Hello,

I've received a traditional marriage bride price/dowry list from Eastern Nigeria that includes several items of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. It's been made clear to me NOT to expect any return of bottles that I present, that is, if I present a carton of bottled beer, I should know that I will forfeit the bottles. This of course means that I will have to bear the cost of the bottles to the supplier of the drinks; of course adding to my already high expenses.

As a result, I intend to provide canned drinks as this automatically addresses the issue of return of bottles (this was a suggestion from a good friend). However, I am now beng told that canned drinks are not "traditional".

So what to do?

Everyone has a differnt opinion as to what is right.

One suggestion someone gave me is to send money to the bride's family to buy the drinks I am supposed to present. I find that approach wrong. If I am suposed to be providing these drinks as part of my bride price, I should be arranging it independently not getting my future in laws involved. Furthermore, I fear that getting them involved will lead to possible areas of dispute. For example, if I know a carton of Star is X NAIRA and they tell me to provide an amount gretaer than X Naira for said carton, I wil obviously reisst that as I wil feel cheated - to which they will respond in typical Nigeiran fashion" "so you mean to tell me I want to cheat you? Do you know who I am?" Then that becomes an entirely different issue - of me "insulting" them. This is just one example of numerous pitfalls in the suggestion to send my future in-laws money to purchase the bottled drinks on my behalf.


So what do you advise? How have others handled this matter?

Thanks!