₦airaland Forum

olasmith10:
Suggested names for the baby

If yoloba;
OluwaBRT Onalabi
BRTseyifunmi
BRTsanumi
BRTfoyinsayemi
BRTrinde
BRTunde
BRTunmise
BRTbomilaasiri

If I.gbo
BRTekenedelechucku

Abiona

klassic:
@Op , the problem is 99% your fault and 1% her fault. You have gradually with your incessant complains and comparative life style eroded any self esteem or self worth she has left.
Now lemme explain a little, I suppose from the begining of the courtship/early marriage , it was not so until you gradually made it so.
The major problem is see here is she is never enough in your sight, she is always inferior no matter what she does, you don't ever appreciate her, encourage her, talk nicely to her inner person or make her feel adequate. She is your first daughter as well as your wife. She honestly wanted to her at the initial stage, but you never really sought her ideal on how she wants to live her life as your co-pilot. You have dictacted the direction of her life either because you are domineering and always feels you know better. It only gets worse.
She is at the rebellion stage where she does that which she knows you hate, just to get back to you. You have stripped her of her dignity as a person and this is the only weapon she has left to fight.
From your diction, one could simply infer you are the social type and you ain't proud of her perhaps you married her out of pity cos she sacrificed for you or something not out of unconditional love. You seldomly take her out cos you are afraid she will embarrass you. You are not proud of her enough to showcase her to the world . You want a classy, sexy, brilliant , well read, and perhaps independent woman you will be so proud to showcase to your friends and colleagues at parties , functions, etc.
Truth is you had raw gold and you missed it. I am speaking from experience cos I married an SSCE holder who speaks her mind and I used to feel this way, but I discovered earlier enough I was making a blunder the day she said" I know I will never be adequate for you, I know you won't show me to your friends cos you think I know nothing and can't even speak good english. Anyway live your life, have girlfriends like you have always done and leave me let me be"
That was when I realised I was her mentor, teacher , and what she becomes I have huge role to play.
You have psychologically conditioned her to live the kind of life you think is best for her and not the kind of life she wants. Hope this ain't happening to the kids too?
Keeps your intellectuals out of this, start from this, buy her a trendy cloth with accessories to match on a Friday or so, have someone baby sit your kids, take her to dinner, then to see some Friday night movies or what ever She used to like back then. Just take her out and come back home , book a lodge and have a heart to heart talk with her. Apologise to her cos you owe her one, find out how she wants to live her life. If it's the food stuffs, let her start small, help her manage her sales book not by dictating how it should be done, but by advising and playing a supportive role and watch her grow. After 6 months to a year , rather than give her the rest of the balance to dev into wholesales make it look like a loan from a bank. She must always pay back and motivate her. Stop making her wanna try or live your life . Thanks.

Sorry it's long or I took it personal. I once lived the life of another. @Op , if I came out strong , my aplogies , I feel we should tell ourselves the truth. Divorce is not the answer, I have handled several divorce matters and I came from one technically. It only creates a void nothing can ever fill. Cos you will also admits she has a great side other women don't have. When you see a lady with what your wife lacks, she might not have her good side , and then you want someone with her good side again. It's a rat race. Fix this marriage and make it work. After all the good talk, gradually take her shopping as friends and buy some few clothes .Don't over do this cos soon u will complain she dresses like a harlot cos she might over do it just to please you. Be moderate in all. Thanks.