emsquare: If I may ask what is the motif behind you giving or lending help to the needy?

Sharing the wealth so that you can also have peace of mind?

when you give, dont expect a reward and most times dont expect appreciation either because you're only setting yourself up that way.


end of.

Nairalanders, if you ask someone for help and the person refuse, do not blame him or her. Because you dont know what he has go through.

That's what I do. I could give over 10 instances where my late mother had helped people but wrongly rewarded. She was a typical "generous to a fault" I too have that in me but I also use common sense so that I dont get burnt.

Maybe its also the blessing of my mum helping people that has brought me this far, i dont really cos I hardly lack anything.

Anyway, here is another one. How many of you know Teslim Balogun Stadium near the National Stadium? I bet a lot here do, especially if you are a Lagosian.

My late mother and a Bulgarian with a construction company started the foundation of that stadium back in late 80s. She was awarded the contract to supply all the building material needed... You could imagine the money such a woman would be handling.

Being who she was, she brought in her aunt's sons to come and work and place them in top position. It was from there one had money to travel to the U. States in the 90s and came back after some years. He went and came back three times and couldnt go back for God knows why.

It wasnt long before he came with and aunt and started accusing my mother of witch craft and that, she is the reason he cant go back. Really? A woman that clothed you, fed you, sheltered you and brought you all the way from Bauchi to come and work where you got money to travel out?

I was with my mum in the palour while all this were going on and not even up to 9 years then. But that memory lingered in me and my siblings. My elder sister was just weeping.

2sexy: Nairalanders, if you ask someone for help and the person refuse, do not blame him or her. Because you dont know what he has go through.

That's what I do. I could give over 10 instances where my late mother had helped people but wrongly rewarded. She was a typical "generous to a fault" I too have that in me but I also use common sense so that I dont get burnt.

Maybe its also the blessing of my mum helping people that has brought me this far, i dont really cos I hardly lack anything.

Anyway, here is another one. How many of you know Teslim Balogun Stadium near the National Stadium? I bet a lot here do, especially if you are a Lagosian.

My late mother and a Bulgarian with a construction company started the foundation of that stadium back in late 80s. She was awarded the contract to supply all the building material needed... You could imagine the money such a woman would be handling.

Being who she was, she brought in her aunt's sons to come and work and place them in top position. It was from there one had money to travel to the U. States in the 90s and came back after some years. He went and came back three times and couldnt go back for God knows why.

It wasnt long before he came with and aunt and started accusing my mother of witch craft and that, she is the reason he cant go back. Really? A woman that clothed you, fed you, sheltered you and brought you all the way from Bauchi to come and work where you got money to travel out?

I was with my mum in the palour while all this were going on and not even up to 9 years then. But that memory lingered in me and my siblings. My elder sister was just weeping.

All you have done is give excuses, like so many others, for why you choose not to do what even the God you worship( I am guessing you are either Christian or Muslim) COMMANDS.

You do not base your decision to give the next man on what the previous man did, or what someone else experienced.

You give and let go. Not give and feel that it is then your place to put shackles around the person you have given help to EXPECTING something(reward, kindness, etc) in return. That is not giving. That is simply you trying to buy some favour, reward, kindness etc.

Kobojunkie:
All you have done is give excuses, like so many others, for why you choose not to do what even the God you worship( I am guessing you are either Christian or Muslim) COMMANDS.

You do not base your decision to give the next man on what the previous man did, or what someone else experienced.

You give and let go. Not give and feel that it is then your place to put shackles around the person you have given help to EXPECTING something(reward, kindness, etc) in return. That is not giving. That is simply you trying to buy some favour, reward, kindness etc.

you are getting it all wrong. The OP asked a question and I am trying to make him see reasons why some people would refuse to help not because they dont want to or are wicked.

This problem has spread like cancerous cells.

Bro, if you knew me, you wouldnt talk like this. I believe in giving. I so much do... And I live by the grace of giving. Read my post in page 2 or 3

2sexy: you are getting it all wrong. The OP asked a question and I am trying to make him see reasons why some people would refuse to help not because they dont want to or are wicked.

This problem has spread like cancerous cells.

Bro, if you knew me, you wouldnt talk like this. I believe in giving. I so much do... And I live by the grace of giving. Read my post in page 2 or 3

And what I am trying to say is those are not reasons but excuses given that giving itself requires that one not expect anything back in kind.

The problem, if you can see it, is not with the receivers but with the givers. Much of the excuses give so far happen in even the most developed worlds, yet people continue to give. The mindset of Nigerians need to be changed on a large part. People need to be made to understand that giving should not be based on past experiences or experiences at all. Each act should be seen as the first of it's kind, even if to the same person.

I will find a better time to reply you , not now.

I don't think any excuse can be cogent enough to justify one's selfishness - especially when is abundantly blessed. No doubt, it is in human nature to repay kindness with betrayal, and good with evil, but there is a simple cure for this: Give without expecting any form of appreciation or fawning gratitude or future reciprocation in return! It's really that simple. As long as you assist someone financially without expecting anything in return, you wouldn't even put yourself in a position where the person you helped can be ungrateful simply because he or she wouldn't bear the burden of the debt of gratitude - which really is a big burden for many people.

However, if we're talking about other forms of 'sticky' help such as accommodating someone in your home, or sponsoring someone's education and all that, I really wouldn't get myself involved in that because it hardly ever ends well - I can't count how many times I've seen it happen where you end up being life-long enemies with someone you harboured in your house for years or practically sponsored through school and all that. My family's experience has thought me very bitter lessons about that. I can only help finacially or in any other way that does not involve commitment or close long-term contact.

Honestly, this thread is just another grim reminder of the upside-down mentality of all of us Nigerians.
Why is this charity thing such a big deal? Why is this 'help' thing such a big deal? Can't people just labor and earn a living? I tire for this country sometimes, over a hundred million able-bodied Nigerians all asking for help, and berating each other for not 'helping' enough!

It's just ridiculous that most Nigerians always see themselves as victims needing help, and they always look at their more-privileged fellows as being lucky or undeserving, and therefore must be obligated to hand out portions of their 'good fortune.

I don't believe in charity. Not even disabled persons need charity; they need EMPOWERMENT.
I hate giving money to people; I find it utterly reprehensible. I would rather give to empowerment causes. There are so many of them even here in Nigeria; we all pretend as if they don't exist. Tons of NGOs abound, trying to make one difference or the other.

Rather than give to random beggars on the street, I give to organizations like Pacelli School for the blind and Modupe Cole Memorial Home. Poor or disabled people don't need charity, they need to be empowered. What we should be focused on, as a progressive nation, is how to get our citizens working. Whether they have one arm and a leg only means very little; everybody deserves to work for their living. Let's stop being lazy victims, and put our bodies and minds to work. There is no eldorado anywhere.

AjanleKoko: Honestly, this thread is just another grim reminder of the upside-down mentality of all of us Nigerians.
Why is this charity thing such a big deal? Why is this 'help' thing such a big deal? Can't people just labor and earn a living? I tire for this country sometimes, over a hundred million able-bodied Nigerians all asking for help, and berating each other for not 'helping' enough!

It's just ridiculous that Nigerians always see themselves as victims needing help, and they always look at their more-privileged fellows as being lucky or undeserving, and therefore must be obligated to hand out portions of their 'good fortune.

I don't believe in charity. Not even disabled persons need charity; they need EMPOWERMENT.
I hate giving money to people; I find it utterly reprehensible. I would rather give to empowerment causes. There are so many of them even here in Nigeria; we all pretend as if they don't exist. Tons of NGOs abound, trying to make one difference or the other.

Rather than give to random beggars on the street, I give to organizations like Pacelli School for the blind and Modupe Cole Memorial Home. Poor or disabled people don't need charity, they need to be empowered. What we should be focused on, as a progressive nation, is how to get our citizens working. Whether they have one arm and a leg only means very little; everybody deserves to work for their living. Let's stop being lazy victims, and put our bodies and minds to work. There is no eldorado anywhere.

Given the extraordinary discrimination that the disabled in the Nigerian society are subjected to, I'm struggling to see how the empowerment will come about without being charitable.

I personally do not have any problem with giving money to people or causes, as long as they don't treat me like an ATM.

naijababe:
Given the extraordinary discrimination that the disabled in the Nigerian society are subjected to, I'm struggling to see how the empowerment will come about without being charitable.

I personally do not have any problem with giving money to people or causes, as long as they don't treat me like an ATM.

It's the defeatist, needy attitude that makes the average Nigerian discriminate against anything. It can be read this way:

Typically, a disabled person cannot give me money, or 'help' me, so I am not likely to give a crap about him, or how he is managing to survive. But I would give my small worthless change to him when he begs on the streets, in a sickening twist of false piety.

Inside the same paradigm: I ain't too proud to beg from anybody I perceive to have much more resources than I. After all, he or she doesn't deserve it; did they not all steal money? Are they not just lucky to have more than me? They should rightly share!

AjanleKoko:

It's the defeatist, needy attitude that makes the average Nigerian discriminate against anything. It can be read this way:

Typically, a disabled person cannot give me money, or 'help' me, so I am not likely to give a crap about him. But I would give to him when he begs on the streets, in a sickening twist of false piety.

Inside the same paradigm: I ain't too proud to beg from anybody I perceive to have much more resources than I. After all, he or she doesn't deserve it; did they not all steal money? Are they not just lucky to have more than me? They should rightly share!

Lol @ bolded, once overheard some folks in my naija neighbourhood talking about how I'd swindled the whiteman. TBH, folks need to quit waiting for God to solve problems they can solve themselves, this is the fundamental problem!

Giving includes giving DIRECTLY, to those who need help that you are able to, and giving to them through organizations and charities that cater to different causes. There is nothing lazy about the existence of poor people in any society and giving them help in no way strips them of their responsibilities. Giving charity is simply you extending help to others, something that should not foreign in any society.

Kobojunkie:

Um. . . do you mind checking your emotions at the door please? Nowhere have I said ALL WE DO, OUR PARENTS are RESPONSIBLE FOR. Not sure where you get that.

a) When you give someone a lift, there is that likelihood that that person is a criminal. You giving the lift should not do so because you expect that in the case the person is a criminal, he will spare you. You give the lift because it is what you want to do, for you, at the time.

b) Training your niece in school is great, but don't expect her to then SPARE YOU from whatever else there may be as a result. Even people who did not train their nieces fall to the same.

I gave the example of giving to schools in Afghanistan even when you know that those kids might someday seek to blow you up . . . Giving, again, is not about what you can get from others but what you gain from giving as a person.

you're so on point

If it's a hobo on the street in this part of the word, it's not advisable.

2buff: If it's a hobo on the street in this part of the word, it's not advisable.

The problem is even giving to Charity, many in that part of the world don't do that. Majority of the NGOS in Nigeria still rely heavily on foreign AID and donations from other countries. I have a friend who worked in an NGO for a while. If the foreign taps run dry, business will close shop because the people in the local don't even seem to care. Ofcourse the average person will say "O ma se o", or "it's a pity" but how many of them will go as far as putting their hands in their pocket to donate something substantial to help those they pretend to have pity for?

Ujujoan:

It's simple . . . . people have met with great ill just because they want to 'help'!

Ever heard of a woman who takes in her sister's daughter to train her in school, the young lady grows up and goes ahead to get pregnant for her husband . . .

Ever heard of a man who gave someone a lift and the 'someone' steals away his phones in the car . . . or uses him for rituals . . .

Ever heard of someone who gets her best friend a job and the friend truns around and gets her fired . . .

In Nigeria it's every man for himself. It's sad though, but it's he harsh reality!

You are very right. when you call a man your friend, he just dupes you and walk away with your hard earned cash. i help but don t let such person come near me. people have turned devilish these end times.

what would you do if a guy you squatted in your house, who sleeps on a mattress you bought starts toasting your girl and calls her number and she picks it in your presence nah the kind things you see when helping people.

People need to stop being selfish when giving. . . it should not all be about you. Look up the meaning of the word GIVE please.

okpara ugo:

You are very right. when you call a man your friend, he just dupes you and walk away with your hard earned cash. i help but don t let such person come near me. people have turned devilish these end times.

what would you do if a guy you squatted in your house, who sleeps on a mattress you bought starts toasting your girl and calls her number and she picks it in your presence nah the kind things you see when helping people.

Then you should be happy he came around to avail you of the wh[i]o[/i]re before you did something st[i]u[/i]pid....like marrying her.
Better to bid both of them farewell now, than to do so with half your wealth in the future. Na dat one go pain pass.

Kobojunkie: People need to stop being selfish when giving. . . it should not all be about you. Look up the meaning of the word GIVE please.

guy take am easy abeg... It's not like giving is a big deal. Let's face reality as a world we truly live in. What would you feel if you help someone and the person abuse that priviledge? Either way, humans like to be appreciated and acknowledged. Even you who is saying all this wouldn't want to help if you find yourself in messy situation whereby those friends you helped in the past looked down on you. Let's face reality. It's good to give but the way you sound, it as if you want someone to pack all his belongings and give to people. Who is that fool?

I have said it before, if no one wants to help you, don't blame them because you don't know what that person has gone through.

No be person whey my mama shelter and feed for some years call my mama witch? Abegi... But she still help more people thereafter. It's only good to help but never to your own detriment nor that of your children. I am talking from what I learnt from my own mother.