A girl afta having a boring interc*our$e told his akpos;I didn't knw u hav a small guitar and akpors replied;i didn't knw dat i will be per4min in a big hall

AKPORS FUKKUP.
Akpors and his gang of robbers went to rub a house at nyt.
Since they didnt hav any gunthey decided to giv Akpors bangers to blow at d gate while d rest of them go inside. Atleast dat wil sound like a real gun and scared d people.
"Open dis door b4 we break it" Akpors gang thundered
The door was opened. And a man and his wife with their 4 fiece lukin boys wher in d rum.
"bring out ur money"
Akpors at d gate threw one banger and it went off"baaaang!!!
Akpors gang: do u hear dat gun shot? Bring ur money fast or else we wil cal him. Heis cal 'THE KILLER'
The wife:Papa Emeka giv demmoney o. (Turnin to Akpors gang)Pls we beg u dont cal hm. Dont cal d kiler. Nnemo"
Papa Emeka brot out an evelop containin some money.The gang colected it, nt satisfied wit d amount.They requested 4 mor.
Again Akpors at d gate threwanoda banger and off it went baaaang!!! (each time he threw d banga he would hide himself cover his two ears wit his finger until d banga finish it sound.)
Akpors gang: do u hear dat gun shot frm d Killer outside. We just dont want anybody dead dats why we didnt cal him. If u rily like ursef bring mor money.
Everybody is panikin..
At dat moment Akpors enter.
Akpors: d banger wey una giv me say make i dey blow 4gate don finish o.
Gang: what? U mean d bulet has finish (eyeing Akpors)
Akpors: whch bulet? I hold gun?
Com see beatin..
Akpors and his gang ar now admited in d hospital.
Lol..

on december 25th two little boys were busy trowing banger (a fireworks that explode with a lot of noise) everywere...
So they came to a police check point were akpors a policeman were busy smokingcigareth. As the police man was about to put a cigareth in his mouth the boys threw abanger and it exploded, akpors the policeman mistakingly threw out his cigareth bc of the fear...he taught it was armed robbers who came to attack him. so hepursued the two boys and onthe process their banger fall off and the policeman picked their bangers and put it in his left pocket...then he went back to his duty post. Some minutes later,
A couple came to the check point and said to the policeman: "happy xmas"...and they handed#3,500 naira to him. Akpors the policeman became happy and replied "i wish u the same" and immediately he dipped his hand in his pocketand brought out the banger and put it in his mouth thinking it was his remaining cigareth. Then he lighted the banger.. As he was waving tothe couple
The banger exploded in his mouth....
both the money and his mouth akpors couldnt recognise any of them..
Lolzz
Akpors is at the hospital bed.

A couple had two little
mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10.
They were always getting into
trouble, and their parents knew
that if any mischief occurred in
their town, their sons would get
the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a
clergyman in town had been
successful in disciplining
children, so she asked if he
would speak with her boys. The
clergyman agreed and asked to
see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-
old first, in the morning, with the
older boy to see the clergyman in
the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with
a booming voice, sat the younger
boy down and asked him sternly,
"Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open,
but he made no response, sitting
there with his mouth hanging
open.
The clergyman repeated the
question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt
to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice
some more and shook his finger
in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted
from the room. He ran directly
home and dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found
him in the closet, he asked,"What
happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for
breath, replied: "We are in real
BIG trouble this time! God is
missing, and they think we did
it!"

do you have to write an entire movie script before we see the fun part of the joke.......

Nice but old

binmacc: do you have to write an entire movie script before we see the fun part of the joke.......

is it a must 4 u 2 comment,or do u think it is easy 2 type,abeg shift make I see road,NEXT PERSON pls.

PretiEbony: Nice but old

long tym,where did u go?

Akpors tells a story about his 40th birthday.. Last
week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel
like waking up dat morning. I managed to pull myself
together and go downstairs for breakfast hoping my
wife wud be pleasant and say"happy birthday" and
possibly have a present for me. As it turned out she
barely daid goodmorning let alone happy birthday, I
thought well dats marriage for u, but the kids they
will remember. My kids came trampling down d stairs
to breakfast, ate dia breakfast and didn't say a word
to me. So wen I made it out ofhouse and started for
work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent. As I walked
into my office, my secretary Lucy said "goodmorning
boss, and by the way happy birthday!" It felt a bit
better knwing dat atleast someone remembered. I
worked in a zombie like fashion until about 1pm wen
Lucy knocked on my door andsaid " Ɣou knw its such
a beautiful outside and its ur birthday, why don't we
go out for lunch, just me and u." I said thanks Lucy,
that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go. We
went to lunch but not where we'd usually go. Instead
she took me to a quiet bristowit a private table. We
had couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed my meal
tremendously. On the way back to the office,Lucy
said " u know its such a beautiful day, we don't have
to go right back to the office,do we?" I replied wid, I
suppose not. She said let's go to my apartment, its
just around the corner. After arriving at her apartment
Lucy turned to me and said"Boss if u don't mind, I'm
gonna step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be
right back." Ok, I nervously replied. She went into the
bedroom and after a couple of minutes she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake followed by my wife,
kids,dozens of my friends and my co-workers all
singing happy birthday, and Ijust sat there on the
couch naked!

TEACHER: Class choose between money and brain?
AKPOS : I’d go for the money!
TEACHER : I’d go forbrain!
AKPOS :Well everybody goes for what he doesn’t have.

Mr.T Anonymous:
is it a must 4 u 2 comment,or do u think it is easy 2 type,abeg shift make I see road,NEXT PERSON pls.

yeah i'm the next person! Ur jokes are too long, but funny sha

Akpos was looking at his mum's National ID
card. Its writing on it ....
Name: Matilda Okafor
Age:35.
Marital Status: Married.
Sex: F.....
He started laughing
sooooo loud. His mum asked?Son ΨђåƮ's funny?
Akpos replied....Now i know why Daddy divorced you.
Because u had F in SEX!!!.
.

A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son...
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Without looking up from his game, Akpors pointed out,"When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of TheUnited States."

U are on a bike & it's one fine girl like this that's behindu. U start to think, ''Oboy shey my polo no dirty for back like this......I hope sey my hair no brown shaa.....& i wan dye am this morning b4 o......i hope sey this bastard barber shape d back wella o........mehnn, ­ shey i no get bumps for back of neck like this.......No e no fit show..........' ­'
When all d while, d girl is thinking, ''God, how will i do this chemistry 202 EXAM tomorrow o.....''

Mr.T Anonymous:
Akpos was looking at his mum's National ID
card. Its writing on it ....
Name: Matilda Okafor
Age:35.
Marital Status: Married.
Sex: F.....
He started laughing
sooooo loud. His mum asked?Son ΨђåƮ's funny?
Akpos replied....Now i know why Daddy divorced you.
Because u had F in SEX!!!.
.

A married fellow gets home
early 4rm work & hears strange
noise coming 4rm d bedroom. He
rushes upstairs to find his wife
naked
on d bed sweating & panting.
Wat's
...up? He ask. I am having heart
attack,
cries d wife . He rushes downstairs
to grab d phone but just as he's
dialing, his 4yrs old son comes up
and says daddy! Daddy! Uncleted
is
hiding in ur closet and he is not
wearing clothes. D man slams d
phone and storms upstairs into d
bedroom pass his screaming wife
and sure enough dia is his brother
totally naked cowering on d closet
floor. U bastard!!! Says d husband.
My wife is having heart attack, and
all
u can do is run around d house
naked scaring d kids?

Dad to his son akpos : When I beat you, how do you control your anger ?
Akpos : I start cleaning the toilet.
Dad : How does that satisfy you ?
Akpos : I clean it with your toothbrush..

Akpors was having sex with his boss wife at her house
When suddenly thieves broke in.
Akpors went out of the house
running as fast as he could to his
house.
When he arrived home, his wife
asked, "why are you naked??".....
Akpors replied, "well, i was
attacked by thieves on my way home, they took everything from me"....
Wife: so why is a condom on your
pen*s ?
Akpors: "well, as a grown up man, i
couldn't run home completely
naked. i had to cover some parts."

Mr.T Anonymous:
A married fellow gets home
early 4rm work & hears strange
noise coming 4rm d bedroom. He
rushes upstairs to find his wife
naked
on d bed sweating & panting.
Wat's
...up? He ask. I am having heart
attack,
cries d wife . He rushes downstairs
to grab d phone but just as he's
dialing, his 4yrs old son comes up
and says daddy! Daddy! Uncleted
is
hiding in ur closet and he is not
wearing clothes. D man slams d
phone and storms upstairs into d
bedroom pass his screaming wife
and sure enough dia is his brother
totally naked cowering on d closet
floor. U bastard!!! Says d husband.
My wife is having heart attack, and
all
u can do is run around d house
naked scaring d kids?

mumu husband!

Mr.T Anonymous:
A married fellow gets home
early 4rm work & hears strange
noise coming 4rm d bedroom. He
rushes upstairs to find his wife
naked
on d bed sweating & panting.
Wat's
...up? He ask. I am having heart
attack,
cries d wife . He rushes downstairs
to grab d phone but just as he's
dialing, his 4yrs old son comes up
and says daddy! Daddy! Uncleted
is
hiding in ur closet and he is not
wearing clothes. D man slams d
phone and storms upstairs into d
bedroom pass his screaming wife
and sure enough dia is his brother
totally naked cowering on d closet
floor. U bastard!!! Says d husband.
My wife is having heart attack, and
all
u can do is run around d house
naked scaring d kids?

The man is a learner
9s one

Girlfriend: Honey, help ­ me with
your phone for a minute.
Boyfriend: okey, wait i switch it
on
(he deletes
messages,
delete
photos,
deletes videos,
logs
out from facebook,
formats
the memory card) here is
the phone, I have nothing
to hide.
Girlfriend: ok dear,just wanted to
check the time so as to set
mine.
Boyfriend:what?

Nice and funny jokes Mr T.

Xymc...:
Nice and funny jokes Mr T.

tanx 4 d comp.
Here is something interestingfor
you
Just read One day, a pastor was with a
women’s
congregation and he asked them: Pastor (question): Can those with
husbands raise
up their hands? Ladies: (They all raised their
hands). Pastor (question): How many of
you love their
husbands Ladies: (They all raised their
hands) Pastor (question): Areyou sure
ladies before
God? Can I prophesy? Ladies:Yes!!! Pastor (question): When did you
last tell your
husbands that “you love him" Ladies: (Various answers but
some of them said)- “today
when leaving the house”, “last
night”,
"when we went to bed”, “This
morning when I woke up”, Pastor: Each one of you should
send a message
“ I love you” to your husband
now. Ladies: They all sent thetest
message “I love you” Pastorsaid: Exchange your
phones Ladies: They all exchanged their
phones Pastor: Read out loudthe replies
from the
husbands. Here are the replies to the
messages from their
husbands: 1. Is this message lost 2. Aaaah who is this? 3. Am I dreaming?? 4. What is the matter!!?? 5. What do you mean!!!! 6. Could it be that you need
money!!? 7. Did you smashmy car?? 8. The messageshould be sent
back to the
intended owner!!!! 9. To hell!!!!!!!!! 10. I will beat you to death today
until you tell me
to whom the message was
intended!!!!!!

Akpors walked into the office one
morning not
knowing his zipper was downand his
fly area wide
open.
His assistant walked up to him and
said, "This
morning when you left your house,
did you close
your garage door?"
Akpors told her he knew he'dclosed
the garage
door, and walked into his office
puzzled by the
question. As he finished his
paperwork, he
suddenly noticed his fly was open,
and zipped it
up. He then understood his assistant's
question
about his "garage door."
He headed out for a cup of coffee and
paused by
her desk to ask, "When my garage
door was open,
did you see my shiny Hummerparked
in there?"
She smiled and said, "No, I didn't.
All I saw was an old, dull, minivan
with two flat
tires."

Teacher: Who is the president of Iraq?
Boy: I don't know Mrs
Teacher: You need to fucus more on your studies.
Boy: Please mrs, can I aske aquestion?
Teacher: Yes
Boy: Do you know Mercy?
Teacher: No. Why?
Boy: You need to focus more on your husband. :

Man: I am getting married. How would I know if my wife isa virgin?
Doc : Get a Virginity test kit.
Man: What's that?
Doc : Get a Can of Red Paint, a can of
Blue Paint and a hammer.
Man: What ? Are you mad?
Doc : Paint your right Ball Redand Left Ball Blue and as you remove your
underwear, if your wife says,'that's the
strangest pair of balls I've ever seen' Hit her head with the hammer !

Mr.T Anonymous:
Man: I am getting married. How would I know if my wife isa virgin?
Doc : Get a Virginity test kit.
Man: What's that?
Doc : Get a Can of Red Paint, a can of
Blue Paint and a hammer.
Man: What ? Are you mad?
Doc : Paint your right Ball Redand Left Ball Blue and as you remove your
underwear, if your wife says,'that's the
strangest pair of balls I've ever seen' Hit her head with the hammer !

nice one....

funny

binmacc: do you have to write an entire movie script before we see the fun part of the joke.......

and do u av 2 comment?

Mr.T Anonymous:
Man: I am getting married. How would I know if my wife isa virgin?
Doc : Get a Virginity test kit.
Man: What's that?
Doc : Get a Can of Red Paint, a can of
Blue Paint and a hammer.
Man: What ? Are you mad?
Doc : Paint your right Ball Redand Left Ball Blue and as you remove your
underwear, if your wife says,'that's the
strangest pair of balls I've ever seen' Hit her head with the hammer !

The bomb, keep them coming.

One day Akpos and John were
watching T.V when the
news came on, showing a man
standing on a bridge
about to commit suicide,
suddenly Apkos said "I'll bet N500
that the guy won't jump
off", John said I bet
N500 that he will jump.
Unfortunately for Akpos the
man jumped off the bridge,
Akpos accepted his fate and
stretched forth the money
but John didn't take it, saying"I
can't take the money coz I cheated, I
already saw the
news this morning" but
Akpos insisted and said"no you
can take it, I cheated
too, I also watched the news
this morning, I just din't knowthe guy
will be stupid
enough to jump again!"
How many likes for Akporsstupidity

Mr.T Anonymous:
TEACHER: Class choose between money and brain?
AKPOS : I’d go for the money!
TEACHER : I’d go forbrain!
AKPOS :Well everybody goes for what he doesn’t have.

yeah....u nid brains too