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Holiday Guide(must READ) - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Holiday Guide(must READ) by ekeroyal(m): 10:06am On Dec 24, 2012
It's all smiles friends and it's obviously a time most folks look up to and to make the most out of life -seriously. And in the spirit of "true love", I have meticulously penned down a few tips that have proved handy over and over again for people of all class regardless of your race, age, location, etc.

Here we go buddies smiley :


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat step #3.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake and bacon? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, therefore, never let it go by any means. I mean, have some real good standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Happy holidays folks

Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by bunmioguns(m): 10:49am On Dec 24, 2012
Nice composition. . . .barka de xmas cool cool cool
Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by ekeroyal(m): 11:07am On Dec 24, 2012
bunmioguns: Nice composition. . . .barka de xmas cool cool cool

Thanks Bunmi, have fun wink
Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by bunmioguns(m): 1:50pm On Dec 24, 2012
ekeroyal:

Thanks Bunmi, have fun wink

and u too broda cool cool cool cool
Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by bingbagbo(m): 3:45pm On Dec 24, 2012
mtcheew!! angry
Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by ekeroyal(m): 8:40pm On Dec 25, 2012
bin gbagbo:

mtcheew!! angry

Toilet fly cheesy
Why the jealousy? sad
Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by PretiEbony(f): 11:40pm On Dec 25, 2012
Okay!!!
Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by bingbagbo(m): 6:56am On Dec 26, 2012
ekeroyal:

Toilet fly cheesy
Why the jealousy? sad


me jelous?.........nevertheless....never!!!! grin
 
Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by bingbagbo(m): 8:05am On Dec 26, 2012
^^^

i will keep hiding your post till you post sense grin


signed

BIN GEE (SUPER MOD ) grin
Re: Holiday Guide(must READ) by ekeroyal(m): 12:31am On Dec 27, 2012
PretiEbony: Okay!!!

It's becoming obvious that you're Mrs BG angry

bin gbagbo: ^^^

i will keep hiding your post till you post sense grin


signed

BIN GEE (SUPER MOD ) grin

What was hidden?

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