1. Early to bed; Early to rice.

2. They said nelson mandela was recovery few days ago!

3. Justin bieber is aunty christ?

4. Juventus are interest in signing Didier Drogba from Shanghai Shenhua.

5. I cant sleep, i have saw throat.

6. What the lord has puts together.
let no one puts asunder.

Oya add your own...

harbibi: 1. Early to bed; Early to rice.

2. Why do women lose shape wen dey give born to childrens?

3. They said nelson mandela was recovery few days ago!

4. Justin bieber is aunty christ?

5. Juventus are interest in signing Didier Drogba from Shanghai Shenhua.

6. I cant sleep, i have saw throat.

7. What the lord has putting together.
let no one putted asunder.

Oya add your own...

You are only exercising madness

jeezybuck:


You are only exercising madness

Oh poor child! Never knew u were mad till u came out to say it openly. When did u escape from yaba left?

Is not good to insalt an order person
If you has game to play play and move horn
if you doesnt have go away
Dont cause anoder woman bean
Once loved

I tire o. Dat its y it is called a joke! Its not suppose to make sense and as such make u laugh. I wonder y d insult. Well some people find it hard to loosen up and laugh sha. They probably feel they r d only ones wit problems so it is a taboo to laugh. Mtshww. Smh.

When I was much younger,say 10,my mum took my siblings and I to church for a deliverance service.
It was a night vigil actually,as the prayers began,I was bored and I started feeling sleepy,
the ushers didn’t let me sleep,they said a demon might get into me if I slumber,
then I noticed people were beginning to fall under the anointing,and if they rolled on the ground for a while the ushers will tie their legs together and let them sleep it off.
I decided to do the same. So immediately it got to my turn and the pastor laid hands on me,I flew up and started screaming,all the nollywood movies I’ve watched came in handy at that point,I screamed,
then I fell and started rolling on the floor.
All the pastors surrounded me and started speaking in tongues and trying to cast out the demon in me,after a while I stopped and fell asleep.
They let me sleep,and just as I was beginning to enjoy the sleep,they woke me up and asked me my spiritual name.I was still sleepy at that point,but I could see my mum shedding tears of joy because I was delivered at last. So I told them my spiritual name was ‘karashika’(boJ).
Pandemonium broke. My mother realised I’ve played them. She beat the hell out of me,while the pastors and ushers watched......

‎​

I was a Candidate at a JAMB Examination. We were writing Use Of English.
I shaded the ones i knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when i noticed a very beautiful girl sitting beside me.
She was shading and was not looking up. Through the help of my long neck, i peeped and checked her work, she was in number 65, i was still in number 21 and time was running out.
I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her. We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone; What are it?
Why is you dey copying me? Copys! copys! You is not shaming! As big as you dey! You is a dull boys! You are a disgrace to your manhood.

Na so i shout; heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! heeeyyyy!!!
I am finished yay, who has eraser eeeehhhh!!!!!!!! =D =)) :p.

If you nor laugh na because your mouth de smell.

bolorunfem: Is not good to insalt an order person
If you has game to play play and move horn
if you doesnt have go away
Dont cause anoder woman bean
Once loved

But dis ur gbagaun get as e be sha. Lmao.

AKPOS stuck his head into a barber's shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said,"About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door anD asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour only." The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said, "Ruky, please do me a favor, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back". A little while later, Ruky returned to the shop. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go whenever he leaves here?" Ruky looked up, with tears in his eyes and said, "To your home to be wiv ur wife " U CAN TELL WAT HAPPENED TO AKPORS NXT..

Akpos went to a bar to relax his nerves this sunny afternoon. While at the bar Akpos shouted and said to the barman; "Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let them enjoy because when I drink stout, everybody drinks stout." The barman obeyed people in the bar started hailing Akpors while sipping on their free drinks. Akpos ordered again "Barman! Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let them enjoy because when I drink stout, everybody drinks stout". Everybody cheered and hailed Akpos louder. After some minutes again Akpors said "barman give me a plate of fish peppersoup and give everybody here 2 plates of fish peppersoup each, let them eat while I eat". They were so happy and heaped praises on Akpos while they ate and drank. About an hour later, Akpos beckoned on the Barman and said to him, "Bring me my bill and also give everybody here their bill too because when I pay my bill, everybody will pay their bills too!" Pls help save Akpos who is still lying unconcious at the intensive care unit of Central Hospital in Warri.

Mother was out, and dad was in charge. Mabel their only daughter was 2 n 1/2 years old. Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water, but pretending to be tea, After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch her bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mum waited, and sure enough, here she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up. Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM A friend said: "I would have given him 100% for his wit!!!" Read on!

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become? * It will simply become wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Please prevent yourself & spouse from getting diabetes.
A couple that had been married for 25yrs were both recently diagnosed wit diabetes.
Findings showed that they both got diabetic as a result of d names they call each other:-
Honey
Sweetie
Sugar
Sweetheart
chocolate
Candy etc.

Start early 2call ya spouse names like:- Alomo Bitter
Yoyo bitters
Aki nwa
Utazi
Bitter Kola
Dogonyaro
Onugbu
Bitter lemon etc.
2Have a healthy nd diabetes free married life.

harbibi: I tire o. Dat its y it is called a joke! Its not suppose to make sense and as such make u laugh. I wonder y d insult. Well some people find it hard to loosen up and laugh sha. They probably feel they r d only ones wit problems so it is a taboo to laugh. Mtshww. Smh.

Then they shouldn't have entered 'JOKES' section, let alone comment.

Me: I need to lose some weight
Me: I think i'll go for a walk. Me: *walks to Iya Basira*!

I'm sorry I offended you when I called you a b.1.t.c.h, I honestly thought you knew.

If one door closes and another one opens...,











...seek help your house is haunted!!!

"Be S~T~R~O~N~G..."









I whispered to my wi-fi signal.

I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.