Every morning in Nigeria, millions of people wake up and prepare to go to work. Most do not go to work because they love their jobs but because they have no other option. It is no longer news that most people dislike their current jobs.

We came across a funny list of the worst jobs and have modified, it with insights and research, to come up with this list of 9 worst jobs one can have right now in Nigeria

This list doesn’t mean we downgrade or look down on people who do honest, hardwork like the street cleaners etc. This is a list of jobs that most people, if given an option, will pass over. If you are currently in any of these jobs you have our empathy.

9. Bus Conductor

There’s the long working hours. There’s the life threatening occupation of hanging half-outside a speeding bus while keeping an eye out for passengers. There’s the smoke and the people you have to deal with everyday.

But the worst -ultimate worst- part of being a bus conductor is having to shout out the unpronounceable names of bus stop names while mentally calculating how much change you owe the guy in the distracting pink shirt. It easily combines our two worst activities: Shouting unpronounceable bus stop names and mathematics.

That’s why they sweat so much. You would too, if your entire day consisted of shouting such destinations as:

Oshodioshodioshodiosh

OjuelegbaOnipanPangrooo.

And then solving maths while doing all that. It ain’t easy, we assure you

8. PHCN Electrician/Technician

First of all, working for PHCN is already considered not cool by the general populace. There was this guy in Secondary school whose dad worked for The Authorities, and every time the lights went off, we’d all look at him and shake our heads.

So not only is working for PHCN not cool, but being the Electrician/Pole Guy who has to go around cutting people’s power lines just has to suck in the worst way. You’re like the bad news guy the Army sends to tell families they’ve lost someone in battle. Only imaging if it’s an army that’s already generally hated by the populace.

It’s up to you to ride in that van with the ladder, get to someone’s house, climb up the pole, disconnect the power, look down, see the crowd of angry faces waiting for you at the bottom, and decide whether descending the ladder is the best option for your general health and longevity.

7. Traffic Control Officials (eg LASTMA)

Everybody’ in Lagos knows who the LASTMA are. Nobody likes them. There job description consists mostly of stopping you when you desperately need to be somewhere important and having the most dull drawn out conversations. You’ll never hear a conversation like: “Oh, there are the LASTMA. Let’s go hang out with them.”

Or “Hey, let’s get them some drinks shall we?”

Never.

You just know you’re in the wrong line of work if the mere sight of you causes 20,000 people to start saying mean things about your uncle’s father’s friend in the village whom they’ve never even met before.

Plus you are always at the risk of being hit by an angry driver who is hellbent on not getting caught by you.

6. Banker


Okay, some may not quite agree with including this on the list. To everybody who wants to be a banker: Undeceive yourselves. Do yourselves a favor and change your future ambitions as soon as possible. It is a trap. Banking jobs are sort of like babies. You see them all cute and cuddly and you’re like, “Awww, I’d really like to have one of my own.”. Then you decide to have one of you’re own and one day you’re up by 3 a.m changing diapers and you realize that somebody, somewhere, engaged in a bit of false advertising.

Bankers have it the worst. Their working hours are horrible. The Tellers sit behind counters all day counting money (other people’s money for that matter) and dealing with the most obnoxious customers (to be honest, we ourselves have been the obnoxious customer many a time). Then you stay back after work closes and balance accounts. And if you make some small computing error, you can’t leave until you sort that out. And then they’re targets and goals and deadlines and stuff and about 100 million fresh eager graduates out of school just waiting to take your job.

Next time you go into a bank, show a little compassion will you? Those people have it hard. There was this guy behind the counter where I formerly used to bank, and every time I went there, his face was a cry for help. It was like dud, get me out of here.

You do not want to be a banker. Especially not in Lagos. Trust me.

5. Internet Cafe Owner

Remember 2001? Internet Cafe Owners had it good that year, didn’t they? Nobody understood what the internet was really about and we were all easy prey. We’d spend 1 hour waiting for an available system, hoping the guy with 12 minutes remaining wasn’t going to purchase more time. Then you’d pay some ridiculous amount for your one hour ticket. You’d sit there in front of your system for 30 minutes waiting for Yahoo Messenger to finish loading. And at the end of it, you’d look at the owner and say Thank You Sir, For Letting Me Use Your Internet Facilities.

Now if you’re an internet cafe owner, it may be beginning to dawn on you that maybe, just maybe, you’re in the wrong line of business. Maybe it’s those empty seats. Maybe it’s the drastic reduction in cashflow. Maybe it’s just how people don’t really need you anymore. Maybe it’s how people don’t even bother to accuse you of harboring Yahoo guys.

Everybody’s got a laptop now. And those who don’t have smart phones. And guess what, they can access the internet too.

4. Plumper



uite possibly, and this is just an assumption made after a few months of casual observation, Lagos has the worst drainage system in the world. There are literally hundreds of thousands of houses in Lagos. This translates to millions of toilets flushing at any point on time. Most cities in Nigeria as well do not have even fairly decent drainage systems

We don’t want to dwell on this too much, but imagine for a moment the nasty surprises that await the Plumber. Imaging the sort of surprises that get mixed up in the convoluted network that runs beneath the city.

You’d turn up to fix a blocked pipe in Festac, and before you know it, you’re unclogging bottles from Alausa, pure water packs from Fadeyi and perhaps a Yatch or two from Ikoyi!

3. Gateman

There’s nothing wrong about holding doors open for people. Gates on the other hand, are a problem.

It would drive me crazy, repeating that simple process of walking to a car, looking at the occupants as if they were all under suspicion, walking to the gate, dragging it open, dragging it shut, and then waiting for when the people who just drove in minutes ago, want to leave. Then the other 90% of the time, you’re sitting out there in the sun doing absolutely nothing.

2. Chauffeur

People always complain about the Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt and so on traffic. The only people who don’t are Drivers. Why? They’ve seen it all. All sorts of traffic. The short ones. The long ones. The ones that end at the next red Light, and the ones that end in another state. They’ve spent hours on 3rd Mainland enjoying the view. They’ve understood the inner workings of that Iyana Ipaja. They have a fond relationship with Ibadan Expressway.

I’m not talking about cab drivers, who spend a lot of time coasting around eyeballing pedestrians and dreaming up impossible price fares. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been a driver can adequately appreciate how much misery the job must entail.

1. NSCDC Lagos (Oga at the top)

Man! This is a major contender for the worst job in Nigeria. You know Mr Shem of course. And if you don’t you need to watch this.

Let’s just put it this way, there’s no man in town who is the brunt of as many jokes as this poor fellow.

True yan my guy!
But what about trader(local market women), military men(war), prostitute, mechanical, carpenter, car washer, vulcanizer, lotto marketer

Being a banker is not such a bad idea!

Though these jobs aren't attractive but we can't do without these persons in our society.

Shhhon: Being a banker is not such a bad idea!

Dude, it is. I will not wish it on my worst enemy