If at first you don’t succeed,
destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where
you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don’t
get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal
and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably
right.
Never do card tricks for the group
you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make
a mistake.
Success always occurs in private,
and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the
more of your body is required to
press on it.
The hardness of the butter is
proportional to the softness of the
bread.
To steal ideas from one person is
plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
To succeed in politics, it is often
necessary to destroy all evidence
that you tried.
If at first you don’t succeed, rise
above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the
beginning.
Work is accomplished by those
employees who are still striving to
reach their level of incompetence.
You never really learn to swear
until you learn to drive. (The
corollary is:
You never learn to pray until your
kids learn to drive!)
The problem with the gene pool is
that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend
1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the
more time you’ll have to catch up