So funny!

...excellent write-up,very witty & staright to d point. It made me laugh so much I wud say d writer made my evening. I salute yor originality & creativity (esp abt d guy fishing in a pot-hole last week!!!)

kai, abeg no sack me for work ohhhhhh

If someone smashes your car, make sure you position your car in such a way that it will block others and they must come down and see what another animalistic driver has done to you.

'Horn' when the light turns amber even if you are several cars behind the light. The driver next to the light might be asleep, or colour blind, and will appreciate this kind gesture

Horn when nobody is horning, horn when every body is horning, horn when you are scared...jusk keep on horning its also part of ur car

I've never read anything so hilarious in ma lyf.
Headache is hammering my head due to d uncontrollable magnitude of laughter emanating from my buccal cavity

callydon: 25 Rules of driving in Lagos
1. When in doubt, accelerate!

2. Be prepared to ram into anything stopping you that is wearing uniform in Lagos (police,traffic warden, FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO, LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA)

3.If you get caught by any chance, do not allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in do not drive from that spot (veer off traffic & settle promply), and if they don’t agree, pretend that you are calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to any sort of office except you are ready to pay ten times more than what was demanded.

4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date).

5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. Never yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.

6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque.

7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have no brakes.

8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos for 25 years.

9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest you may say!

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week).

12. There is no such thing as “one-way” in Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction at all times. The okada riders are the experts in this area.

13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend your whole Saturday at the panel beater’s place.

14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction first).

15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’.

16. When asking for directions, always ask at least three people. Lagosians always claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to.

17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.

18. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.

19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos.

20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he’s headed ’straight’ and as such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his “horn”.

21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.

22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.

23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

24. In Lagos every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution.

25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tyre!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS
Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous maneouvre.

‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.

‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.

‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.

‘Horn’ when turning into a road.

‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.

‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette.

‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is about.

‘Horn’ when you’re happy.

‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.

Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

'Callydon' explains why this piece is beautifully put together...cant stop laughing.

When a young boy points at your tire that you have a flat tire, accelerate with full force!!!

oh my gost!!!!!!!![color=#000099][/color]

Funnyyyyyyyyy

Bastard! You've made me pee on my pants.

Horns,the powerful musical instruments on Lagos roads.
An entertaining article.

Nice.

26. Beware of those funny trycicles ''napep'' who have managed to stay in bizness becos of naija's lack of tornadoes,they'll drag space wit you and okadamen

so wat happens in this new era of Fashola traffic law, that one way rule is off, abi?

uihebom: When a young boy points at your tire that you have a flat tire, accelerate with full force!!!

Lmao.

Hahahaha. I can't stop laughing. Very hilarious!

Fun and Educative.

uihebom: When a young boy points at your tire that you have a flat tire, accelerate with full force!!!

Dis particular RULE shud be adhered to especially wen U are on a lonely road.

ITbomb: If someone smashes your car, make sure you position your car in such a way that it will block others and they must come down and see what another animalistic driver has done to you.

Yeah,dis rule is very helpful as it'll force other drivers to help in resolving d issue.

Made in lagos traffic rule 26, only lagos drivers do this.

Lagos wahala, Most drivers in Lagos are fustrated, bus condoctors are all sick in the head, % of normal people very low when every body wan try show say KO SI IYA WE RE . God is doing great deeds in lagos. Thank God for Baba FASHOLA..

Danfo aπϑ cab drivers shuld always put on helmet....=)) =)) =)) laffº°˚ ˚°º≈wanº°˚ ˚°º≈tearº°˚ ˚°º≈myº°˚ ˚°º≈belleº°

This is nice.

Ournaija: I think I have read this on Chxta`s blog sometimes in 2010. Laugh almost burst my belly.

Seconded, only I think it was also on nairaland then too.

callydon: 25 Rules of driving in Lagos

9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.


11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week).


19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos.


21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.

22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.

25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tyre!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS
Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous maneouvre.

‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.

‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.

‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.

‘Horn’ when turning into a road.

‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.

‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette.

‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is about.

‘Horn’ when you’re happy.

‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.

Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)). Abeg oooo!!

Those quoted ones had me laughing in public like one stu.pid mumu.

No kill me O abeg.

Nice 1! ;DNice 1!

buhahaha I wan laff ma intestine comot sha. tanx poster

very nicely written!