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Help Me Out. - Family - Nairaland

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Help Me Out. by Odunnu: 7:18pm On Feb 12, 2013
royalistic: My heart is aching that i need to talk to someone so i can feel a little relieved. i have been married for atleast eight yrs, i have been so loving and caring to my husband and above all VERY FAITHFUL. he knows all these yet he most times shows little or no concern about it for the past 3 or 4yrs now. my most heart breaking problem now is his promiscuity is beyond what i can imagine my own husband to be part of. he flirts with both young girls and old ladies far older that him. He is 33+ n am 31 we have 4kids yes he foots our feeding bills but never worries about our looks nor spends time with us. rather he uses every little time he stays in house to chart with his laptop or pin with his bb. ones i decided to. have a proper check with d bb phone he use to use before he gave it to me 4 a new one my heart bleed with his promiscous charts pons and sms i saw. when i try to questions him concrning it he turn it into fight and later blocked the phone and i can only call. receive or sms. What can i do cause our marriage is gradually sinking cos no more life of relationship or romance in it. pls help with drastic ideas i can use to comfront him .realistically
http://www.nairaland.com/751757/please-post-complaints-here-please/6#751757.198
Re: Help Me Out. by Sagamite(m): 7:51pm On Feb 12, 2013
Your marriage has sunk, not sinking. Find someone new or suggest polygamy to him.
Re: Help Me Out. by Odunnu: 7:53pm On Feb 12, 2013
shocked
Re: Help Me Out. by slimyem: 8:08pm On Feb 12, 2013
Seems like the man has long taken a walk for real.
...like he's only staying married and responsible for just feeding because he is obligated to.undecided
Once a man has swayed this way,getting things back to the way it used to be is almost impossible.undecided
Obviously he has lost respect for you as a wife and the marraige institution itself.It explains why he makes no effort to hide his irresponsible and inappropriate acts.
Re: Help Me Out. by aadetoyin(f): 8:30pm On Feb 12, 2013
Eh yah. Its really sad but I think he is less interested in d marriage. Try talkin to him and let him know how much he is hurting u. Ask where u ve gone wrong. And if there is someone he respects u can ask d person to help u talk to him.
or just try to see if both of u can go for counselling.
goodluck dear.
Re: Help Me Out. by Nobody: 8:33pm On Feb 12, 2013
@Odunnu... I feel your pain concerning this woman and her kids at 31( 4 kids!) , but I'm afraid this is beyond NL solution but proper Psychologist solution and family meeting to re-evaluate the man's sanity and well being.

Madam OP,I don't wish your situation on my enemy, however, I think you and your kids deserve to be happy, Good luck in your coming therapy sessions.

P.S - Do not subject your kids to any form of abuse from this man because you desperately want a change, if you do Lord knows I'll strangle you if I could .( btw what gender are those kids? All girls perhaps ?)

I am very sad right now. Is marriage by force?

OP do you have a job?
Re: Help Me Out. by born2boink(m): 9:41pm On Feb 12, 2013
Never let your life depend on men wealth or characters, if you have a job, focus on your work, your saving and your children.....life is to short to be sad, if you haven't got children, he would have probably drive you away...... The roots of the problem start from the foundation of your relationship before marriage, most ladies believe when a man is wealthy or have a good job, the rest is minor,that is what they get at the end of the day... He may have been sleepingg with girls even before marriage and you never care to studied him because you have seen material things to settle for....

As the bible said, prayer fix all things....fast for seven days, pray and if he still doesn't change, focuss on your work, join a church choir and usher, you have a christian family to cheer you up and treat your husband with respect.

3 Likes

Re: Help Me Out. by ifyalways(f): 9:58pm On Feb 12, 2013
born2fuck: Never let your life depend on men wealth or characters, if you have a job, focus on your work, your saving and your children.....life is to short to be sad, if you haven't got children, he would have probably drive you away...... The roots of the problem start from the foundation of your relationship before marriage, most ladies believe when a man is wealthy or have a good job, the rest is minor,that is what they get at the end of the day... He may have been sleepingg with girls even before marriage and you never care to studied him because you have seen material things to settle for....

As the bible said, prayer fix all things....fast for seven days, pray and if he still doesn't change, focuss on your work, join a church choir and usher, you have a christian family to cheer you up and treat your husband with respect.
Na you type dis?B2F shocked shocked

2 Likes

Re: Help Me Out. by Odunnu: 10:44pm On Feb 12, 2013
born2fuck: Never let your life depend on men wealth or characters, if you have a job, focus on your work, your saving and your children.....life is to short to be sad, if you haven't got children, he would have probably drive you away...... The roots of the problem start from the foundation of your relationship before marriage, most ladies believe when a man is wealthy or have a good job, the rest is minor,that is what they get at the end of the day... He may have been sleepingg with girls even before marriage and you never care to studied him because you have seen material things to settle for....

As the bible said, prayer fix all things....fast for seven days, pray and if he still doesn't change, focuss on your work, join a church choir and usher, you have a christian family to cheer you up and treat your husband with respect.
Woowzeezzz shocked shocked
Wale! That is a good one. Never knew you could be this lucid, religious, wellmannered and intelligent. You just blew my mind! cheesy cheesy
Re: Help Me Out. by dayokanu(m): 11:26pm On Feb 12, 2013
Odunnu:
Woowzeezzz shocked shocked
Wale! That is a good one. Never knew you could be this lucid, religious, wellmannered and intelligent. You just blew my mind! cheesy cheesy

Now what are you waiting for?

A well endowed, talented and religious brother.

Oya odunnu fix date sharp sharp

Odunnu and walestar 2013
Re: Help Me Out. by greatgod2012(f): 11:30pm On Feb 12, 2013
Seems d man is no longer interested in d marriage again, perhaps, hes in another relationship which he prefer to this, hence, his attempt to frustrate this woman.
My concern now is how dis woman will single-handedly cater and train d four children they've got together, because i see d man as a "goner".
May God help her.
Re: Help Me Out. by slimyem: 11:31pm On Feb 12, 2013
Born2fuck?
The Lord is goood!!!shockedshockedshockedshocked
Re: Help Me Out. by obowunmi(m): 11:51pm On Feb 12, 2013
broda Bornfuck is very on point.
Re: Help Me Out. by obowunmi(m): 11:51pm On Feb 12, 2013
slimyem: Born2fuck?
The Lord is goood!!!shockedshockedshockedshocked

wetin con dey do ya eyes na? grin grin
Re: Help Me Out. by aieromon(m): 11:52pm On Feb 12, 2013
born2fuck: Never let your life depend on men wealth or characters, if you have a job, focus on your work, your saving and your children.....life is to short to be sad, if you haven't got children, he would have probably drive you away...... The roots of the problem start from the foundation of your relationship before marriage, most ladies believe when a man is wealthy or have a good job, the rest is minor,that is what they get at the end of the day... He may have been sleepingg with girls even before marriage and you never care to studied him because you have seen material things to settle for....

As the bible said, prayer fix all things....fast for seven days, pray and if he still doesn't change, focuss on your work, join a church choir and usher, you have a christian family to cheer you up and treat your husband with respect.

Sorry,I posted this comment using born2fuck's I.D by mistake. grin
Re: Help Me Out. by obowunmi(m): 11:53pm On Feb 12, 2013
its a new year.... I suspect, broda born2fuck is going to settle down with one nice ashawo

3 Likes

Re: Help Me Out. by QueenAw(f): 12:01am On Feb 13, 2013
Sounds like a collapsed marriage to me. I suggest the wife tells him that she'll leave him and take her kids along. I've seen where this worked. Some men behave the way they do because they feel the wife will never and can never leave. That might get him thinking about the effects of his actions and the reality of losing his kids. Better still, let an elder in the family inform him that his wife is seeking divorce. He is young and just immature. Also, he married young. Perhaps at 25 when a lot of his mates were still chasing skirts around town.
Plan B, if he calls her bluff, she should just stay jeje and seek God's intervention. Or she should really plan on leaving him. No human should be unhappy for the rest of their lives. I hope she has the means to cater for herself and her kids.
But, when did she start to notice all this? And she kept on popping kids for him? I know someone that due to her husband's bad behavior, she stopped at kid number 2.

Best wishes.

P.s- don't believe that crap that no matter how bad a marriage is, one should endure. That's BS! Most mental abuse is worst than physical!
Re: Help Me Out. by Gboliwe: 6:04am On Feb 13, 2013
aieromon:

Sorry,I posted this comment using born2fuck's I.D by mistake. grin
I for say. I myself suspected an intrusion.
OP: I think you should listen to b2f. Get busy. Join groups, be happy at all cost because happiness radiates the soul, rejuvenating the body and skin as well. Always look good. Time shall tell

1 Like

Re: Help Me Out. by Nobody: 9:00am On Feb 13, 2013
Hmmm marriage no be beans oooo...
Re: Help Me Out. by Sagamite(m): 10:27am On Feb 13, 2013
Odunnu: shocked

The marriage institution has failed and is still failing in most parts of the world, more so in Nigeria (monogamy does not seem to work in that environment especially).
Re: Help Me Out. by ferhyntorlah(f): 1:15pm On Feb 13, 2013
Sagamite:
(monogamy does not seem to work in that environment especially).

It doesn't work for some doesn't mean it doesn't work for others. It depends on individual beliefs, personality and GOD factor.
Re: Help Me Out. by Sagamite(m): 2:29pm On Feb 13, 2013
ferhyntorlah:

It doesn't work for some doesn't mean it doesn't work for others.

You are right!

I should have said: "monogamy, by and large, does not seem to work in that environment especially"
Re: Help Me Out. by Tgirl4real(f): 2:38pm On Feb 13, 2013
born2fuck:
As the bible said, prayer fix all things....fast for seven days, pray and if he still doesn't change, focuss on your work, join a church choir and usher, you have a christian family to cheer you up and treat your husband with respect.

I call this living in denial. D same process that has made many miserable for years. Smiling outside, crying inside.
Re: Help Me Out. by hbabe(f): 2:50pm On Feb 13, 2013
If the lady in question cannot stand the heat, she should get out of the kitchen. Marriage is not by force and it should be enjoyed not endured.
Re: Help Me Out. by Nobody: 2:57pm On Feb 13, 2013
Tgirl4real:

I call this living in denial. D same process that has made many miserable for years. Smiling outside, crying inside.

Marriage doesn't have to define who you are or give you status in life Tee, she doesn't have to be miserable if she want, life is how you make it,life is too short to be on hold for another human being.

if I'm in her shoes, I will shut him out completely ( live like roommates ) and move on with what BTF advice( not necessary in that order) , life goes on, kids to raise, travel , meet new people, concentrate on my job , where's the time for him ? By the time he's back to his senses, I'm far away already.
Re: Help Me Out. by Tgirl4real(f): 3:14pm On Feb 13, 2013
jidegirl12:

Marriage doesn't have to define who you are or give you status in life Tee, she doesn't have to be miserable if she want, life is how you make it,life is too short to be on hold for another human being.


How have I said otherwise? I guess u didn't get d sarcasm in my post. I'm also saying she shouldn't live a miserable life by acting like all is well when all is not well.
Re: Help Me Out. by Odunnu: 6:51pm On Feb 13, 2013
dayokanu:

Now what are you waiting for?

A well endowed, talented and religious brother.

Oya odunnu fix date sharp sharp

Odunnu and walestar 2013
How do you know he is well endowed and talented?
Bia DK, dont tell me you've joined them o.
Re: Help Me Out. by Odunnu: 6:54pm On Feb 13, 2013
hbabe: If the lady in question cannot stand the heat, she should get out of the kitchen. Marriage is not by force and it should be enjoyed not endured.
miguo 'Kewe. How body? Long time. Have you seen the latest exploit of your guy? What a shame.
Re: Help Me Out. by dayokanu(m): 7:00pm On Feb 13, 2013
Odunnu:
How do you know he is well endowed and talented?
Bia DK, dont tell me you've joined them o.

He usually brags about his exploits everywhere
Re: Help Me Out. by Odunnu: 7:03pm On Feb 13, 2013
dayokanu:

He usually brags about his exploits everywhere
So his braggings equals his truthfulness? C'mon DK. Bragging about exploits and having a heavy bandoka are two different things.
Re: Help Me Out. by dayokanu(m): 7:07pm On Feb 13, 2013
Odunnu:
So his braggings equals his truthfulness? C'mon DK. Bragging about exploits and having a heavy bandoka are two different things.

Have you sampled his bandoka before to know he is lying about it

odunnu, I dey suspect you these days oo
Re: Help Me Out. by Odunnu: 7:24pm On Feb 13, 2013
dayokanu:

Have you sampled his bandoka before to know he is lying about it

odunnu, I dey suspect you these days oo
See you! Are you trying to trade places? Nah! I wont let you. You are the one on the spotlight now. Enjoy it.
So, you know he is endowed and talented? Hmmm. Any more?

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