I would really appreciate if matured advice could be given. God bless.

Its about my elder sister. She got married (legal court wedding) 2yrs ago at age 24 to a born again christian. They were already dating for almost a year at the time and in order for her make it easier to get a transfer to the state he lives in, HE suggested they get married legally and both families gave their blessings and an introduction was done. The church wedding was to follow the following year.She was a virgin on her wedding night and the marriage was consumated. Problem is that the husband has filed divorce papers and she does not want this divorce at all. Their problems started a month after the wedding when the couple thought she was pregnant and when she informed the husband he was very nervous and caught unawares and made certain statements such as "Are you trying to trap me with a pregnancy? I am not ready to be a father etc" He later apologised profusely for this statement saying he was just caught unawares and he wanted to get her to confirm the pregnancy. It turns out she was not pregnant at all , just a late period. The situation was not helped by the fact that the transfer fell through and in fact the physical distance between them grew as the hubby got a transfer to a farther state. The man postponed the church wedding by 5months as originally planned stating lack of funds (he is well paid in the oil and gas industry in eastern nigeria) But understandably she was really insecure in the relationship and insisted they do the white wedding. Only family members knew abt the legal marriage. He was still going to propose LOL (just to complete the lady's fantasy) he delayed the proposal and stopped referring to their marriage as one, instead started saying it is a relationship!! This according to my sister aggravated her insecurity and she started losing respect for him. And she admitted sometimes she would lash out at him in anger. Bear in mind that she does not approve of sex outside marriage, she discussed with her hubby that sex was hurting her emotionally and could they please stop and resume after the white wedding to which he replied "if you do not sleep with me this relationship will not survive". Sometimes last year, the hubby confessed after she confronted him on his seeming state of unhappinness, he said " I do not Þhink the love I have for you is enough to last a lifetime" . Needless to say, she was devastated and she apologised and said he really didn't mean it, he reassured her of his love for her and her father-in-law prayed and blessed their marriage. Again last month, they had another pregnancy scare, and turns out twas another late period, when she asked the hubby what would happen should she truly fall pregnant, he replied "well you will have the baby and the relationship will c ontinue". This really hurt her and she stopped refused him sex during their last visit to him. Pls note, she says their rxn otherwise was ok besides the few hiccups and they talked for hours on the phone. A few weeks later, he sends her an sms saying he could not continue the relationship anymore and wants a divorce stating that she was "unloving " since they had the court wedding. My sister did admit that she was hurt and fustrated at the events that happened and she felt unloved by him. But she assured him of her love for him, and involved both set os parents crying and pleading for a reconciliation. He is adamant and refuses a reconciliation. Both families have talked to him and have suggested that he didn't treat his wife right. If making their marriage public was goin to reassure the wife he should have done it, especially after the first pregnancy scare. Personally I think the man fell out of love with her and was just looking for a way to dump her ! She is DEVASTATED and loves her hubby very muchHer parents-in-law are in love with her and do not support their son at all. And keep encouraging her to pray for him. The hubby is annoyed by family intervention and says she is not the first lady to be disvirgined neither is he the first man to leave his wife. Pls bear in mind he is suppposedly bornagain and a christian leader.

Pls advise as to what to do. Beggin and pleading is not changing his mind. But she wants to stand for her marriage and pray for reconciliation. Well meaning family members and friends are advising her to grant him a divorce and move on. But as a bible-believing christiam she wants to stand for her marriage (she is only 27) pls help!!!!!! Thanks

She will only be daft to refuse his divorce.

Marriage is all about happiness and I can assure her that if she thinks she will find joy and happiness in this marriage then she is sure wrong and will only be left dissapointed
She will only be extremely stupi.d to ever think he will change or their relationship will be better

Stupidity is seeing the obvious(that this marriage just wont work) but choosing to believe the lies(the lie that it will get better).


She is only 27,she can still get other suitors,but let her know the longer she stays in this marriage,the lower her chances of getting a good suitor because I can assure her she will eventually file for divorce later(that I know for sure)

k2039: She will only be daft to refuse his divorce.

Marriage is all about happiness and I can assure her that if she thinks she will find joy and happiness in this marriage then she is sure wrong and will only be left dissapointed
She will only be extremely stupi.d to ever think he will change or their relationship will be better

Stupidity is seeing the obvious(that this marriage just wont work) but choosing to believe the lies(the lie that it will get better).


She is only 27,she can still get other suitors,but let her know the longer she stays in this marriage,the lower her chances of getting a good suitor because I can assure her she will eventually file for divorce later(that I know for sure)

In addition, I think she should choose her happiness above love.

A movie like Mr and Mrs plays out a similar scenario. She she watch it to know exactly what to do.

Since he is a "christian leader"?, she should involve the pastors and church elders in her efforts to keep d union.

lolzie: I would really appreciate if matured advice could be given. God bless.
Pls advise as to what to do. Beggin and pleading is not changing his mind. But she wants to stand for her marriage and pray for reconciliation. Well meaning family members and friends are advising her to grant him a divorce and move on. But as a bible-believing christiam she wants to stand for her marriage (she is only 27) pls help!!!!!! Thanks

@Poster, as sad as the case is, your sister needs to learn to let go and let God do what he will. From the story it seems the man she married is an child of some sort and needs to do a lot of growing up. While I feel for your sister, I don't see what not going through with the divorce will do for her or for the situation. If it is God's will that the two of them will be together, then her signing the divorce papers will not stop that. He wants a divorce, denying him that will not make him stay . . . he can still go out and have other relationships as I suspect he may already be doing that even.

Even when your sister is 50 years old, she can still find herself a husband then too. What she however needs to focus on is healing her mind and learning more about who she is, what she wants in life, and how to be happy in all circumstances. It is not something one discovers in a day but it is what one needs to do to live a better and more fulfilled life. This problem here is just that, a problem here. In time, she will see that it was for her best(personal health, self-esteem, growth as an individual) that this all happened(whether she ends up with him again or with someone else).

Thanks so much for the comments! Pls keep them coming!!! Moderator, pls put it on front page. Thanks peope!!!

sometimes i hear stories that make me laugh? what grounds will the court give him a divorce? he wont get it... seriously, all he is saying is nonsense. tell your sis to have no worries, she should call family memebers to resolve it, but if it fails, she can always get a lawyer to protect her and prevent the divorce if she so wishes. but if she wants the divorce both of them can go to court to get it, but if na only him.... he wont get the divorce

It's a pity your sister has to go through this. It's quite obvious that her husband is no longer interested in the marriage- that is if he even regards their relationship as a marriage. The fact that they have gone to the registry makes their union a legal one so I wonder why he felt trapped after the first pregnancy scare just after one month of marriage. Some people think the white wedding is the actual solemnization -no.

It's better for her to accept the divorce now than for it to happen years latter. It's even easier now that they have no kids yets. That man is just not ready for marriage, I just wonder whether he was coerced into it in the first place. The guy has no regard for their union and he doens't even see it as one, so what is she holding unto?

i.:
sometimes i hear stories that make me laugh? what grounds will the court give him a divorce? he wont get it... seriously, all he is saying is nonsense. tell your sis to have no worries, she should call family memebers to resolve it, but if it fails, she can always get a lawyer to protect her and prevent the divorce if she so wishes. but if she wants the divorce both of them can go to court to get it, but if na only him.... he wont get the divorce

What grounds will the court give him divorce? What does that question mean?

It takes two to tango. She should not force things i bet you even the begging is irritating him. She should let go and trust God. I advise she also use this period to do a thorough reflection, she should search within her self, work on herself and develop herself not even for him but for herself. She may do a separation while she reflects on her part in the marriage.Usually when we seek to change a person the greater fault lies with us for refusing to take note of red flags,staying in a dead relationship just to marry the so called first love, refusing to know ourselves and be better people,wanting to show friends and a host of other reasons.

I am not saying she is a bad person but the relationship was not healthy even before the marriage instead of a marriage they could have worked harder on themselves during courtship or simply parted ways but here we are and there is yet hope. The begging must stop. This is not the end of her life but a new chapter to be opened and explored.

Hmmmm why is she standing by her marriage now. Court marriage meant they were already married. Starving him of sex and being mad at him in an effort to get him to do white wedding was very wrong. She should ve worked with her husband as a married woman.Guess it was her behavior that made him not to take the marriage serious cos she made him think that only white wedding was important to her.guess if he changes his mind now about the divorce court wedding will be just fine for her and all d glamor of white wedding will fade away. Some people just have quite weddings and are fine with it. Marriage for the whole world to see doesn't make it any different.guess she was Wrongly adviced that all those withholding n vexing actions will get her Wat she wants n he saw a part of his wife he didn't like.

That said she needs to work hard to make him remember the girl he fell in love with. Cos a man that did court marriage didn't ve short term in mind. Not every1 likes third party interference in their business I for one hate it. Marriage is between both of em she should talk to her man.

Good luck to her. He is not going anywhere.

Thanks y'all. Pls keep it coming. @last poster, how do u suggest she reconciles with her man and make him realise she was being childish abt the white wedding? He is really adamant! Plus they do not live in the same state

lolzie: Thanks y'all. Pls keep it coming. @last poster, how do u suggest she reconciles with her man and make him realise she was being childish abt the white wedding? He is really adamant! Plus they do not live in the same state

Speak from the heart tell him d truth. Tell him it's cos she always dreamt of a big white wedding since she was 5 n let the tot of not having one get the best of her.tell him about her insecurities n how the fact that the lived apart made it worst N she shouldn't ve listened to advice from outsiders n involved outsiders in d marriage. Tell him yes she understands how he feels n that he should remember the love they had n is willing for them to take it slow n work towards getting to d way things were. Tell him to look on the bright side that this past period has made her more matured n she will handle marriage a lot better now.

If the marriage is important to her she should get time off work n go make her marriage work. Also she should work towards relocating to stay with her hubby. Long distance relationships r hardddd. n not heathy for a young marriage.

You are not going to like this, but the guy used her and is ready to dump her. Shebi she can only have se*x when she is married. Well he married her and they had the sex. Now he is tired and wants to go. She should let him go. He does not love her like that, that is why he does not want to be tied to her by having a child with her. Honestly, his mental problems are far more than the eyes can see. He has said it, he doesnt see him spending eternity with her. Why is she forcing herself on him? And oh, they are married. Court wedding is even more recognized and legal than church. If he wants a divorce she should grant him, and be grateful to God that he didnt let her get pregnant for this psychopath, and deranged sex maniac.

In your sisters interest She should let go and be glad that she doesnt have a child with him

Even if they reconcile, i would advice they postpone child birth because it would make the situation messier

Wao! I am amazed at the response so far. I ve emailed them to her and tho the truth is bitter she is grateful for objective advice! My heart truly hurts for her cos she is usually the one who gives me sound advice :-(

...

baby_123: You are not going to like this, but the guy used her and is ready to dump her. Shebi she can only have se*x when she is married. Well he married her and they had the sex. Now he is tired and wants to go. She should let him go. He does not love her like that, that is why he does not want to be tied to her by having a child with her. Honestly, his mental problems are far more than the eyes can see. He has said it, he doesnt see him spending eternity with her. Why is she forcing herself on him? And oh, they are married. Court wedding is even more recognized and legal than church. If he wants a divorce she should grant him, and be grateful to God that he didnt let her get pregnant for this psychopath, and deranged sex maniac.

So much word!! She's been used for sex and dumped unfortunately. She needs to accept it and move on. Does she really want to spend the next 50yrs with someone who resents her and doesn't have (and probably never had) an iota of love for her? She should wipe her tears, leave his trifling behind alone, thank God she is not tied to him because of children and begin to get her single freak on!

Would I be evil to suggest she get some good revenge? Some help from her able bodied cousins perhaps?

ileobatojo:



So much word!! She's been used for sex and dumped unfortunately. She needs to accept it and move on. Does she really want to spend the next 50yrs with someone who resents her and doesn't (and probably never had) an iota of love for her? She should wipe her tears, leave his trifling behind alone, thank God she is not tied to him because of children and begin to get her single freak on!

Would I be evil to suggest she get some good revenge? Some help from her able bodies cousins perhaps?

lmao! O the temptation to wound people sometimes. But she should leave him for God. He is obviously a pretender and probably a youth leader to catch a lot of virgin, gullible babes. I know guys that go to church to cause confusion. One even wants to be a pastor, this guy is an atheist. All na business and fun to some people.

He needs to be taught a lesson.

Oga ooooo

You painted this Husband like small god

anyway it isnt too late for your sister to move on and get a betterman.

The man doesn't want to be married to her and has clearly spelt it out....
I'm sure one of the reasons she's stubbornly holding on to this marriage/relationship is because she lost her virginity to him...
She's been played!!
She needs to face,accept that and stop groveling for one who isn't worth it.
She should save what's left of her self-respect and move on!
Her whole life is right in front of her..
This relationship started to fail...no point wishing something would change at this point...because it won't!!

First to correct someone's ideology on sex. In an ideal and typical relationship, a woman is never ever used for sex and dumped emphatically when there's a mutual consent; as both parties would expectedly derive pleasure . In this exceptional case however, the lady seldomly approved and her spouse further stiffened pleasure by using sex as a bait for the continual sustainance of the union. Now to the point, these are inarguably hard facts that might perhaps not assuage your appeal. One or more of these might likely add up the puzzle.This young man NEVER loved your sister. Secondly, your sister was overtly or covertly self-imposing. Thirdly her presumed spouse, which in reality isn't true anyway, is sophomoric in reasoning prompting his unstable trend in decision-making. Fourtly, he probably discovered something he could not phathom embracing all his life and finally he perhaps might just be plain wicked. Now what I think can be done are one of these two. 1. She's got to let him go even though it is going to be an excruciating emotional ordeal. 2. This is really really high-risk though, She could stay unabated to her commitment as some men tend to change letting off the scales of fallacy replace the spectacle of the reality of the fact that no lady is perfect. Once more maam' the latter is high risk and should be consulted with caution weighing and balancing factors.

k2039: She will only be daft to refuse his divorce.

Marriage is all about happiness and I can assure her that if she thinks she will find joy and happiness in this marriage then she is sure wrong and will only be left dissapointed
She will only be extremely stupi.d to ever think he will change or their relationship will be better

Stupidity is seeing the obvious(that this marriage just wont work) but choosing to believe the lies(the lie that it will get better).


She is only 27,she can still get other suitors,but let her know the longer she stays in this marriage,the lower her chances of getting a good suitor because I can assure her she will eventually file for divorce later(that I know for sure)

Thank you sir you just hit the nail on the head. Smh at some people.