EfemenaXY:


The urge to procreate might transcend normal reasoning, perhaps?

Who knows?

It certainly does.

I guess you are a liability. you even have a househelp. please think of what useful thing you contribute to his life. men get frustrated when stressed up and discover their wives are just in their lives to consume consume and consume

thewife306:


And what if its not one sided. i posted thevreasons. What do i stand to gain posting one-sided story. i would be doing myself

WALK AWAY
You can never get it wrong by walking away dear.

DO NOT react and shout back at him, totally wrong. Not in the sense that he doesn't deserve it, but in the sense that you both will come off looking insane especially if it's in public.
I can't imagine seeing a friend or blood sister of mine engaging in a shouting match with her husband IN PUBLIC.
I wouldn't know how to explain it when someone walks up to me and asks me what is going on.

When he starts raising his voice, you WALK AWAY and create some distance between you two. It might not be possible to completely make yourself scarce from the immediate environment so creating good distance between you two is better for the optics.

thewife306:
cc onegai
modath
tearoses
ishilove
lalasticlala
helovesme
alphahandmaiden
comtem

If you are sure that this is a new pattern and he didn't do this or show any signs of this whilst you were dating then you need to get to the bottom of this sudden development
You need to understand why he is doing this, then you can tackle it appropriately and take things from there.

Find time to talk to him
Do not give him any opportunity to go off point as "sit down and talk" conversations can easily go tangent if care is not taken
Do not shout, cry or get emotional
Just remain focussed on the topic and do not relent until you get to know/have an idea of what has caused his sudden change in attitude.

If he wont tell you, then wisely select one wiser and mature person who can talk to both of you.

BTW Who employed the househelp?

missjo:

WALK AWAY
You can never get it wrong by walking away dear.

DO NOT react and shout back at him, totally wrong. Not in the sense that he doesn't deserve it, but in the sense that you both will come off looking insane especially if it's in public.
I can't imagine seeing a friend or blood sister of mine engaging in a shouting match with her husband IN PUBLIC.
I wouldn't know how to explain it when someone walks up to me and asks me what is going on.

When he starts raising his voice, you WALK AWAY and create some distance between you two. It might not be possible to completely make yourself scarce from the immediate environment so creating good distance between you two is better for the optics.

Thanks

@ thewife306
I also read where you said he tells your house help not to do things you tell her to do. Wow this is just crazy.
It seems your husband is someone who likes to remind you who is boss,and I can't begin to assume to know why that is.

People who do that are either having personal psychological issues, or doing it because the person (you in this case) is full of herself and as such needs to be cut to size.
Whichever the case may be, someone who genuinely loves another person WILL NOT as a matter of respect resort to belittling them whether they deserve it or not.

This is serious.

Mindfulness:


Just imagine everyone would freak out and lash out in a moment of stress like an infant throwing tantrums only with greater ferocity. I hope he is also able to take what he dishes out. There are better ways to cope with stress.

The discussion reminds me of Donald Trump. Let us hope he will not use his nuclear codes in a stressful moment. All these babies in grown bodies.

Yea,the Donald is very temperamental and Hillary didn't cease to remind us at every point.
The thing is he is not the first President to be that way, which is why there is a cabinet and procedures before anyone (not even the POTUS) can just decide to make use of nukes.LOL

As for this lady,her man definitely lacks even the most basic self-control in the sense that he doesn't even care if he embarrasses himself by raising his voice.
Damn I cant even see myself shouting in public and I have had instances where I wanted to. I keep my b1tch voice for the indoors.

tearoses:


If you are sure that this is a new pattern and he didn't do this or show any signs of this whilst you were dating then you need to get to the bottom of this sudden development
You need to understand why he is doing this, then you can tackle it appropriately and take things from there.

Find time to talk to him
Do not give him any opportunity to go off point as "sit down and talk" conversations can easily go tangent if care is not taken
Do not shout, cry or get emotional
Just remain focussed on the topic and do not relent until you get to know/have an idea of what has caused his sudden change in attitude.

If he wont tell you, then wisely select one wiser and mature person who can talk to both of you.

BTW Who employed the househelp?

Thank you ma

missjo:

Yea,the Donald is very temperamental and Hillary didn't cease to remind us at every point.
The thing is he is not the first President to be that way, which is why there is a cabinet and procedures before anyone (not even the POTUS) can just decide to make use of nukes.LOL

Ok, Melania.

As for this lady,her man definitely lacks even the most basic self-control in the sense that he doesn't even care if he embarrasses himself by raising his voice.
Damn I cant even see myself shouting in public and I have had instances where I wanted to. I keep my b1tch voice for the indoors.

Emotional intelligence can be developed provided he wants to change something.

Mindfulness:


Ok, Melania.

She's sexy I think, if only she could get rid of her accent.
We all know she won't be able to get rid of the nude pictures which will always hunt her.

See why it's good to make good choices while young, you never know if you'll become the first lady.

missjo:

She's sexy I think, if only she could get rid of her accent.
We all know she won't be able to get rid of the nude pictures which will always hunt her.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. I have no problem with her accent. I love accents.

See why it's good to make good choices while young, you never know if you'll become the first lady.

I would not want to be in her place even though she is the first lady and freakishly rich. But you should go and get your Donald now.

zeb04:
IT is not normal, stop telling people trash. if your marriage was like that,then that is your marriage,not a norm

You are already stupid to think my advice which the op herself confirmed valuable in a quote is trash

You're additionally foolish to find a suggestion offensive when you actually have room to make yours. I found some posts here unuseful as long as I'm concerned but I did not quote anybody offensively. Instead I made my own suggestion.

The common sense you lack in your approach and presentation of opinion will wreck your marriage soon.

thewife306:
Before anyone would ask if he wasn't like this before marriage. No he wasn't. He never cautioned me harshly in private not to talk of in public.
When we were newly married he shouts at me in his younger brother's presence. (Why will they give me respect)
He did it in the presence of our plumber cos I told him the prices of the items were expensive.
Then our househelp. He does it so often that I begin to wonder what point he was trying to prove. To the extent that the lady started losing respect for me and giving me attitude anytime I caution her. That he even told her not to do what I asked her to do.
Then the most recent was in church. He was struggling wit our toddler that he fell and I asked him to leave him. He just started shouting and everyone was looking.
I really am not happy. And unknown to him, this is reducing my love for him. Cos i cant love someone dat disrespects me. I use to love telling people how wonderful he is but these days I cant. It's affecting my relationship with him.
I'm considering embarrassing him back the next time he does it so he knows how it hurts cos he doesn't see anything wrong with it and never apologize. He says he doesn't like hiding his feelings. I ask "even when your words hurt your spouse".
I'm worried cos we might be travelling soon and if he embarrases me in front of family members i might lose my temper.
I need mature advises here pls. As i do not want to involve 3rd party
cc lalasticlala

Say these words with an angry high tone when he shouts at you."Why do you keep shouting at me in the public eh?, what is the meaning of this? You don't respect me in front of people anymore, if you want to shout at me kindly do it privately or in a subtle way, stop shouting at me like that in public am not a kid" When you are done saying it, you quickly walk out on him. I promise you he won't repeat it again.

Thank me later.

thewife306:
Before anyone would ask if he wasn't like this before marriage. No he wasn't. He never cautioned me harshly in private not to talk of in public.
When we were newly married he shouts at me in his younger brother's presence. (Why will they give me respect)
He did it in the presence of our plumber cos I told him the prices of the items were expensive.
Then our househelp. He does it so often that I begin to wonder what point he was trying to prove. To the extent that the lady started losing respect for me and giving me attitude anytime I caution her. That he even told her not to do what I asked her to do.
Then the most recent was in church. He was struggling wit our toddler that he fell and I asked him to leave him. He just started shouting and everyone was looking.
I really am not happy. And unknown to him, this is reducing my love for him. Cos i cant love someone dat disrespects me. I use to love telling people how wonderful he is but these days I cant. It's affecting my relationship with him.
I'm considering embarrassing him back the next time he does it so he knows how it hurts cos he doesn't see anything wrong with it and never apologize. He says he doesn't like hiding his feelings. I ask "even when your words hurt your spouse".
I'm worried cos we might be travelling soon and if he embarrases me in front of family members i might lose my temper.
I need mature advises here pls. As i do not want to involve 3rd party
cc lalasticlala

I think you're a patient person. on the first thought, I think the bolded is what you should do, cos the worst thing anyone can do to me is embarrass me in public. I still resent someone for that till this day. Every time I see that person, I get a flash back to that incident.



So, why do you think he disrespects you??

cos you need to find the root of the problem

Hmmm. Let me learn here.

Why are people saying she should tell him to be shouting at her in private? By doing that, she would be indirectly telling him his shouting is okay, but the setting (the public location they're at in the moment) is the problem. Y'all shouldn't be encouraging her to tell him to do it privately because that's even worse. We don't want to solve one problem only to start another. In fact, I would rather he shout at her in public than private because the private shouting will soon lead to private beatings. He needs to stop shouting at her, period, not start doing it privately.

thewife306:


I have. he doesnt seem bothered.Keeps saying he doesnt hide his feelings. Dats why i made this post.

I was just cringing as I read your post.

If there's one thing I hate in life, it is someone shouting at me in public.

I used to have temper issues(maybe I still do), and the quickest way to get my blood boiling is to shout at me in public. I'll definitely roar back before I know what I'm doing.

Anyway, you're a married woman. First make sure you find out the real reason why he's shouting at you. Be sure there's no other woman in the picture. Because thats the prime reason men change.

Keep your temper bottled until the two of you are in the privacy of your room. Then blow the lid off your temper. Let it all out. Don't hold back. Because if you do, it will ruin your marriage.

Let him know how much he makes you feel terrible.

Sorry to say, you married an immature man.I'm yet to believe that you didn't get a hint of his behaviour during courtship, unless you courted for 3months.

You don't bring office frustrations home.

thewife306:


I have. he doesnt seem bothered.Keeps saying he doesnt hide his feelings. Dats why i made this post.

and he wasn't doing this before you got married o.

Men can pretend!!

nne, I hope you find solution o and not just for yourself but you kids too. cos according to psychologists, the more you being scolded and embarrassed in public, the more your self esteem goes under.

Yieldings:
Why are people saying she should tell him to be shouting at her in private? By doing that, she would be indirectly telling him his shouting is okay, but the setting (the public location they're at in the moment) is the problem. Y'all shouldn't be encouraging her to tell him to do it privately because that's even worse. We don't want to solve one problem only to start another. In fact, I would rather he shout at her in public than private because the private shouting will soon lead to private beatings. He needs to stop shouting at her, period, not start doing it privately.

Somewhere in the universe, searching for [ Mr. Right? ]

thewife306, I have some concerns about your situation. It sounds familiar, like the start of something about to get much worse. I really pray it isn't.

I think the most important thing to do is NOT to cringe inwardly when he starts shouting. When someone starts to show abusive behaviour, it can be escalated by how the victim reacts. Several women who have gone on to become beaten wives will testify that they begged and apologised and it made things worse. I have personally witnessed it. Verbal or Physical Abuse is a form of control. I think it is very important that you don't beg and apologise. I believe you need to be able to look him in the eye and say "You can express yourself better than this" when he starts, in a very calm, confident voice and keep doing what you are doing. Do not exchange words or raise your voice. Don't turn your back on him when you do so and always be aware of your surroundings. I think you should get rid of the househelp immediately: there is no point keeping an employee whom has been told it is fine to disrespect her boss.

If he keeps losing his cool when you are being calm, you need to get your family involved and his family.

RadicallyBlunt:

You are already stupid to think my advice which the op herself confirmed valuable in a quote is trash

You're additionally foolish to find a suggestion offensive when you actually have room to make yours. I found some posts here unuseful as long as I'm concerned but I did not quote anybody offensively. Instead I made my own suggestion.

The common sense you lack in your approach and presentation of opinion will wreck your marriage soon.

you are making noise and all your insult is really not needed. your post might be good or not,that's your business what is trash is telling people that the ist year of marriage is expected to be hard because yours was, that is Trash.

peace.

@thewife306

He is being silly and immature like a child.
So sorry to say that.

But, it's not right. He vents his frustration on you.. It's not right at all.

You can yell back at him when you're not in a public place... Yeah, try to show him you're not a baby.

But if it should happen in public...
Ignore his erratic tantrums with noble silence. You should move away from the place.
Nobody would support him afterwards... Make him feel the silence.

Don't shout back at him in public..cos you wouldn't like the situation whereby he'll embarrass you more than your imagination.

Then, try to help him overcome his weakness.. Since he wasn't like that before you guys married.. Then his sudden outburst might be cos of some emotional or physical stress. Talk to him from time to time.. Do not give up yet.

thewife306

Am not here to impress anyone.... TO EVERY ACTION, THERE S EQUAL OR OPPOSITE REACTION...

Mode of reaction in people varies... If you are tired of your husband... You may just come here , pick any advice and apply.. Its your choice.
.....

The difference between single mothers out there and the mothers in-house is their level of wisdom and adaptability....

I have only read few sensible statements on this topic, others are just trying to feel among, sound sweet and nice.....

MADAM, PRAY FOR WISDOM..

There s sumtin in you that is pissing your husband off, you need to detect it and WORK ON IT...

oatzeal:
thewife306

Am not here to impress anyone.... TO EVERY ACTION, THERE S EQUAL OR OPPOSITE REACTION...

Mode of reaction in people varies... If you are tired of your husband... You may just come here , pick any advice and apply.. Its your choice.
.....

The difference between single mothers out there and the mothers in-house is their level of wisdom and adaptability....

I have only read few sensible statements on this topic, others are just trying to feel among, sound sweet and nice.....

MADAM, PRAY FOR WISDOM..

There s sumtin in you that is pissing your husband off, you need to detect it and WORK ON IT...

So any mother thats not "in-house" lacks wisdom and adaptability not minding the circumstances.
Mr, stop commenting on this thread.
So if you have attitude issues, it means your wife doesnt have wisdom. Are u even married?
You aff sense well well
If u cannot read my first post or did not understand, pls quit commenting.

yuzedo:

Why you dey face me? I resembu OP horseband ni??

then stop giving advise you cannot give to YOUR sister .oko Rita dumynik

Madam... You only stated instances where he shouted on you in your first post, u r obviously running from truth....you wrote that, so I I believe its one sided story, ... I deduced that you are a lazy type, yet you are like to comment on things too much, things u can't do

.... U re slowing the man down

A man dat married you , got you house-maid will not just turn against you if u re not giving him more stress than usual. thewife306

Hmmm

So many reasonable comments..
Thank God he's here sef

At times,I wonder the joy or pleasure men like this derive from yelling at their spouses?

I guess they think women have no feelings hence-their childish approach to things..

What's there for a man to say 'hey! bby,you fvcked up o..you shouldn't have done it this way? Than 'come on get out' I said you should get out? as if you're talking to a lesser human...

And if she decides to give him just "a piece" of his own cake,he then begins to cry foul?

byvan03:
They claim you dont fight fire with fire ,sometimes it is the best solution. The Old Things burn down once and for all and rebirth takes place.

well I guess you're a war proponent.e.g IT takes a full scale war to bring about peace. But don't forget that if she must use such approach she must have back up plan bcdefghi.......because those countries going into war have already counted their cost.the question is is she ready for such which will likely takes years before IT ends and it won't just be her,families will be involved. And like the good old Yorubas say we always know the beginning of war but we don't know when and where it'll end

thewife306:


So any mother thats not "in-house" lacks wisdom and adaptability not minding the circumstances.
Mr, stop commenting on this thread.
So if you have attitude issues, it means your wife doesnt have wisdom. Are u even married?
You aff sense well well
If u cannot read my first post or did not understand, pls quit commenting.

I just taya for some dense people. Sometimes when I read some posts I begin to wonder did their mother breast feed them adequately because a child that isn't adequately breastfed at infancy exhibits traits OF low intelligence quotient, im-be-cylic tendencies and foolishness.everything oozing out of them is just foolishness all around

Please help me ask the retard who raised barrack obama

oatzeal:
thewife306

Am not here to impress anyone.... TO EVERY ACTION, THERE S EQUAL OR OPPOSITE REACTION...

Mode of reaction in people varies... If you are tired of your husband... You may just come here , pick any advice and apply.. Its your choice.
.....

The difference between single mothers out there and the mothers in-house is their level of wisdom and adaptability....

I have only read few sensible statements on this topic, others are just trying to feel among, sound sweet and nice.....

MADAM, PRAY FOR WISDOM..

There s sumtin in you that is pissing your husband off, you need to detect it and WORK ON IT...

please shut up.you clearly lack wisdom. See hasty and unverified generalizations o

You get home training so?

sisisioge:
Whew! Lubbish! Since u already expressed your feelings and he's still not yielding you really need to bring on the attitude too. It is not courteous one bit to shout at anyone at all let alone your spouse! Since the dude says that is how he expresses himself, pls follow in his footsteps. The next time he shouts at you, biko shout back! Of course, that would annoy him but it would encourage him to retake the talk with you. If it doesn't affect him, then you don enter one chance be that.

LMao orisirisi. Nothing I will not see on nl

So you will encourage a couple to be raising their voice at each other in public like a mad man and mad woman forgetting that the public will be very entertained spilling out your personal grievances and issues IN public

So that the marriage will degenerate to the level that others will be tabling your marital issh in beer parlour jist

I like this your funny advise well well o