₦airaland Forum

DICKstractor:



In all your confusion, always choose your business before her

This is exactly what my cousin told me.
That if she can't see reason with me, I should let her be and stay focused.

Bola146:
Now you know better, a thousand race starts in a day, it's better you let her go. You need peace of mind abeg

Seriously, the peace of mind is what I seek, even this morning my elder bro called and was asking why I did that.

I had to explain everything to him. He saw reasons and told me that he will speak with her.

Bola146:
She no get sense at all, na gown remain for her or the money she borrowed when she should be after is her studies You know what is better for you then. Let her give you space. But please if you are not interested let her know now and give her the reasons of the space please. It could be a correction for her or she doesn't know it as bad behaviours

I explained to her, that what we should focus on is repaying back the debt she borrowed, but she isn't having any of it. Was showing me her displeasure.

Afamsi:
Work on your communication with her and try to be as open as possible

Am not the type that nag. When things go south, I try my best to fix it without disturbing others. I started this biz about two months ago. All the process that I took, she was aware. Even when goods land, she's aware.

So I have told her abt my financial situation a good number of times. So if I keep telling her same thing when ever she makes a request, to me, it's nagging.

So lots of time when she make request, I will just turn it down, if it's what I can handle at that moment, I do it.

So the communication part have been there.

I just got tired and asked for the break cos month haven't gone half and my spare cash is almost exhausted.

Iyaebe:
He's still saying the girl is good, look for an understanding partner, both of you ain't compatible.

When I mean she's good. The lady is good, no doubt.

cooooooks:
The girl? Guy na you f up.

Why are you pushing her away because you are financially tight??

If you guys get married and financial pressure is too high, will you also push her away?

What do I do. She kept making it feel that I don't care for her.

The complain coming these days is really disturbing me. Am someone that don't like been under pressure.

A lot of time she complained that we no longer have time to go out to have fun.

But even aside the money, where is the time to do that.

I couldn't hold it any longer, I just had to tell her to give me a break.

cooooooks:
If she is not with you for money, this is an ill-advised move.

In all ramification, the girl is good.

I just don't knw why she decided to act like this.

Kobojunkie:
Did you also tell her this story hear?

Shes aware. I wan the one that asked her to borrow the money.

Bola146:
she should understand your situation now if she can endure with you. This is the time she should be with you if she is not demanding till the loan is paid and the business is successful. You should explain better to her if she is misinterpreting you

I have explained to her quite a number of times. She knws everything abt the biz. Even when I got the loan, she was aware. Even the payment plan she knows.

After I told her that, she said somethings wch didn't bother me.

But then she called my friends and some of my cousin. I don't know what she told them, but they are all calling me heart breaker. That I was so mean to break a ladies heart in that way.


Finally broken up with her

https://www.nairaland.com/6848972/told-girlfriend-needed-break-did/3#108231658

I ended the call, thought about all that she said. It's not like I have done much for her, but I knw that I have supported her in my own little way.

But then I just checked. I work 8-5. When I close from wrk, I use bike and move around the town checking my products to see how it's faring. Sometimes I get home around 9:30. Then weekends from morning I go out trying to push the product. (I forget to add that there are days when she complained that I no longer give her time as I used to before. I also had to cut down on airtime that I spend so that my little resource could out me through for the month)

Then from the 30k that I keep for myself I send 1/3 of it to my family, then I tried to manage the remaining once I just manage for the rest of the month.
Right now sef, in my acct I have more than 400k. But if I keep making expense from that money, I will run down the biz


After much thought, I called her and told her to give me space. That I needed a break.

Continued....

My babe is in 400 lvl. She just finished IT and preparing her report. So she requested for some money to help finish up everything that concerns that. I told her to gv me time, that I will send the money for her. Though I told her to borrow the money, so that later I can give her to return it. She consented to it and went ahead and borrowed.

So am trying to raise the money for her and send to the person she borrowed.

Just last week, she showed me a pix of a gown that her friend sells.
The gown is about 25k. No doubt, the gown is beautiful and if I had the money, I would have bought it for her myself. Then I told her to hold on the gown let me first of all settle the money she borrowed. She didn't really flare up sha, but her choice of words wasn't encouraging to me

I told my gf to give me some space and break.
She glared up. Said somethings to me and told my friends that I broke her heart.

Plz judge from my story if I what I did was wrong.
Sorry my story might be long.

I have been dating my gf for about 3 years now. I have the plans of marrying her by next year. Our both family knows about our intention.

But off recent, things haven't been all rosy for me and it's affecting my relationship with her.

Everything was going fine until I started a new business that am pushing. I got a new product from another state and began bringing it into my state of residence. It's not a fast moving goods, so it's difficult to market and I believe once the goods gets acceptance, it's going to move very well and the profit is promising.

So right now all I do is to push and push. And pumping money also. All these my gf knows about. In other to expand the biz a little, i got a loan of 1.5 million wch I added to the biz. The loan is to be paid back around march and I pay the person 100k per month.

Also to add, I work in a company that pays me 130k per month. So I use 30k for my monthly up keep and send 100k for loan repayment.

I must confess, since I started the biz things haven't been easy for me. I usually make sales from the biz, but right now I put all the money back to the biz just so that I won't run it down cos profit haven't started coming yet. Am still in the stage of putting in more money.

domaboy1759:
The covid19 don turn dog meat? 404 ni 504 ke

Funny you....


Me no just understand how them dey get this result.

Make them no come close schools oh. Guys need to graduate.

Though right now I have the intention of buying one item each on the list and presenting it to them. If they decline it, I will have no option than to cancel the marriage then probably look for a lady from my side and marry just as my dad have been suggesting.

Why cant the traditional rulers from our side make amends on this issue. Let the payment of traditional marriage list be optional. If you have the money to pay good. But if you dont have, just pay the bride price and move ahead. Why must they make things difficult for young men. I work in the north and all my colleagues who are hausa have gotten married. Even those who earn far less than me are married. Their process is so simple, just buy the box of cloth for the lady as you can, then next thing they go to mosque for prayer and payment of bride price then boom, marriage ceremony is over. Those who can afford it will organize dinner for the family members, thats all. Why cant things be made simple for our young guys so that they can get married easily.

I just feel like talking on and on, but let me just stop here as my mind is not at rest.

A little background.

I graduated from school around 2012.
Did nysc 2013-2014.
Searched for job from 2014-2017 before I got one in a financial institution. I must confess, during the days of my job hunt, things werent easy. But thank God for where I am now.

The salary of my job was 80k. 2 years later it got to 105k and beginning of this year it got to 125k
I dont womanize, i dont smoke neither do I club. So I was able to save up a little amount of money. Around 2019 I invested a huge amount in a business which eventually crashed, so I lost the money. By March of this year I used the remaining savings I have with me to purchase a land in my state capital. Those of you from the east will know how expensive land is in capitals of eastern states. So financial, I was left with nothing and started afresh with a fresh savings out of which I will pay my rent by august.

Now here comes why I created this thread.

I started my marriage process about two months ago, gone the first visit to the girls parent, gone the second vist to collect the list in preparation for trad. Thats where my problem started.
With the current price of commodities in the market, the total cost of the list is about 750k. Now when you factor in other logistics surrounding traditional marriage which include transportation cost, cooking in my own village and other settlement, everything to spend on the trad and list could be shooting up to 900-1M. This is money I knw I dont have at all. So last week, my some of my uncles went back to the girls people to re-negotiate the list, they were able to bring down the list to about 470k. Which now makes the probable money that am going to spend on the list and trad marriage to approximately 700k.

Now based on the income I generate in a month which is my salary of 125k, it will take me 7month to raise that money, thats if all things goes well without any form of unforeseen expense. How do I make this work. I dont want to borrow to foot this expense cos I knw after the marriage, it will be difficult for me to pay back. I knw that definitely I will receive support from my family and friends, but its not wise to be planning such an activity based on support from a source you dont knw how much you will get. I called the girls dad and stylishly talk to him about bringing down the list, but from his body language, its like nothing will be done.
I spoke to someone that is from a neighboring village to theirs, and I was asking him that does it mean people who dont have money cant marry their women, he told me that the list gets more expensive when the lady you are marrying is a graduate. I didnt want to take his response serious, but to me its seems like the family are seeing me like one millionaire, cos the organization where I work have a very big reputation but they dont knw that the salary structure isnt as it looks.

DISCLAIMER: Do not mind how I write as am just pouring out my frustrations. I really want to call off this process that I have started, but my uncles are saying that its not good to start a marriage process and then back out because of high cost list. My dad have already hands off cos initially he told me that marrying from that side is going to cost me a lot, but then I thought things have changed.
Am from the state of THE COAL while my wife to be is from the state of SUPREME COURT GOV. I hope you understand.

Shes a nairalander, so I wont be clear with some information.

First of all, I am not creating this thread for any tribalistic reason, so all these tribal warlords here on nairaland should stay off.

We all know that one of the process of getting married is Igbo land is to pass through traditional marriage and this comes with presentation of marriage list to be provided by the groom's family. The aim of this thread is to speak my mind on why the list should be made optional, ie if you can afford to buy the material then you buy, but if you cant afford it, you can be given the option of just paying the bride price(which of course is not usually expensive) and then proceed with the traditional marriage.

The economic situation of this country is no longer friendly and this have made a lot of marriageable youths to still remain unmarried as they cant afford to pay up the cost of getting married.

Am going to explain more with my experience so far in trying to get married.

Diazepam that I knw is a drug that can be bought OTC in chemist shops.