₦airaland Forum

i was fucking happy when i saw this

According to zoologists, animal scientists and researchers, a tiger's tongue is so strong that it can remove paint from wall and help remove skin from the flesh of its prey.

Its tongue has been classified as the second most dangerous tongue after the tongue of a woman.

You don't need to say it, let him prove it

#Flash:

IMO Youths Throng Owerri To Celebrate Ihedioha's Victory:

Following the tribunal judgement in Abuja, which upheld the election of Rt Hon Emeka as the winner of the March 9th governorship election in Imo State, Imo Youths trooped out in their large numbers to celebrate Ihedioha's victory.

The jubilation cut across all streets of Owerri as it occurs from different angles of the town.

#OnIhediohaWestand
#IhediohaWinsAgain
#ImoBuNkeAnyi

lomprico:
ndi ofe right now!

Ahu adighi gi cha cha

My first week in UNN caught me walking through the corridors of ongoing lectures, female lecturer was standing at the door beckoning on the male lecturer in the class. He comes to meet her

Her : You know you made me miss my period the other time, I won't like to miss my period again this time.

Him : no don't worry, you won't miss your period today I'll quickly pull out.

Holy Me: �

She called me! Hello baby, am so hungry right now please can u come to my house, and wen coming please buy a big chicken so that I will use it to prepare something for us to eat. I looked for where they sells chicken, bought a big one and went to her house...she slaughtered it, boiled only 4 pieces for the food and put the rest inside the fridge. By 10minutes for the food to be ready a call entered her phone and she answered, after receiving the call she told me that her brother is on the way and she will not like her brother to meet me...he won't be happy, that I should go wen her brother leaves I should come back. So I peacefully went to the pot of food, picked the 4 pieces of chicken, opened the fridge, took the rest and went to my house jeje....Since yesterday I have been calling her to know if her brother has left so I can go back, she has been ignoring my calls. My people, did I do anything wrong?����‍♂��‍♂

..

Arsenal board : Our transfer budget is £45million .

Arsenal signs : Tierney, saliba , martinelli, Pepe, ceballos and David Luiz...

Me : Arsenal are definitely into money rituals...

...

We always claim to be catching up with the developed world, that's when we are no where to be found.

Some are here insulting Bayelsa folks, saying they were barbaric in their action against the whale that was washed ashore.

Suddenly Europeans and Americans are interested because hungry and angry Nigerians used axe, machetes and chainsaw to separate meat from the bones of the whale. Those are people that have said nothing over the news of Fulani herdsmen killing 100s of humans in one night. They are not outraged, but they found their voices over a whale that was killed by hungry humans.

It is obvious that people respect animals more than they do to humans.

Some were suggesting that those Brass folks pour the creature some waters and push it back to sea as to survive. Probably he or she saw Europeans doing the same.

Brother / Sister, those Europeans would have done worse if they experience 1/3rd of what we go through in Nigeria.

I am tired of trying to sound civilized in an uncivilized world. It is my notion that barbarism should be confronted with barbarism. You can't fight a pig without getting dirty. You can't confront the atrocities of Nigeria government without sounding harsh. You can't awaken the people by sounding like you are in Europe.

Fishes have been dying in the waters of Bayelsa over chronic oil spillage perpetuated by foreign companies and allowed by Nigeria evil government. Those folks have no water to drink and no land to plough, yet you expect them to protect a whale.

The death of that whale is unfortunate. Yet, if you want a world where whales can be safe, help us dismantle this country called Nigeria.

Elochukwu Ohagi, ©®2019

....

This unfortunate day that I will never forget in my life, I was at work doing my thing, when PHCN struck. No electricity in the entire plaza and the Mikano generator won't come on.
So, all work for the day was grounded. I was hot and bored but there's no alternative.
As I de inside heat, pressing my phone, this lady walked into my office. She worked in a travel agency that was also in same plaza. We talk frequently, so it was cool.
Apparently, her work was grounded too, so she came to gist with me in my office. No big deal, we're chatting!
After about 30 minutes of talking about Nigeria and electricity, she asked if I was hot and I said yes. That, ladies and gentlemen was the beginning of the day's unfortunateness. ���
If only I had said no, maybe I would not have put myself in this trouble.
As soon as I said yes, she suggested; "Since we can't even work now, how about we step out for some ice-cream?"
Trying to sound bougie and all, emi omo Mushin, I said; "Oh, no shit, let's do this. Good idea!"
Nah, fam. It was a bad idea. A terrible one at it... ���
In my head, I was thinking; "Ok, we take a stroll to underbridge and buy FanYogo, then come back to the office to suck nylon till the ice-cream turns to ice-block."
Didn't know that aunty had other plans. I didn't realize it was going to be bigger than that.
Well, she said; "How about we go to Coldstone?"
That was the first time in my life I heard that word. I mean, for someone who served an entire year in Kwara state for NYSC, when did the Fashola create Coldstone?
This one must be new but no shit, let us go there! Haaaa......
We set out. Took keke from underbridge to Toyin street. You know that Coldstone on Toyin street? Yea, that one. That was where I almost met my waterloo. ���
All the while in the Keke, I was wondering why we had to go this far for ordinary ice-cream ooo... Hmmmm!
How much de my pocket? #1, 250 or so with some 10-10 Naira notes.
I did a quick maths.
Keke to Toyin street = N50 x 2.
Ice-cream, las las = N400 x 2.
Keke back to underbridge = N50 x 2.
Total = 1k.
Use remaining change go house after work. Perfect date, iyalaya anybody! ��
Issssorrai, Demola do your thing.
We got to the place, fear first hook me. The place fiiiine dieee. Na there I come de reason say, as this place fine like this, you sure say the ice-cream nor go cost pass your budget?
Devil whispered to me; "Calm down guy, nor wahala!" Ok o!
We got closer and I was seeing the kind of cars that were parked outside. Honda Crosstour, Toyota Muscle, Honda Evil Spirit.
Sebi it was at that point that I was supposed to know that this place don de pass my level but mumu me, MUMU ME, I was heeding the Devil's advice. ���
The babe was already talking about flavours. Make I nor lie, everything she was saying was not making sense to me. Talmbout; "What flavour will you like", "Are you mixing?", "You'll like their signature flavour."
Ogbeni koshidanu, bo se n se e, ko lo n se mi... ���
We got to the entrance, and the security opened door for us and said; "Welcome to Coldstone" while smiling. Na there the real shit hook me.
Guuuuuy, they're opening door for you because of ice-cream.
Was it not there, I should have taken to my heels? No, overconfidence ti poju!
MUMU Meeeee ooooo... I nodded at the guy as we walked in.
My legs were trembling but I had to stay calm, so as not to disgrace my entire lineage. I suspected that I had bitten more than I could chew but I felt it is all just aesthetics, the ice-cream fit nor cost like that.
So, we joined the queue. TBH, I was just looking at the ice-cream inside the showglass & it seemed the different flavours were screaming; "RUN, RUN, my niggah, RUN!"
But hey, it was too late. Besides, how expensive can it be sef? Abeg, e nor fit cost. Las las 500 Naira, lobatan!
It got to our turn. The babe started to place order.
"Hi, let me have Chocolate and Cream with Waffles and Gummy Bears."
Dem begin pack the thing put inside cup. The ice-cream Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccc like @Seunfunmi_b
While she was ordering, I was confused AF. I didn't know what to order for a while until I saw Hennessy Flavour.
Aha! 3 in 1.
Lick ice-cream, cool down the heat and then still get high on top!
Oh my, "Please, ba n ko ice-cream oni shayo." ����
I got the Ice-Cream.
"Hello, ba mi fi epa si dear."
Dem pour am groundnut. Correct!
"What's that?"
She say na Brownie.
"Ok, put am.
Dem put every on top. Ice-cream be looking like Ojubo Esu...
Then, came the big moment.
"Oh yea, you may now approach the counter for payment."
LMFAOOOOOOoooooooooo... Ara adugbo, e wa ba mi sukun. ���
She started pressing the computer & it felt like she was pressing my destiny.
The number was just going up and it seemed like she had no plans to stop.
Haaaaa! Pim 1,300, Pim 2,500, Pim 2,800, Pim 3,100, Pim 3,500, Pim 3,800, Pim 4,200..........
And she kept pressing. ���
Haaaaaaaaa... Mo ti si ice-cream mu!
I was now trying to remember if I prayed in the morning before leaving the house. You know I usually say the "Olorun ma je ki n pade alakoba" prayer every day.
Be like the prayer angel for that day de off duty! ���
Ogun akoba adaba leleyi ooo, lorii pe a fe mu ice-cream...
Elo ni FanYogo nitori Olorun
She finally said 4,800 is your bill Sir. I could not do anything but think about how that same amount would have gotten me llike 50 litres of FanIce... ���
Haaa, mo si ice-cream mu!
I literally broke it down right there mentally...
At @BarEnclave, Heineken meji = 800.
Turkey = 400.
One extra Heineken for the road = 400.
Tip Zino = 200.
Everything = 1,800.
Haaaa... Mo ti se mistake... I entered "Her Thy None" state of mind immediately.
LMFAOOoooooooo... My life flickered in front of me!
How much is my salary Elo ni mo n gba
See ehn, I was already looking for Coldstone apron to wear. I can clean table well. In fact, I have a PhD in Waitership.
E dakun, e saanu aje. Mi o ni se bee mooo! ����
I can come and do internship here.
Take this thing back plis dear.
Well, to cut the long story short, I had my ATM card with me. I gave her the card and there goes my 8,500 life savings.
O dun mi because I ignored all the signs from the beginning. Ori mi o pe at all.
I have not even given her the card, GTB already deducted the 4,800.
Awon eranko jatijati... ���
I know that bank had been planning my downfall since the day I asked them to deactivate SMS because of monthly SMS charges. Won get mi... ���
After paying, I felt my soul leave my body. Meanwhile, the babe was already digging into her ice-cream. No, my guardian angel forsook me that day.
He left me to suffer in silence.
We went to sit at the available space and the babe started chattering about how delicious the ice-cream was.
LMFAOOOOoooooo... Sweet ice-cream come de taste like chalk for my mouth.
I swore 100 Naira FanIce inside the confines of my office would have tasted better.
TBH, I'm sure the ice-cream tasted great but the depression in my soul didn't allow me enjoy it. I was just tasting Akamu wey Sugar nor de. ���
A whole 4,800 just go like that because I wanted to form bougie...
Halfway into the ice-cream, the babe now said; "We should have ordered Pizza o."
See ehn, it took god-level self control to not reply her because, in my mind, I was like; "PIZZA? PIZZAAAAaaa AEFBJN OFSRBRKN OYWRN"
You want to add to my sorrow
For like 1 hour, I was there taking the ice-cream bit by bit because, meeeeehn, I am not rushing this thing. I will take my time and enjoy the AC here. I must enjoy my money.
I kept imagining the kind of soup my mother would have cooked with 4,800.
I asked God for forgiveness! Happy weekend lovers don't go forming bougie �� ������
���������
Copied

Bella55555:
this is something a Muslim would never do

Islam and Christianity was brought to us, don't give me that holier than thou attitude, it will get you no where

...

Copied: we need to laugh in the midst of......
SENATE SCREENING MEMORY LANE IN 1999
Then President Obasanjo sent his list of ministerial nominees to the Senate for confirmation. Senator Evans Enwerem was Senate President then.
The nominee from Abia State was Chief Ojo Maduekwe.
The three senators from Abia State then were:
1. Senator Ike NWACHUKWU - Abia North
2.Senator Dr. Bob John NWANNUNU - Abia Central
3.Senator Adolphus WABARA - Abia South.
The day Chief Ojo Maduekwe appeared at the Senate for screening, something interesting happened.
After his introduction and initial remarks, Senator Ike Nwachukwu spoke in support of his nomination, followed by Senator Adolphus Wabara.
After that, Senator Bob Nwannunu wanted to speak and the Senate President interjected and said:
"Since we have heard from NWACHUKWU, the son of God and we have heard from NWAGBARA, the son of Satan, I don't think that NWANNUNU, the son of bird will have a different view".
The entire Senators burst into laughter and Chief Ojo Maduekwe was asked to take a bow and leave.
Laugh it out. It's good to enjoy each day with good dosage of laughter.

Nairalanders no get joy

There is no happiness; there are only moments of happiness. The secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of everyday. There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy. Life only comes around once, so do whatever makes you happy, and be with whoever makes you smile. Happy Sunday people, and do have a great week ahead.

Only one igbo man

ClintonNzedimma:
If Zlatan comes to your house, you are the guest


Zlatan lost his Virginity before his parents


Zlatan kicked a horse neck, the horse descendants were known as girrafes

The father's name of Zlatan is Zlatan Junior.


One day Zlatan missed two days in a row in the school. Later on, these days were called Saturday and Sunday.


Oxygen needs Zlatan to survive

One day Zlatan did a test in a lie detector machine. The machine confessed everything.


When he was 10 years old, Zlatan decided to live by himself. And his parents just moved to another house


In school teachers used to raise their hands to talk with Zlatan.


Zlatan doesn't call the wrong number. You
answer the wrong phone.


Zlatan beat Monalisa in a staring
competition


Before Mark Zuckerberg coded facebook, he already had a friend request from Zlatan


Zlatan Gmail account is gmail@zlatan.com


When Zlatan was young, his parents used to sleep on his bed when they were scared.


When Zlatan Ibile saw Zlatan , He went back home as Ibile


When Zlatan gave a handshake to Banky W, Banky W started plaiting dada


When nairaland moves Zlatan topic to front page, they experience server error.

When Zlatan saw Naira Marley's soapy dance, he was disgusted, EFCC called Naira Marley back


When Wizkid met Zlatan, He became WizMan


When Zlatan wanted to vote, INEC servers started working


When Zlatan visited Aso Rock, Buhari was not lifeless


When Zlatan entered BBnaija, he evicted Big Brother.


When Zlatan came to game of thrones, Tyrion Lannister became a tall person

When Zlatan entered X-factor, he voted Simon Cowell out


When Zlatan is watching a movie with people at Silverbird cinema, and his phone rings, he pauses the movie

When Zlatan met Frank Edoho, the show was renamed Who wants to be a Zlatannaire


When Zlatan wants to write an exam, he is the one invigilating the invigilator

When Zlatan saw Local Man Can Can, Zlatan was still not impressed

Cos local man dy craze

April4:
Hmmm
I'm a Chelsea fan
To think that our user name is almost alike
Are you thinking what am thinking.
Lol

Shoot your shot nwanne

This is naija

Will there be a november batch this year

....

Chidi Ilogebe (NANS VP) was arrested on petition written against him by Madonna University for speaking out against the illegal detention of Students of Madonna for more than 4 months.

Chidi Ilogebe (Vice President, National Association of Nigerian Students) and former S.A to Enugu State Government on Student affairs was arrested around 11 pm on the 24th of June 2019 and is being detained in SARS HQ Abuja. It was the members of the special tactical squad from the office of the IGP alongside sars Enugu, so they detained him at sars office in Enugu then left for Abuja this morning (Tuesday 25th June) by 5:55am.

This action ws instigated by the recent warnings issued on the 12th of June 2019, during a peaceful protest by NANS led by Comr. Chidi to the Management of the Madonna University over the injustice mated on their students who have been behind bars for months now.
His arrest was orchestrated by a petition written by Madonna University.

Two weeks ago he granted a press interview at Federal High Court Awka and subsequently through other media outlets. Prior to this some students of Madonna have been in prison for criticism against Madonna University.
Their bail has been surrounded with so much controversy. These students were charged to Court for criticising the University on Social Media particularly "WhatsApp".
Chidi Ilogebe continued his agitation for their release, he has granted several interviews on this issue through various media outlets. The Students in question have been i detention for more than 4months.
Due to the present circumstance i felt constrained to inform the general public that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Please fellow nigerians, please help draw the attention of the government, catholic church, and relevant authorities to this, and help retweet on tweeter #freechidiilogebe.
Moderator, pls front page.

The yearly earnings of the Argentine forward have been used to emphasise the pay gap between sex.

Messi's $84m income highlighted by United Nations in attack on women footballers' pay
Kieran Francis
@kieran_francis
Last updated 50 minutes ago

The yearly earnings of the Argentine forward have been used to emphasise the pay gap between sexes

UN Women, an entity of the United Nations, has highlighted the yearly earnings of Barcelona superstar Lionel Messi as an example in their campaign to reduce the wage gap between men and women in sport.

The intergovernmental organisation utilised their Facebook page to highlight the US$84 million-a-year income from his salary, bonuses, commercial deals and other payments being nearly double of the combined annual wage ($42.6m) of the 1,693 women footballers in the top seven leagues.

"One male soccer player makes almost double the combined salaries of all players in the top seven women's soccer leagues," the UN post read.
During the Women's World Cup 2019, join UN Women in demanding equal pay for women in sport."

Pay discrimination has been a hot topic during the Women's World Cup in France, with 28 U.S. women's national team players currently embroiled in a lawsuit with U.S. Soccer over wage issues.

The lawsuit, which was filed in March, is being led by current USWNT stars Alex Morgan, Megan Rapinoe, Carli Lloyd and Becky Sauerbrunn.

They are seeking financial damages and a stop to "discriminatory practices" allegedly used by the US football governing body in regards to salaries.

U.S. Soccer, which disputes the charges of gender discrimination, has agreed to a mediation hearing with the aggrieved players that is scheduled to be held at the conclusion of the World Cup.

The USWNT are into the quarter-finals of the tournament and will face hosts France in Paris on June 28, with the winner to face England or Norway women in the semi-finals.

tstx:
It's like you don't know how to count....

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