A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

mtchew i hate long n unfunny joke

still to come (70%/100%)

Peter: "I want my
money now!"
Tom: I'll kill myself so
that I won't pay you
*he pulled a gun n shot
himself dead*
Peter: "hahaha..... If u
think u'll get away with
my money u r wrong, i'll
follow u until u pay me
*he took d gun n shot
himself dead as well*
Jamas was watching
from a distance he
laughed n said "these
guys are funny, I want
to watch this till d end"
.... he also took d gun
and killed him self!

Teacher: Ok class, let’s show the
principal & our guests how much we’ve learnt so far dis year.
Let’s do comparisons…
So I say small, U say
small, smaller, smallest..
[students nod ]
TEACHER: Big
CLASS:Big, Bigger, Biggest..
TEACHER:clean..
CLASS:clean, cleaner, cleanest..
TEACHER:tall….
CLASS:tall, taller,tallest….
TEACHER:[smiles]:
very gud!!
CLASS:very gud,very gudder, verygudest..
TEACHER:”oh gosh..
CLASS: oh gosh, oh gosher,oh goshest!!!
TEACHER: stop it now”:O
CLASS:stop it now… stop it nower…stop itnowest!!
TEACHER:oh please..”
CLASS:oh please,oh pleaser…O’pleasest..”
TEACHER:Look atme..!!>:O
CLASs:look at me,look at me-er, look atme-est..
TEACHER:What adisgrace!X_X
CLASS:what a disgrace ,what a disgracer, what adisgrace-st.
TEACHER[furious]:I don die…
CLASS:I don die, I don dier,I don diest.
The Teacher fainted me self collaspe

The first jke is funny, its only a doctor that can understand the joke....


However, the 2nd and 3rd are c&p.....

Most idiotic man on earth
A stressed man was in his office
thinking deeply,
suddenly a man
runs in
Shouting ''Peter,
Peter, your
daughter Tonia
just had a fatal
accident''.
Shocked,
confused and
distraught, he
jump out of the
window! As
soon as he jump,
he remembers
that his office is
on the 9th floor,
as he
is descending
lower, he
remembers that
he doesn't have a
daughter called
tonia... Still
descending lower
he remembers
he's not even
married, 2nd floor
before he hit the
ground, he finally
remembers that
his name is not
even peter!

A pastor was praying
for a man possessed
with demon. He said in
the name of
Jesus, what do you
want from this
man?, speak up before i
cast you out this
moment!."The demon
answered; I want him
to win the America
lotto draw worth
$200billion tonight. The
pastor lowers the
microphone and
whispered; get out of
him and enter into me![color=#990000][/color]

In a chemistry class,
the teacher asked the
students
to name the
atmospheric gases:
musa: oxygen.
Teacher: Good.
John: Nitrogen.
Teacher: That's my
boy!!!!
Kemi: Hydrogen.
Teacher: Wonderful!!!!!! Akpos: Tear gas.
Teacher: Akpos, you
have one more chance,
else you will be punished.
Akpos thinks hard and
says: Fabregas
so far say everything na gas let d gas continue jareeeeeeeeeeeee

COMOT ROAD
Two gals were sitting
at a club. One was ugly and the other
one was beautiful.
A guy came and talked
to the ugly gal.
Guy: Hi!
Ugly gal: Hi!
Guy: Wanna dance?
Ugly Gal: Yes (excited)
Guy: Ok, Go and dance i
wanna talk to your
friend.

PLEASE appreciate me nah it iz'nt easy to be a joker ask dust bin gbago

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stop bleeeepinnnng it a ghost run awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy
.....,///' ……… …… `\\\,
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....""' …………………… '""

Some of em jokes are really cool, especially d one about d pastor performing an exorcism.

So I say more palmoil to your elbows.

vote for me for the nex Nigeria president and u will all collect jets walahiiiiii

collect dis one straight from cnn na leta bombu oooooooo
BREAKING NEWS:

Fight breaks out between Obama and Romney supporters in Iyana Ipaja, Lagos and Onishta dis early morning.

President Obama is leading massively in Abeokuta ibadan and Taraba.

We are yet to get reports from Osun and Ogun State.
election have been stopped by Inec dues to BOkohaRAM bombing in some eastern state ..
even self area boys don steal ballot paper nawnaw for abia


Please, send in reports from ur area.

flamingo reporting live fod NaiRAland[sub][/sub]

all are funny
most were copied

naaaa u knw joke na joke whether copy or pasted na joke abi u knw u dey kopi and paste for exam hall

season two is on[b] the wayyy too much traffic [/b][right][/right][color=#990000][/color]

obasanjo: (Low Voice) Sweety, Last night I had a dream about you.
stella: (excited) Oooh, Tell me Something Honey...:
obasanjo: I dreamt We were traveling in a bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river. Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone.
stella: (with luv): Oh, Definitely, i was searching for You... Right?"
obasanjo: (Frowns) NO, You were asking for ur change i pray heaven forgive uuuuuuuuuuu

Teacher: Use the word harassment in a sentence... Akpos: I was in love with a girl and HER- ASS-MEANT a lot to me

Akpos asked teacher:excuse mi ma ,if u mix omo nd klin wil dere b foam ? Teacher respond :yes of cos,why ask such a stupid ques?@ d beggining of d year, ar u going 2 pass dis class @ all? Akpos laughs nd whisper 2 d other kids,such a dumb teacher, hw can u get foam wifout adding water, ar we going 2 knw anytin @ all wit dis teacher!!!