Ishilove:

Sometimes, we need to examine ourselves. How is your tone of voice? How opinionated are you? You strike me as stubborn. Wisdom is learning how and when to capitulate for peace to reign. If they don't agree with your viewpoint, you will 'kweri no'yibo_ ko na' as they say in my language. Trans- "agree to the white man so he can stop bothering us."

In colonial times the white man came with his funny nasal language and just kept bothering us with his strange ideas that just didn't make sense.

He kept on saying in that infernal nasal voice "good good, yah yah. You say what? Interpreter, why are they shaking their heads like that? Why are their smiles so fixed?? Do they agree? What are their opinions?"

Instead of arguing back and forth with these bothersome white men, my people simply "kweri no'yibo_ ko na."

Agreeing to them didn't mean we were going to abide by whatever agreement. We just wanted them to go away with their pale faces, high pitched, nasal voices that spat out gibberish, aka oyibo.

You must learn to capitulate and stop being so stubborn, with your irksome tone of voice. it runs off the wrong way. Keeping silent doesn't make you a fool. It just means you will have a little peace until you are back on your turf where you can practice your social and emotional distancing.

Also most times my facial expression betrays my tone of voice. If something irks me it shows on my face especially when someone says something that I dont agree with. Or is that why they feel I am proud?

Koralords:

Family is the most Important thing we all have,don’t rush into any decision now believe me latter you will all laff over it cos there no way both of your parents will want to lead you astray
Cos if you have any problem this your family will be by your side.

They are not leading me astray, they are draining me mentally, emotionally and psychologically. To the point I feel I am running mad. This isnt a one-off situation. It is something I have lived with growing up. Many times I have regretted been born, many times I had wished I could sleep and not wake up. The only thing that keeps me going each day is my Job. Sometimes I wonder what I will do without it. Don't get me wrong my parents have been supportive, monetarily but what I feel is far above money. I have never been enough, why must I be the model for the community, teenagers around, church members etc.
It is not only about being at my side, It is about understanding the child. A child that was never close to you while growing up can't open up to you now just because you want them too. The point where I dread picking up their calls because I don't know what to expect. I prefer it to ring and call back 2 days after than pick. I prefer to be indoors than outside where my every move, words or actions will be picked on and expanciated to be discussed and analyzed.

thorpido:
You actually can do better than this.You don't have to be on the 'highway' all the time.
In your home now,the major issue I believe will be chores.As long as you are in the home,help out.Take responsibility.
Try to be a part of the family in activities.It doesn't mean you have to agree with them in everything but you can meet them in the middle.
It's to make you a better person for yourself first,your family and the society at large.

The chores in my house are unending. The issue I have now like always is that I can't seem to get anything right, I am like the bad influence to my younger brother, I can't have opinion about anything, I can't even cook water. I can promise to invite you for a meal and if you agree that I can't cook, I will go for cooking class on me. I get blamed for every kitchen disaster, I get blamed for not having a husband even though it is about religion. I can't even say I am sick because no one believes me. Everyone believes because I have a job, I am trying to be bossy. I have tried to understand why they feel I am proud, researched about it, tried everything, spoken to people, asked for opinions but all I get is that I act manly.

I hardly sleep at night because I cant sleep, awake as late as 2-4am and you expect me to wake by 6am, I resume work at 9am and I never go late, I close by 4/5pm, head to the Lagos Island to package orders for my business and reach home by earliest 8pm. I really feel tired of being a better person for anyone other than myself at this point. Family activities are for bringing out the faults in you, how you did not respond well, how you are acting like a bad child. We have the whole day as we are indoors due to lockdown, why must I follow a schedule when I can freelance? Why must everything be by force?
So sorry I typed too much.

Ishilove:

Sometimes, we need to examine ourselves. How is your tone of voice? How opinionated are you? You strike me as stubborn. Wisdom is learning how and when to capitulate for peace to reign. If they don't agree with your viewpoint, you will 'kweri no'yibo_ ko na' as they say in my language. Trans- "agree to the white man so he can stop bothering us."

In colonial times the white man came with his funny nasal language and just kept bothering us with his strange ideas that just didn't make sense.

He kept on saying in that infernal nasal voice "good good, yah yah. You say what? Interpreter, why are they shaking their heads like that? Why are their smiles so fixed?? Do they agree? What are their opinions?"

Instead of arguing back and forth with these bothersome white men, my people simply "kweri no'yibo_ ko na."

Agreeing to them didn't mean we were going to abide by whatever agreement. We just wanted them to go away with their pale faces, high pitched, nasal voices that spat out gibberish, aka oyibo.

You must learn to capitulate and stop being so stubborn, with your irksome tone of voice. it runs off the wrong way. Keeping silent doesn't make you a fool. It just means you will have a little peace until you are back on your turf where you can practice your social and emotional distancing.

Yes, I totally understand you. My tone of voice is totally always annoying most times because I am annoyed that they don't understand me and always try to impose everything on me. From my course of study in school to how I dress, to the people I talk to, to how I must behave, to me not staying in my room, to how I can't listen to music at a certain time, when I must wake up, down to how I must worship God etc. I have really tried to keep smiling throughout my years but it just seems I have gotten to this point where I am fed up of everything. The only major joy I have is derived from my Job. I love my job.

crackland:

At least you have not gotten pregnant outside wedlock yet, you can't be that bad.

People with strong personalities are often made out to be the bad ones because they are intimidating to those around them. I can sense you might have a strong personality and it rubs off on people the wrong way.

Try to be more agreeable on the surface even if you know the person is full of shít deep down - it makes people feel less threatened around you.
You simply don't need to act disobedient, unruly, or proud all the time. Identify the people in your life who have these impressions of you and actively do things that make them feel more comfortable and in charge even though you know deep in your mind that you are just letting them think they're in charge for peace to reign... trust me it works.

You'll be fine.

I have never gotten pregnant, reported for immoral conduct, being found doing anything bad but I am always wrong.
However, I have been found to be making decisions like a man, be too independent and my wings needing to be cut.

Ishilove:

Okay. So this is where the problem is.

Endure till the end of lockdown, pack your kaya back to your house and love them from afar. Life is not that hard.

Enduring is the problem o. It looks like my battery keeps running down and I am wondering if it is the battery or charger. I have been here but suddenly it looks like I dont have the strength anymore with the constant words and talks I am hearing. I am constantly being guilt tripped.

sassysure:

Then, u can still make up with them.

It's lack of understanding and proper communication from both sides. And sometimes it pays to say yes and let peace reign until u are free to be your own person

GoodGood luck

I am sure I have a problem with this particular. I don't know how to say yes to allow for peace because I feel I have said too many yes to allow for the cycle to continue. Communication is two sided, two people communicating to come to an agreement of some sort, not one sided where one person does all the talking. I appreciate your input a lot.

thorpido:
I really don't know you enough to say this but a part of me thinks this opinion of you by them isn't too far from the truth.I feel you chose to be rebellious for some reason that may be your parents' fault while you were growing up but that has ruined your relationship with them.

It's good also you admit being stubborn and hard hearted.Has this nature helped you in your relationships with other people apart from your parents?
Why did your relationship with your boyfriend end?

I think you can be a better person than you are presently.No one is perfect but I feel you can build better relationships.......with your parents and others.

He cheated a second time and I couldn't take it.
I was immature and didn't know what I wanted.
We wanted different things especially when it came with finances, raising a family, where to settle down etc. He wasn't ready to settle down with me, I really didn't have a close relationship with anyone especially family and friends. I couldn't build relationships because I didn't trust anyone. I really don't think I am proud, may be hard to deal with, and stubborn.
I hardly talk at home but a talkative outside. They believe I snub people but I try to avoid people because I usually go from one wahala to another. From they said, she said, we heard her say to the point where I decide to say only what I can repeat. The fear of being misinterpreted has kept me from building relationships.

merieam16:
u got me laughing really, just calm down.On a more serious note, u cant love independence wen ur still under ur parent roof .i guess u got d drift.

Really, I am not under their roof. I went home because of Covid-19. You get the drift now. I have been living far from their roof for at least 6 years now.

MrBrownJay1:
what about walking away, and remove them from your life completely...

Working on that too.

merieam16:
why do u wana disown ur biological parents? Are they pressurizing u on somthing?
Are u married?
Are u grown and also responsible? cos dez definitely sumtin fishy nd wrong.

Come wat may, u dont av the right to disown ur parent.just forgive them and move on

I am 29, single, a no-good child, have a job and business. I think I am responsible except you have parameters for me to measure it. I dont really like being dictated to about my life, strong willed, stubborn, perceived to be proud, loved by most of my colleagues even the one I fight with, blunt, I can give my last kobo to people, outgoing outside but introverted around family, extremely playful outside. There is no chores I cant do but i am a firm believer in free will and I love independence.
Yes, I can disown whoever I need to even though this is Africa.

Saintmary:

Just as there is a lot of pressure on the first sons and only sons in African households, there is the same amount of pressure on first and only daughters. It's your job to be the second mummy in the house minus the perks of a wife, you must be perfect, you are the unpaid househelp, the cook, cleaner, laundrywoman, you must chose the perfect angel of a man, marry the best man in your parents' perception, till you find one, you can stay single for all they care, they'll not help you find one but will haraunge you for being single. You must pick up after your brothers without complaints etc. Feel free to add the rest.
You're not alone dear.
Tell your parents you will do what you can, help out around the house for this short time, when you're tired, say it and go straight to your room but never let a day go by without you helping out. Block your ears to their insults, transfer some money and airtime to them occasionally, go out to the pharmacy and buy some few cool stuff for them. Trust me, it will reduce. Hang in there.

Thanks, I really appreciate you. The fact that there I keep hearing that there is nothing I know how to do. I am viewed as not religious which I really don't want to be. You are not allowed to have an opinion or say. I am perceived as rude because of the tone of my voice, I am belittled every single day. I look more like the black ship even extended family capitalise on that to say, Oh! she is no good, she is this and that. I am drained and in other not to tarnish the name I feel it will be better to legally remove it. I am actually thinking of seeing a psychologist too and decide if I should go ahead with it. Lets I forget, it is my fault that I am still single because I didnt marry my ex of 6 years and no one will marry a bad person like me. Thanks

Saintmary:

Are you the first daughter?

Only

sassysure:
U are a lesbian,right?

You should have hidden who u are and look for way to travel out and then be free to do as u want.

The last people on earth to accept homo are nigerians.

Lesbian bawo? No I am not, far from it.

frozen70:


If you disown your family, which family do you want to adopt or you want to be alone

You should have identified the source of your drainage and bring it here

You can rent an apartment and start a new life if you feel that your family is responsible for your dwindling life

If you dis own them that means, even in your village, you are alone with no kins men attached to

Think Well about it

Okay,thanks

RisenPhoenix:
Don't take everything others say about you to heart. Learn to smile, swallow the resentment and to press the 'don't save' button in your memory. You are no longer a baby.

Thanks. The funny thing is people around me feel I am too playful because I have tried so hard to put it behind but family members think otherwise. I am almost believing I have a problem.

faithfull18:

I do understand, don't mind me though. The way you put it was just kind-of funny because in this part of the world, it's rare to see an African child voice out about disowning their parents.

If I can come out, you should understand that I am drained. Extremely drained. I grew up believing I am the problem. I just want to be guilt free.

faithfull18:
Lol , this Op is funny.

You won't understand. May never will. Don't ever pray to be emotionally drained.

thorpido:
'Some mothers do have them.....' but some children also do have them.
Op,no matter how bad you may think your parents are,there is a way around it rather than thinking of disowning them.
We don't know your story except you spill it but still don't make a rash decision.

I dread going home, I keep my shoulders high out of fear of what next I am going to do wrong and get beaten for it. I isolate myself because I don't want to get in trouble or say something bad. However, I am highly outspoken, playful, annoying. They aren't bad actually, they don't understand me and I don't understand them either. They have their opinions and I have mine but no matter what, we haven't been able to understand each other. Dialogue hasn't worked. I don't want them to disown me but I want to severe ties so I don't run mad. It's always like I am not enough, I can never do anything right. Religiously, I am a failure because I am not spiritual. Also, I may never get married because of this. At this point, what I care most about is me and my job.

crackland:
You don't need to disown them, you only need to make good of yourself, get comfortable, and own your shít.

If you want to get married, make sure you marry a man 10x more wealthy than your father.
I assure you, you will become the star-child of the family.

Na frustration make dem dey worry your life.

If your parents were well-to-do, they would have found a way to connect you to one of the wealthy friends in their circle to get you a good job which would take you out of their house so they won't be seeing your face again.

Thanks , you made me smile and cry. I am actually not jobless, I have a job that means the world to me but I am tired of being the bad child. The one every family both near and far see as the odd one out. The rebellious one who is disobedient, proud and unruly. The bad influence to the other child. The one that tries to be independent and won't leave her room.

VenusEAGLE:
instead of that try and find a way to get an apartment.
You need a personal place. There is no way you will be staying with your parents at over 27 and you people will not clash.


Find a means to rent a place no matter what it takes

Thanks, I actually have a job and we stay apart. However, I went home due to the covid19 lockdown and things haven't changed within us.
They feel I am proud, disobedient and wayward. All I have ever tried to do was please them. I am not perfect, I am stubborn, hard hearted, kind, firm in my decisions and highly opinionated. Abused at 8, psychologically abused from young till now. Thanks for your comment

Life can be exciting and funny

dominique:


Read the story well. There was nowhere it was stated that the tenant was owing rent, she only refused to pay the power bills because the evil landlord connected the pumping machine to her apartment. Who will accept such? If it's a prepaid meter the apartment is using, it will be very unfair if one tenant have to pay for the water the entire house is using. Pumping machine consumes a lot of power units, she may have to pay double of the power she's consuming because the landlord wanted to play a fast one on her. Attacking her like that further goes to show the kind of deranged human beings the landlord and his wife are. I hope they don't escape this, they must be charged to court and get sentenced to jail

Thank you for this write-up. Whos knows how long the tenant has being paying the electricity bill before she refused to pay. Why will the pumping machine be connected to her apartment. it should have its own meter separate. The landlord is just plainly wicked.

All i see is people insulting each other and dragging one another down. What we fail to realise is this pandemic has gone beyond "God forbid", "our weather is hot", or "we are blacks"
I told people that the number of cases we have in Nigeria is underreported. The government is not straightforward with the exact number of infected people. Nigerians need to wake up to realise that it is here in Nigeria and most people are not showing symptoms at the early stage.
Everyone believes and prays that it won't infect them but we are not prepared for the "what if?"
If Germany or any other country decides to evacuate their citizens from Nigeria, it makes perfect sense.
1)Majority of Nigerians live in denial.
2) Nigeria does not have the capacity to handle the pandemic when it becomes full blown.
3) People infected may look for ways to infect others as no one wants to die alone.
4) Hunger will likely kill more people than the virus.
5) There will be mass breaking and looting of shops and property.
6) Increase in rate of crime.
7) Chaos and insecurity
Foreigners will be easy target and may likely not get the help they need.
Lets stop the name callings and arguments. its really not necessary.

okeyglm:

im an importer.

What do you import? You can beep me on zero 8 one 6 nine 8 seven 2 nine 0 nine

FashionTrend:
Hello I hope you can give me some useful advice on this. I want to start selling thrift/okrika clothes, but only first grade and from UK and US brands. I want to know where i can get a good supplier. I also want to get it from the direct importers so i open the bales when they are first brought in from overseas. Can anyone give me an idea of how much the prices for a top, dress, skirt cost when you are opening the bale. I really need to know where i can get it as well. I know i can get it from yaba but i dont know where in the market i can get it from the direct importers/first source. I also know about katangowa and cotonu. Please i need to someone that knows these markets WELLLL to accompany me. I am willing to pay for your transport and lunch. I really want to start this business but i need to get it at really cheap prices. Looking forward to some useful responses...Thank you!!!

I know of a woman who imports it in herself from germany/uk. You can beep me for her details The details may not be free. Her shop is in Arena, Oshodi.

Haydee0406:
@ajepako, please which part of idumota can I get wholesale bedsheets

Try Tejuosho road/ inside tejuosho or tinubu square.

Bigheart:
I am a student of ABU, want to start selling men underwear. Can someone please recommend a good seller with cheaper price and who can also send it over me.

I can help. You can check my website @ bisalluremart.com
I can help you buy at market price and collect commission.

1-29 February.
Waoh, I am drinking data.

Bahddo:
I believe this. I wanted to buy dettol hand sanitizer on Jumia two days ago as mine was almost finished, but just chilled. It was a pack of 3 for N1,800. I was like the next day I'd see if there's a better deal.

The next morning (yesterday), the news of the Italian guy was out and went viral. When I remembered to go back for the sanitizer, it was now N2,100. I added it to my cart and was about to checkout and saw it was no longer available.

Searched again. The same vendor had increased it to N3,200.

Ok, no wahala. I added it again and again it was not available. I searched again and saw that the eediot had increased it to N3,500.

I just removed it from my cart. Nigerians are mostly greedy persons.

Face Mask sells in Lagos Island today at the rate of 8000 naira for a pack of 50. Hand sanitizer of 700 yesterday sold for 3500 today. That vendor is probably buying from the market, hence the increase. No vex too much.

Mutemenot:
Why not close the shops instead of making this long publications we respect actions in this country...

What government should do is buy it off the market and give out free of charge not implement laws that will kill faster than the virus. If they close the shops, where will they get it from? Government is complaining of increase/ surge in the price but when they increased VAT, they didnt look back.

I need a selfcon or miniflat around surulere: bode thomas, shitta, western avenue or off adeniran ogunsanya. Ebute Metta close to costain is also nice or around stadium Iponri,
Budget is 250-350
Thank You.
I can be contacted thru bisxone@gmail.com or zero 8 one six 9 eight 7 two 9 zero 9