I read this in One of the daily and i think it would be nice to share it with you fellow Nlers.............I don't know any of the party but i am sure we can learn something from it.


Dear Taiwo,

Please, help me. I need a way out of this mess I created for myself and also a solution to my problem.

I am married and blessed with two children. My marriage of eight years is about hitting the rocks if I am not careful, and all is because I saw someone who needed help and helped her.

My husband does not believe me, I wonder why and what would make him believe the words of an outsider against mine. When I was able to pull a response from him, his answer was shocking. He said he would believe my friends' words any day,
any time because she is my friend and he believes we are very close and she would know me inside out.

Sherry, my friend is really not a close pal, but we were classmates in school and during our university days we both shared the same room for two sessions.

My parents know her and vice versa.She has not been lucky with the opposite sex right from our school days. When virtually all of us in our group were dating our mates and younger men, she had always dated older and married men and she would not mince words, then, to tell us that her destiny does not lie with single or younger men, as she would prefer to settle for a married man.

I never asked her why and those who cared to ask her then never got satisfactory answers from her.

We left school to start our lives. I married Soji, the guy I dated from my200 level. I did not hear from or see Sherry again until two years ago when we met at the airport on our way from the UK. We had travelled in the same aircraft, but did not know until when we got to Nigeria. I travelled with my two kids. We went on holidays to England because Soji resides and works there.

My husband got an immediate employment with the bank where he did his youth service way back then, but he had to leave when the banking job became insecure. He had a good job prospect in England, so he travelled back and he is doing well. He would have moved his family, but for his mother who wanted us close by. Soji been an only child; I also have a good job and we both decided that for some time, it should be this way.

This was how Sherry and I met again. We had no time to talk the day we met; we exchanged phone numbers and called each other again. This was how we started communicating and how I learnt that in the few years that we left school, she had been married twice, both did not work out. She travelled to the UK for two years and she was back home to settle down.

As a friend, she started coming to my house, she would stay the weekend and before long, I asked her to move in with my kids until she would get her own apartment.

I did this out of good-will; I never knew that I had courted trouble. I however, informed my husband before taking the decision. His response was that if I felt I would be able to cope. He was also happy for me because she would be a companion.

We lived in a new area, in our own house, I lived with the domestic staff and my kids. Since Sherry was not a stranger to my husband, they communicated. Whenever he called and she was around he would speak with her on phone. Dear Taiwo, I never knew when she started speaking with my husband on phone behind me. All of a sudden, Soji started asking me questions about things happening in the house that I haven't discussed with him.

It has never been in my character to keep things from Soji, but if not on urgent issues that requires urgent attention I discuss with him at our leisure, but I discovered that Sherry would have told him before I did. At the initial stage I wondered how he got to know the things he asked me, even trivial issues like the exit of the house help among others. It then dawned on me that Sherry must have been his informant.

When I asked her, initially, she denied and when I put it to her that there were certain issues that Soji couldn't have heard from someone outside the house she could no longer deny. Her reaction however shocked me because she told me that she does not need my permission to speak with my husband. She said she agreed that she is my friend, but he is also her friend and she would speak with him anytime without my approval.

I was very bitter about this and I told her my mind. Two days after this encounter, my husband called to tongue lash me on the phone.

I couldn't comprehend what was going on. I was trying to digest all these when Soji called and stopped me from attending his step sister's wedding.

His father had other kids and there's no love lost between them, because his dad abandoned him and his mother in favour of his step mother and siblings. My mother-in-law however, said we should be a part of the wedding without Soji's knowledge. Because it was an outing that we had to plan together, Soji's mum even made Sherry a part of the planning and made her promise not to tell her son, but she eventually did. Soji called and told me that I must not go for the wedding if I still wanted my home.

I was so angry that I asked Sherry to leave my house. I got another shock when my husband called that if Sherry should move out I should be prepared to follow her.

Can you imagine? I told Soji that I brought Sherry into my home and would ask her to leave when and if I no longer feel comfortable with her. I asked her to leave, but she had the guts to tell me she would when she finds a situation accommodating. Her excuse was that Soji has asked her to stay until she can sort herself out.

If Soji was in Nigeria, I would have said maybe he had something to do with Sherry or if she had travelled out of the country during this time,but she didn't. I am angry with my husband because I never believed he could be on a stranger's side against me. I also cannot understand why he suddenly started making issues out of little things and non-issues.

We have not spoken to each other in the last three weeks, because I went for his step-sister's wedding. Sherry did not go with us. I couldn't leave my mother-in-law alone. Soji has also refused to speak with his mother.

Please, what should I do? To say I feel very uncomfortable under my own roof is putting it mildly, kindly help me.

Oluwatoyin.

I
Am
Speechless.

Na wa o...

Whens she knew her friend was in2 married men right from dia skul days and stil nt married wen dey met,y in d world should she have allowed her into her home,if @ all she wanted to help her,she should av rented a house 4 her n go there to see her weneva she likes knowin d kind of persn she is wit married men.anyway ill advice her to pray dat God himself shud chase her out bfor she gets preggy 4 her husby

Hmmmm this has just jolted me!! In my case, a very good friend of mine from University days that i ran into in Lagos and we became very good friends. I used to spend weekends at her place when i was single and we shared alot of memorable/good/bad events together hence i could rightly call her my best FRIEND! She was working in the bank but decided to quit and travel to the UK to pursue a career in the health sector and up on untill she got her VISA and ticket i was not carried along untill few days to her departure! Hubby then fiance was not cool with that and rightly told me that if she were to be a very close/best friend like i take her then i shold have been in the know having asked her to be my maid of honor! Which she did and had to fly back to Naija just to do it in order to make up for her Bleep up
Now my dilema is that she is through with her studies in the UK and planning to come back to Naija to get a job in the health sector but wants to STAY in our home pending when she settles. I dont have a problem with the idea but hubby does as he says she is not a good friend like claim! I might sound naive but i dont know how to tell her no as her planned arrival date is fast approaching(October)!
Madam CC please assist with advice! Jenny where are you?(Miss yah loads its been a while )

sub_zidi: Hmmmm this has just jolted me!! In my case, a very good friend of mine from University days that i ran into in Lagos and we became very good friends. I used to spend weekends at her place when i was single and we shared alot of memorable/good/bad events together hence i could rightly call her my best FRIEND! She was working in the bank but decided to quit and travel to the UK to pursue a career in the health sector and up on untill she got her VISA and ticket i was not carried along untill few days to her departure! Hubby then fiance was not cool with that and rightly told me that if she were to be a very close/best friend like i take her then i shold have been in the know having asked her to be my maid of honor! Which she did and had to fly back to Naija just to do it in order to make up for her Bleep up
Now my dilema is that she is through with her studies in the UK and planning to come back to Naija to get a job in the health sector but wants to STAY in our home pending when she settles. I dont have a problem with the idea but hubby does as he says she is not a good friend like claim! I might sound naive but i dont know how to tell her no as her planned arrival date is fast approaching(October)!
Madam CC please assist with advice! Jenny where are you?(Miss yah loads its been a while )

DONT!

Trust me, that person is NOT your friend. Help her get an apartment but don't let her stay with you in your home.

NEVER bring a thrid party into you home. SHe's not a relative and has proven that she's not such a good friend.

Just tell her that your hubby said NO. Simple!

Subzidi

Stay away from that girl. I can't really type long now

chaircover: As you lay your bed you lie on it.

A friend that you haven't had contact with for 6 months should be downgraded to a mere acquaintance until the friend proves him/herself to be a true friend again. End of

once again aunty cc, you have laid a golden egg.

Tales by moonlight.

Haha, dem nefa born dat friend oh.

I won't be caught in such situation. NEVER!

OP, fast and pray. Lol

Beware of an old friend.

What kind of friend gets between husband and wife? Some people are low-lives o, ewww. A decent woman would rather dissociate herself from such entanglement. I would kick her out and then face the husband, he would take back every word for insinuating I'm a tenant with his 'if Sherry should move out I should be prepared to follow her.' It's because of instances like this I would never get mad over random issues, so that when issues like this come up, they won't say Stilly has started again, lol.

Geomac: Beware of an old friend.

You can say that again.

stillwater: What kind of friend gets between husband and wife? Some people are low-lives o, ewww. A decent woman would rather dissociate herself from such entanglement. I would kick her out and then face the husband, he would take back every word for insinuating I'm a tenant with his 'if Sherry should move out I should be prepared to follow her.' It's because of instances like this I would never get mad over random issues, so that when issues like this come up, they won't say Stilly has started again, lol.

What kind of Husband trusted friend more than his wife?