₦airaland Forum

lyfe: I don't know why Nigerians can be this doubtful, what is wrong in believing words in true faith. Eyinbos don't even throw our explanation in the thrash can without giving the benefit of doubt, even previous posters before me that I respected fell my wrist on this.

Mr Poster, if all what you said is not fiction, follow your mind and let her know about your feelings (that you at-least like her and the goods you like about her). It is not late to let her know and this is even the best time to do that because you are not leaving anymore under her father's roof neither will you be seen as an ingrate for making such move.

Judging from the little you said about her, she does not strike me as one of those "smart" girls that just want to have fun and do whatever will dish them the ticket to live the American dreams by all means. She likes you and trust me Nigerian girls, especially the Yorubas, will never let say that but may give you the subliminal signs. Forget about the green card and the white novelty ish please. Attraction and connection set in if you are close to someone you see often, if you think such person is decent and cool and they say unlike poles attract maybe that what it is. Btw you did not do justice on the picture you posted at all.

Thank you for your kind post. I have still yet to tell her how I feel...but I will do. I completely understand the poles attracting. We have very little in common...but this is one of the main reasons I like her.

A few weeks ago...I decided to try and put her out of my mind...but after about two weeks...she called me again to remind me to stay in touch! She ended this phone call by mentioning that "I was in her mind a lot/she misses me".

All of this sounds really promising...but there are many more things that she says and does...which suggests that she is not interested. You have suggested that Yoruba girls never show their interest....I hope you are right.
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As I have said...I think, at times I have flirted (face to face) with her a lot. Through my words and actions...I suggested fairly clearly to her that I liked her.

...My gut instinct tells me that she probably was attracted to me at times. But she seemed very hung up on me not being black...and Yoruba. She would spend a lot of time trying to talk to me/be around me...but NEVER came close to showing any real romantic desire to be with me (I mean she didn't say she liked me! She didn't kiss me!).

My guts are telling me that being single and 30, she enjoyed have a guy around the house eyeing her up! She liked someone being attracted to her...the fantasy...but she doesn't seem to want to take it any further. All this talk of "coming back to Nigeria" and "missing me" is politeness on her part. She seems to be saying what she thinks she should say/what she thinks I want to hear....the way she says "I miss you" is not the way a US person would say it if they meant it.

To be fair...even if she said she liked me...what then? We are miles apart.
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I will keep calling her...and one day soon....I will drop that I like her in conversation. If she actually answers...instead of dodging...I will know.

I am still talking about her because I genuinely do still care about her and I think about her a lot. My point...is that...judging from her behavior and personality...really she was never that interested and she has forgotten me already.

...no-one wants to hear that over the phone.

Thank you though

TrickofTech: I am male, oyinbo, christian, single, 27, I have stayed in Nigeria, I know some Yoruba and I love the beautiful, curvy naija babes!

Without stirring the s**t...I have noticed that there is generally some double standards in Nigeria when it comes to oyinbo-Naija lovin'.

Guys in Nigeria can pretty much marry who they like. Many of the guys I talked to said they would like to marry an oyinbo-girl...and that their families were cool with this. Some even encouraged their sons to go out and seek an oyinbo

It seemed that it was the complete opposite for naija girls. Their families tell them that they can only marry African...often within their own tribes (Yoruba, Igbo etc.). Marrying oyinbo is seen as a bit shameful...and I know that any girl that does it is gossiped about.
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These are some very strange double standards. Why? Is it that oyinbos cannot be trusted? Is it jealousy from other girls? If naija guys marry oyinbo girls...surely it would be okay the other way around? Are people in Nigeria opposed to racial and cultural mixing?

I agree with the OP. It should be up to the girl in question. She shouldn't have to worry about what other people think...because it is none of their business.

I am male, oyinbo, christian, single, 27, I have stayed in Nigeria, I know some Yoruba and I love the beautiful, curvy naija babes!

99cent: then you should contact her more often (as a friend). call her often and tell her you miss her. just be good friends. Maybe when u visit naija again, as you say, if she's not married by then, then try ur luck.

meanwhile, u should also try to meet people in your area. maybe u will fall in love and forget about nigeria. less headache for you.

Thank you. I will take your advice. I apologies for going on so much. It is all very un-realistic I know. The whole story is almost unbelievable. She is the first girl in a while to make me feel like this...I mean I really did like her a lot.

But the circumstances are not good. She is miles away now and a very different person to me (culture/background). I don't really have anything to stay in the US for...and I can (and have) lived in Nigeria. I guess I kind of thought that if she really liked me...it would be worth trying to get back out there to be with her.

But I take your point...all of this is dreamland. And I should move on.

Thanks

beewhyfocs: @ TrickofTech
Where exactly are you from? Which state in the US? How long did you stay with the family?

Since you are in your late twenties, were you not in a relationship before coming to Nigeria?

I stayed with them for about 4 months...and NO, I was not in a relationship before I came to Nigeria. I am still searching, as is the Yoruba girl in question.

99cent: omg. r u now planning to get married to her? when you haven't even asked her out yet.
i think it's time for you to just move on. or aren't there any women in ur area? this whole story is getting ridiculous. jeez

I think you are probably right. It is time to move on. The only reason I mentioned marriage is because I thought that's how courting works in Yoruba culture. If you had actually read what I had written, you would have seen that I do not have a clue! In the west, it is 'weird' and strange to casually suggest to two people that they could be married 'one day'. Her parents/parents friends suggested it a lot!!!!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK?!!!! I never mentioned marriage to them...but they always mentioned it to me!!! Was it a joke? Were they trying to test me out Is this how it works in Yoruba culture? I DONT KNOW!!!!!!
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Besides...I have had a think about it. I get the feeling that she liked me. She maybe even liked me romantically at some points during my stay. BUT...I am pretty sure she would never even consider a relationship or marriage. She seemed to care too much about what her family/neighbors would think about her being with an oyinbo. She also seemed a lot more interested in me when the conversation got onto her coming to the 'west' (i.e. green card).

It sucks so much. I really appreciated everything about her. I really admired her for who she is, and I could have given her so much.
...her loss I suppose.

So I will leave it as friend for now...and play the long game. She knows that I still want to keep in contact with her...she knows that I would like to return to Nigeria one day. Maybe in a years time, if she is still not married, she will show a bit more interest.

...although I ain't holding out much hope.

A quick follow up question...I am really sorry to go on!

What I really do not understand is Nigerian and Yoruba courting. I've noticed that it is very different to what I am used to. In the US and UK...it would be 'odd' to just ask a girl: 'will you marry me?'. A man and woman will get to know each other A LOT before marriage is even discussed; they live with each other, they date...they even sleep together (sex). In the UK/US...a couple will become very close and very romantically involved before marriage...often it is as if they are already married...the ceremony/act of marriage is a legal kind of thing to formalize the relationship.

I can tell things are VERY different in Yoruba culture. It seems as if marriages can be more 'arranged' and formal. It is almost like marriage can be an agreement that is made and negotiated...before any of this closeness/romance...or am I wrong? I know that the groom must seek out the family's approval...and that it is about bringing two families together in union. I know that the bride and groom must live apart...and that dating and courting (time spent together) prior to marriage is frowned upon. Once again, this is quite different to the UK/US.
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What I am really getting at is: if she really does like me. What are her expectations from me? She would be expecting for me to make the first move...yes...I get that. But what exactly would she expect me to do? Proclaim my love for her and my desire to marry her?...in the UK/US...this would be considered a bit 'weird'.
...would it be acceptable (to her) for me to tell her that I want to be with her (over the phone)...when there has been NO courting and dating (as would be expected in the UK/US)

What would she expect then?!!!! Dating and courting? Or just the formal promise/statement of interest. Is marriage/courting like a 'plan' that two people make...even if there is not yet a strong emotional/physical connection and ties? (If so...this is very different to the UK/US)

I am just trying to get this right in my head so I do not make a fool of myself. Apart from the flirting/friendliness (when we were together)...she is not going to make ANY moves towards me (like telling me she likes me etc.)...is this correct?

Thanks

(God I miss her so much I could do so much for her. I really cared about her. I just want to tell her everything will be fine...that I am going to protect her and look after her forever. She and her family would never have to worry about anything ever again. She has no idea...it hurts so much )

Subomi-luv:
Op pls do us all a favour. This "oyinbo" fall my hand. If you like the girl than make a move. If not forget her and move on. Case closed.

Ohwwwww ok I guess that's my cue to leave. Well thanks for your posts and stuff guys. It was good to hear what you all thought. I meant what I said about Nigeria at the start. It was a blast...and everyone is so warm and welcoming. It really is an amazing place.

Thanks

Subomi-luv:
Lmfao i know.

Ouch! I guess I had that coming. I am sure you are very beautiful. I must admit most Naija girls I met were very pretty. Beautiful eyes...and very curvy bodies.

Subomi-luv:
SO are you based in Uk or Us because you have mentioned both places so where are you from

UK at the moment, but its not like I am after a Naija girl ("Naija hunters"). Just one particular Naija girl.

jntyjnty007: Neither here nor there. However, you do have a some what parrot fashion of carrying on, and regurgitating the same stuff over and over.. Christ I got bored reading those elongated posts and went to the sexuality section!!!

Pele o. I will try and be more brief

Swaggot00: im currently in a relationship with a white gal ' [s]im not bragging or showing off or anythng cos i knw sum fish brain gon soon start talkin rubbish[/s] bt if i acted lyk u did hiding my feelings thinkin shes gon make the first move or i was just friends with her,i wont be able to hook sumone as half as beautiful as she is. Gawddamn!! u were even stayin with her parents, under d same roof for weeks, gisting and talkin? I meet d gal i told u about in school, i dont know her, neva seen her b4,dnt know if she got a boyfriend or nt, i jst went straight to her right in d middle of her friends, hug her from the back, rest my head on her left shoulder, close my eyes and said 'hey you' , she tryna turn over to look at me her friends was so wowed at d amount of my confidence, i told her dat same minute dat im in love wit her. I dated a lotta local champions bck then in 9ja bt i tell you there is notin like two diffrent people frm diffrent culture kumin 2gether to form one union.

Yes. I agree. I perhaps should have 'grown a pair' and got on with it...told her I liked her. This is what I regret. I still can...and will. But I think things have moved on...and she is thousands of miles away from me. It is going to sound weird on the phone.

It is very difficult to explain...but I wanted to show appreciation and respect to her AND HER FAMILY. After all it was their house. We all got on very well and I didn't want to make things awkward or complicate it.

Also...what if I had told her...and she liked me? What then? I don't really understand courting in Yoruba culture...and besides...I HAD to leave Naija.
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Would have been amazing though. I will tell her.
I still think I am wanting it...more than it ever existed...if that makes sense.

snubish: The

a quick wit with excellent conversation/writing skills,
a charming temperament,
markedly interested in multicultural/intercultural issues,
a romantic, philosophical outlook on several issues

I will take all of this as a compliment. Thank you very much

...I am still an oyinbo...and I am not this Abdul man. Sorry.

TrickofTech: The yoruba girl in question flirted with me a lot. What I am struggling to work out is if this was genuine romantic interest...or just Naija friendliness/being a good host. Where I come from...women do not really flirt like this with guys...unless they are romantically interested. Things could be very different in Nigeria. I know you guys are very friendly...so it could have just been that...

TrickofTech: ...I cared about her and her family A LOT...and I could tell she cared about me too. Whether this was a host caring for a guest, a sister caring for a brother.....OR a women who romantically likes a guy....I DON'T KNOW!

This is the important bit about what I am trying to get across. I think I will call her tonight.

ibkaye: I personally don't believe you're 'Oyinbo' lol, not that it matters to be honest

Unfortunately you're just going to have to test her for yourself and see how it goes, we learn from our mistakes, hope it goes well

Lol. Well I am. As I have said...if anything, I am saying that I find Yoruba people beautiful! It is a compliment. I don't understand why you find it that hard to believe.

As I have said, I never set out to find a Naija babe. Before Nigeria...I probably would have said that they are not my type. I cannot help WHO I find attractive. We got on very well and I am attracted to her...end of.
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Maybe I will test myself. If she brings the whole "I am missing you, when are you coming back to Nigeria?" thing again...as she often does. I might press it a bit. Ask her "Why do you want me to come back?...do you want me to be your boyfriend?"...in a causal way.

If she says "NO"...or anything like that, I will pass it off as a joke.

Done.

99cent: Things won't be awkward if you approach it in a light manner and ask her out in a casual manner.

That would be great. Only thing is...I would have to be done over the phone. I have not seen her for a few weeks now and our calls are becoming less and less frequent.

I get the feeling that too much time has passed. That she probably doesn't/never did, feel the same way. That I would end up making a fool out of myself and that I would risk my friendship with/memories of, her and her family.

khiaa: What do you mean by being born again is your language? LoL, don't you know that saying is world wide in Christianty.

I mean a convert. Evangelical...and very committed.

99cent: hmm what are your own motivations?
you don't think she likes you for who you are?
at one point, you said she wasn't attractive, then later, you said she was attractive. it seems that you yourself are confused about your attraction to her. do you like her or not? or are there some other motivations...?

What I am saying is that she is no super model. I think she is very beautiful, but I am not sure if Naija guys/(other guys generally) would necessarily agree with me. I could tell that she thought she was attractive...just by some of the things she said. She is defiantly not the type of person I would usually be attracted to and I wouldn't say she was 'conventionally' attractive, although I guess there is no way of you really knowing without seeing her.

I am not confused about my attraction to her...I like her a lot...and find her very attractive. I guess I had never expected/planned for this to happen. As I have said, I never set out to find a Yoruba babe! I never even considered it as a possibility. Also, I just keep thinking there is no point me really dwelling on it...unless she feels the same way.

There are many reasons why I do not think she feels the same way. Sadly, I had my own prejudices before I went out to Nigeria: as I have said, I know that some Naija girls would happily seek out oyinbo guys for other reasons (green card, money, the 'novelty' of whiteness etc.) Part of me was certain that I would avoid getting too involved with anyone in Nigeria because of this. I have to say...that unfortunately, some of my prejudices were right...there were some Naija girls that approached me and it was OBVIOUS that this was their aim (by the things they said).

The yoruba girl in question flirted with me a lot. What I am struggling to work out is if this was genuine romantic interest...or just Naija friendliness/being a good host. Where I come from...women do not really flirt like this with guys...unless they are romantically interested. Things could be very different in Nigeria. I know you guys are very friendly...so it could have just been that. On top of this, I know she wants to go abroad. I know her and her fam. are far from rich.
...also there are things that she has said, mentioning once that she wants to "marry a Nigerian", that it is not "right" for her to "marry an oyinbo". She has said these things as a one off...and then continued to be very friendly and flirtatious...to the point where her family members and friends implied that "we could be married!". AHHHH! it is very confusing!
If I am honest...her friendless may have been because I never made a move...i.e. because I was flirting...but never took it anywhere. What I am saying is that maybe she liked me because I was giving her this attention...but it wasn't going to go anywhere. What Naija girl in Nigeria wouldn't want an oyinbo friend who was attracted to them!

99cent: anyway, she is never going to ask you out or flirt with you in a very obvious way. That's just part of Nigerian culture (especially for born again christians). Usually men are the ones who make the first move and if she likes you, she will respond positively. Things won't be awkward if you approach it in a light manner and ask her out in a casual manner. She's probably just as confused about your intentions as u are about hers.

or maybe you like her but feel that dating her will be too much of an investment (considering culture/distance etc) and u don't like her badly enough to want to make that much of an investment/commitment. in other words: odikwa risky

This is a very good point...that I am well aware of. As well as Nigerian culture...we were always 'around' family members, so I fully appreciate why she would never be too obvious about it. I also know that guys have to make the first move. The thing is...I think that there were times that her flirting/talking about marriage/talking of me returning to Nigeria...was a casual approach by her...trying to see if I would commit to liking her. BUT I DID NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. There are so many reasons why I held back...which I am not going to repeat. A HUGE factor is the culture that you mention. If I committed to liking her...what would happen next? I know Yoruba culture...but not that well! I mean, where would we go from there? The logistics of it all would be near impossible...how would I tell my family that "I have met a girl out in Nigeria...and I want to move out there to be with her!", what would they say/think? How would I even start to get a job out there/get a visa/start a new life in Nigeria? What if I got all the way out there and she had changed her mind!?

...IF she liked me back...and that is a HUGE IF. It would be worth it. I loved Nigeria...and I really liked her. I could do it, with a lot of effort and stress...but it would be worth it I think. It is hard to explain...but I cared about her and her family A LOT...and I could tell she cared about me too. Whether this was a host caring for a guest, a sister caring for a brother.....OR a women who romantically likes a guy....I DON'T KNOW!

moreeni: Ok, no point arguing with you about who you say you are. However,my advice is for you to continue with the friendship you have with her now and see where it takes you.

Just to clear the air about the misconception you have about Nigerian babes and oyinbo union, some of us just love the white guys because of the magical beauties the whites and blacks create when they procreate . Those kids are just splendidly BEAUTIFUL. Don't get ideas...very happy with my Nigerian dude

I agree. Could have been amazing. To think that two people from two different cultures and backgrounds coming together...it is very cool. When I think about, I am not sure if the girl thought the same (pretty old school and traditional). Ahhh Well. We will stay friends for now. Thank you.

Sexily Endowed: ^^^^ So joblessness has turned you into an Oyinbo. Signs of End times

Yhhh mate

Wish I was as "cool" as you

...note the sarcasm

sheyie2007: Sup with this vulgar words dude, careful mhenn

And, I'm irish

Pele o. No offence intended. I can understand how it would give that vibe though. People are quick to make those kind of assumptions.

rigormortis: I JUST HATE IT WHEN WHITE MEN MARRY BLACKS, I PREFER BLACK MEN FYKCING WHITE WOMEN AND MARRYIN THEM IF THEY WANT, ITS MORE NATURAL. LEAVE THE BLACK GALS FOR BROTHERS, AND ALLOW YOU WHITE WOMEN FOR BROTHER TO.......

Troll.

In all seriousness...I get the feeling that some Nigerian guys have this feeling deep down. It is maybe one of the reasons why she did not feel it was "right" to marry oyinbo. People would think she was a "gold digger"/ashawo.

Subomi-luv:
^^^ But what are you so afraid of? Just tell her because it's obvious you really like her a lot. If she is not interested then at least you will know and you can move on. You have nothing to lose.

Yes. I really should have done this earlier. I think too long has passed.

I think I am going to keep things friendly and chatty when we talk. Maybe after a few phone calls...I might mention that I miss her...and that I liked her a lot when we were in Nigeria...in a kind of "oh that was obvious!" way: then see how she responds.

I am very keen not to mess up my friendship with her and the family.

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When I really think about...and trust my gut, I think she didn't know. I explained this situation to someone and they said she sounded confused.

I think I agree. Some days...we would be flirting away and it would be great...I could tell she wanted to be around me. Other times she seemed to be trying to avoid me a bit more. I think there were times where she was interested and times when she wasn't.

Subomi-luv:
Why don't you just tell her how you feel so that you won't have any regrets. The worse thing she could say is that she is not interested but at least you would know that you have done your part. If someone is playing you, you will be able to tell and just trust your gut.

I see your point...ideally I would really like to just ask her.
...it is very difficult over the phone though. I get a sense that it would seem somewhat out of the blue. I had such an amazing experience in Nigeria...and I kind of don't want to ruin my memories of all that.

I think maybe she has subtly given me my answer. Marriage is something we have talked a lot about...in general terms. She has said things like she prays I find a "good wife", and that she is also looking for someone "good" and that she hopes to marry this year. She has said it is not right for her to marry oyinbo...personally. Family members have suggested (jokingly) marriage in conversation, and she SEEMED to be saying "not likely" (in Yoruba).

On the flip side, she keeps asking me to come back to Nigeria...QUICK! She says she misses me a lot...and she seems to call me out of the blue. I have evidence that she thinks about me a lot and she flirted with me all the time when we were in Nigeria.
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Perhaps she is just being friendly to me...and that is it. I want to be with her...but she doesn't want to be with me.

...OR, she is waiting for me to declare my interest...I never have, so she never thought I was interested.

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Probably best for me not to think about it...and move on.

Subomi-luv:
Dnt mind them. That's how they usually are. They never believe anything you say and can argue with you till forever. But welcome to Nairaland. There is an oyinbo lady here and other nationalities here as well so just feel free and enjoy the forum

Lol. Thank you. Just not feeling great at the moment. I need to sort myself out and move on...I know that. I need to somehow deal with this regret. Like I say...maybe I will tell her how I felt one day.

Not playing the whole 'prove I am oyinbo' game anymore. I know I am and I had hoped for some sensible answers from some friendly Nigerians.

lefulefu: No be sin to assume say u be oyibo nah .Sometimes sef me dey even dey imagine for my mind say i be pakistani

Confused? Don't understand ya bro.

I've got to snap out of it and move on. Maybe just takes a bit of time.

On second thoughts...I think that maybe she may have been a bit out of my league. I think she is very good looking, maybe she is good looking by Naija standards too.

Still...doesn't explain why she didn't marry earlier. I always wondered why it had never happened. I was surprised that no-one had got in there straight away.
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I am going to take peoples advice and just leave it I think hurts a lot...I regret not saying something soooooo much. I really did/still do, like her and I think about her everyday/really miss being around her.

We still phone chat quite a bit. I am just going to move on I think...stay friends. If in a years time...she is still un-married, I might mention to her that I used to really like her A LOT...but never had the balls to say anything...and see what she says. But for now, I am going to give up hope

...would have been sooooo amazing. I would have considered moving out there...I would have done everything possible to look after her and her fam. I really did care about them all. Ahhhh, shoulda, woulda, coulda

Thanks guys

Vikin: At OP, that your hand is not oyibo hand.

It's even same color of my hand.

2. Oyibo hands are whiter than that.

3. The background shows u did some color changes to to pic. The paper u used to write your name shows less color quality.

4. Your English

5. Who talked anything about Igbo. Why not Hausa?

6. This is your first post and you jumped straight to romance section.

7. You know how to reply nairalanders politely even when they are cussing. only old nairalanders knows the trick
I could go on and on, anyway...
Good job though in the entertainment.

1.) I can assure you it is an oyinbo hand...do you want another snap?

2.) It is usually a lot white/paler than this...but I have just returned from...............NIGERIA!...so it is a little tanned still.

3.) I had to change the file type...so it could upload properly on the forum...this lowered the picture quality.

4.) What about my English? It is my mother tounge. I know some Yoruba...very limited...and I know a little bit about how you guys (Nigerian) talk to each other(because guess what?...I have been to Nigeria!), so I am kind of typing with that in mind.

5.) I did not want to make it seem like I was pro-Yoruba over Igbo and Hausa...so I mentioned Igbo (to be balanced). I have only really met Yoruba (mostly) and Igbo (a few) because I was staying in Yorubaland. I had no real contact with Hausa...although I am sure they are cool too! They are mainly north I believe...I never went to the north...too dangerous.

6.) Because the only Naija question I have is about romance!...this Yoruba girl I met in Nigeria.

7.) LMAO! Well...I cant speak for other oyinbos...but I am polite most of the time anyway. I can see what you are saying though. Naija people seemed quite abrupt and blunt in the way they talk! Compared to US/UK, there is not much subtlety. You guys say it how you mean it...first time.

...I understand this quite well and have it in my mind whenever I talk to Naija people.

Anymore? : )

Atheist:-D:
Boooooring. If you aint gonna hit it then dont bore us with tales of "should I or shouldnt I have done it". Get back to me when the deed has taken place with lots of inside info and juicy descriptive analysis.

PS: If she is religious, dont get too excited, it might be a lot of hard work.

HaHa! Dirty mind.

She was super religious...so all of this is probably irrelevant, because she would have said no.

As I have said, it is very unlikely that I could of 'tapped it' without causing a lot of agro.
Besides, I really cared about her and her family when I was out there. They treated me as their own. So I didn't ever seriously consider it...it would have pissed a lot of people off.

99cent: @TrickofTech,you say that she is older than you. how old are you? Maybe it's best for you just to remain as friends.

it seems clear to me that she likes you although of course i'm sure she also is dreamy about traveling abroad. What I don't know is if she liked u because u r white or for other reasons. I don't know you so I can't tell. If she's 30 then also, it may be getting difficult for her to find a husband. i'm sure her parents are hinting at u if they call u in-law or husband. LOL

sometimes, being good friends is good enough. and I like that you are being smart about all of this and thinking carefully.

Thank you very much : ) A good response. I am late twenties, she is 30. You have summarized all of my anxieties in your post! I know that Yoruba women are encouraged to marry quickly...if you get to 30+ without being married...Yoruba women start to panic a bit. I know that she wants to travel abroad...something she has tried before and is dreamy about. I am also very aware that some Nigerians just enjoy the novelty of whiteness. On top of that, I am well aware of how hard their living conditions are...and that I live in the developed world and have a good job.

Now you see how I am finding it hard. I want to be with someone who appreciates me for who I am. I am in no doubt that she liked me...and appreciated my personality...but to the stage of being in a romantic relationship? :\

Whenever she flirted with me in Nigeria, I would really enjoy it for a moment and then remind myself that deep down, her motivations are probably:
- Access to money
- A way of getting a green card
- A way of getting married fast
- Just interest in the white man

...I never found out if she really liked me...or if I was the list above.