL NOT LIKE IT...

GET TO KNOW THOSE THINGS...

I feel you have not done your assignment. DONT COMPARE YOUR MARRIAGE TO YOUR FRIEND'S MARRIAGE, OR TO WHAT YOU SEE ON TV.

You snap at people when ur under pressure and you smile later. And come here to tell me dont compare. Did i mention anything about tv or friends. Learn to control your temper

oatzeal:
I have heard my mother and other mothers saying things like : OUR DADDY WILL NOT LIKE IT...

GET TO KNOW THOSE THINGS...

I feel you have not done your assignment. DONT COMPARE YOUR MARRIAGE TO YOUR FRIEND'S MARRIAGE, OR TO WHAT YOU SEE ON TV.

You snap at people when ur under pressure and you smile later. And come here to tell me dont compare. Did i mention anything about tv or friends. Learn to control your temper

oatzeal:
If you check well, the level of assignment or job he s doing has increased. He has many more thing bothering him now.

Don't shout at him back, don't try to comment or correct him every time anymore.

Do it wen he s much relax. He is not doing all those things intentionally. He still loves you.

Manage him. Women are meant to be manager of their homes.
MANAGE HIM. Its your role.

If you say he isnt doing it intentionally, how about saying "i dont like hiding my feelings" and refusing to apologize.

mysticgal:
I know we are not supposed to wash dirty linens outside. But this happened with my mum and she shouted back. Like I remember her saying "orrrr, are you OK? Don't ever shout at me again" and even if my dad is mad, he would never do such.
I don't know if it's the right to do but I'd do the same thing my mum did. Besides you should know your husband and how he takes correction, and It's not right to scold you in public.
All the best....

thanks

cc onegai modath tearoses ishilove lalasticlala helovesme alphahandmaiden comtem

Before anyone would ask if he wasn't like this before marriage. No he wasn't. He never cautioned me harshly in private not to talk of in public.
When we were newly married he shouts at me in his younger brother's presence. (Why will they give me respect)
He did it in the presence of our plumber cos I told him the prices of the items were expensive.
Then our househelp. He does it so often that I begin to wonder what point he was trying to prove. To the extent that the lady started losing respect for me and giving me attitude anytime I caution her. That he even told her not to do what I asked her to do.
Then the most recent was in church. He was struggling wit our toddler that he fell and I asked him to leave him. He just started shouting and everyone was looking.
I really am not happy. And unknown to him, this is reducing my love for him. Cos i cant love someone dat disrespects me. I use to love telling people how wonderful he is but these days I cant. It's affecting my relationship with him.
I'm considering embarrassing him back the next time he does it so he knows how it hurts cos he doesn't see anything wrong with it and never apologize. He says he doesn't like hiding his feelings. I ask "even when your words hurt your spouse".
I'm worried cos we might be travelling soon and if he embarrases me in front of family members i might lose my temper.
I need mature advises here pls. As i do not want to involve 3rd party.