₦airaland Forum

I am looking forward to it now. I hope they are pleasantly surprised.

debrief08: Poster, thank you for caring about your friends.
Please forgive our seeming "disrespect" for money lol, its cultural differences.
We operate a cash based economy and social infrastructures are mostly not functioning so we have to pay a lot more for basic amenities like power, transportation and education hence our value for cash is different from your own values.

We also have a different view on "dash" from you who lives in a society where everyone is meant to pay their way through life. Here a richer "friend" or "relative" is expected to take up the burden of his less fortunate or welathy friend or relative, quite different from the "everyone for himself" scene where you are thinking from.

So understand why some feel its "small" while you feel the need to send them something respectful at the same time not condescending"

N20000 or 150 Dollars is a good sum and sacrfice I believe.

You did well to think of those who were good to you.

Take care

Brilliant answer! Thank you so much. I understand it a lot better now...and it all makes a lot more sense.

Thank you so much for posting. Changes my view on it completely. N25,000 it is.

Chillisauce: As far as you could get in a paid flight, you sure could afford 100 dollars.

I know how much a jobless dude get in Scotland, so spare us the sorry state of am not rich.

Help if you wanna help, or just send your wishes.

50 dollars won't go anywhere, trust me.

Else, get the gift and send itto them...WU might charge you 100 dollars to sendit.

Your choice

Friend, you are not going to make me feel bad about doing a good thing. I will take you advice.

P.S. Not using WU...I know their bank details...so hopefully I will avoid extra charges.

Chillisauce: $50! You gat to be kidding me. What will they do with such an amount, it's better you don't even send than send that small amount of money.

Just imagine them running to the bank to cash your amount...spending 1000 for transport, or get in trouble ...even filling out WU form just to get 50 dollars,

Stingy man! You Berra send at least 150 dollars or better still just send wishes.

N1000 for the transport! Where do you live?

I remember it being about N60-N100 for a taxi from their house to the banking area of the city!

Are you guys just hyping up the amount? Like I say, I am not a rich person. So please be honest with your advice.

Chillisauce: $50! You gat to be kidding me. What will they do with such an amount, it's better you don't even send than send that small amount of money.

Just imagine them running to the bank to cash your amount...spending 1000 for transport, or get in trouble ...even filling out WU form just to get 50 dollars,

Stingy man! You Berra send at least 150 dollars or better still just send wishes.

Like I say. I am not rich myself, not everyone in the West is rich. At least I bothered to ask on here before sending the amount.

IvyBlue: Nigerians don't do birthday presents?
Are you serious?so you also think they still wear leaves too ?

Lol don't be silly. You wear Ankara and Guinea (not all of you obviously). I have some 'native' dress myself.

Winneygirl: ^^Erm....why don't U just give the gift and stop rationalizing anything??
No offense intended. Just that I'm not the beneficiary of the gift, and the anticipation is already high!!
Just give the gift and stop worrying. It's the thought that counts.

Lol. Phew! I think I needed that, thank you (or eshe poopor...apologizes for the spelling!). Like I have said. I just care about them, I want the day to be special.

Thank you.

TrickofTech: Not Nigeria. Lol. I am oyinbo! Scotland. Wealth is relative anyway. A driver in Lagos might earn more than a driver in Osun state. Foods and other goods might be more expensive in Osun state than they are in Lagos. $70 would not buy you a huge amount of goods in the US, but it might be a huge amount to a beggar or hawker in Osun state.

You see my point? This family is not well off, they are not in a nice gated house in Lagos. They live in one of the poorer cities in Nigeria and they "appeared" poor to me. I would like to give them an amount that I can afford (I am far from rich by Scottish standards) but that is not insulting or disrespectful.

I would have sent them a birthday present...but this is difficult given that they are thousands of miles away!
Besides...what would be more useful to them...a novelty, poorly chosen present...or the money to spent on what they want/feel they need.

But I have decided anyway. N20,000 seems about right for me. I am going to talk to them soon and I will state the amount before the birthday. This way I will ensure that there is no disappointment on the day. I am sure they will be appreciative of it. It is only a birthday after all...and I am not really sure that Nigerians do birthday presents (do they?). We are close and to be honest, I think they are more impressed that I have thought about them enough to offer the gift in the first place.

IvyBlue: Where you from?
I usually don't give cash as gifts so I really dont know.how much I would.give ...

Not Nigeria. Lol. I am oyinbo! Scotland. Wealth is relative anyway. A driver in Lagos might earn more than a driver in Osun state. Foods and other goods might be more expensive in Osun state than they are in Lagos. $70 would not buy you a huge amount of goods in the US, but it might be a huge amount to a beggar or hawker in Osun state.

You see my point? This family is not well off, they are not in a nice gated house in Lagos. They live in one of the poorer cities in Nigeria and they "appeared" poor to me. I would like to give them an amount that I can afford (I am far from rich by Scottish standards) but that is not insulting or disrespectful.

I would have sent them a birthday present...but this is difficult given that they are thousands of miles away!
Besides...what would be more useful to them...a novelty, poorly chosen present...or the money to spent on what they want/feel they need.

IvyBlue: Nigerians are that poor?

As I have said. I do not know! This is why I am asking. I have stayed in Nigeria...and people seemed pretty poor to me. The family live in one of the poorest states in Nigeria...I know that much. A Nigerian told me that teachers earn around 1000 Naira a day! That is like $6! That is pretty poor. Where I am from, a teacher earns double that...per hour! I am not bragging...I just need to make sure that I will not offend the people I care about. I wanted to make the day special...not insult them.

Where I am from, a friend/family would be happy to receive $70 as a gift...maybe less. If anything...this is generous.

How much would you give a close friend and family as a gift on a birthday? Be honest!

Winneygirl: I gats 2 tell dis story.
A relative lost his Dad and informed a cousin 'abroad' of it.
Now, his Dad was like a Father 2 dis cousin who was an orphan 4rm childhood.
D cousin was so touched and promised sending money. We thought him loaded.
.
When d money was sent, my relative strutted 2 d Bank with arms flying in d air. He saw a long queue but jumped forward 2 d Bank Staff. When he was asked 2 join d queue, he raised hell. Explained his sad predicament of having 2 organize a funeral, infact..."What kind of customer service do U people think U're offering?? I wouldn't bank with U if this was the last bank standing...bla..bla..bla"
.
Well, guess how much it was??
N23,000.
He shamefully, quietly left the bank with downcast eyes.

Ahhhhh, don't say that! They know I am not rich. It is a special occasion (a family members birthday) and they know it is like a one off gift, with reasons behind it.

I understand your point and if I am honest, I had been planning to just send it and call them that day to explain it all...but I got excited and let it slip on the phone.

I was under the impression that 23,000 Naira was a lot of money to most people in Nigeria. It is like a months wages for many people is is not? (I am not being disrespectful...I honestly don't know, this is why I began this post).

I am trying to do a good thing here. Like I say, I do really care about them all. I don't want this to backfire.

I am planning to message the family on the day...and state the amount of money. I just hope $100-$200 will not disappoint them.

Omo_Alata: Not everyone can afford $500 o. I think $100 is doable n reasonable.

Brilliant! Thank you for you honest advice guys! $ 100 it is! Apologizes to yellowpawpaw for my earlier comments too. I was wrong to lash out like that. I just didn't like being labelled in that way...but I didn't NEED to defend myself. I know why I am doing it.

Thank you again guys.

Peace.

IvyBlue: That amount will help them.start.some business so that next.time you don't feel the need to come.to their rescue ...if you have ever been poor you will understand

I do understand. But this is NOT "lets rinse the foreigner for all we can get"...nor am I trying to advise them on how to get out of poverty. This maybe hard to believe, but we are genuinely good friends. I have met some Nigerians that have said that "they could never fully trust an outsider/foreigner". Well I believe the family got past that with me...and I felt very close to them and I do care about them (we consider each other near family). I just want them to be happy...and I want them to spend the money on something that will make them happy.

I understand that people are naturally suspicious, but you have to imagine that this is one Nigerian friend giving another Nigerian friend a gift on a special occasion. That's it.

IvyBlue: I think 500 USD is reasonable

Lol. Stop it now...not funny.

"I think $5 million and a new Lamborghini would be reasonable"

Omo_Alata: Make it $100. I think that is a decent amount

Cool. I hope they are okay with it. I don't want to give too much or too little. It has to be just right.

Lol. Its creeping up!!!!!! Please be honest you guys. I am not hugely rich, don't go trying to convince me to empty my bank account!!!! I am trying to do a nice thing here.

but...if you are sure $50 is cheap I will give more.

Enegod: smh

(smh right back at ya )

IvyBlue: That's around 49.3 USD ,since you are rich you can give them more than that

Awesome. Thank you for the honest reply. I am not hugely rich! But I can probably afford to give N 10,000 max. It is a special occasion...and I have made it clear to them that this is why I am giving it.

They already know my plans, but not the amount. I just didn't want them to get their hopes up...thinking I was going to give them N 1 million or something!!!!!

But N 8,000-N 10,000 feels about right...I just hope they like it and are not disappointed.

Is $ 50 a lot to most Nigerians?

...back to my original question. Would a gift of around N8000 be appreciated by a Nigerian? To much? Or too little? Or just about right? This is a genuine question...I don't really know how much N8000 would be 'worth' to a Nigerian family...and I am eager not to disappoint them.

yellowpawpaw: What rubbish!
D day u want to buy something for ur mum,dad,galfriend come and ask too.
Egocentric maniac with penchant for public display!
Hate this type with passion.

Oh I forgot, d pple r poor nigerians too.
Clap for urself!

Lmao at you! I am glad the family are not filthy little in-grates like you! As it happens, they were very kind and hospitable to me in Nigeria, and we are very close. They are poor compared to me...what do you want me to do? Lie? It is not like I am saying "here poor little Nigerian...have some money!"...I am aware they are not well off, I care about them (I LIVED WITH THEM!) so I thought they would appreciate a gift (I have told them it is a GIFT). There is nothing expected in return, no sympathy involved...privately I understand my FRIENDS situation, and I thought they might like it.

I can tell no-one has ever been genuinely kind to you before you sad little man ...people are unlikely to be if you continue with that attitude. I am not religious, but even I know that PRIDE and JEALOUSLY is sinful. KINDNESS, COMPASSION and FRIENDSHIP is promoted by all the major religions. Perhaps you need to look into this my friend and work on yourself a bit.

Have a nice day!

I am good friends with a Nigerian family (they are pretty poor). I want to send them a gift (money). How much would be a good amount. They are already aware of my plans!

I am thinking N8000
...would they appreciate this? Is it a good amount for a one off gift? I just want them to be happy...and I don't want them to feel disappointed by the amount.

P.S. Don't worry. I am not being 419 scammed!...nor do I wish to be! (I know these people personally and have lived with them in Naija).

Thanks

Emmysteve: Did you just mentiond Scotland?

Oh yes. I am oyinbo. She knows who I am and where I am from. Look...I have told her that I care about her, but I have thought about it. I find her very attractive. But it was never really about how she looked (to me, she is very pretty). The reason I care about her is because I spent a long time with her and her family...they were amazing to me (friendly and kind). They accepted me into their home and treated me like one of the family.

We were very close and I liked her a lot...but it was more about admiration, respect and appreciation. I have seen what it is like to live in Nigeria. She and her family clearly had a very difficult life. I am not going to lie: I live a very comfortable life where I am from. This woman got up at 5am every morning, she worked all day (for very little Naira) and then came home and cooked and cleaned for her family until she was so tired that she fell asleep (exhausted)...she did this everyday. Despite all of this...she was so kind and caring. She was so dedicated to her religion...and she clearly had so much joy in her heart.

I don't think I will ever meet someone like her again (and I mean that)...and I will never forget her. I guess I was taken aback by what an amazing person she is. She lives such a hard life, sometimes she could be blunt, bossy and a little in-tolerant...but despite all of that, she remains a beautiful person in her heart.

I don't want to tell her I like her. I just want her to know (and believe) how special she is. To me, she is 1 in a million, it doesn't matter how rich or poor she is. I would rather stay friends...and spend my time telling her how special she is, than ruin it all.

I feel hurt and sadness (and a little bit of guilt) everyday because of her situation (and I mean this). I understand that there are many Nigerians (and other people around the world) who have the same hard life...but I did not get close to many other Nigerians (and other people around the world)...I got close to her and her family...and knowing that people you care about are going through this...and there is nothing you can do about it...is very painful.

But thanks for all your comments guys. Naija is an amazing country, and I will never forget it.

Emmysteve: Which country are you from? from the way i see it, she doesnt consider you because of the distance. probably she feels it wont work for the both of you.

Scotland. She has mentioned "travelling" a lot...trying to get out of Nigeria (no offence). She is very interested to know if I have a job. To be honest, she seems the type to playing games. We did get very close when we were together (I stayed with her and her family, so I know them all very well). But perhaps I misinterpreted it. Nigerians can be very friendly compared to where I am from.

To my mind, she is either playing games, after money or is after getting out of the country. Neither is good. She often says she is missing me...but this could be as a friend.

Haha! I will! Truth be told. She is thousands of miles away in Nigeria. We are no longer together in the same country. I do have very deep feelings for her...and I have kind of decided that it is okay to tell her how I feel. I will always care about her, she is an amazing person. I just don't want her to feel as if things have been ruined between us because of what I will say to her. People can get very funny about that sort of thing...and I want to stay in touch with her irregardless of what she says...I am just worried she will not want to speak to me again after expressing my feelings. I will ALWAYS want to speak to her...whether she likes me romantically, or not.

I am going to tell her in the past tense...i.e. "you know what, I had very strong feelings for you in Nigeria...but its okay if you do not feel the same way...I will always care about you".

-Mr Cork-:
...which compliment?
. Bro, nigerian women hate compliments...just buy her Brazil wig and she is yours...that's how u catch Nigerian babes

I don't get it

Brilliant! Well I am glad I came to this website...very useful!!!!

For what it is worth. All of what I have said is true. Clearly you guys have no useful advice for me. I just wanted to see what people thought. Thanks for nothing.

TrickofTech: Okay I will. It is not going to end well though. I sense it.

Recent phone call:

ME: "Have you found a husband yet?"
GIRL: "No (now) I am still looking...like you"
ME: "Do you have boyfriends?"
GIRL: "I have many boyfriends (now)...but I am looking for someone really good"
ME: "Ah okay"
GIRL: "You must find a good wife too...I am praying that you find a good wife"

Ambiguous...but enough to make me think that she isn't interested. I have not seen her (face to face) for a long time and in the past she has talked about eventually marrying a Nigerian (specifically)...which I am not.

But I will tell her.

I should make it clear that this is one conversation out of many. She made it clear to me several times (face to face) that she wants to find a husband. She wants to find someone to marry.

Also, she is not your average Lagos/Abuja/'Western' Yoruba girl. She lives in a poor city. Her family are not well off. She is evangelical/born again christian.

I have not really dated before.

Eeja Nla01: Dude you are funny

Meaning? Confused :/ Enough of the comments...say it like it is.

Okay I will. It is not going to end well though. I sense it.

Recent phone call:

ME: "Have you found a husband yet?"
GIRL: "No (now) I am still looking...like you"
ME: "Do you have boyfriends?"
GIRL: "I have many boyfriends (now)...but I am looking for someone really good"
ME: "Ah okay"
GIRL: "You must find a good wife too...I am praying that you find a good wife"

Ambiguous...but enough to make me think that she isn't interested. I have not seen her (face to face) for a long time and in the past she has talked about eventually marrying a Nigerian (specifically)...which I am not.

But I will tell her.

Hmmmm. I know her church well too. I have received messages from them encouraging me to "give myself over to jesus christ". I am not reading much into this though.

TrickofTech: I have complimented her in person a couple of times. I have commented on what she is wearing and said she looks "fine". I have even said she looks "beautiful".

I find it very difficult to judge how she feels from her reaction. I have complimented and occasionally she seems to have 'pretended not to have heard it'. She had said 'yay' in a happy way...but I haven't really been convinced. She has also said 'thank you'...but in a slightly embarrassed way. She has said she 'misses me' over the phone.

Do Nigerian guys compliment Nigerian women? How do they usually react? I am slightly confused. Women are usually a bit more obvious when they are interested.

She is Yoruba, 27, Born again Christian.

Game playing?

I have complimented her in person a couple of times. I have commented on what she is wearing and said she looks "fine". I have even said she looks "beautiful".

I find it very difficult to judge how she feels from her reaction. I have complimented and occasionally she seems to have 'pretended not to have heard it'. She had said 'yay' in a happy way...but I haven't really been convinced. She has also said 'thank you'...but in a slightly embarrassed way. She has said she 'misses me' over the phone.

Do Nigerian guys compliment Nigerian women? How do they usually react? I am slightly confused. Women are usually a bit more obvious when they are interested.

She is Yoruba, 27, Born again Christian.