*Peeps with one eye* *runs back* *peeps again, now avoiding stones, sticks and shoes* BIG SMILE

Hello people, it’s been a week and yes, I am totally useless. How can I disappear for a whole week? and I intend to run a blog? I must be kidding right? First things first, I sincerely apologise for my week’s absence; I have had what you can call ‘writer’s block’. Is that right?
I tried all I could to pick up my pen all week but it just didn't happen. I think the first issue was with Google not approving my adsense account, they said my writing was against a group of people?? Egbami, how now? I live somewhere and I want to write about my experiences, did I mention anyone’s name? That put me off I must confess. Its not like its all about the cash o, but common it will be nice to make some extras from this now, at least I can add to my savings so I can return to Naija earlier than planned…..lol. Anyways sha they can’t stop my shine, I will continue writing and find a better way to make money sef *rolls eyes* #rantover

How have you guys been? A lot has happened in this past week o, kai! Oyibo land no easy at all. First and foremost, I’ll like to say a big thanks to Baba God for the weather, it has been OK o, for like 2 weeks now it’s been bearable and I have reduced the number of layers I wear. These days I don't think too much about going home. I hear there is a disease called winter blues and it affects about 70% of the population. During the winter months, you are severely depressed and hate the UK; I definitely suffer from that disease. During winter, I think about Naija every blessed day, even in my sleep. It has reduced now but I have not forgotten all together, watch out for Tosin Swagger arriving in Lagos very soon, but first I’ll enjoy the summer.,.hehehehehe.

In the past week, three significant things happened to me and I want to share. They are very serious o and have impacted greatly on my life and the way I reason.

Firstly, my Team Head at work sent an invite round for a meeting and it was tagged ‘Lunch and Learn’, they announced that you don't have to bring lunch on that day, just turn up at 12 noon. Ofcouse, every human being likes awoof and we all could not stop talking about it, both oyibo and dudus..lol. On the day of the meeting, we arrived all looking cool, some people didn't have breakfast sef (minus me sha). We all kept talking about how we were not interested in the ‘Learn’ part and only wanted the Lunch’. At 12noon, we all trooped to the meeting room and saw a table with tea, coffee and fruits. We were so excited at the appetisers and started munching while listening to the speakers and also looking at the door to the meeting room for any sign of the waiters bringing the lunch. 1 o’clock, no sign of lunch, 1.30pm still no sign of lunch, 2 pm meeting ended and they said thank you all for coming. Shuo! Where the heck is this lunch we were promised? Nobody answered the question. My colleagues started leaving and I realised what we ate when we came in was the ‘Lunch’. My people when did tea, coffee and fruits become lunch? Only in oyibo land o, we all left disappointed but it looks like the oyibos were not too surprised. Me ke, I learnt a great life lesson o, next time I hear lunch, don’t bring lunch bla bla, I will find my way to the nearest restaurant first and eat well. Never again will I be taken for a fool..Tscheww. Who begged them sef?? Reminds me of the days back in Naija when Mama Tosin used to feed us before attending any party, how could I have forgotten the training my mama gave me so fast?? Shame on me

Secondly, I got on a bus during the week and was going through my phone and reading my daily dose of Naija gossip. We got to a bustop, and the driver stopped, me I didn't look up o but I was forced to in the end. The kind of smell that covered the bus was unbearable, what was smelling, who is smelling, we all started looking around and giving signs with straight faces. Mind you, oyibo can gbeborun without you knowing o, they have some funny facial expressions ehnnnn…. Guess what happened, it was the man that got in at the bustop that brought the smell in. How can someone stink like this? I tried my best to bear it but when I could not breathe anymore, I rang the bell and got off. You won’t believe it, what happened in 1972 happened to me again. What happened I hear you ask? I walked home. I still had like six stops to go but I just had to walk. I know you will say it is good exercise but seriously is it fair?? Why some of these people no dey baff?? Honestly, once its cold they stop taking a bath and start walking around like that putting the whole nation at risk, and the kind of smell that emanates from them ehnn -cigarette, alcohol, burger, pies, and all sorts put together. It’s not fair o….*crying*

Thirdly, I want to a small town last weekend to visit my friends, a town where they are like the only blacks living there. How do people survive in these kinds of places? It’s bad enough I miss Naija so much, how can I go and live in a place where people are giving me stares as if I am an ‘ebora’ (idol). The kind of looks I was getting at the station and walking along the road ehnn, I was so sure someone was going to pull out a gun and shoot me. After sometime I just pictured in my head that I was a celebrity jare, with people looking at me and wanting to be like me. With this picture in my head, I strolled majestically to my friend’s place, but honestly my heart was in my mouth. My friends confirmed this is a daily occurrence for them with people constantly looking at them and some swearing at them. Na by force, abeg me dey go Naija jere where we are all the same. Everywhere you go, you are judged by your skin colour and your accent? Recently, a guy told me in a supermarket near my house to go home, I just looked at him and shook my head at the loser and walked away. I pity the dudus that were born here that don’t have anywhere to go o, trust me they are judged too. Some people say they have grown thick skin, but me I haven’t o, it still pains me when someone is racist towards me. May God help us all.

Thanks to Seun0622 for checking on me while I was away, now that’s a true fan..lol, you give me strength to go on bro *chop knuckle*

Have a nice weekend all and you will hear from me soon (I promise)

Love XX

http://homesicknigeriangirlintheuk..co.uk/2013/04/hello-people.html

Hmmm,its a pleasure hearing/reading from you too once again. Keep it up!

@tosin swagger.chai! Na so u.k b?hw person no go chop food like Àmàlà with ewédú.hmmm...9ja 4 sure.kudos to u gal sha.

@Tosin, i think say police catch you o. Thank God u don update, na till friday night again, b4 u go update again. You no dey even tell us of d kind food u dey eat, '' weda u dey chop amala,semo,ewedu,efor,eba,or any 9ja fud @all. Mke u dey try chop oo, bcoz if na only burger,tea & those there lit food u dey chop, that means u go lepka cum bke oo. U no we 9ja guys,we dey lyk mke babe get flesh 4body. Hv a streessfree week ahead.

You too much...thats all i can say.

....nawa for tosin o o o. ...your boss don seize you. .Abegi come update Jare. ..

My broda Wizee, as a full blooded Nigerian, my diet only consists of all that you have listed I no dey dull at all.

@ highbee Amala and ewedu..kai! you got me salivating, he dey o but can never be like the original :-(
@Desluv, thanks

@ Mr Nigeria, I dey here o.lol

Hello People,

Someone said you won’t hear from me until Friday and I decided to disappoint you…lol. Here I am on Thursday, what a record *standing ovation for me please..Hehehe! I am not serious I know.

How are you guys? Life here is still the same jare, no changes. Same thing happens day in day out, you jump on the train at the same time in the morning, you get to work at the same time everyday, everything is programmed to work at a certain time, no surprises at all. It is good and I commend this people for how efficiently their country operates but common this is too boring na, routine can be overwhelming and leaves you depressed after a while. No excitement, no new challenges, no surprises, omo I miss Lasgidi o. Can a day pass by without you witnessing something new? Two people must fight by the road side, two guys in suit must blow grammar after one hit’s the other’s car, conductor must fight passenger, agberos must beg for money…sigh! Something new and exciting happens daily. Eko ile, I miss you die.

Today I want to become an adviser, yes! a serious one o. I read a thread on Nairaland recently from a young guy with a job in Nigeria seeking to sell his car and use the proceeds plus his little savings to come to the UK for a masters degree. He plans to do some menial jobs to support himself.

The UK is a good place to study as long as you go to a good university and meet the right people; it helps your confidence, improves your career chances and exposes you to things you will never see in Nigeria even if you work for a multinational, HOWEVER, here is my take and I will list in bullet point

• NEVER you come to the UK with no money with the hope of working here to raise your fees, feed and pay for accommodation, my brother or sister na pity I pity you o. When coming here, ensure you have all the cash you need to survive. Infact, plan your money on a month by month basis and ensure you don’t overshoot your budget. There is nothing like ‘esare ya mi ni 5K for here o’ (Please borrow me N5000). If you are lucky and you get a part-time job, that is a plus and you save the proceeds but please note that chances of getting such jobs now are really slim
• Have a plan B, don’t think the only way forward for you is to finish your Masters and stay put in the UK whether you are granted a visa or not. Na suffer part 2 you dey so. Infact they have changed the post study visa laws, so my dear people, as soon as you finish studying, find your way back to where you came from. Shuo! Why is that hard? Is that not the contract you signed with the embassy when you got your visa?? The only exception to that rule is finding a good company that is willing to employ you and sponsor your visa. No let me hear say you stayed back and joined the association of ‘spouses of obese/ugly oyibos’ all in the name of visa. What is the assurance that you will get the visa? and if you do, what guarantees your getting a good job after you have spent a few years trying to get the visa. You will explain to the employer the reasons for the gaps in your career o.. a word is enough for the wise
• Finally, when you get here, I beg you do not join the ‘popping champagne, longest Brazilian hair, attending all parties, buying the latest car’ crew. Ofcouse, this does not apply to you if you are Dangote or Adenuga’s child or if your father is a politician. This applies to you if you had to use your savings with help from your folks to come here, think of your future. Save the little you have, it will come in handy when you have to go back home.

Now to those of you that want to come in here with a visit visa and disappear into thin air, I don’t even have words for you. Gone are the days when people here didn't want to do some jobs and left it to illegal immigrants, the new Government is changing things and living on benefits is no longer attractive. Therefore, people are willing to accept any kind of job plus the influx of European Union citizens.
I went to Heathrow airport in February and one Naija guy with one dead suitcase and flimsy cardigan asked me in the thickest Yoruba accent,’ please I am going to Elephant & Castle’. I looked at him and shook my head; because obviously he has come here to hustle. I wanted to tell him that he should not dare step out into the cold with that flimsy cardigan, for crying out loud it was -2 degrees outside. I almost advised him to go back and beg the immigration guys to send him back home. What has he come here to do for real?
If only our leaders will stop stealing our money, Naija would have been a country to envy. I mean we have natural resources, good weather, friendly people, we know how to have fun etc. What will you want to come and do in freezing temperatures and amongst racist people…tscheewww!!

Enough of the rant sef, who send me message abi?..lol, it’s not my fault now, I am just tired of hearing that some of my Naija brothers and sisters still believe that you can pick gold on the streets of UK. It has never and will never be …GBAM. I remember how I used to fantasise in Nigeria about entering the UK and changing my life. The day I left ehnn, people no hear word o, it was as if I got a ticket to heaven. I boasted and kept saying I will have nothing to do with Naija anymore, look at me now *sobs*. I have tasted the other side and come to that painful conclusion, the grass looks greener on the other side. I will soon write about how I started here (my humble beginnings..Lol), all I went through to reach this level. Baba God na you o!


Hey people, forgive me o, he be like say this posts go be on a weekly basis. I over anticipated when I promised it will be on a daily basis, omo where I wan see the gist from, for this dry UK?? Lol. Hope you understand. *hugs*. That way sef, I will gather enough gists to write a lengthy piece. Thank you all for reading and leaving comments.

Have a nice weekend. We are blowing from hot to cold again this weekend, me ke! I am ever ready, the weather man is my best friend.

Love XX

http://homesicknigeriangirlintheuk..co.uk/2013/04/truth.html

@tosin is lyk u didnt change ur accent last week abi? Bt come to think of it, pple wey don jand b4, if dem come 9ja back, dem go dey form with foney English. Why e b lyk dat? Bt if u cum bke, u fit do d same ooo

Intresting but wat about ur romatic life? I wan hear that one ohh.

saganuwa: Intresting but wat about ur romatic life? I wan hear that one ohh.

lol. ...you no no say. .tosin don marry White man ni?...Abi you Neva hear am for newsline on Sunday evening?

Tnks for ur advice..abeg oooo...frm ur previous post, e b lyk se 2 marry oyibo man there go hard oo..so y e dey easier to marry oyibo woman....

Good job Tosin, I de feel you jare

Knock knock; there's still nobody @home. Should i wait or call her? These network pple go finish my call credit. Its weekend still no sign of her @home.

I be your correct fan...I even dey for dilemma...naija don tire me...I dey save money to comot...I be dokita sha..truth is you probably appreciate naija when you are gone..but naija no easy o...even for doctors

@tosin hope evrything is Ok with you?? Its up to 2weeks, still no sign of you.....

i dey enjoy ur gist

**Following**

niiiiice. where is the op na hope she's safe o!

naijaboiy:

Oga the Op don Loss since 2013 o

I hope she's safe. her Twitter and blog have been freezed since 2013

naijaboiy:

WoW! I guess she probably stopped writing.

I really enjoyed the updates.

or deported

naijaboiy:

WoW! I guess she probably stopped writing.

I really enjoyed the updates.

yeah me too am really enjoying it..
Almost same thing happening here in mozambique just that it's an african country..
Police stroling up and down the steets looking for strangers like me without even greeting the next thing they say is Fas favo damila documento (escuse me give me your documents/visa)
No good food ah de miss fufu and eba,indomine, even sachet water,
Everywhere portoguses, yesterday ah girls says she like me, unfortunately i could reply just answerd obrigado (thank you) ! And walked out..
No place like Nigeria

naijaboiy:

Oga the Op don Loss since 2013 o

choi!
I really miss her o..
I envied her use of pidgin coupled with English and Yoruba.
I just loved and miss her style.



make we arrange search party nah

Nmeri17:
or deported

naijaboiy:

Mozambique?

Oga wetin you dey find there

lol..greener pastures..
I have relatives there..

Are you still here in the UK

mannys:
I be your correct fan...I even dey for dilemma...naija don tire me...I dey save money to comot...I be dokita sha..truth is you probably appreciate naija when you are gone..but naija no easy o...even for doctors

lol

I've read many posts on nairaland over the years, but I've never made a comment before, As I hadn't registered. But this is the sweetest I've ever read on nairaland, I laughed very well, and I tot for the first time I must comment, so I registered, @tosin, I love ur work, I'm sure there r many who have read but just couldn't comment. Thanks alot
And pls do get back to us.
Much love.

Anybody finding it strange that this thread stopped abruptly?I checked the OP's profile and she was last seen in 2013..I do hope she's safe and okay.