DEAR OH DEAR SISTER (SOBER REFLECTION)
Please, read, reflect and act!
(Inquirer)
Dear oh dear sister in faith,
I heard you have eventually moved in with that Rascal?
Whom you had discreetly been hanging out with;
You are both now officially an unwedded live-in couple;
You will now fulfill all duties of a ‘wife’ to him;
Including having intimate sessions with him as married couples would do;
Not to forget you have had a couple of abortions for his sake.
Unsurprisingly, you parents don’t even know he exists;
In fact, they are not aware you have moved from your hostel.
I also learnt you don’t even know any of his family;
They don’t know you either, if at all they even exist.
Anyway, you are fulfilled that you eventually moved in with your dream guy;
You really must be the luckiest girl on Campus at the moment;
Your friends have all had failed relationships, only you stand out;
Why wouldn’t you celebrate, you wonder!
Some even believe he gets his cash through shady means;
But, he is living up to the task of paying all your bills;
That is the most important thing for now.
Well, people can continue to think or say whatever they like;
Seriously, they are just probably jealous of your ‘good fortune’;
This is a match made in Heaven, you feel!
Haters should keep hating ;
While you keep shining.
But, let me ask you this very important question
You really think he is in love with you?

(Respondent)
Uhmm……. well…….let me see……
Sure! Sure! He really does love me!
He gets me the most expensive gifts, without me asking;
He doesn’t hesitate to buy me the trendy things en vogue;
Talk about classy outfits, shoes, bags, jewelries, perfumes; just name it!
He takes me on fun and adventurous trips regularly;
I have suddenly become the gossip topic for those jobless girls;
Infact, he really fulfills all my fantasies of a gorgeous lifestyle.
The most interesting part is that he doesn’t complain;
And do not forget he bears a Muslim name;
I think he is from a Muslim home.

(Inquirer)
Indeed, interesting. But, let me tell you what I feel:
I believe he doesn’t really love you that much;
You are probably just his latest ‘catch’;
He is probably using you as a willing tool to fulfill his lustful fantasies;
And when he is able to get hold of another ‘fresh fish’;
He will arrange for you to make a mistake;
This will be the premise for sending you packing;
Then, you will become a cheap ‘second-hand’ material for the next guy.
It is also obvious that his Islam is probably not for real;
It just might be a trick to lure you in, which he has succeeded in doing;
He neglects the Solah, smokes, drinks, flirts and gets involved in all kinds of vices.
No! No! No! My dear sister, you deserve a better life than this;
You are a rare gem of honor and great value;
You should have been patient for the right man to take you as a wife;
In the most appropriate and befitting manner;
This is not a legal matrimony, it is a deceitful mirage.
This shouldn’t have been you at all.
(Respondent)
Yes, I agree. You have a point really
But, you know he caters for my tuition fees and other expenses;
In fairness to him, he has really been good to me
Really! Is that all it took for you to surrender your precious dignity?

(Respondent)
No! No! No o! It is not what you think
***** (sobbing quietly now) *****
***** (in a very sober tone) *****
I used to be a good and very decent girl from a disciplined background;
I was the envy of my peers in the neighborhood;
Because I was the reference point for good manners and an unstained character;
With dreams of a bright future as a professional in my field;
I had envisioned a happy home, with a responsible husband and lovely kids;
I was indeed positively ambitious and was on track to building a happy future for myself.
My parents were also very willing to support me all the way;
But, the major stumbling block was finance;
Our family practically lived from hand to mouth;
I struggled all through my elementary and secondary school days;
It wasn’t an easy journey at all;
But my will, zeal and determination to succeed kept pushing me through.
Here, in the University, things only got harder;
It was almost as if I was fighting a lost battle;
The light at the end of the tunnel was getting too dim;
Until this so-called ‘Rascal’ came in.
He had everything I wanted and he taunted me with them;
I had vowed to keep my dignity intact;
But he kept pushing and pushing;
I was already reaching a dead end;
I had to make a very crucial decision quick;
My stellar academic performance and determination alone could no longer win the battle;
I went with the only option left open to me- to lay down my dignity and womanly pride;
For a greater good, I thought.
It was a very bitter pill to swallow at the beginning;
But I convinced myself as time went by that I had made the ‘right’ decision.

(Inquirer)
Hmmmn! (heavy sigh)
But, you should have gotten in touch with fellow Muslims around;
The sisters especially could have supported you financially and morally;
That should have saved you this mess you have gotten yourself into.

(Respondent)
***** (a long pause, obviously in deep thought) *****
***** (in a very much bitter and sorrowful tone now) *****
You really think I didn’t consider that option?
The truth is that I had tried to seek a Muslimah who could accommodate me without paying rent;
Surprisingly, majority of the Jilbaab-wearing sisters I tried to associate with despised me;
They obviously scorned me because I was a scarf-wearing Muslimah (female Muslim);
They probably did not feel comfortable with being in the company of a ‘scarfite’ in Public.
I had hoped to improve on my deen, if they could allow me be in their company;
But they hardly gave me any chance;
Infact, they hardly said the teslim (Islamic salutation) to me;
Only few acknowledged my teslim and responded to it;
This few will not as much as offer me even a fake smile;
Nobody was concerned about my welfare as a fresher on Campus;
I was in a world of my own, all alone.
I had thought the Muslim Student Society’s orientation week program will provide me a respite;
But, it was just an obvious routine formality- all talk, talk and talk;
I kept visiting the Society’ secretariat severally for assistance on accommodation and other things;
But, it was all about promises that were never fulfilled.
I eventually had to live with some immoral girls I met I class;
They catered for all my feeding and other sundry expenses;
They always complimented me as been very beautiful and well-endowed;
And urged me severally to ‘utilize’ my beauty very well;
They told me I had to use what I had to get what I want;
They eventually linked me up with this present guy;
I had to move on because they had done more than enough for me;
And this is how I became an ‘overnight slave-wife/toy’.

(Inquirer)
So, you mean our admirable sisters in Islam didn’t care when it was most needed?
(Respondent)
Yes, they didn’t care!

(Inquirer)
And the entire Muslim Ummah on Campus too?
(Respondent)
Everyone was less concerned… Nobody cared…Nobody cares!!!

Subhanallah! Allahu Akbar!
***** (uncontrolled wailing) *****

*****************************THE END*********************************


NOTES
Dear Brethren in faith, this is the crux of the matter. This reality-like fictional dialogue is not to rubbish the personality of our lovely sisters or our Muslim Ummah as a whole. It serves to open our eyes to the biting reality in our higher institutions of learning.
There are two incidents that motivated me to write this piece:
• The first was on one of our usual visitations to hostels around our student-dominated Masjid. These visits afforded us the opportunity to meet and interact with Muslims in these hostels who didn’t usually come to the mosque to observe their Solah or who had stop coming regularly, so as to convince them to change their attitude for good. In one of the hostels we visited on that particular day, we met a lot of Muslim brothers who didn’t even observe their Solah at all. They were also alcoholics. That was the first time they had such visit, because the hostel was indeed very far. We had interacted very nicely with them to the point that they were very sober, and they asked for our support in helping them build a ‘Mini’ Masjid nearby, since our Masjid was very far away.
After our deliberations, they pointed out a young Muslim lady to us who didn’t even look like such at all. We were admonishing her when one Rascal interrupted and queried us on why we were talking to his ‘girlfriend’. He alleged he had sent her on an errand to buy soup ingredients she was to cook with for him. He said we should end the talk, because we were delaying her. Sadly, the guy was a non-Muslim, a drunkard and even probably a fraudster. He spoke to us arrogantly like the lousy brat he was as if he had bought her from her parents.
While the whole drama was going on, the lady was unashamedly blushing, without saying anything. She was obviously under the spell of his cash; you really had to pity her parents when you heard stories on how ‘useless’ she had become. Sad!

• The other was when I challenged a carefree sister on why she refused to dress and behave properly as a Muslimah should, despite hearing various admonitions and the other. She hilariously responded that a Jilbaab-wearing sister (the ones well covered) had confided in her that Muslim brothers hardly considered them when it came to selecting a spouse… what more could I say?

INFERENCE/RECOMMENDATIONS
The sad state of our Ummah and our nation at large currently is partly due to the fact that we have failed to develop our women, who are the bedrock of ideal leaders of tomorrow. There is that popular saying: “build a man, build an individual; build a woman, build a Nation”. We have forgotten that our female folks are emotionally and mentally weak. They require the utmost care and moral support they can get. We leave them to blossom on their own, thinking they are strong enough. This has continued to be our undoing.
Let us face reality; a woman will always be a woman in basic mode of reasoning, regardless of the religious height she has attained. Do we expect a Jilbaab or Niqab-wearing sister to be flawless just because of her spiritual height? No! She will still have moments she will reason like a baby, just like in the second example above. But, where is the moral support for them? Non-existent.
Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Treat women well. The woman was created from a rib. The most bent part of the rib is the top part. If you try to straighten it, you will break it. If you leave it, it remains bent. So treat women well." [Agreed upon].
Our role model Prophet (PBUH) was well known to be easy on the women, as reported in various narrations. This is because he was well aware of their weakness and dependence. Even his wives (may Allah be pleased with them all) that were most pious; he (PBUH) handled them with care.

Subsequently, these are my recommendations for stake-holders involved in this matter:
• MUSLIM STUDENTS SOCIETIES/ASSOCIATIONS
For Allah’s sake, let us focus our financial support programs and developmental efforts more on the sisters. They are the vulnerable group in our society. Let us also learn to follow up on our orientation programs, we should devise a means of tracking the progress or otherwise of the fresh students, especially the sisters, to avoid them falling into temptations. Let us note that it is easier for the brothers to hustle and cater for themselves than it is for our sisters.
We should also try to liaise with female staffers in our schools, to make themselves available for counseling and mentoring of our sisters at all times. We should regularly bring them in to give pep-talks to our female folks. It shouldn’t be a quarterly or annual affair. The female staffers should as well encourage the sisters to feel free to walk up to them at any time to open up on what is bothering them.

• SISTERS
You are very wonderful people, and we appreciate your sacrifice. We will really appreciate it more if you look beyond the mistakes of one another and unite as one strong body, just like our righteous female predecessors did. You know there is strength in unity. Please, help one another to grow in Islam. Remember The Prophet said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 1, Book 2, Number 12).


• OUR MARRIED SISTERS
This is a special plea to us, especially to you the Jilbaab or Niqab sisters. Let us learn to be selfless. Being married does not mean you should totally disconnect from the unmarried ones you once were with. Please, try and keep in touch with them regularly. We should share experiences that will motivate and encourage them to stay firm and strong till the right brother comes around. Share useful tips with them that will help them develop their faith.
Above all these, encourage your husbands to choose second, third and fourth wives, especially from among sisters that are not very strong in faith. This way, you can motivate them towards striving for Jannah as you are doing. I know this is not easy, but there is Rahma in sharing. So, do this as a Jihad for the sake of Allah. And Inshaa Allah, you won’t regret it.





• OTHERS

"Women are your mothers, daughters, aunts."

- Prophet Muhammad.


I, the author of this, pledge to do my utmost best to defend and uphold the rights, honor and dignity of our Muslimahs, as well as motivate and support our Muslimahs to attain Jannah, to the best of my capacity, within the limits and confines of the Shari’ah of Islam. And may Allah help me. Whenever I fall short of this, may Allah guide me back to my pledge. What about you?
May Allah ease our affairs and forgive us all of our shortcomings… Amiin.
All benefits in this work are ascribed duly to Allah, all errors in it are the author’s undoing and are deeply regretted. All perfection is due to Allah alone.
As salamu ‘alaykum warahmotulahi wabarokatu.



VERSES TO PONDER UPON
“The Mu’minoon are but a single Brotherhood.” (The Holy Qur’an, 49:10)
“The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin the ma`roof (all of Islam), and forbid the munkar (all that is evil; kufr): they observe regular prayers, pay Zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.” (The Holy Qur’an, 9:71)
Prophet Muhammad (Salla Allahu `alaihi wa sallam) indicated in several Ahadith on unity and brotherhood as we can see in his (saaws) Farewell Sermon (khuTbat ul-wadaa`):
“All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood.”
"A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He does not oppress him, nor does he leave him at the mercy of others." (Sahih Muslim Book 032, Number 6219)
The Prophet said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 1, Book 2, Number 12).

http://knowledgecycle./2013/03/25/dear-oh-dear-sister-sober-reflection/

^What I really like about this is that the writer did not try to please everybody. He took a clear stance on issues that you can either agree or disagree with.

The most important thing I got from this is that we are all human beings- none of us is faultless enough to be regarded as an angel and none of us is evil enough to be regarded as a devil.

Hence, we Muslims in particular must learn to interact more with each other and impact positively on people's lives.

I like this piece so much.and hope it gets to the right people.

Hmmm! What more can i say, kudos to the writer. Wonderful write-up. May Allah reward you for this! Wonder why this post aint gettin much comment.
@mod! This is def a front page material.

@both words of prayers, Amiin o.
Getting to the right people that need it most is most paramount. May Allah help us all maintain the right track till the very end... Amiin.

May Allah reward you for this and continue to guide us on His path.

May Allah guide us in the righteous path.

when you see someone in need, its ok to render assistance sometimes without expecting anything in return. Also, not necessarily with the aim of converting them. And even if they're a different religion than you.

as per the lady and her boyfriend, why do you want to break them up nah, you have someone else you'd like her to date?

not saying i'm in support of or against such relationships, but sometimes religion isnt always the primary factor to consider.