₦airaland Forum

After everything, I just texted her. I told her how I felt and explained that I wanted her. That I have tried to move on but for some reason I cannot get her out of my head.

None of this makes sense. I have spoken with Nigerian friends and they are surprised at my feelings for my a Nigerian woman and at how we are so different. I have spoken to my oyinbo friends and they have all advised me to find other women, to forget her and move on.

But I cannot. I want her. She is not a model, she has character flaws, but there is no one else that I would rather be with and be around. I want her.

(I must say...I am aware at some of the attitudes some Nigerian men have towards foreigners being with Nigerian women...if you have these deeply held views, please do not comment on this post. You do not know the situation, my feelings and hers, so please do not pretend that you know what is going on).

She text me saying simply "[my name]...I love you".
______________________________________

You would think that the hard part is over. But it is only just beginning. She has finally admitted her feelings towards me...I was clear in mine, that I wanted her as a partner...not a friend. But the hard part is only just beginning and I have told her this.

I mean seriously...where do I go from here?

I know that Nigerian girls who go for oyinbo men are probably frowned upon. But you think it is easy for me?!!!! My family are completely unaware of this situation and sadly, I imagine that they will be just as judgmental. I know what is going to happen....they are going to spend a lot of time trying to convince me that this Nigerian is out for my money and a green card, that she wants to use me. They too do not know the situation, but I must be careful. I know that really, they care about me and I care about myself, I must be sure what her true intentions are.

From what I have seen, she is very pure, very honest and a born again christian. I do not know why I have these fears and suspicions, but I worry that she is just telling me what she wants me to hear. That perhaps she is after something. I guess it comes down to if I want to take the risk with her. Whether I can trust her. Perhaps she has the same feelings.

For what it is worth. I am not the type of guy to mess women about. I do not date many women. I do not play them. I want a wife (that will not cheat, not look elsewhere), that I can trust, that will not use me, who will love, respect and accept me for who I am, that will stay with me through everything....because this is what I know I can provide in return.

I think she can do this. It is what she has had me believe. I do not think I have reason to believe otherwise.

----------------------------------------------

Did I ever think I would fall for a Nigerian? No. Am I usually attracted to black women? No. But it is not her color and nationality that I love. It is HER. Her character, her behavior, her family, her morals...everything.

I have tried to forget her but I cannot. We have both pursued each other. It has not been one way.

I just need to believe and trust her.

And I must think about what to do next...

She loves me!

I was open and completely honest. I told her how I felt, how much it hurt to leave her, how I cannot stop thinking about her, how I want her as a partner not as a friend.

She said it, for the first time, "I love you".

Now comes the hard part. I have to told her there is a lot to talk and think about. I need to decide what to do next because this is really big.

I need to be able to trust her and explain all of this to my family.

I could be coming back to Nigeria.

How do I withdraw and allow us both the save face?

I want to be with her. She is what I want. I get the feeling that now I have stated my feelings, she would have been a bit more obvious and clear if she was interested.

I want to move on...but the more I try, the more she contacts me.

I don't think I can be her friend anymore. She wants to treat me like a woman. A friend, with no hope of anything more. I don't want that with her and she cannot see it. She still wants me to be attracted to her, to toast her...without her giving anything. I cannot do that anymore. It hurts too much.

So what do I say to her? I am not going to contact her, I am going to try and move on for the third or fourth time...but I guarantee she will call within the next week and start it all up again : (

Why does she play with love like this? She knows my feelings...why can she not just be open and honest with me?

She needs to know that this is not okay and she needs to know WHY. Perhaps after a few months, after I have met a few more women and moved on I could talk to her again. But not at the moment.

So what do I say to her? How do I do it politely and respectfully?

nipeks001: Na wa o,Oyinbo man,u no even drop any christmas gift for boyz.

ehhhh?

eeewise: I will stil say,abi u de fear am? All this u have been saying here can't u tell her?wen I meant demand her being straight wit u I mean tell her ur fears,doubts ,insecurities abt two of u,how her actions sends dual messages to u,tell her everytin u re saying here and DEMAND an answer subtly not like in a millitary way!!!! Dats being a man...Abi make I help u? If she is confused tell her u give her time to make a decision ,abi make I help u?lol. Its not enough to come out open to a girl,after that u define d relationship,u " try get into her head" and see wer u stand ..dats wat we do

Look...as you have guessed, I don't really pursue women. I do not have a great deal of experience in it. This sounds bad...but I am only really interested in a relationship. She was great...I really like her, but part of this was the hope that it would lead to something more. I don't think I will want anything to do with her if it turns out that she is not interested at all. Perhaps she knows this...perhaps she doesn't want me, but she doesn't want me to leave her alone.

What I am saying is that I do not think I will want to talk to her if it results in her having no feelings for me. Worse still, I think she knows that. She wants me, but she doesn't want to commit to a relationship. She would rather have me there...but not give anything back. This makes me a little angry and resentful.

For a long time after Nigeria, I told myself that we were just friends. But it felt like she just kept pushing and pushing for more. I told her that I wanted her and it all went to crap. I am angry that she thinks that she can force my hand like that and then carry on as if we are friends. Like it is fine that I can just be a friend that finds her attractive...with nothing ever happening. This is NOT OK. I do not want those kind of friendships.

You assume that I know the "plan" for us. I do not. There never was any "plan". I just love her and want be around her. I want a relationship, I want to marry, I want children. She knows all this and shares the same "plans". But me deciding to migrate to Naija, to uproot everything, to start a new life with her. IT IS A BIG DECISION. She needs to open up and tell me her plans, what she wants. It cannot be all me setting something out for her. Both of us must be involved in the planning.

Ahhh! Two messages. Completely contradicting each other!

Who is right?

I am not entirely certain that Beraltie has my best interests at heart. I sense that he does not like the idea of an Oyinbo being with a Nigerian girl. That somehow he does not like me, that he refuses to think it possible. That he has prejudged me. Then again I cannot speak for him, and I do not like being strung along.

I guess I must trust what I feel. I feel that she is confused. She wants me to come back and deep down she likes me romantically. (YES baraltie...it is possible!). However, she is shy and cautious. She wants to spend more time together before anything happens. I am sensing that being 28 and unmarried is both shameful and demonstrative of her success with men up until now in her life (not that this is an issue for me). I suspect that she does not have many suitors and options. She wants me to swoop in and "save her" as she puts it.

The thing is, I love her for who she is. I do not want to be this oyinbo savior who will take her to the west. I want her to love me for who I am, irregardless of skin color and background, as I do with her.

But I need to know! I need to know IF she is hoping for more with me and WHY that is. It cannot be because she thinks I can give her many things. That is no basis for a relationship. I felt and believed that there was a connection between us.

Before I even consider dropping my life in the west and spending more time together with her in Naija, I need some indication about what she wants. Yes it would be a risk for her to indicate her feelings, but considering what she would be expecting from me, it is nothing.

She has no idea...I would put serious thought into it if she only told me that she wanted me.

If she does not want me...then that is fine. I just need to know what the score is. Why can she not tell me this?

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As it stands...she will have to do the chasing now. I am moving on.

eeewise: U re in a psuedo relationship,more than a frnd but less of a boyfriend.let me go biblical jesus said if u re neither hot nor cold he wud spit u out in revelations.so take cue frm our lord and saviour and spew her out lol.hw can u come to nigeria cos of a grl haba! U shd b a man to define ur relationship,d fault is urs...don't let any1 play games wit u.no subtly words wit hidden meanings jst come straight.ask her direct questions that demand direct answers abi u de fear am?

Haha! The woman should have no role in defining the relationship! She should be a slave to the mans whims! What he says, what he wants it to be. I feel sorry for you and your women. I am sure (and I hope that) not all Nigerians think this way. A relationship involves two people. It should be a shared understanding, with input from both people.

I have been "a man" as you put it. I said I want to be with her, I have told her how I feel about her, what I am hoping for. You are partly right...I get the feeling that she is sitting there passively waiting for me to tell her what to think, what is going to happen...without her giving anything.

I have to ask, do I want a woman like that anyway? I cannot tell her what I feel will happen without her telling me some more about herself, what her hopes and feelings are...and I have asked, but she reverts to playing games.

I have been plenty honest and open. I have taken big risks and expressed my feelings to her. I have asked her direct questions, I have said what I want...to be with HER...it is she that cannot reply in a direct way.

So personally, I do not think the problem is with me.

In the west, women tend to have a bit more of a choice and role in directing the path of a relationship...clearly she does not want to do that all. Almost like "well if you like me, click you fingers and magic up a relationship and situation where we can be together". As if it is that easy. It would be a lot easier if there was some disclosure from her. It takes two to tango!

If she does like me, she is pretty stupid for not telling me DIRECTLY as I have with her.

But as I have said, it is her loss, I will find someone more honest, open and clear about what they want. I will move on. Judging her character, I don't think she ever will.

Actually f.uc.k it. To be honest. It is her loss. I have given myself and her so many chances with this. I have things going for me, I now have a good government job. I am kind, calm and easygoing. I am friendly and I can flirt with the best of them. I am confident and self aware. I can assert myself and stand up for myself, most importantly, now, I can tell people how I feel, regardless of the consequences. I have two degrees, I have traveled, I have volunteered for charity, I have a family and friends.

I have a lot going for myself and I feel stupid for even letting her get to me. I will find other women and I will tell them how I feel about them fearlessly, I am not sure she will ever be able to do the same with a guy. But it is her loss.

I am going to block every call from her from now on. If she brings the whole "are you fighting with me?/us?" stuff again. I am just going to tell her straight:

"I really liked you and cared about you. I even loved you. I wanted to be with you and just you. But you messed me about. I have nothing against you or your family. But you cannot be honest with me. You do not respect me and I think its best if we do not talk for a while. I am sorry."

and that will be that.

baralatie: @op!it hurts!
it is wel!

It hurts being strung along and played with. The lack of honesty hurts, not losing her.

In that sense, by being honest about how I feel, I have been the mature one, not her.

What she wants: For me to return to Nigeria.

What I want: For her to tell me WHY she wants me to return to Nigeria (and I have told her this).

There is only one reason I would return...and that is to be with her, to be in a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. Anything else would just be a waste of my time and would be emotionally painful.

She knows my feelings for her and I am surprised that she cannot appreciate the situation.

I would like to move on...and I do not have a problem with doing this. But unfortunately, given the situation and what has been said already, this would involve not talking to her indefinitely. If she had just been honest. Perhaps this would have been different because I would know where I stood.

baralatie: @op i believe she must be a very beautiful woman and she knows what she wants!
From everytin u av described she is from a strong rel background.
She is a mature woman!

She is not that beautiful. It is her attitude that I like. If she knows what she wants, why cant she tell me. To me a mature person is honest and open about their feelings. They do not selfishly string people along for attention.

I understand that she may care about my feelings, but she cannot see that in truth, she is hurting them more by not being honest. It shows a lack of respect, respect which I have shown to her.

sarbest001: I think you should calm down. Let me ask U dis questions bro; What do U actually want from her?? Do you think that she feels the same way you feel about her?? Do you think that even if she loves U, she would marry you??

In My Own Opinion, I think she likes you and that is all she feels. She doesn't want to hurt you, that is why she didn't reply you. I understand that you love her but you really have to move on. Try and call her and tell her that you really need to know how she feels about you. For God's sake you are an Adult, insist that she should tell you how she feels and see what she will say.

I am calm bro. I have asked her the question and she dodges. She then comes back with "return to Nigeria" etc. and begins contacting me a lot. What do I want from her? I would like her to be open and honest about how she feels for me. I do not know how she feels for me, but there have been plenty of clues. I have no idea if she would consider marrying me if she loved me...I assume she would, as this is what people usually do. She has brought up the subject of marriage in general terms more often than me.

I would love to move on...however her constant calling and mind games makes that a little tricky.

P.S. She has never refused, she has never told me that she is not interested. I actually would like that. If that is how she feels...then why can't she tell me that. I have even explicitly asked her to. But she just dodges the question. So what am I supposed to think?

baralatie: let me summarize
+loverboy declared his intention of luv wit no hold back
+d girl neva declared anytin but explain her ....

I suggest u read al his comments!

My point is that I don't think she is the kind of person that declares her love for ANYONE. You seem to think that she is some street wise girl that has had partners before. That it wise to dating. I did not get that impression at all. It seemed like she was a mummies girl. Very traditional. She spent ALL of her time with her family, at church, at work or with her few female friends. She is a devout born again christian who talks about god and the bible all the time.

She did not explicitly express her love for me, true. However, she is the one that pursued me. She is the one that called me twice a week, even when I tried to forget about her and move on. She is the one that said to me "when you are you returning to Nigeria? I cannot wait forever to find a husband". She is the one that said to me "would you marry a Yoruba?" repeatedly. She is the one that said "I want to talk to your parents on the phone", when I refused and avoided that she said "she wants a husband that speaks Yourba because she would be worried about her husbands parents talking about her in a different language" HINT HINT. She is the one that calls me up, not the other way around. She is the one that flashed me...and then blocked my return call 3 times when I tried to call back. She is the one that continually asks me to return to Nigeria. She is the one that says "I just NEEDED to hear your voice" everytime she calls me. She is the one that still holds (and expresses a hope) that I will come to Nigeria within the next year. Before I even told anyone about my feelings, I asked a Nigerian friend who had stayed in the same house as us about her behavior...his take on it = " both of us seemed confused, but that she loved me"...this is without me even saying anything about my feelings.

Baralatie please confirm that you think you really do understand the situation, rather than that you just being negative and hostile towards me. That you do believe the truth of my story. Not that you just refuse to believe it possible that an oyinbo could like a Nigerian and a Nigerian could like an oyinbo. Such a situation could happen...stranger things have happened!

An oyinbo living in Nigeria long term would be an interesting experience too! I remember it well! I would be treated as a foreigner and outsider by ALOT of people. I would most certainly be treated as different. Regardless of how much Yoruba I learn, how many ankara suits I wear, how much pound yam, gari and amala I eat!!!

lol

Amya: If you really like this girl (which I'm sure you do cos I've seen your first post on the same issue many months ago)

You clearly haven't gotten over this lady. The mixed signals you're getting from her is probably driving you crazy.

I can't really can't begin to explain the typical Nigerian girl relationship psyche to you, but I actually understand her. I think she's in love with you but having a more archaic view about relationships she can't simply tell you that. Don't keep asking all those questions as you'll never get a straight answer.

Be courageous and tell her how you feel about her and what you really want. That is of course if you want to be with her. Stop trying to get into her head and take that first step.

Thank you for your kind words. It is good to have someone understand the situation. I probably will never get over her. I keep trying to tell myself that it was nothing...but the situation we were in, but everytime I talk to her, I just feel so calm. There are few women that I can just look at eye to eye without saying anything, we did this a number of times in Naija. I didn't feel nervous, it didn't feel uncomfortable. I felt like I understood her pretty well, even though we had only been together for a few months. Even when she calls now, I don't feel any nerves and I love talking to her. I miss her a lot and I really hope I see her again one day.

The thing I find difficult is that it would be such a bold move to go to be with her. Drop everything, just leave. Based on what? My feelings for her...travel thousands of miles to tell her how I feel, based on a hunch. She says that she wants me there...but why? I almost became part of the family, but is this what she wants? Someone around to dote on her until she gets bored. Or does she want something more. If she wanted something more, it would be worth considering. Even then I would have to explain everything to my family and tackle their attempts to persuade me not to. They will assume that I am being scammed, that she wants a green card. I in NO WAY think Nigerians are like this generally, but it is what some people will think. After all, they have not been to Nigeria and they have not shared the same experiences. I do worry about her intentions, but it would be difficult to have that kind of conversation with her. She has mentioned travelling, wanting to be "saved" and wanting to travel. I don't want to be used and manipulated like that...but she seems genuine.

The thing is. I did (and still do) love her. I was in awe of her. She wasn't a super model and she wasn't drop dead gorgeous. She was pretty loud, bossy and intolerant. But her smile and her eyes and her laugh got me everytime and she she could be so kind and thoughtful. I just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. I just wanted to sit and talk with her for hours. She seemed to use every opportunity to be around me too. I just wanted to be with her and when I was, I was completely at peace. I have told her my feelings and that I think she is special. Because to me she was unique, I have never felt like this about any woman and I want to tell her how special she is. She was beautiful in a way that cannot be described and if I never see her again, I will always remember her.

Without bringing it all up again. It is pretty much dead and buried. I just cannot understand her. What she wants.

You would think she would have at least implied whether she was or was not interested by now. Basically, I told her everything. How I always liked her but I never said anything etc. She gave no reply to that but kept contacting me.

The furthest she has got to even expressing any interest is asking me to come back to Nigeria, which she still does. I say "where will I stay?" she says with "US" not "me"..."US". I.e. her and her family. She contacted me soon after I had expressed my feelings and kept pushing to "come back"...I called her out and said "why? why? do you want me to come back? why do you want me to come back?". Then she went quiet and began saying that her, her brother, her mother all want me to come back.

I am tired of playing these games with her. She flashed me one night and I called back, she blocked the call 3 times. I thought "stuff it...I am not going to talk to her for a while, even as a friend". For the next 3 nights she called me everyday but I just ignored it. I get the feeling that she wants me as some kind of self esteem boost. She wants to be able to tap me up to express my feelings for her. When we discussed me moving back to Nigeria hypothetically, she said "you can stay in one of the bedrooms, but no fun". Is she saying that she wants me as some kind of penis-less man to tell her how great she is? She has already said that she has "boyfriends" a few months ago she said that she had a "partner". What is wrong with her? After 4 days of ignoring her calls I called her back and the first thing she said in a worried/sad voice was "are you fighting with us?" I asked her what she meant and she said "are you fighting with me? You do not return my calls". She sounded quiet and upset.

I know she is a born again christian looking for "a husband". I know she has "boyfriends" although she assures me this has a different meaning in Nigeria. I cannot tell if she is genuinely innocent and trying to play games with me because she wants me. Or if she is a liar. All her born again stuff is rubbish. That actually she has many partners who she is sleeping with. She just wants me as someone to boost her self esteem when she wants it.

I just don't get her. Perhaps it is the cultural differences.

gcfr.com:
bros, you seriously need to take things easy. Too much emotions aint good for your health. Delete her from your life wtf.. Block all d blockables and reject all rejectables, and MOVE ON! Tell her to leave you the alone.
Goodluck

Thats really kind of you! Once again. God would be proud!

baralatie: naaah!she just moved wit her crowd!

There are not many prostitution cliches/crowds in the West! It would be difficult for a girl to even find that sort of crowd...let alone 'want' to follow it. It is illegal and immoral and degrading. Like I have said. I am not over emotional. I actually care about her. A close friend is behaving like 'that'

baralatie: dont worry urself at al!rather count urself lucky.u stood ur ground u dnt wont nonsense & u av freed urself from strange behaviours.
Take som tim off,rest ur mind.
Now u av free mind to go an get urself a brand new gìrl that genuinely luvs & wil marry u& raise ur own family!

Honestly 4 guy-puy talk.i dnt know why u've nt met a prety girl from alaska,missisipi(hear they are gud moms,like kids and they got gud behind dat gets a guy go 'gaga')

Thank you. She is a prostitute I think I just feel bad for her

She has a "Daddy"...she calls him and he lives out of state, visits her every now and then.

She told me her Father had died.

I now understand...

Why her mobile number is on her facebook page...but she never uses facebook
Why she used to disappear for a couple of hours at night and then reappear
Why she never talked about her day job
Why she once tried to discuss "in between jobs" with me
Why she had bundles of cash hidden in her room
Why she is 30 and is not married
Why people always seemed to be ringing her phone
Why she seemed to have really low self esteem
Why honesty scares her

Join the dots

Haha. Given the egotistical and over inflated attitude of Nigerian men like yourself, you should be thankful that Nigerian women put up with your sorry, disrespectful behind!

P.s. Some men (like myself) attempt (although I admit I am not perfect) to see women as more than just property/sex objects/baby makers/house keepers/someone to be made dependent on men...clearly someone has rejected you! Change your attitude...have a little respect for women and you may not get rejected!!!

I am a foreigner and I think some (not all) Nigerian women are beautiful, joyful and have very good character. Some of them are hurt and abused by men who are deluded and think themselves "players", who like to repeatedly tell women that "they will never do any better".

...however, for some, the story ends well, because one day, they realize that these men have LIED to them. They are worth so much more than that and some of them (the wise ones) find men who really appreciate them for who they are.
...the so called "players"...usually end up sad and lonely or with a woman who plays the game better than them...and cheats on them, haha for them, I am sure that they will enjoy their life!!!

nipeks001: She is just so indecisive.Abeg drop the sorry bottom already.
Start ignoring some of her calls too and give her some space.

Yes. She wants me stuck in the middle. She doesn't want me to move on, but she doesn't want to commit to me. I am about to break the "One Chance" rule because I really like her...I said I would call her tonight. It is really it. She either makes a decision tonight...or I will make it for her. This is one more chance than she deserves.

It will be hard. I am realizing that she is the type that panics and gets upset when someone tries to separate from her. As I have said, I do really care about her...so this works well on me. But I cannot keep playing games like this. With any luck, if she really does have feelings for me, she will learn from the experience, that she needs to be decisive, or she will lose out.

There will be NO going back after this. I will ignore her calls for a while and remind myself that things will always be Oremi from there on.

baralatie: (hands Op! A glass of non-alcohib wine)
for tru luv and hapines
cheers mate!

Thank you. She is still playing games ...she is calling me and telling me to come back to her. She clearly doesn't want me to move on. She knows how I feel. When I ask her to say WHY she wants me to come back, she cannot answer. She dodges. She is incapable of being honest with me. Clearly she is only interested in what I can give her rather than me and that hurts.

eeewise: Eyah u re hurt. No matter your qualities, sme pple will stil reject u.rejectn is a part of d package so no need being hurt.its normal. Most grls are attention seekers ,very confused. As a guy just learn to Empower ONLY d rships dat believe, receive and accept u

Thank you for your reassuring comments. I am over it now. She did not reply to my messages, so I just text her saying that I think it probably isn't worth going any further. It will only ever be Oremi. She has now begun to contact me again and it feels like she is trying to play games again (i.e. calls me, says she will call back later and then doesn't etc.)

I have told her how I feel, how much I think of her. I have finally been honest out of respect to myself and her. She had several days to reply. She did not. As I have said. One chance. It is a shame. I respect her a lot less...even though I have asked her to just state her feelings honestly...she keeps dodging it and reverting back to game playing. Unfortunately this tells me that she is unable to be honest, think clearly and be decisive...something I also suffer from...but am trying to move past. I gave her an opportunity, I respect myself too much to keep hanging on...so my heart and head have moved on. She can play games as much as she likes now...she is just another friend. Something that will never change. Sad.

88t 5kjaa...what does this mean? Any ideas?

Don't worry. Last post on Nairalands. I never should have used this for advice anyway. Not as if you guys really represent Nigeria.

Thanks for all your (mostly) useless comments. God would be proud of you

Subom1: What does trusting men have to do with your tales? Its so obvious you are a fake oyinbo. Your stories are now becoming redundant and boring, if you are like this in real life then am sorry to say i dnt blame the girl.

What is there to be sorry about? That I had genuine feelings for a woman? Perhaps you think it is okay to manipulate men and play with their feelings. Good luck finding a 'good man' with that approach Puts the nice guys off, More likely to get hurt yourself. Its fun playing games but there is always someone who can play them better than you.

We both played games with each other for ages. We both hid our feelings. I tried to forget about her and move on. She pushed and pushed and pushed for me to reveal mine. I revealed mine and asked for her honesty. She carried on playing games and ran away.

Clearly she never had feelings for me in the first place (she was never interested), she didn't believe that mine were genuine or she is incapable of honestly stating her feelings. I will not play games for ever. She called my bluff, I told her how I felt. What more does she want?

I gave her the opportunity that I thought she wanted. Clearly she didn't want it and never did.

What is there to be sorry for? I am a guy that has feelings. That is nothing to be ashamed of.

Anyway. I texted her and said OREMI only for now on.

P.S. It was me being honest and requesting "honesty" that put her off. I do not know why this scared her:

1.) She believes that women should never reveal their feelings
2.) She cannot be honest to herself (and she doesn't know what she wants)
3.) She feels she has "won" the game
4.) She is physically incapable of honesty
5.) She was never really interested...she just liked my attention
6.) She has been bragging about bagging an oyinbo to her friends...she was just mocking me
7.) She secretly hoped I would marry her/take her to the 'West' without having to reveal this intention

Choose an answer

Either way it shows a complete lack of respect and consideration for my feelings! I wanted someone to marry and raise a family with (along with openness and honesty...a proper discussion), so I feel my playing was justified and out of love. Me expressing my feelings made this clear.

baralatie: @OP!Her father,uncle and male cousins are Nhgeriam men.
Now called them mugu,scum!
And u av a nigerian male friend advising u about nigerian women(obviouslu to u he is also a mugu)
how do u hope to deal wit al this depressd hostility & hatqed against a man coz u av a woman problem

Not all of them obviously!!!!! Only the ones who post things about 'swinging girls by the ropes', playing games with them, bragging, acting the big man. How can you ever expect a loving relationship with that kind of attitude? How could you ever relax around a woman playing those kind of games?

Besides, I have been to Nigeria. I have seen the disrespectful attitudes that many have to women when compared with the 'West'. Women are individuals with rights. They are not there for sex...to be used and then tossed away. It is this kind of attitude that produces game playing women.

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Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Codependent Disorder. I think I have traits of both. I also think the Nigerian woman has. I have been trying to move away from that recently...be more honest with myself and my feelings. Stop playing games.

This Nigerian woman dragged me back into that silly way of thinking. Manipulating me. Playing the game (which I had also been playing). After trying to change, I had had enough of the games and fantasy. I expressed my feelings. I was honest. The first time I have ever done this. She did not even dignify me with an answer.

This is when I realized. She is like what I am trying to escape. Someone who only cares about attention from the opposite sex...but is to scared to get close, using tricks and manipulation to get things. I am trying to change. I decided to stop the games and ask her if she wanted something real. She ran away.

Clearly she does not want anything real with me...and I suspect, unless she is willing to confront and respect her feelings and the feelings of others, she will be unable to have anything real with anyone. But she has had her chance. Her loss, I will move on and keep growing as a person.

baralatie: @OP!this is list of what u called ur 'tru luv'
+manipulator(10 times)
+takes everytin giv notin
+engage in hurting ppl
+no wonder she is 30
+not honest/open
+vague
+goes 4rm material to prostitution within seconds
+oyinbo hunter
+she played me
+what a repulsive individual
+she is what i feared...
+an emotional abusive relationship
+incalpable of tru luv
+straight face no emotion
+pursuing her self interest

+u gonna hurt her emotionally
all of this describes u!


+u neva luvd her at al.

Exactly. All the above is what I have since learnt about her. She is a pretty horrible person, once it comes down to it. I suspect like many women she is presenting a "front" to attract male admirers who she never intends to act upon. As soon as they express their feelings and asks for honesty from her...she drops them. She actively set out to draw me in, emotionally manipulate me, play on me feelings. Believe me, she did this actively, I could give examples.

You know she didn't even dignify me with an answer! A Nigerian friend has told me that women are atleast supposed to do that in your culture.

Clearly she has a lot less respect for me than I originally thought. She has gone down in my estimation...I did truly love her...until I saw her true colors.

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Perhaps it describes both of us. That is why we are attracted to each other. I am trying to change. That is why I expressed my true feelings. I didn't want to get involved with her...but she kept calling me and she dragged me back in. I hate her for that and I hate myself for it too.

I am growing up. She is not.

I have been walking around wanting everyone I meet to be happy. A selfless thing. Surely, if I do this with women, they will always say NO to me...because they know that I will want to make them happy anyway.

I have to be selfish with the 'wanting people to be happy'...you are saying that I probably should only try and make a woman happy if she first agrees to wanting me?