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Never. I don't go to church.



When was the last time you was so hungry you thought you was going to pass out.

Dallas Mavericks is the term you guys need to keep an eye on.

Subject:        Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor. I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised , the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if all this is not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

I confess what do you want to talk about ?

I confess I missed you 2c

I confess you still here 2c

@4real

I confess seat back and enjoy 2c and I proclaim our love

I confess even the best fire fighters OZZY has to over can't put out the fire we going to start.

I confess the only smoke produced would be from the friction b/w my banana and your fruit bowl

I confess I'm so sorry sweetie I didn't mean to be rude

I confess sorry guys I had to answer the phone

Gridlock:
I confess You mean you just keep coming and coming and coming?

I love coming and coming and coming too.

I confess you stock with me now 2C.

I confess I would love to be eaten by you 2C

I confess I love 69 it's my favorite number.

I confess you don't know what you getting yourself into, I'll Tap that ass God Almighty I'll Tap that ass

I confess the Duracell man is no match for the energizer bunny.

I confess I have more ENERGY I can handle right now.

I confess bend over and I'll show you how it's done sweetie.

I confess my BANANA is about to invade your fruit bowl baby.

I confess the don't call me the energizer bunny for nothing I just keep going and going and going

I confess I want you so BAD.

I confess you make my heart melt like hot fudge on a sundae, mmmmmmmm

I confess they don't call me a bad ass for notthing 2c.

I confess I want to be the gravy on your corn bread 2c

I confess I want to be your baby daddy 2c

I confess can I come snuggle with you 2c I'm so in the mood.

I confess Gnight Rhodalyn you be good ok Hun.

ocho:
ok, abeg who else watches the show "24" on Nairaland besides me?? I just need to make sure I was not hallusinating while watching the very recent episode

I've seen the show once on Fox network, pretty good show,

Best TV show
a, Megestructure
b, Dirties Jobs.
c, All the biker shows on discorvery channel.

I confess Rhodalyn is so right no more confessions we all need to see a priest for real.

up



Conservatives or Liberals

I confess you need to get some rest for tomorrow night 2c

I confess I'm in love with your curves and my brakes are going out so watch out missy.

I confess WHO'S YOUR DADDY 2C last night will always have a place in heart.

i CO

2cantango:
I confess
I confess I am the bomb
I confess I want to hear all the juicy details

I confess you the bomb that rock my world 2c

thekrafter:
I confess 2c and Tx should get a room. Or at least their own thread. Some of us don't have sweethearts on Nairaland, and you are making us jealous

I'm so sorry bro, I love this girl so much we just can't seem to hide our LOOOOVE.

2cantango:
I confess I am THE RIGHT GIRL
I confess let's play Tx

I confess I had some wild crazy wet dreams about you last night 2c

Rhodalyn:
i confess
i confess Nl feels lk home
i confess  
i confess u're da right gu-y for ma baby girl

I confess your baby girl is just the right girl for me.