My husband says he luv me but dont show it in his character. His mother speaks bad of me to her friends, calls me out as early as 5:00am to cook nd clean the whole compund while there are younger ones at home to do the work yet my husband wont say anything about it. Even in the afternoon, she wont allow me rest at all. Pls i need advice on what to do!

When you complained to your husband about his mother's wicked and controlling ways, what did he say? Have you tried locking your door so that she can't come in to wake you at 5 am?

What are you doing in her compound, are you visiting?

Why are you living with your MIL?
...and don't you have a job or something?
Why does she have so much control over you?

If she locks her door, MIL will bang it till she opens and if she doesn't open, she'll be committing more crimes.

@op
It seems you live in your husbandks family house. If that's the case, then I'm sorry to tell you that you'll have to continue to endure it all. It may not end anytime soon. It can only get worse. You and your hubby should get your own space.

are you living together?

ileobatojo: When you complained to your husband about his mother's wicked and controlling ways, what did he say? Have you tried locking your door so that she can't come in to wake you at 5 am?

i hv complained to him several times but he keeps telling me to exercise a little patience cos he is still building his own house. Nd that of lockind the door, if u do it she will be heating things at the door nd shouting ur name until u come out.

Luvlystar:
i hv complained to him several times but he keeps telling me to exercise a little patience cos he is still building his own house. Nd that of lockind the door, if u do it she will be heating things at the door nd shouting ur name until u come out.

Oh, you live in her house? Then you have to live by her rules. Sorry. Right now all I see you can do is to beg your husband to move you to your own apartment for now. Perhaps you should get a job to help financially.

from. all indications u are married to a mummy boy,she sees u as a competitor and she will want to dominate u,from the look of things i wont be surprise if she is the one feeding u.and i think before marriage u and her were not on good terms so fortuntely for her ,you are now living under her authority,baby u dey under real problem ooooo

I thought when you are married , you are free/ liberated from rules forever but I guess that's still not the case for some people.

OP well, sorry to break this to you but you gonna have to either;
1. Suck it up until your site is ready and continue living in bondage with a bully.
OR
2. Rent/ lease a room far away and live in peace there and haul your other stuff in the garage.

Pele.

Why dont you talk with your hubby about this and probably ask him to get a room apartment for you pple to be managing till your site is completed. Life is too short to continually live in misery.

greatgod2012: Why dont you talk with your hubby about this and probably ask him to get a room apartment for you pple to be managing till your site is completed. Life is too short to continually live in misery.

he wont get an apartment , the guy must have been living in his moms house and sees no reason why he should leave the place , and whatever the lady tells him he will tell his mother , and the mother in law will look at the wife as if she wants to bring a division between she and her son, the wife should have sorted this issue out before marrying and moving into the mother in laws house

onatisi:
he wont get an apartment , the guy must have been living in his moms house and sees no reason why he should leave the place , and whatever the lady tells him he will tell his mother , and the mother in law will look at the wife as if she wants to bring a division between she and her son, the wife should have sorted this issue out before marrying and moving into the mother in laws house

you are right sir, but let her try first, nothing wrong in trying, or is this how she will continue to live in continous misery and helplessness. Though, she shouldnt have concurred to the arrangement b4, but maybe, who knows, d MIL might not show this kind of wickedness to her b4 she tied d knot, hence, her approval, at least to help her hubby save money for d completion f their site, now that things have fallen apart now, i think she has d right to speak up with her hubby.
May God help us all.

greatgod2012:

you are right sir, but let her try first, nothing wrong in trying, or is this how she will continue to live in continous misery and helplessness. Though, she shouldnt have concurred to the arrangement b4, but maybe, who knows, d MIL might not show this kind of wickedness to her b4 she tied d knot, hence, her approval, at least to help her hubby save money for d completion f their site, now that things have fallen apart now, i think she has d right to speak up with her hubby.
May God help us all.

i understand ur concern for her , but u have to understand something here , that mother in law is somehow well to do , i am almost certain they all share teh same pot , the completion of that house will be determined by the mother in law , i can bet it with u , this is what happenes when ladies rush into marriage with well to do guys who are mommies boy

Lmao OP, you agreed to stay in family compound and expect to not be treated like one of the children. Pele o, queen luvly. If you want to be a queen, get a job and you and that baby you married should get a space. I don't know how people agree to marry a man that cannot afford a roof over his head. Some basic things ought to be in place before even considering if you are both ready. You will have to live by the woman of the house's rules, till you babies decide to take your lives to the next level and act like adults who are supposed to be married. What do you mean is he deceiving you? Surely you have seen this house he claims to be building. You seem a bit gullible and slow. You should know better than us anyhow. If he's building, manage yourself till your house is ready. You are already in it anyway. Don't blame your MIL, she doesn't want lifetime guests. So the more uncomfortable she makes you, the faster you both move out.

OP,I have a friend who a similar thing happened to.The only respite was that she worked in a bank and that was a sort of excuse for her to leave home early and come in late so she and MIL rarely saw each other weekdays.Weekends she always formed one thing or the other to take her out.But what kind of existence is that where you cant go home to relax?A mans home is his/her place of refuge.Thankfully they had no kids yet.Her hubby too was like he wanted to save to build their own place like those people whose parents no get house no dey build house .

Anyways as soon as she fell pregnant they absolutely had to move.The guy kept saying he could not affor it with his current project so my friend had to fork out 60% of the rent for her own peace of mind.THAT my love seems to be the way out.Though if your hubby will not stand up for you in front of his mum ,be prepared for her to say you want to take her son from her SMH at the way some people think Good thing is there is a lil distance by then so you wont care anyway.

onatisi:
i understand ur concern for her , but u have to understand something here , that mother in law is somehow well to do , i am almost certain they all share teh same pot , the completion of that house will be determined by the mother in law , i can bet it with u , this is what happenes when ladies rush into marriage with well to do guys who are mommies boy

then, if that is d case, if d op can afford it, let her get a room apartment for herself and if d man really love his wife as he claims, then nobody will tell him b4 following her wife.
Sometimes, it takes a party to prove an issue to d other party thru action for d other party to really get d message.
Afterall, life is just too short for one to be continually living ones life like this, make she no come get hypertension, because of marriage.

chaircover: It really annoys me when inmatire boys get married and turn their wives into family wives but they carry on living as batchelors. Why cant he take his wife and live in a one room face me I face you apartment? Must he live with his mum. Where do men keep their balls these days

madam, my only advise for you is to find a job, no matter how beneath it is for you, so if na cleaner or salesgirl then please go for it and every single penny you get, you put it towards your project. Your house does not have to be plastered or even painted before you move in. Move in with your husband and you both work together towards completing the house to your own taste as money comes in.

Hen Madam CC,one room apartment ke?When family house is twin duplex with 2 plot garden.Naaaa .Why pay rent when my mummy is a landlady?
Parents need to teach kids a sense of indepedence.Maybe you can help if they fall on bad times but i sure as hell will not advise my younger bro to get married if him and his wife will live with my mum.Even if he will live in a family house it will be one where mum does not live in.And he will pay rent just to show there is nothing wrong with paying rent.Some people parents dont have houses and they still built houses.Only help might be a subsidised rate to help him save towards his house.eg if rent in said area is like 500k he could pay 100k so he can put the 400k towards his building project.

chaircover:

Dami, its people like you and me who live in one room apartments. . . they dont have 2 heads. Clearly the guy cant afford to live in a duplex and that is why he is still living at home with his mother who is inturn setting fire to his wifes behind. The man should protect his family and if he can only afford a one room face me I face you and he has an understanding wife then they should move there and live their life in peace rather than living in a mansion with no rest.

The inconveneince of a one room apartment will even catapault them to quickly finsih the house that they are building. I will def respect a man who can make a descsion that protects me, even if it means inconveneincing his own comfort and I will even put in my last penny to help build that house. Its only a temp measure and its for a reason.

CC i was being sarcastic o ....of course its people who stay in one room apartment (have lived in one sef,self containedthough when i was in Uni)so am not deriding one room apartment.I was just alluding to the mindset of this kind of guys.My Ex was like that.He used to go on and on about how he could never pay rent in Lagos since his dad had so many houses.One day i had to ask him if his Dad was a landlord at his age and whether those people whose Dads had no houses in Lagos should kill themselves.One of the reasons i fled that relationship,i aint living in no family house even if its in Parkview.

Thank u all 4 ur contributions. Am not the only one she hate she even hate my husband without minding that his is the one providing 4 de family. My man says he cant rent any room when his father has a very big house; infact am so confused, should i leave him nd go back to my fathers house or should i stay nd treat his mother the way she treats me?

Luvlystar: Thank u all 4 ur contributions. Am not the only one she hate she even hate my husband without minding that his is the one providing 4 de family. My man says he cant rent any room when his father has a very big house; infact am so confused, should i leave him nd go back to my fathers house or should i stay nd treat his mother the way she treats me?

As i guessed your husband is one of those who feel cos their father has a big house they cant rent.First off are you working?Do you think you can talk to him as in really talk not nag or throw a temper tantrum like his mum is doing?When a man gets married no matter the age he should be able to handle matters like a man.He needs to speak to his mum to please treat you better cos even if she is carrying fire she is his mother.

To be honest,the best remedy is to leave for your own place.Before marriage did you guys not talk about where to live?This house he is building how far gone is it?If you guys are building some grandiose structure and he is insisting on not renting maybe its time for a redesign?To a bungalow maybe cos i know its decking that costs alot.

My dear just calm down and talk to your husband.Sorry he is not standing up for you but still talk to him,his reaction then tells you where to go from there.

Luvlystar: Thank u all 4 ur contributions. Am not the only one she hate she even hate my husband without minding that his is the one providing 4 de family. My man says he cant rent any room when his father has a very big house; infact am so confused, should i leave him nd go back to my fathers house or should i stay nd treat his mother the way she treats me?

You still dont get it. You want to fight the person giving you shelter. You better have an alternative when she decides to chase you out. She probably knows her son is a piss taker, so she is making sure you both dont get comfortable. Besides there is no way you will live in someone's house and not do work. Its just impossible. All those things, you should not even be told. Who should come and sweep, cook and clean for you? Your mother in law? You are not paying rent, you have to pay the rent somehow. I hope your husband is not a dreamer. I hope efforts have been made to start this so called house. Its better you live in a self contained and manage yourself than all this one. Your husband wants to live big life, on a poverty pocket. His parents worked for theirs, go and work for yours. If it is too much, take a loan from your parents for 2yrs rent. Your husband should pay that back. If he piss takes with your parents, well... As you lay your bed you lie on it. You are the one deceiving yourself. Never once did you think about you getting the funds to get your own space. So because the mum loves her son, you should live yakata in her house, turn her to slave and never give yourself time to leave. Now that fire is on the mountain, you are thinking...You are definitely one of those that doesnt get hints. You even want to go and live in your parents house as a married woman. Watch how your mum will treat you after a few months. You get big problem my sister. Have some pride, get a job and get a house.