₦airaland Forum

SAMBARRY:
You don't train kids by force. You raise them with extreme patience and love. She's a child and not some child slave labourer. There's a difference between the both

You are right, that's the reason why after 3 weeks when things didn't fall in place I quietly returned her. It's easier said than done. May God give us the grace to raise our kids properly. I never used her for child slave labour. A girl child needs to b groomed properly otherwise she won't b able to keep her home. Maybe having a stable health would have helped. When a child says sorry, thank u n please easily, it pushes u to love more n b more patient. When my child dares me, he or she faces the consequences with love.

Training someone else's child is not a do or die affair. When things become difficult quietly withdraw

SAMBARRY:
You're thrice her age, are you people doing competition? Please listen to tearoses a woman who is a mother of a 12 year old girl

so tell me when you were her age were you doing all the things you are imposing on her? No lies please

Yeah, when she is my child I will b fulling involved. The fact is I can't stand disobedient kids. I easily cut them off, she lies occasionally.

@ SAMBARRY, it means these our young ones are loosing it.
Unfortunately I didn't have a younger one. At 11, I was already going to the market to buy my stuff,
washing plates neatly n sweeping. Also prepare little meal whenever the chance comes up. I spent weekends n vacations with relatives n friends n also took correction whenever the need arises. I see why we have more crimes now. She's not yet a teenager yet she can't be curb. If they can't b controlled now, is it when they get into the university we can control them? In fashola ' s voice E ko o ni baje o. I won't let her become ruined in my house.

Ewuro4:
I stopped reading your post after first paragraph.

OP Sweetheart .. 11yrs old are mostly untidy so don't take it personal. thought I was doing something wrong as a parent until I approached other moms with similar age groups. It's a disaster I tell you. So you either live with her flaws and correct her with love until she outgrows it or just send her back to avoid losing it on her.

My throat hurts as I type you have no idea

Thanks, she is in her house warming up. Did u read her disobedience n disrespect attitude. Some 11 years old look after their siblings properly Check with some female children. When u beat ur child with cane or wire people call it discipline but a WARD it's called maltreatment. She leaks milk n milo. IMAGINE just two persons n it's not our regular breakfast yet the second container is down. I was grooming her to be organise but it seems I was. ...

@ GHOJES, thanks. I couldn't take her home because of my legs . currently I don't even drive. So called on Friday told them I may not b around for some time n she can't stay alone. So someone came to pick her on saturday. I was also thinking of picking her again n will introduce all that before picking her. Nevertheless when I resume church will discuss with her mum, n I will make her testify in my presence. I got a return call of gratitude from her dad.

@ armyofone n salsera thanks. It could be because we are not biologically related.

atospet:
Mrs OP shouldn't forget that she's just 11. She's still a child.

That's the reason why I sought support but most of us here suggested I return her . Thanks

tearoses:
Please this girl is only 11
I have a 12 year old daughter too so I know exactly what they can and cannot do
You are expecting her to reason like an adult . . .she is a kid

By the grace of God, you will have your own kids too and one day when that girl is 11, you will look back and say, so my own child can do this

Start again please
You sound like you really want to make a positive difference in this kids life
You need to be the adult here
You pull small, you push small
I go to my daughters room and lie on her bed and we both watch tv together . . .at the same time I am telling her that her room is untidy and where to place things.
Kids need Love, direction and firmness.
The adult needs to balance it
The adult also has to remember that they are dealing with a kid whose brain and physical features are still in development. There is no way my daughter can clean dishes as well as I can. Her hands are much smaller for a start and the sink is much higher for her (most probably more uncomfortable) than it is for me
shey you get what I am saying

Thanks very much. She does all these things at home. I asked her what she can do n she told me. My anger is her disobedience n disrespect . I am thrice her age. The least thing I expect was respect. If u read my post, I spoke to her softly like a mother to her child. I realised that first week since I was always in bed, she does what ever she likes. When she served me food I was surprised when she gave me half fish n when I requested she said she said she shared it.
I understand she's a kid n could b naughty. My health is improving by the grace of God.
I will b visiting this section more to learn. Kids are different. Some needs tlc while some needs iron hand. That is left to her parents

@ Amazebell, atospet n GHojes thanks so much. Now I have to admit raising kids is a difficult task especially when you didn't start parenting them from the beginning. Thank God I didn't use hard words or cane on her.

@Captainswag225, thanks. My husband is not around. I have returned her. Will stay by myself. Thanks . I didn't discuss with her parents but I feel they were probably nurtured. She told me that her sister grumbled at her mum n the mum threw padlock at her. If anything comes up, I will discuss with her

@ Dominique thanks

cococandy:
She's a child.
If you're looking for help while convalescing, get an adult pls.
If you took her because you think she's smart and will be a nice ward to raise, then Treat her like your one child. What would you do if your own child gets back home late from school? Expect them to come clean and cook? Yes? No?

Thank god you've returned her to her parents.
Look for an adult next time.

Thanks, pls read my post again. I live in two bedroom duplex. because of my legs I come down once a day. I make the stew n soup. I cant not stand for long. Boiling rice that we both will eat is it too much? She never swept my whole house n I never made her mop n she does these things at home. My children will work n clean. I was groomed properly. I have never had a help, I do my chores myself. My anger is her disobedience n disrespect. I will discipline my children. I was willing to pay for her school bus but her school doesn't have one. I paid for her transport everyday while she treks to school at home. Thanks once more, before she pushes ME to become a monster I returned her . I don't need an adult because I am recovering. For the record she never went to school late n when I couldn't go to her school to pay her fees I sent an elderly person. I treated her like my daughter. When she returns late, it's just to warm soup n pick Fufu n sleep.
I even wash her plates n tidy the house when she doesn't do it

I have reunited her with her family. Thank God

@ SAMBARRY, Ambient n demmie1 thank you all. Thanks for the response.

@ SAMBARRY, Shebarh, Emilyone,Ambient and Amyofone Emotions are coming in. I told her she will b home tomorrow morning, her response was if you will b away when will u b back n my response was can't tell but may not be around for some time. After a while she was cold n when I asked her why she said she doesn't want to go home.

@Shebarh thanks. Arrangement has been made.she will b picked tomorrow

@ SAMBARRY, thanks. When next I will follow due process like giving out my rules n regulations

@ emilyone Yeah thanks,I am waiting upon the lord for kids n my husband is not around. So practically just the two of us. She also told me I don't allow her visit her friends n vice versa.,I am a reserve person n I live in an estate. Children don't play outside. When she told me that I bought her ludo game n when she requested for my phone n laptop for game I told her no,I don't play games with them.the ludo game is for weekend. First week with she was watching African magic I made her see reasons why she should listen to news and watch other children educating channels. She wakes at night to watch film but I also stopped her.
This morning I woke up early to pray at 5 am and I noticed she was bathing. I asked her what are u supposed to do in the morning n she said wash plates n sweep n bath n eat. Yesterday she did the same thing n I corrected her . Then I told when it's early u can read till 6am before anything. She said she doesn't read .
Her siblings visit her weekends. My church is close to the house and her house is also not far from mine say 300m/200m.

@ SAMBARRY thanks. I only told her to live with me for some time without promises. I am a teacher in children's church. I am trying to make her comfortable. I never lured her. If I had known she stays late in school till 6pm I would have given it a second thought. Her absence made me stronger.i told her the person I know in church is different from the person living with me. Thanks.
You are right.i am considering returning her today or tomorrow. Living with me would have changed her future. Though I am not God but would have tried my best.
Since I am not a fan of using cane on wards, I will return her before she pushes ME . THANKS. Really learning

@ armyofone Yeah you are right . Thanks but I felt being soft n explaining like a mother will help. When I asked her why she isn't obedient, she said she doesn't know why

Yeah you are right . Thanks but I felt being soft n explaining like a mother will help.

@ Ambient thanks for your reply

Desperation

@ Ginababy congrats. God has remembered u n praises with never cease in your mouth

Good morning,
I picked up a ward from my church three weeks ago. I picked interest in her because she is from a not to do well background n intelligent . My main reason for bringing her was because I was having some health challenge n for now I am alone. She is eleven, 4 feet tall n in J's s3.
The first week I explained things to her because of the different back ground. In the Night I instruct her on the meal we are having for breakfast. She can boil yam,rice, indomie but I prepare the soup n stew.my major challenge was my legs but I am better now.she sweeps once in two days. The kitchen is always left unkept n sitting room not properly swept. I felt with time she will fall in place. I make her happy. Give her food n snacks money. Mondays, Wednesdays n Thursday she closes by 5.30pm and get home by 6pm. So my first week after the hospital was hell. Will remain in bed till she returns. The first week of leaving with me I bought her books.
Second week, she still hadn't change. She messes the toilet, polishes her shoes in the sitting room n fetches water with bucket from the drum. I remember scolding her n asking her twice if she wants to return to her parents n her response was no. Then when I saw her washing her teeth with drinking glass I was unhappy because I have pleaded with her n told her its wrong. On Saturday I told her mop but don't sweep because it may b stressful . After that i told her wash ur clothes n urtoilet .she lamented. Meanwhile I was struggling with washing mine.she said she wants to go. I have never flogged her or raised my hands on her. My husband instructed me to pay her fees first before letting her go.

Week three, I now feel better,I sweep n wash my plates while she is there n even clean up she will just b there watching tv.i gave her instructions. Provision stays a month because I buy monthly but this is the second provision n it's down. Now she wakes up n nothing left to do because i would her done all that needs to be done but she still doesn't sweep .I also stopped her from cooking rice or yam. Just her indomie or bread n tea then snacks n transport money to school. Yesterday I called her to run an errand. She stayed for twenty minutes n when I asked her what she was doing she said she was lying down.
I am tired n want to send her back. I have done the little by paying her fees n buying her book. At least a relieve from her parents shoulders. She wakes n doesn't sweep even if that is the only chores, except instructed.
What should I do? Moreover I no longer like her because she doesn't take instructions.

@ beauty ashes congratulations. ....may ur baby continue to flourish n blossom.

I think it's about time we deny some Nigerian. ....especially those in diaspora messing up

9 blocks

@ icebox congratulobia. I am happy for u . wishing u healthy N happy nine months

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@ Godmercy2015 congratulobia.....shame to the devil n victory to God. All glory goes to God almighty.

We are expecting more 20/30 names. With God all things are possible