safeact: Crucify him! crucify him!! crucify him!!! I want to authoritatively tell us that d op is an emotional type and she could get easily irritated when she is in d emotional state. I blv d hubby understands her wify more than everyone of us, therefore, i will profer that she calms down and (stop assuming that d hubby will always read her mind and react perfectly to her)pet him as she makes him understand everthing. I assure her that she will get all d pets she needs in return!
The man might hav been pissed off in one way or d other and d woman is still measuring shoulders with him. Men always want to b on top.so let him feel that he is still on top and u will see d difference.
Am not makin excuses for d man infact, i feel like slappin d hell out of d man but we should know d best genuine help that she could get is from d hubby,afterall, if he didnt love d woman, he wouldnt have married her! Best of luck ma dear fantababy!

yes u ar makn excuse for d man, dont u dare deny it! Oh, puleeease! Did u actually type dat she should pet him? Have u ever been pregnant? Plz, just effn shut up already befor i pour all my anger for dat wicked man on u

dayokanu:

I am the only way. You better join the queue for me. I am the best guy around

U wish.

@ post,

I feel really sorry for this lady cos when she puts to bed, it's likely hubby will not lend a helping hand. *Sad*

it is well wit u. sum husbands can be really insensitive. jst try and be strong for urself and ur unborn baby. d lord is ur strength.

sometimes, all we need to do during trying times is to stop explaining, complaining, struggling, trying harder and start PRAYING. if ur husband fails to give u all the love u need right now, there is a greater Husband Who LOVES u with an everlasting LOVE, He is ever ready to pamper u anytime of d day, all u need to do is just to ask HIM. i pray that on ur day of delivery, u ll deliver like d hebrew women in jesus name, amen.

Heck: Mod All these pictures are distractions. My dear OP look at yourself again. The guy is right, you are not the first to get pregnant. remember this guy is marrying for the first time, you are also being a wife for the first time. You are the first babe he is living with in such strange mood swings. He is seeing your disfigured shape for the first time. He is trying to cope with his new experience, but you are not letting him. your man may not be the best of men, certainly he is not the worst. YOU NAG A LOT. The pictures you paint here brings my MADAM RIGHT WIFE to the fore. Your man gets moody too.

Pregnancy is challenging, no doubt. Being loved is different from being pampered. If he cooks for you today, any day he fails to cook, NTA will read it. In between your lines, I can read that he loves you. Only play boys pamper. Real men love and care. Drop that pampering demand please. the chase is long over. You are now husband and wife, not boyfriend and girlfriend. We have three kids, I can't remember ever boiling water for my wife; though we had a helper. Good, you often apologize after accusing him falsely that he is into extra marital game. Those who play about don't show the babes to their wives. Wake up. Melancholy or whatever is an academic path for sympathy. My grand mother who equally was, knew no such, yet coped.

Please may this be the only side advise you are seeking about your marriage. Never bring any third party into your home else prepare in time to join the long list of divorced babes. Start the pampering, may be he will learn. Any how, think of a helper and do not run your mouth. Good luck.

na wa o! Is d husband ur brother? U ar siding him too much. 'falsely accused' how do u know dat, sir?

my dear God ill be wit u i don't kn y men are dis heartless my hubby travel a week to my edd & there was no One wit me but as God ill have it he came back on sunday & i gave birth on tue thru cs even at dat he did Not allow my mum to come cos she left our wedding venue witout taking enf pics .

ifyalways: Btw,how's the se.x life?no more kpekusing

Hey!!! That's pikin-cidal....errm sorry.. I mean homicidal!!!

As much as i want to sympathise with the op on this case,her previous thread makes me feel like she's getting what she asked for..

"But he is not satisfied with my looks. Between August last yr and this yr, we have seen 4 times and each visit, we spend quality time together. But the issue is that he keeps complaining about my weight. Everytime we chat or speak, he is always so particular about if am still on the diet and if I exercised. I have been on a diet and joined a gym. I have come down from a US size 14 to size 12.
I told him he was putting so much pressure on me and he shld stop asking me about my weight.
Before our introduction in April this yr, I asked him if he was sure it was me he wanted, he said yes but that his fear was I wld eventually look older than him.
Just last weekend, he complained that some of his friends saw  my picture and said I was fat and look older than him. He said he felt bad and that he does not want this to happen again. That I shld make sure I exercise everyday and loose the weight before November. "

op,you saw it coming,saw all the pointers..you knew he was a bully,insensitive and a jerk but still plunged into it.
This to me seems like the beginning of your woes given your husband's issue with your weight before now and his interest in other people's opinions of his wife.
Other posters have said all you need to lift your spirit and live for yourself and your baby.
I pray you continually have the strength to get through this period and any other future troubles.
Goodluck!

@chaircover
sorry to stalk you@but did you see my mail?

slimyem: As much as i want to sympathise with the op on this case,her previous thread makes me feel like she's getting what she asked for.. op,you saw it coming,you knew he was a bully,insensitive and a jerk but still plunged into it.
This to me seems like the beginning of your woes given your husband's issue with your weight before now and his interest in other people's opinions of his wife.
Other posters have said all you need to lift your spirit and live for yourself and your baby.
I pray you continually have the strength to get through this period and any other future troubles.
Goodluck!

And yet the torch-wielding NL villagers were planning to burn me at the stake when I told it as it is, that these are traits she would have seen BEFORE tying the knot.
If someone has issues with your body and it's (definite) curve potential before you married him, there is no way he would magically change and not have issues with it after you start dropping engines!!!

Personally, to me, there's nothing wrong with a size 12, but each guy is different. Some like their women thin as rails and some like them anorexic...to each his own.
KNOW your man before you let him put a ring on it, and if you let him, don't start crying if he shows you what you have already known about him from the get go!!!

It is well with you.

OP: them force you to marry?

jennykadry: WTH? do we still have men like this OP's husband on this planet earth?

Tis is effing annoying, what nonsense. How selfish can a man be? Don't you have shine shine bobo bottle to break his head with when he starts his rubbish?

Haba what is this? a man that cannot cook for his pregnant wife. What a jerk

I am honestly depressed on your behalf

Why are you always on the wait to pounce on anything negative said about men? Wether fiction or fact?
Do you really believe that a man could come back from work, see her pregnant wife curled up in bed, make only his own food, eat it and go to bed?
Believe that and you can believe anything.

ZUBY77:

Why are you always on the wait to pounce on anything negative said about men? Wether fiction or fact?
Do you really believe that a man could come back from work, see her pregnant wife curled up in bed, make only his own food, eat it and go to bed?
Believe that and you can believe anything.

So the OP's lying?

Just for the records,I've seen a man beat up his heavily pregnant wife,even kicked her a couple of times on the tummy.

freecocoa: So the OP's lying?

Just for the records,I've seen a man beat up his heavily pregnant wife,even kicked her a couple of times on the tummy.

All ideas come about through some sort of
observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or
emotion causes a reaction in the other person.

fantababy: Dear All,

I am a regular visitor to Nairaland, but I have not been able to post / comment for a long time because I could not remember my password.

I want to vent my depression as I have no one to talk to, would try to make this as short as possible. To start with, my temperament is melancholy. Melancholies struggle with periods of depression & bitter sweet moments. Words count with us and we hurt easily.

I am 9 months pregnant, and combining this current status with my temperament has not been easy. Pregnancy on its own is not an easy journey and it is sad when your hubby does not understand this. I have a fantastic hubby, but these past 9 months have been challenging & more depressing for me because he expects me to be a super woman. I think this is very selfish, mean and cruel.

I am a full time working lady & very hard working, am not boasting about it. All through my pregnancy, I ensured that I did not allow the sickness associated with pregnancy to slow me down. I always cooked & went to the market myself. My hubby goes to work with lunch and eats every night. The very few times when am unable to make his dinner, due to extreme fatigue, my dear hubby wears a long face & prepares only his own food, without asking me if I have eaten. I find that very selfish, but I have bottled it up. Imagine, me curled up in bed, too tired & hungry, and my dear hubby goes into the kitchen, prepares something, and eats alone, without looking at me twice. He makes very annoying statements, like “am pretending or am I the first pregnant woman!”

All through this pregnancy, I have suffered extreme pelvic pain, waist pain & swellings. My feet size went from size 39 – 42. I feel pains standing for more than 10 mins, but I bear it all & pretend, least my hubby makes more annoying statement. I can cope with the physical pains, but I cannot combine this with verbal abuse & emotional pain. I get really uncomfortable most times, and simply requests like pls turn off the AC, give me your pillow, pls open the windows are met with negative responses most times or done grudgingly. Even a simple massage request is always done in such haste.

This is my first pregnancy, and right now, I am extremely emotional. My mother is late and I miss her terribly. My family have only supported through phone calls. I feel sad, that my hubby has never volunteered to assist with the groceries or making breakfast / lunch / dinner/ laundry. Etc. I have asked for assistance a couple of times and I get a NO.

Am due in about 2 weeks and I am so anxious & scared. My pelvic pains are so extreme that they keep me awake most nights, most times I cry at night. I can’t turn and walk with so much difficulty. Last Sunday, I had to scream at him, that I want to be pampered. He was saying a lot of hurtful things and I had to plead that he should keep quiet least he says more hurtful things. He says am disrespectful & my attitude is bad. Please, how do I maintain a respectful attitude when I am in so much pain / discomfort and he has not shown any care during the time I need him the most. I try to respect him a lot but I think he has an esteem issue, because every of my actions are counted as disrespect! I walk on egg shell all day.

Am anxious & nervous at the thought of being a mother, the labor pains, sleepless nights after the baby is born are all making me depressed. Even the thought of having my mother in law stay with us is getting me scared. (She is a very nice woman, but the thot still scares me). Right now, I want to curl up in bed, have someone massage my body, feed me breakfast in bed, pray with me, make my nails, stroke my hair and tell me all will be well. But no one to do that. I am tempted to spend the weekend with my father, but he would smell something is wrong, and he lives far away from me.

I have decided that since no one wants to pamper me, I would pamper myself. I would cook when I have the energy, (no point stressing myself for a man that does not appreciate), I would sit by the beach, read a book & let the wind sooth my troubled heart, I would go the cinemas, walk around the malls, eat out & buy lovely things for myself……..

@OP,(AND OTHER CONTRIBUTORS) ESP THE FEMALE Nairalanders, In reference to the bolded, i am not trying to vouch for your husband but in the same vein, i must make known my observations. First i'd like to ask you a Q? Have you been going for antenatal check-ups and classes? Why i am curious is because of the fact that you are pregnant and none of us here lives with you and your husband so we can't judge based on the premises that about 20percent of preg women pass thru a condition known medically as "antepartum depression"....I'll explain: Most Women undergo this phase especially in their first pregnancy and they tend to exhibit temperamental traits that irritates anyone who comes close to them or is around them. they find themselves picking arguments with people - including their husbands for no real reason, mood swings are terrible, and they just snap if something doesn't go as they want. Then the next thing they do is to get really mad with themselves and get all tearful. Other symptoms include:


Persistent sadness
Difficulty concentrating
Sleeping too little or too much
Loss of interest in activities that you usually enjoy
Recurring thoughts of death, suicide, or hopelessness
Anxiety
Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
Change in eating habits

The worst part of it is that they do all this unintentionaly! It has to do with the hormonal changes they experience during the pregnancy. Before i got into the university after my UME, i was opportune to visit an elder cousin who dotes on his wife like the biblical Jacob doted on Racheal. His wife was an extrovert, very well-mannered and so friendly that even me sef dey jealous the guy But when she became pregnant, come see wahala. The babe changed totally...especially during the first trimester which, she calmed down abit until the pregnancy entered the eight and final month. My cousin in sharp contrast to the description of your husband was over-pampering her but all he did meant nothing...I'll give examples: she would wake him up as early as 3am in the morning and ask for Pap or tea, he would prepare it and bring it to her in the bedroom and the next minute she'll start yelling!, "The pap is too watery! I want it thick!! He'd rush back to the kitchen, prepare another bowl and make it thicker, she'll go like, "What is this? Now i know you hate me! You want me to drink this thick pap so that it will choke me and the baby then you'll go and marry another woman"! He'll go to work, she'll call and say, "honey buy me yoghurt". My cousin will buy the yoghourt and come back and she'll say, "This yoghourt is too cold"!
Hussy go beg me make i put yoghurt for microwave,after bringing it, she'll shout, "I can't take this junk anymore. It doesnt taste like yoghourt! You should have just bought me apple juice instead" Hubby: "But baby, the doctor said that all this beverages might not be good for you and the baby, so why not......" Wife cuts in, "Shut up!! Does the doctor know what i am passing thru?" Oh, maybe i'll just leave the house for you so that you can go and bring in the doctor as your wife!!MTCHEWWWWWWWWW" (The doctor in question na man o) My cousin will be like and He picks up his briefcase to go into the room and the next thing he gets is, "Oh! I'm talking to you and you are walking out on me abi? I don't blame you...afterall, you put me in this condition". My cousin really suffered to the extent that he comes to the sitting room some mid-nights and sobs softly to himself but as for me, i quickly "Usain Bolted" outta their house when the attacking wan come my side. But after all that, when she finally delivered, she became her normal self again. The joviality and friendliness came back.

some women experience theirs after having the baby (Baby blues) Google it to find out what that means. That's why you shouldn't take all this NL girls who are here bad-mouthing your husband and other men seriously cos i bet 95percent of them never marry or enter labor-room before and unfortunately, MOST of them because of ther ill-mannered character and outburst + their gender stereotyping may not have that experience

What your husband needs at this time is patience and understanding. Try to consider his own feelings too cos the whole experience is albeit new to him. He should just learn to cope sha. I wish you both the best

You can follow this link to have a better understanding of what i'm talking about:

http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/depression-pregnancy.cfm#a

Come, where do you people see these kind of men to marry? Who are the people giving birth to them anyway? Are you sure you were good friends before marriage, or you are one of those people that marries the available person just to answer Mr and Mrs? Well these questions are medicine after death, you are married now. He wants you to take maternity leave quick, so you'd have no reason to say you're tired that is why you couldn't pound yam. Lol. I think he's acting unconcerned because you didn't agree with him.


And @Sagamite, in this life or next, you marry and divorce, you must pay every single dime oyibo courts ask you to pay to your wife. Nonsense! Wish I was a judge. It's your kind I'll be dealing with. How can a man be this stubborn? Because you've not met me, abi? That is why you are still making noise.

Nairaland, when are you people going to learn? You have only heard one side of the story!!! Some of us can read between the lines. I'm sure the hubby has more than a few faults but I'm also sure the OP has conveniently left out some out some of her faults. I've dealt with women that are champions at cataloguing their woes and the OP surely excels at this... It is almost impossible to please these people. Even in her old posts, she was complaining the guy. She claimed her hubby was fantastic earlier in the post, but posted nothing else to substantiate that point except everything the guy has done wrong. Okayyyy o..

You went ahead and married a man that bullied you during bf and gf relationship. Listen, it is cases like these that makes me feel not even an iota of pity for your type. What miracle were you expecting from God? This man made life a living hell for you when you's were still dating and you still went ahead to marry him.

Some women are just stoopid, they will do anything just to get married even to an abuser. Let me tell you now to prepare for a hell filled marriage cos except God comes down and touches his heart, you will forever remain miserable for life. This is why I hammer low self esteem and lack of self respect on this forum, you obviously are a graduate, your parents made sure you had good educational background and with all the education you still did not value yourself. If this man hid his nasty behaviour from you whilst you were dating, it would have been a different case BUT he bared it all right in your very before but you were too dumb to stand up, dust yourself and walk. A man that called you fat and prefers listening to other peoples opinion about you. How can any sane woman marry a man that she is scared of in this day and age?

Carry your cross woman, you asked for it, you got it.

Genius100: Nairaland, when are you people going to learn? You have only heard one side of the story!!! Some of us can read between the lines. I'm sure the hubby has more than a few faults but I'm also sure the OP has conveniently left out some out some of her faults. I've dealt with women that are champions at cataloguing their woes and the OP surely excels at this... It is almost impossible to please these people. Even in her old posts, she was complaining the guy. She claimed her hubby was fantastic earlier in the post, but posted nothing else to substantiate that point except everything the guy has done wrong. Okayyyy o..

So now be only you see am?

I am sure she was embellishing or just suffering from hormonal changes

[size=60pt]ITT:[/size]

*smh*
Fantababy, u're in 9th month and ur HUSBAND treats u this way?? What da----!!!! Hey, is there something u're not telling us?

And u say u cant go to your dad cos u dont want him to be suspicious? Wtf issat?? Are u crazy?? Or u enjoy being a doormat? No wait, make that ''pregnant doormat''

When y'all get the husband on the phone to hear "his own side" of the story. . .please let the rest of us, who think we are on forum instead of a court of law, know oh.

Alright... Been a while i lost my cool online.

I dont suppose the hubby's side of the story makes any difference right now; u're almost putting to bed and all that ''candid talk'' wont do any good. I'm a guy and i'm still single; i'm outta my depth in maternity matters. Chaircover and the other ladies have given better advice.

I dont put much stock in e-hugs and all that hogwash (yeah, i'm sorry but i think its all hogwash, how does one even hug a computer??), but for what its worth i wish u a safe delivery, and hope that life treats u better.
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But mehn... Is he really ur HUSBAND??

Sisi_Kill: When y'all get the husband on the phone to hear "his own side" of the story. . .please let the rest of us, who think we are on forum instead of a court of law, know oh.

My bad. I did not realize you had to be in a court of law to exhibit common sense

Fantababy, I read your posts quite well and upset with how your husband has treated you! In fact, you wrote quite well otherwise I would not have bothered with venturing a post after all other people have said. A good man should treat his wife well and better when pregnant, sick or difficult circumstances. That said, this post and many others will not undo the past but it will do at least two things: 1. Help you, going forward 2. Help others to avoid a situation like yours.

1. If your man is a fantastic guy like you claimed, well he will need some time to be completely rounded around all the edges. Until then, you will have to gently tell him how you feel, until he gets it. A guy like him will find it annoying if you are emotional all the time because while women think this helps, some men will find it annoying like a little kid who always wants something to be done for him when he could just do it. So, you have to deal with situations both mentally, before emotionally, this is the only way things could get easier. If you don't want to make a bad situation worse, don't alienate him like some people have suggested except you want something potentially worse: divorce. I wish you the best!

2. Now to the other point, which will help someday help other posters / readers: this kind of situation happens happens when a woman ignores the guys who truly love them, leaves him and do anything to marry the one who will ill treat you and don't give a shaite if you die or live, really. After the marriage, all the pretexts fade away and the real person emerges. I know some women who have been through or in this situations now. If a man is so useless, uncaring, narcissistic, proud, self-centered, etc, there's nothing you will do that will please him. The only way to avoid stupid prayers about devils like these is to avoid them - flee actually. But will women listen? In a few days time, there will be worse stories of another girl who has refused to heed any wise counsel and starts praying, fasting, crying, etc but why not use that time to smile, be happy, relax, have fun, have se[b]x[/b], etc by staying with the guy who truly loves you? You will have such peace, in the morning, day, night and midnight; yet tomorrow, it starts all over again! Let the girls who will heed advice and use their sense hear now what the spirit speaks to NLand girls and ladies!

Genius100:

My bad. I did not realize you had to be in a court of law to exhibit common sense

LMFAO! Okay oooh!! If that's what you wanna call it.

Sooooooo who's gonna send the memo out stating all stories posted on NL must come His and Hers or else?!!

CyberG:
2. Now to the other point, which will help someday help other posters / readers: this kind of situation happens happens when a woman ignores the guys who truly love them, leaves him and do anything to marry the one who will ill treat you and don't give a shaite if you die or live, really. After the marriage, all the pretexts fade away and the real person emerges. I know some women who have been through or in this situations now. If a man is so useless, uncaring, narcissistic, proud, self-centered, etc, there's nothing you will do that will please him. The only way to avoid stupid prayers about devils like these is to avoid them - flee actually. But will women listen? In a few days time, there will be worse stories of another girl who has refused to heed any wise counsel and starts praying, fasting, crying, etc but why not use that time to smile, be happy, relax, have fun, have se[b]x[/b], etc by staying with the guy who truly loves you? You will have such peace, in the morning, day, night and midnight; yet tomorrow, it starts all over again! Let the girls who will heed advice and use their sense hear now what the spirit speaks to NLand girls and ladies!

Okay, I think some of us are missing something. . .a back story here.

This only happens when a woman ignores the guys who truly loves her for another guy?

Seriously?? I mean really?

It can't be that a woman fell in love with a guy who later changed or was pretending before marriage? No siree bob, for this to happen she had to have left some nice, loving, oh so caring guy in her wake eh?

I don't mean to be argumentative oh, I am just confused is all because it seems I have missed out on the RELATIONSHIP CRIME & PUNISHMENT manual when it came out. The alternative is that this is just some sort of conciliatory mantra y'all repeat to yourselves so you can feel better. Ya know, the whole karma will surely get her/him the people who lose out in relationships tell themselves.

What manner of a human being has the heart to cook for himself alone and watch his tired/heavily pregnant wife and (the baby she is carrying) go hungry?---- [b]something is wrong somewhere. [/b]I hope he is reading? Whatever fault this woman has no human being that has human heart treats a pregnant woman like that. This looks to me like the kind of thread in which the husband will come to the thread to defend himself and list the faults of his wife yet no amount of fault on a woman warrants her being treated this unkindly.

I can perceive many a thousands maltreatments and persecutions here, this lady seems to be suffering at the hands of this man but let us leave this matter for another day as you the poster is almost due to deliver. Please take care of yourself sweetheart, invite your father for some hourly visit, his presence may cheer you up. Lots of hugs to you Sweetie.

@ OP...Mind the advc u take frm this forum o,nt all must be implementd,dat ur hussy be like person way fit beat im wife on top 9months.Follow him with caution

My comfort is that am not the only one he treats like that. He is just a big bully, who likes to put people down. I can trace his attitude back to his childhood/upbringing.

Unfortunately, this is the mentality that got you into this mess. If indeed your story is true, then it's kinda obvious u knew who u were gettin married to but went ahead wit it because you were probably desperate 4 a ring and thought you could manage. You can't say you didn't see it coming. Really feel sorry for you though. Must be really hard. Just pray to God to help you out and try to be strong for the baby. If it's a boy, please don't forget to raise him up to be a better man than his dad. If it's a girl, raise her up to be strong enough to deal with men like her dad just in case... As for your hubby, I try not to judge people till i hear them out so I will say nothing.

OP, I empathise o, really do, but you'll have to buckle up both mentally and emotionally if you are going to be in this marriage for the long haul. A man who treats his wife like your hubby does when she's 9 months pregnant either has a heart of stone or is outright wicked. It does appear like you already knew but you made excuses for him, you have some serious thinking to do post birth.

Godspeed and best-wishes for your safe and sound delivery.

@op i feel for u. But u need to know that anxiety and worry can wreak havoc in a family. Just pray this simple prayer. God i need you in my home, i need you to touch my husband and let your peace and joy fill my heart. It is well wt u.