Guys, it’s that time again. There’s going to be that same December rush marked with the usual frenzy and noise but I am talking about a different type of rush now…

If you notice, so many women are going out of their way to look way too pretty this season making you to almost believe that "the beautiful ones are not yet born." Naturally, you are going to be tempted – to touch!

Assuming you are single, not yet taken and/or "up and doing", many of these girls will rush for you. Get ready, so many of them are going to call you 'broda'. Some of them will rush to you for relationship or something like that, but remember, most of them will rush to you for your pocket!

So watch it. Don’t get confused in the maze. Don’t be confused by their beauty. Don’t be carried away by the attention you are getting all of a sudden. Most of these girls have only one aim – they just want to turn you into a Father Christmas.

Don’t burn a very big hole in your pocket now. Remember, the economy is still bad and January is usually a very tough month, so don’t go wasting all your yearly savings by playing that Father Christmas role unnecessarily. Allow me to give you some guidelines on how to beat this type of December "rush".

1. Stay away from Facebook, twitter, 2go etc. If you must or can’t, just sign up a new account. It’s allowed…

2. If your job allows you, then leave town early. Don’t wait until it’s 23rd or 4th because that is usually when the rush reaches its crescendo. If they ask you why you traveled that early, say you have some things like traditional wedding or age group meetings to attend. Be careful not to mention anything about when you are coming back.


3. Buy and register a new (MTN) line and rely on the network’s unreliability to give you the excuse as well as make it possible for you to choose who calls you and who you call – or recharges for.

4. Learn how to frown your face . And make sure you don’t laugh while doing this . Trust me; you will really appreciate what this little skill will do for you and your bank account during this period…


5. Master the art of complaining. If you live in Nigeria, this will not be so much of a problem. You can complain about GEJ, PHCN, PDP, non-payment of salaries, high fuel price, and even frequent kidnapping. Don’t forget to also complain about CBN’s cashless policy plus faulty ATMs…and oh, remember to mention that you hate standing in any form of long queues…you get?

It will also help matters if you also learn how to complain to them about how so many Nigerian girls are unreasonable, not understanding and so demanding and are always saying that guys are stingy. Remember to call those girls calls silly and describe them as 'non wife-material'. Believe me, this reverse psychology works like mad!

6. Tell anyone who cares to listen that you don’t celebrate Christmas – anymore! If they ask you why, tell them you don’t have anything again to do with the pagan celebration of the birth of the Sun of God. If they still ask you since when did you find out, frown your face…

7. Open your mouth cautiously. In other words, watch what you say this period. Hmm…Bros, I wonder what you were thinking when you said those boastful things to her that gave her the guts to demand that you give her a cheque? But if you must say anything, tell them that you are seriously preparing for your introduction/traditional marriage and your wife-to-be is from Imo State . If you already know that won’t work, try telling her that you are processing your visa…


8. Attack is the best form of defense. Be upfront about sex. Increase your demand for it. Demand for it when you need it – and even when you don’t! As long as you are not dealing with nymphomaniacs, chances are they will leave you alone. Both ways you win! Of course, you must also know where to get genuine Alomo, just in case…

9. Get married. I was once told this was one of the best ways of saving money. I know you may not like how that sounds because you think you are not yet ready for it but hey…who says you must be married in the real sense of it. Just slap a ring on your ring finger and get ready to say the words, "Don’t you know I’m married…?" on the slightest "provocation" and they will instantly get the message!

OK, I know you will not like to hear this but the truth is that you should also condition your mind at this time to want less or no sex. Of course, that should be the starting point. Oh ho! You think we don’t know already the ONE main reason why you are NOT going to do any of these things aforementioned neglecting the fact that you might actually be a stingy person?

It’s true you love skirts and you always want to eat your cake and still have it but when dealing with women, bear it in mind, it is rarely so as there’s always a price tag.

Don’t worry how you are going to do this. When there is a wish, there’s a way! I know junior will surely sulk but don’t mind him. If he’s still complains, use your imagination to give him an overdose of Kim K. You can also distract him with your PS-3. It just a matter of weeks and the whole madness will fade away.

Oh, one more thing! The last but the not the least important, make sure none of them reads this, OK? Fine.

You can thank me later…