EyesWideOpen: shud we xpect more of dis or dat is jst it? I like it.

breathing: Good one, you sound very hard working.

Sapphiredamsel:


I have another poem titled 'ping me'. Check for it in my profile if you like

EyesWideOpen:
read that one too. U r doing a gud job, keep 'em coming. I luv poems.
One of these days I'll post one of d many I've written myself.

breathing: Awww Sapphire, I'd rather not comment on your poem than be sarcastic nah. I'm not an expert on poems sha, so I can't give you a better comment. I only know the ones I like, and the ones I hate. And I'm saying I like this one, it's simple and it provokes thought. The professors would soon be here to give you a proper analysis sha. Amen!

As for being hard working, your poem sounds like something you find in the pages of motivational book, and motivators are always hard working.

breathing: Awww Sapphire, I'd rather not comment on your poem than be sarcastic nah. I'm not an expert on poems sha, so I can't give you a better comment. I only know the ones I like, and the ones I hate. And I'm saying I like this one, it's simple and it provokes thought. The professors would soon be here to give you a proper analysis sha. Amen!

As for being hard working, your poem sounds like something you find in the pages of motivational book, and motivators are always hard working.

Ihedinobi: It's my thoughts I'm submitting o. And I'm no professor of literature by any definition.

I like your poem. It speaks very powerfully. I think it could appeal better if you

¤ adhered to a rhythm. I think that rhymes imply rhythm so if you're going to repeat vowel sounds with very similar consonant sounds as well, they should occur at a musical frequency.

¤ used verses better. I think that verses ought to resemble one another to indicate that they belong to the same poem. But I'm not sure how that works with free or blank verse.

* captured whole phrases in fewer words. Sometimes, especially (I think) when the piece addresses intellectual matter, the poem should make the reader work for its meaning. So, instead of saying, for instance, "don't blame the rain; learn to be just firm", you could say, "clouds will spill lessons to be firm".

¤ Like someone chastised me recently, "stick to one era". The last verse made me feel a little like I was reading eighteenth century english even though it wasn't exactly true to form.

Those are my thoughts. But believe me, I think you show a lot of promise and the piece speaks of you as a person aware of life. It's people like that that create poetry. Do you read poetry? I mean, like those written by established poets?

Sammiejo: Nice poems, but please copyright all your intellectual property O.

The SoothSayer: OP What planet did you come from? Sincerely, I'm sorry to say this but I'm just shocked. Why do people write like this? Do you actually call this poetry? Are you kidding me? This is one of the best poems I have read. Believe me, I've read a lot. This one is fantabulous! Your rhythm and rhyming is wow!