A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?" "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis."

"What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"

"Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow.

Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money, and

lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay home and blow a hundred bucks."

**********************************************************************************************************


Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgustingly ugly person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy.

"It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant,

"I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says,

"Who the heck is Olusegun Obasanjo?
*********************************************************************************************

Hillary Clinton, a Democratic Party Presidential candidate is for banning all guns in America. She is considered by those
who have dealt with her as a little more than just a little self-righteous.,,

At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida she asked the kids audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone,

'Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence. A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet!

'Well, stop clappin', ya stupid b!tch!

*****************************************************************************************************

rotfl

chai. . . . .
**blow a hundred dollar bill**

A young Ibo guy, ikechukwu from Anambra moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" He says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Ikeja."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many customers bought something from you today?

Ikechukwu says, "One".

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

He says, "$101,237.65 ".

The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat,

so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it,

so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

Ikechukwu said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said,

'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.

******************************************************************************************

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,

"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here.

We know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc."

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your p3n!s."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!"

The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,

"Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."

The guys says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can you do?

My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctor! American doctor, always want to operate. Make more money, that way. No need to operate!"

"Oh thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes!" says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks.

Dick fall off by itself!"

Naija, representing

naija no dey carry last ooooo

ibo man wey don sell spare parts for ladipo for dat matter!

thats naijastyle for u

nna men your two mush!

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer

and two young people show up. One is a good

looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other

is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going

to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.

He ate my last tamer so you guys better be

good or you're history. Here's your

equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants

to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks

past the chair, the whip and the gun and

steps right into the lion's cage. The lion

starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge

her. About half way there, she throws open

her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly

crawls up to her and starts licking her

ankles. He continues to lick her calves,

kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He

says, "I've never seen a display like that in

my life." He then turns to the young man and

asks, "Can you top that?"

The young man replies. "No problem, just get

that lion out of the way."

you're under arrest for causing uncontrolable laughter

All hail Kronky the Laughist

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY .
"THAT WAS MY PAGER, SHE SAID.
I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."


A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
WHEN SHE FINISHED,SHE EXPLAINED,
"THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE, I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH.
NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS
IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.
SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID, " WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT
THAT, I'M GETTING A FAX!!"

cool

i give it to u man !
Nice jokes
Cheers

thanks guys

cheers

Kronky the Monkey.

Donkey kong kronky

Sum tin wrung honk chin kronky din chow.

all these sars infected chinese sef

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him out of ten
million bucks.

The bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his
attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million
dollars is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're
talking about!"

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the

bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase
buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

ol boi hold on small na

good post

thanks girl!

i go slow down

Kolo lol

kronk dey really kolomarize us here

How do we check his complex koloqualism?

kronky meeeeen u dey crack me up keep it kronking

donkey, oops i mean, monkey,
sorry, kronky the kolomantalist grade a plus

u da "M"

he is actually a donky

no comments

u no sabi proper english na