devour129: Please a child that will succeed will succeed no matter if the parents are there[b]{although people with grounded parents have a slightly better advantage)[/b]growing up we{mi siblings and i} toiled all our lives with out parents.from school to the shop even till university,while we were in secondary school,we wore uniforms discarded by other kids ,the story is too long jor but i tell you,we all finished school with good results,we all are married with kids and although mi folks are now better off,nobody ask them for anything cos we are not afraid of hard work ! mi point is make your life what you want it to be even if your folks are there or not,nobody cares what you wear or were you shop,live within your means,keep away from bad friends and don't sell your self for money as a last resort.am a very pretty girl even after 2 boys so you could imagine how pretty i was as a younger girl(not boosting)but i have gone to bed hungry for 4-5 days at a stretch and i never sold myself for money but you had school food and you are crying ?

I disagree with your first statement totally. My dad made a genius out of me. If not for him I would have just been an average child.
Parents MUST learn to train their children not only academically but otherwise. Most bad behavior in children should be blamed on their parents cos they usually don't start on time to train/discipline the kids and by the time they know it, the kids are out of hand for example you see your child being so disrespectful to people and you start hearing excuses like this from the parents '' oh he/she is still a child'', or "haha, he got it from his dad or mum"

I've witnessed it and I'm telling u it didn't end well for both the child and the parents

Wetin man no go hear for this NL?

"The Koko, the koko, the koko" -- Abefe Ibadiaran addresses the issue of male hygiene


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSEaXb9X0A8

@ op the end justifies the means now u are very ok and cOmfortable despite d facts that u designed ur life the way u wanted it u chose to go look for greener Pastyre by running away from where they put u so bear d consequence an let those that want to travel to good people from naija to UK go everyone must have a story in this life

All I can say is "abroad is not END to any of our problems its the BEGINNING of the means of survival" either by studying there or emigrating there,everyone is going to start from where we don't expect"

[quote author=Michky]OP, please don't mind many of those useless comment before mine. This matter is quite emotional and i believe it should be treated as such. As you rightly pointed out, misplaced priorities is a huge problem in today's families. I don't know why people still feel the obligation to bear children or send them abroad (without adequate attention) for heavens sakes. Dullards, that what they are. Abeg, don't mind them jare. I, and a few others here, understand how you feel and the lesson you're trying to convey. God bless you for sharing.[/quote
There is realy no point calling any o ne's post useles cos out of useless you find useful, my point is:OP says she was a KID when she was sent abroad, now tell me how does a 16 year Old get sent to the Uk from Nigeria Legally without the parents accompanying them or a Legal guardian? mind you Im talking someone not up to 18 years old or even 16,from the story the parents are in Nigeria etc to be honest with you the whole of my Adult hood was spent here in the UK I was i n my very early 20s when I came over here, No help at all but I made my choice.Life is choice driven anyhow you lay ur bed so shall you sleep on em

Kamsy10:

I disagree with your first statement totally. My dad made a genius out of me. If not for him I would have just been an average child.
Parents MUST learn to train their children not only academically but otherwise. Most bad behavior in children should be blamed on their parents cos they usually don't start on time to train/discipline the kids and by the time they know it, the kids are out of hand for example you see your child being so disrespectful to people and you start hearing excuses like this from the parents '' oh he/she is still a child'', "haha, he got it from his dad"

I've witnessed it didn't end well for both the child and the parents

No entirely true, check what kids of billionaires are doing all over the world, the get first class training everywhere they go still they still flops if not for the wealth of their parents

UK CALLS!!! . . . I Can't wait

@op. . Quite Sad. . Bt Life is what we make of it

Adura_ngba: This is so true. Go to Hackney, Peckham and all those places in London and you will see such type of kids all over the place, boys and girls and you wonder which homes they come out from.

Sister worldwide that's the sad storey, at least them ones got homes to go back to, how about them ones in Nigeria who aint got no homes to go back to, some become rich, some die why some cant be catigorised

So JB and 190 still dey live? hhmmmmm

erico2k2:
Sister worldwide that's the sad storey, at least them ones got homes to go back to, how about them ones in Nigeria who aint got no homes to go back to, some become rich, some die why some cant be catigorised

Who is comparing with those back in Nigeria. you are one of those who dont want anything negative said about Europe, you always say, shebi worse things happen in Nigeria. mtcheewww.

OP, this is a touching story but I'm thankful for the comic relief that is your name. Is that the name you were bearing when in the UK:
Abefe Ibadiaran

Your story seems sad, but a LOT has changed since the 80s!! Skinners school and Pembury are still there though... with face-lifts.

warrior101: So JB and 190 still dey live? hhmmmmm

Did you send hire assassin to them?

braine: The story is sad. But as some get spoiled, some get better; and it depends on the person. At age 11, one should know a bit of right from wrong. Its not every good person was taken care by their parents and not everyone neglected that turn bad.

Using myself as an example; one one at home cared what my grades where in school - secondary school through university - all they knew was that I was advancing. But that didn't gimme the excuse to be unserious and depend or associate with bad friends as I knew its all about me; and its name that will be on my certificates and not my parents or my guardian.

A child will turn out to be what they want to be, whether their parents are around and attention paying or not.

I think its the writer that should be blamed for her outcome as I believe her parents put her welfare in place before she was sent to the UK.

you've said it rightly. i do tell younger ones that a squeeze on an orange wont make it spill out lemon juice. in life, everyone would get a squeeze and no matter how young or old, you spill out the juice of what you really are.

Adura_ngba:

Who is comparing with those back in Nigeria. you are one of those who dont want anything negative said about Europe, you always say, shebi worse things happen in Nigeria. mtcheewww.

How did I mean (not wanting anything negative to be said about Europe)? is it just Europe we have in the world? try and re read my post pay attention to the bit where I made mention WORLDWIDE,I got a good name for you but I have a hatred for name calling

sometimes i feel like its not good posting anything in NL

ok

born2fuck: Did you send hire assassin to them?

See your mind... shior

kalunomics: sometimes i feel like its not good posting anything in NL

Why?
This is a serious topic o.

One thing that i think everyone should always think about is bearing d number of children they can adequately and responsibly catered for.

Parenthood is not by force, it is by choice, if you have decided/chosen to be a parent...........be a responsible parent..........so that, at d end, whatever d child turns out to be, you will boldly say...........I DID WHAT I COULD DO, I TRIED MY BEST AS A PARENT, I REAP WHAT I SOW.

May God help us all.

lekibraky: @ op the end justifies the means now u are very ok and cOmfortable despite d facts that u designed ur life the way u wanted it u chose to go look for greener Pastyre by running away from where they put u so bear d consequence an let those that want to travel to good people from naija to UK go everyone must have a story in this life

You are a fool who can never learn. I pray ur own story doesn't end in death.

[size=18pt]I said it on the Nigerian London suicide thread I say it again
Why are Nigerians quick to send their children to London or give their kids away to foster parents all in the name of oyibo upbringing.
It is beginning to backfire big time
The kids are turning into murderers and gang bangers[/size]


Popular examples of Nigerian kids abandoned in London by parents

The fashanu brothers
Victoria Ositeku that organized a killing last year
Seal the musician

Its sometimes a status symbol for some people when they have kids living over there in the U.k.The upbringing is African.The ones that came back to Nigeria for secondary school education and back for university education sometimes appreciate what there parents did for them.

Bla Bla Bla . . . I know a family where the father shuttles heavily between Lagos & London and they are the most adorable family you'd ever meet. Horses for causes!

parents have 50% while kids have 50% also to contribute to kids future.
most often than not, good kids with good parents make the best out of life though there are exceptions.
By and large the two parties are responsible.
Thank God for my mother.

modicum: I came to UK in the 80s, went to Skinners school for girls in Stamford hill where I failed woefully. I come from a family that going abroad was like going to the market for us. I lived with my sister-in-law who I happened to have appeared to as a burden at the time. I had no one to take me out as a child, didn't enjoy McDonalds's treats, remember been bought KFC once by my mother's younger sister who was in UK at the time. Most days I had to walk from Pembury estate, Hackney to Stamford hill because I had no transport fee. An uncle got me free school meals from the government so I always had lunch at school but other meals hhhhmmm not guaranteed....

No one ever asked me how I was doing in school even thou I was a failure, never disclosed my report sheet because my results were always 'U- Unclassified' worse than F9. I lived at the expense of few of my brother's friends who were ready to give me £5 in exchange of me seating on their laps whilst they used my nipples as a toy. On few occasions my immediate families would give me £5, £10 but NONE EVER TOOK ME ON AS HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITY. One glorious day, a brother of mine took me on when he noticed that I have been associating with friends that were smoking and sexing at the age of 12,13.14,15 but due to malicious beating everyday I had no choice other than to run away from his house. ....

I became streetwise, smoking heavily at the age of 11/12, did my first abortion at the age of 14/15. I was unable to contact my mother because I had no access to telephone moreover i didn't know how to use the phones then. I lived with a Jamaican friend who was few years older than me and we had a man friend aged 50t whom was impotent but would pay our rent whenever we allowed him to lick/suck us. Hhhhmmmm I'm sobbing as I'm writing this; I don't know why my spirit has led me to share this horrific and pathetic story on www but I am sure it is to bless someone outthere so I am not ashamed of letting it out because someone outthere will think twice before making the mistake my family made.

Myself and friends began to find it easy to be befriending men for money at night clubs (Golivers, Petter Stringfellows etc) at that very young age in which I found disgusting but was never slept with but they molested my body orally. I can't even carry on expressing my bitter past experiences because I have learnt to see them as my strengths that made me who I am today....

The koko of this post is this.... Now in UK we see Nigerian children killing, shooting, stabbing, selling drugs, raping etc and we wonder why they are ridiculing our darling country's name.... Hhhhmmmm it is not the kids fault it is the fault of the parents that weren't ready to prioritise their priorities. I can't blame my mother and neither can I blame my father because they don't like to get involved in the way our brothers and sisters were bringing us up. They believed when you give a goat to someone, you let go of the rope, least do they knew that their darling daughter had become something else..... You may be boosting that your child lives in London, America etc but do you ever ask yourself how life is treating them where they are

So many parents in Nigeria believe the field is greener on the other side forgetting that NO ONE CAN TRAIN YOUR KIDS THE WAY YOU CAN EXCEPT LOVING & GOD FEARING PEOPLE. In UK so many Nigerian parents have misplaced their priorities, they rather work 24/7, make all monies to build mansions in Nigeria at the expense of their children's lives. So many Nigerian parents in UK don't even attend parents's evening at their kids school, some can't even help their kids with homework. Some belief their kids are at home and they are safe not knowing who is there with them. Some would rather spoil their kids with money & expensive outfits instead of investing quality time in them.

Sending your kids abroad to be looked after by someone else is a pure waste of time and bringing your own kids from 9ja without giving them all the time needed is an irresponsible move and to be working all God sent hours, making sterling, dollars, euro, naira etc without spending quality time with your kids is a disgrace to parenthood. This is one of our bad irresponsible cultures, most children in Nigeria were brought up by housemaids/gateman/next door/grandmother/ neighbour etc. Nigerians don't believe in family planning rather they will have so many children and start using them to hawk sweets, bread etc after school...

Having a child is not by force, God did not say YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN, YES HE STATED 'MULTIPLY' but he didn't mean we should do it to suffer them. Having children does not mean you will live your life joyfully and it doesn't give you a place in heaven either, instead your children may make you to miss heaven if care is not taken.

I am a product of a neglected, nonchalant, cultural upbringing and I WILL NEVER WISH IT ON MY GREATEST ENEMY BECAUSE I HAD IT ROUGH AND IN SADNESS. Let us stop being selfish for ones and stop pushing our problems/burdens on others. Your child should be with you no matter how poor or rich you are and you must teach them in the ways of God, NOT YOUR OWN STANDARDS....

Some parents in Nigeria don't mind if their children are sleeping with big men for money, it is saddddddd

BY:ABEFE IBADIARAN

Great post and a very informative one too!

..... We really need to stop and re evaluate as a people.Indian,philipinos,chinese(i have why i said those countries)too are immigrants abeg.....

Lord Frederick Lugard boasted that we shall always be their best customer. You have tried your best to let us know what has been going on there for over
100 years. Unknown to us, most of the missionaries, adventurers and other colonialists who left UK to Nigeria were people trying to get away from
problems in Britain.

pussy cat, pussy cat
Where have you been?
I have been to London to see the Queen.

We have been taught to get out of the country to qualify to aspire to come back to Nigeria to live in a mansion, even if it is only for a few months before we die.
What UK is to us, is what France is to its ex-colonies. The bond is difficult to break, because we are too busy to stop and re-evaluate.

1960 gave us political independence, but not cultural independence. That is why it will be difficult to Think Before You Send Your Kids....

born2fuck: I tire, I waka with legs,waka pass. Shake head when I see long comprehension passage, cheats from other commenting as usual way of passing exam when you are tired of reading.life no get duplicate, I no go let one post kill me

i just did this

I hope people are taking note
It is unwise to send off a young impressionable kid thousands of miles away
It is hard enough to keep kids under your roof in check
Some children have rotted right under their parents watch and some could not make it if the parents didn't persist
What chance then does a young person with wayward tendencies have when the people that brought them into the world abdicate their duties to others?
Status symbol someone says,suicidal mission IMHO

I remember the story of a London returnee a few years ago that murdered her mother in Lagos without any remorse
Did anyone read her story of abuse?

braine: The story is sad. But as some get spoiled, some get better; and it depends on the person. At age 11, one should know a bit of right from wrong. Its not every good person was taken care by their parents and not everyone neglected that turn bad.

Using myself as an example; one one at home cared what my grades where in school - secondary school through university - all they knew was that I was advancing. But that didn't gimme the excuse to be unserious and depend or associate with bad friends as I knew its all about me; and its name that will be on my certificates and not my parents or my guardian.

A child will turn out to be what they want to be, whether their parents are around and attention paying or not.

I think its the writer that should be blamed for her outcome as I believe her parents put her welfare in place before she was sent to the UK.

Have you ever been starved before? You reply is like you practice such yourself.
All she was trying to say is that parents should be responsible.If you dont need children do not bring them to the world because God will ask from you what you did with their lives.
Only God can save this world, where we have irresponsible father,mother and govenment.