YUCATAN – Mayan scholars have updated their
doomsday prophecy. The world will end in 2015, not
2012.Oops…. They made a mistake. There’s good news
for those who were fearing the 2012 Mayan
apocalypse. They counted wrong. The world is not
going to end in December 2012. Instead, it’s going to
end on September 3, 2015. Update your daily planners!
A new critique, published as a chapter in the new
textbook “Calendars and Years: Astronomy and Time in
the Ancient and Medieval World” argues that the
accepted conversions of dates from Mayan to the
modern calendar are off. This coupled with a new book,
“We Are All Going To Die In 2015″ by Fritz Barnkopf are
rewriting the Mayan doomsday playbook that has been
popularized in our culture over the last ten years.
The problem was discovered when researchers realized
the Mayan calendar was converted to today’s Gregorian
calendar using an erroneous calculation called the GMT
constant, named for the last initials of three early
Mayanist researchers.
But the GMT constant is completely bogus. “The Mayan
researchers of the past twenty years put too much stock
in the GMT,” said Mayan expert Robert Wannamaker.
“They probably were chewing on too many cocoa
leaves. The fact is that the GMT constant is 2 years and
271 days off. We’ve proven that conclusively hear at
The Scripps Institute.”
The apocalypse is now delayed. This is a stunning blow
to all the merchandisers that were seeking to capitalize
on the “end-of-world” prophecy BEFORE the world ends.
“Man, I was selling all sorts of 2012 doomsday
paraphernalia. Now, I gotta go back and make it all
again for 2015. It’s a real drag,” said 2012 fanatic, Judd
Barkley.
Hollywood is jumping right on the 2015 bandwagon.
Producers are lining up to make the 2012 sequel, 2015.
“It’s great for us,” said Producer Tracey Barnham. “I
hope that they extended it again in a few years, so we
can keep this franchise going.”
Not likely. Mayan researchers are unanimous on the
end-of-world data. The world will disappear in 2015.
You might want to plan accordingly.

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Nobody knows dis except God.