By 50/50 I mean equal sharing of responsibilities, both financial and domestic.
What do you think about living with your spouse on such terms? Terms that involve both of you combining your earnings and taking out of the combined earnings for house keeping or rent or whatever else needs money. The 50/50 relationship also involves you and your spouse doing housework jointly with no discrimination. Wife cooks and husbands cooks wife takes care of children and husband does same.
Do you support such a relationship or are you against it?

That's my idea of marriage.not this insolent,overbearing,domineering and lazy men we have in nigeria this days that expect the world to be at their feet.marriage is for complementary purpose,helping purpose and not all about SELF.if i see this in a man,boy o boy,am ready to give him my all,until them :-XThat's my idea of marriage.not this insolent,overbearing,domineering and lazy men we have in nigeria this days that expect the world to be at their feet.marriage is for complementary purpose,helping purpose and not all about SELF.if i see this in a man,boy o boy,am ready to give him my all,until then

Describes my marriage. My Husband had this clearly worked out I was resistant at first, I prefered the traditional version but thanks to him we both have less stress and have more time with each other.
He is not so stressed over working to meet every need, and I am not over worked with house work after a long day at work. He is extremely good with kids so a huge burden is off.
There is no super man or super woman in marriage just 2 people who understand, respect and compliment each other.
Works very well for us.
Issues are discussed but in the end his decision is final

debrief08: Describes my marriage. My Husband had this clearly worked out I was resistant at first, I prefered the traditional version but thanks to him we both have less stress and have more time with each other.
He is not so stressed over working to meet every need, and I am not over worked with house work after a long day at work. He is extremely good with kids so a huge burden is off.
There is no super man or super woman in marriage just 2 people who understand, respect and compliment each other.
Works very well for us.
Issues are discussed but in the end his decision is final

......... and MUTUALLY agreed

Cos if one party is not happy with the outlined plans ..... na yawa o!

Also it doesn't necessarily have to be 50/50.... some spouses make more than each other

and as per the household chores; some if us Nigerian women are still old school in that dept and that includes moi ; I don't like the idea of men too domestic and by that I meant cooking & cleaning ; it's a total turn off for me

Overall what works for A doesn't work for B ...... this Topic will never be resolved on NL I swear

jidegirl12:
......... and MUTUALLY agreed

Cos if one party is not happy with the outlined plans ..... na yawa o!

Also it doesn't necessarily have to be 50/50.... some spouses make more than each other

Yes, it may be that one spouse makes more money than the other and in to reach a 50/50 deal in that case when it comes to finance, would involve both parties contributing everything they make and running the household on their pooled earnings. Joining both earnings and taking from it to run the house.

Thanks to everyone that contributed so far.

Lol Jide, nothing to be resolved, the last debate is still there. Last time you almost called my Husband a woman wrapper and infered that I make the rules because I earn more which was untrue.
Thankfully this time you have stated early enough that what works for A may not work for B, and we can respectfully agree to disagree and leave it at that.
Marriage is work in progress, everyone to his own, constantly working, learning and seeking to improve

BlueMurder: There's no such thing as a 50/50 marriage. Each spouse has his/her clearly defined roles/responsibilities. The husband being the head of the family, is expected to cater for its physical, financial and spiritual upkeep. The wife on the other hand, is the homemaker in charge of the daily administration and maintenance of the home. They are free to complement each other in aspects they agree on. The point is, no one goes into marriage without knowledge of his/her responsibilities.

Why do you not support 50/50 partnership in marriage, really? It is possible for the husband and wife to compliment each other with a 50/50 relationship. Besides@bold, the wife cannot really abandon bread winning for the husband completely because anything could happen to the man or his job at any time so it is wiser for her to join him in bread winning work.
If she joins him in doing this wouldn't it be wise for him to join her in doing housework?

Lol Debrief...... people learn everyday and there no perfect marriage.... It's a continuing education center ..... That I've come to terms with hearing from NL wives esp you and cc ; what works for A ........

If my memories served me right cos I don't like digging posts..... You sounded very authoritative and I mean you said you delegate chores

and I asked you( which I haven't got any response yet ) ;

what kind of chores are you talking about that's worth a round table convo between you and your hubby besides finances ? which in my own world is petty ( chores o)

You even mentioned household chores is part of responsibilities a man should help with cos you assist with finances ..... I don't agree and I still love you tho

Me delegate chores ke?

I said we sat one day and shared responsibilities at his insistance.

Anyway, I no get power, if someone refered to you as authoritative we will not hear the last of it, it will be that people are attacking you, yet its so easy for you to use strong words on others.

I don't do back and forth oh. I don answer the poster my own answer I don keep quiet

jidegirl: You even mentioned household chores is part of responsibilities a man should help with cos you assist with finances ..... I don't agree and I still love you tho

Are you saying that you think men are not supposed to help with household chores?

Ahh okay ..... Debrief why now? I thought we are having a healthy discussion....., its 2013 and I'm starting fresh and a clean slate ........ I apologize if I hurt your feelings in any way........ I must have conveyed your comments the wrong way then .... chocolate I'm out

[CHocolaTE:
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Are you saying that [b]you think [/b]men are not supposed to help with household chores?

Yeah IMO

@ OP
Can you ever share responsibilities EQUALLY? ... I don't think a chart with my name ticked on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays to wash dishes, clean the house and walk the dog works for either of us. There are some chores i naturally gravitate to and some i don't (the same goes for her). And if no one feels like doing it, well... we leave it till someone does

The same goes for the finances. There's usually a POT of FUNDS for the house but there are MANY times we buy household stuff froom our individual purses without keeping scores.

Abeg..too many rules dey spoil marriage jare

aniffy4eva: @ OP
Can you ever share responsibilities EQUALLY? ... I don't think a chart with my name ticked on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays to wash dishes, clean the house and walk the dog works for either of us. There are some chores i naturally gravitate to and some i don't (the same goes for her). And if no one feels like doing it, well... we leave it till someone does

Yes you are correct, there can not be 100% equal sharing but couples can try to make it balanced as much as they can by helping each other in whatever requires assistance and whenever it needs to be done (unless one of them says they don't need assistance)

50-50 is not the best!


I had an ex-colleague, he being an engineer and works offshore earns 1.2m a month, while the wife a doctor earns about 150k a month.

They both contribute equal percentage to home affairs/investment and it works so fine.
If he contributes 50% of 1.2m, you will have 600k and the woman contributes the same percentage, she has 75K.

Contributing 50-50 is good if they have the same salary. but whereby one earns more than the other, and the other is not taking up certain job because she is a house wife, there should be a balance.

Me as an example, both hubby and I have kind of jobs that takes us out of town for 1month period. The pay is really good, but to make the home we agreed on an equal percentage.

Like that if i decide to teach in primary school and earns 20K because i have to take care of the family while he is at work, i contribute my own percentage, and he contributes his.

Equal percentage and not 50-50 based on the ampount of money tendered.

Thats true love. lol

i also dont believe in every combining earnings...just combine the percentage we both agreed on. Not everything!

In essence you are saying the woman should be homemaker/manager of the money right? good, just let dayokanu and Sagamite hear.

BlueMurder: There's no such thing as a 50/50 marriage. Each spouse has his/her clearly defined roles/responsibilities. The husband being the head of the family, is expected to cater for its physical, financial and spiritual upkeep. The wife on the other hand, is the homemaker in charge of the daily administration and maintenance of the home. They are free to complement each other in aspects they agree on. The point is, no one goes into marriage without knowledge of his/her responsibilities.

All these feminist, there is no how u paint or twist it, d fact will always come out. This is africa & Nigeria in particular, there is nothing like 50/50 marriage, & there is nothing like equality in marriage, d role of a man & woman is clearly defined, so when husband & wife fits this role, then u ve a perfect marriage. All of u praying for a dummie husband, u shall be granted in this yr 2013. 50/50 My foot, rubbish, no wonder d courts are littered with divorce files.

I kind of like such marriage,it lifts the burden on both parties. and doesn't make make any of them less important.
I keep telling people,that I can never marry a full time house wife,my wife must be industrious for her to complement my effort as a man.
Marriage I believe should be enjoyed,and not endured.

*seems I like the family section* I like mrs debrief,greatgod,jidegirl,and host of other's comment.

I bookmarked some of ur responses as a manual,when am married.God will continue to bless your Home.

jidegirl12:

Yeah IMO

Can you share your reasons for having this view?

bjcole: All these feminist, there is no how u paint or twist it, d fact will always come out. This is africa & Nigeria in particular, there is nothing like 50/50 marriage, & there is nothing like equality in marriage, d role of a man & woman is clearly defined, so when husband & wife fits this role, then u ve a perfect marriage. All of u praying for a dummie husband, u shall be granted in this yr 2013. 50/50 My foot, rubbish, no wonder d courts are littered with divorce files.

a typical/perfect example is one of them

bjcole: All these feminist, there is no how u paint or twist it, d fact will always come out. This is africa & Nigeria in particular, there is nothing like 50/50 marriage, & there is nothing like equality in marriage, d role of a man & woman is clearly defined, so when husband & wife fits this role, then u ve a perfect marriage. All of u praying for a dummie husband, u shall be granted in this yr 2013. 50/50 My foot, rubbish, no wonder d courts are littered with divorce files.

So why do you think it is wrong for a woman to do bread winning with her husband? And why do you think the husband should not help with housework? Who wrote down these 'clearly defined roles' that you insist married couples should stick to?

Lemme stir the pot a little..... ehem

@ Kulyie and chocolate .... I wish you both all the best in future ......however please do a good job hiding your phones/tablets/computers browser history cos I've warned all my brothers bout you two like for real ( ibi ere lati nmo otito)..... I am yet to grasp or apprehend your beef about submissiveness in women ....

Peace

Bjcole..... baba mi .... Happy new year sir , how is family doing ?

[CHocolaTE:
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So why do you think it is wrong for a woman to do bread winning with her husband? And why do you think the husband should not help with housework? Who wrote down these 'clearly defined roles' that you insist married couples should stick to?

Madam i m nt going 2 clarify anything 2 u, this topic has been discussed & addressed, if u want more information u can go dig old posts, i dnt knw what u want 2 gain in all these ur feminist post.

50/50 is very common in the west, and it is not a miracle solution. Some traditional couples work perfectly, some 50/50 couples too, I even know of some families where the husband stayed home to watch the babies while the wife was going to work. What I mean is that each couple should try to think of what is best for them, there is no point trying to follow a rule just to save the face. Where I stay, many people frown at a woman staying at home once the kids are in school, some frown at couples not sharing house chores, while in nigeria it could be the opposite. It doesn't matter if your neighbors think your couple is following the right path, what matters is for both partners to be happy and comfortable in their marriage, no matter what it means.

Another thing is that, marriage is for life, and through life, a couple might need to adjust the way they share responsibilities depending on the phase they are going through. We can't expect to share things the exact same way when newly married without children, when with toddlers/pregnant or with older kids. There might need to be sacrifices at some point, whether one chooses to slow down on the career side to be more at home for the kids or on the contrary if one takes up a new challenge at work to bring in more money... If two people understand and love each other, they should be able to come to term with what works for them. The one thing I agree with debrief on, is that sometimes what we believe is best or what we personally prefer is not what works best for both partners. The way we share things in my marriage is not at all the way I pictured it before being married, but it works well for both of us, and I know we are able to change/adapt when the situation requires us to do so.

jidegirl12:

Bjcole..... baba mi .... Happy new year sir , how is family doing ?

Gud jare jide, & happy new year too. Dnt mind d Op, she just like some kind argumentative & feminist posts 4 no reasons, if she wants 2 marry, she shd go & marry & practise 80\20 or whatever. I m an advocate of a working wife & u support ur husband wit ur salary. Marriage is oneness, & all d resources belong 2 d family, & d husband & wife decide how 2 spend it, wit d man having d final say.

bjcole: Madam i m nt going 2 clarify anything 2 u, this topic has been discussed & addressed, if u want more information u can go dig old posts, i dnt knw what u want 2 gain in all these ur feminist post.

I am not making any feminist post. All I have done is ask questions and ask for clarification on the answers people gave. Why so defensive?
I wanted to know YOUR reasons for saying couple should stick to only their clearly defined roles and who made these roles, I asked YOU because I wanted to hear from you. If I wanted to know what other people thought I would have dug up posts but I want to know your reasons. Can you kindly answer now? Thank you.

jidegirl12: Lemme stir the pot a little..... ehem ;
@ Kulyie and chocolate .... I wish you both all the best in future ......however please do a good job hiding your phones/tablets/computers browser history cos I've warned all my brothers bout you two like for real ( ibi ere lati nmo otito)..... I am yet to grasp or apprehend your beef about submissiveness in women .

Thank you for your good wishes. However I don't have any beef about women submitting if that is what they want to do. I also don't think every couple should live 50/50, I believe every couple should do what works best for them.
I asked a polite question of why you think that men are not supposed to help with household chores. I want to understand your views better. Can you kindly share the reasons why you think men are not supposed to help with house work?

[CHocolaTE:
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I am not making any feminist post. All I have done is ask questions and ask for clarification on the answers people made. Why so defensive?
I wanted to know YOUR reasons for saying couple should stick to only their clearly defined roles and who made these roles, I asked YOU because I wanted to hear from you. If I wanted to know what other people thought I would have dug up posts but I want to know your reasons. Can you kindly answer now? Thank you.

You better not allow Mr bjcole to aggravate you. Debrief has been able to successfully convince him to help out his wife jare. Oya Mr Cole come and tell us again how appreciative she was the day you cooked for her. Was there a little more something to the loving that night? I hope you're not planning on reverting back to your old ways o. This is 2013. Forward ever, backward never!

Very ideal. . .but not possible with the BLACK RACE!
Always looking for someone to CHEAT!

The 50-50 thing sounds more like a business idea than a MARRIAGE to me.
..like each party is trying not to get cheated by the other party..
Is that what it is supposed to be about?
I really just think a lot of us people just like to complicate issues for ourselves.
The 50-50 idea will clearly not work for very traditional men/families ..or so i think.
There no hard and fast rule about these things..
To each his/her own!