[b]Yes, at what point? Islam allows us to marry up to four wives if we have the means and we are capable of being just. But what would push a person to take that gigantic step of marrying a second wife? I have friends who, when they were still bachelors,insisted that they had absolutely no intention of marrying just one wife. Others felt it was a decision that was beyond their control.

So brothers, what would make you go for a "2nd degree"? Is it something you feel would happen spontaneously or something you intend to do irrespective of the circumstances? Or something you have no intention whatsoever of attempting?

Let me go first: the day my wife starts taking me for granted is the day i would start considering marrying a second one. However, there are quite a number of things that would have to be done before the transition from consideration to reality is completed-things like "stock taking", possible reconciliation, etc. However, if all these fail to achieve the intended objective, then i would simply take it as a green light from Allah to press the search button.

So brothers, what are your views? Non-Muslims who do not consider polygamy a taboo are very much welcome to post their opinions so long as they can maintain civility. Thanks.[/b]

I prefer to keep just one. That is just me. I just love the level of intimacy with monogamy, got to say the family bond is stronger in a monogamous marriage.

BlueMurder:
Let me go first: the day my wife starts taking me for granted is the day i would start considering marrying a second one...

then you'll be getting married for the wrong reason.

usermane: I prefer to keep just one. That is just me. I just love the level of intimacy with monogamy, got to say the family bond is stronger in a monogamous marriage.

Right. Ultimately, you'll stick to what works for you. But not all monogamous unions exhibit close family bonds, and not all polygamous ones are epitomes of chaos.

F00028:

then you'll be getting married for the wrong reason.

How's that sir? Marriage is a life-long commitment whose glow needs to be sustained on daily basis to keep it from dying out. It shouldn't be allowed to "cool down" to the extent that one spouse considers the other as not being different from an item of furniture that would always be in the place where it is kept, come rain, come shine. one day, the untended furniture would become dusty!

@BlueMurder
what I meant was, marrying a second wife just to show the first wife is not a good reason.

BlueMurder:

Right. Ultimately, you'll stick to what works for you. But not all monogamous unions exhibit close family bonds, and not all polygamous ones are epitomes of chaos.

exactly

It seems as if Muslim men are reluctant to answer OP's question.
Why? Is it embarrasment?
Marrying four wives is a right you have been given by Allah, there is no need for you to be embarrased about it

BlueMurder: [b]Yes, at what point? Islam allows us to marry up to four wives if we have the means and we are capable of being just. But what would push a person to take that gigantic step of marrying a second wife? I have friends who, when they were still bachelors,insisted that they had absolutely no intention of marrying just one wife. Others felt it was a decision that was beyond their control.

So brothers, what would make you go for a "2nd degree"? Is it something you feel would happen spontaneously or something you intend to do irrespective of the circumstances? Or something you have no intention whatsoever of attempting?

Let me go first: the day my wife starts taking me for granted is the day i would start considering marrying a second one. However, there are quite a number of things that would have to be done before the transition from consideration to reality is completed-things like "stock taking", possible reconciliation, etc. However, if all these fail to achieve the intended objective, then i would simply take it as a green light from Allah to press the search button.

So brothers, what are your views? Non-Muslims who do not consider polygamy a taboo are very much welcome to post their opinions so long as they can maintain civility. Thanks.[/b]

"AND AT WHAT POINT WOULD YOU CONSIDER GOOD FOR WOMEN TO MARRY SECOND WIFE"

This has always been a source of concern for me and i always try to let people know that God never ask anyone to marry second wife out of lust like they did for the first wife.
the only verse that talk about marrying wives is Quran4 verse5 (and going through the verses one will see that God was talking about widows and orphans and even in the said verse it was about widow and orphans). looking at the exegesis of verse one will note that the only condition for one to marry second or third or forty wife is if they are widow with orphans (the orphans was reitrated in the verse) and not out of lust.

the idea of marrying 4 wives have made islam look like a lustful religion in the eyes of non-muslims when infact it was revealed to allow for a sane environment (so that the orphan of the widow will be brought up under a conducive and under the guidance of both a father and a mother)

another reason why marrying more than one wife was to give what belongs to the widow and avoid cheating from suspecting males (atleast it will be rational for a man to be just when the woman in question is under his roof and not when she is alone and leaving seperate), this is also the reasons why some people justify the willing of a widow to the member of the family to safeguard the interest of the woman.
so the purpose of polygamy is a humane and lofty ones. it is to maintain widows and bring up orphans in such a way as to build a sound society, it is not a spiritual lofty one as interpreted by many people who put the verse into use without returning to the beginning of it

beejaay:

"AND AT WHAT POINT WOULD YOU CONSIDER GOOD FOR WOMEN TO MARRY SECOND WIFE"

This has always been a source of concern for me and i always try to let people know that God never ask anyone to marry second wife out of lust like they did for the first wife.
the only verse that talk about marrying wives is Quran4 verse5 (and going through the verses one will see that God was talking about widows and orphans and even in the said verse it was about widow and orphans). looking at the exegesis of verse one will note that the only condition for one to marry second or third or forty wife is if they are widow with orphans (the orphans was reitrated in the verse) and not out of lust.

the idea of marrying 4 wives have made islam look like a lustful religion in the eyes of non-muslims when infact it was revealed to allow for a sane environment (so that the orphan of the widow will be brought up under a conducive and under the guidance of both a father and a mother)

another reason why marrying more than one wife was to give what belongs to the widow and avoid cheating from suspecting males (atleast it will be rational for a man to be just when the woman in question is under his roof and not when she is alone and leaving seperate), this is also the reasons why some people justify the willing of a widow to the member of the family to safeguard the interest of the woman.
so the purpose of polygamy is a humane and lofty ones. it is to maintain widows and bring up orphans in such a way as to build a sound society, it is not a spiritual lofty one as interpreted by many people who put the verse into use without returning to the beginning of it

this example can also be seeing in the life of the Prophet (SAW). he married Aisha only when khadijat died and all the other wives were Widows ( many will claim that Prophet live is the best example but when it comes to the issue of marriage they turn the blind eyes). its in record that Khadijat and Aisha were the only wives Prophet married out of lust all others were with reasons

^Careful with the way you use the word 'lust'.

maclatunji: ^Careful with the way you use the word 'lust'.

and why should i be careful? isnt it lustor do u have another name for it? (if u cannot read between the lines then its ur problem not mine)

@topic, I am not with the mindset of having 2 or more wives. My only challenge might come in extreme cases like one I saw recently here on Nairaland.

maclatunji: @topic, I am not with the mindset of having 2 or more wives. My only challenge might come in extreme cases like one I saw recently here on Nairaland.

you mind sharing the case?

siddiq202:
you mind sharing the case?

Here it is.
https://www.nairaland.com/1218069/let-us-consider-islamic-perspective

maclatunji:

Here it is.
https://www.nairaland.com/1218069/let-us-consider-islamic-perspective

Ok

I do not know what will make me take a second wife... It is not something that crosses my mind at all...

Recently, i was in my village and i got stuck in a discussion about multiple wives. One of the funniest discussions even though it was tragic.. I heard statements like:

'How can you have only one wife?? She will have too much power... You should have at least three... Is it that you do not have power to handle them'

The tragic thing is these men have wives at home that they do not cater for... The women go out too work and feed them. They have no real jobs yet they have many women at home...

A man that has four wives will divorce one to create space if he sees a young woman he fancies outside. That is just ridiculous but it happens.

I think men should take up a second wife[if capable] when the society is filled with young unmarried widows who are exposed to fitnah.whats wrong with our brothers?

okay,lets say the unmarried ones won't want that as a start,what about the married ones?Common,don't shy away from your responsibilities.

i will definately support my husband to marry a young muslim widow,am not saying i won't be jealous o its human nature but she will have a home and husband to call hers too.

As for men getting married to another woman because of the failure of the first in a particular area,na dem go fit explain that one[there is no one without a shortcoming]

Hmmmm,but if my husband wants to marry a young beautiful virgin[struggling it out with single brothers],my jealousy go pass the above o .

hehe,

zeezzy: I think men should take up a second wife[if capable] when the society is filled with young unmarried widow who are exposed to fitnah.whats wrong with our brothers?okay,lets say the unmarried ones won't want that as a start,what about the married ones?Common,don't shy away from your responsibilities.i will definately support my husband to marry a young muslim widow,am not saying i won't be jealous o its human nature but she will have a home and husband to call hers too.As for men getting married to another woman because of the failure of the first in a particular area,na dem go fit explain that one[there is no one without a shortcoming]Hmmmm,but if my husband wants to marry a young beautiful virgin[struggling it out with single brothers],my jealousy go pass the above o .

Hmmm. You try o.
I can NEVER accept my husband marrying a second wife, never, lai lai.
It's not happening.

The day he brings another woman into the house as his wife is the day the marriage ends, that idea of living under the same roof with another woman that calls herself my husband's wife just doesn't sit well with me.

I don't even understand how muslim men expect women to just accept this many wives thing without complaining. What if your wife sleeps with another man? Just sleeps with him, not even brings him into the same house to live with you as co-husband; what if she only sleeps with another man, how would you feel?
Or are you assuming that women are not human beings with feelings?
Shuo?

fellis:

Hmmm. You try o.
I can NEVER accept my husband marrying a second wife, never, lai lai.
It's not happening.

The day he brings another woman into the house as his wife is the day the marriage ends, that idea of living under the same roof with another woman that calls herself my husband's wife just doesn't sit well with me.

I don't even understand how muslim men expect women to just accept this many wives thing without complaining. What if your wife sleeps with another man? Just sleeps with him, not even brings him into the same house to live with you as co-husband; what if she only sleeps with another man, how would you feel?
Or are you assuming that women are not human beings with feelings?
Shuo?

Easy sis.

Don't forbid what Allah makes lawful/permissible

fellis,

What zeezy said is completely understandable. Islamic laws are for the greater good, even if individuals might feel hurt. Preventing fitna in the land is one of the objectives of law.

If getting widows married would save them and the society from sins, then it is important that they get married, even to already married men.

There is a wisdom behind why men can marry multiple wives and not the other way around.

fellis:

Hmmm. You try o.
I can NEVER accept my husband marrying a second wife, never, lai lai.
It's not happening.

The day he brings another woman into the house as his wife is the day the marriage ends, that idea of living under the same roof with another woman that calls herself my husband's wife just doesn't sit well with me.

I don't even understand how muslim men expect women to just accept this many wives thing without complaining. What if your wife sleeps with another man? Just sleeps with him, not even brings him into the same house to live with you as co-husband; what if she only sleeps with another man, how would you feel?
Or are you assuming that women are not human beings with feelings?
Shuo?

if your hubby tries that,do you mean you will walk out of the marriage?and allow the other woman in?Ha!Abeg no do that one o.At least try to win him over convincingly to stop him from going ahead with the other woman.Hemhemhem[in whispers]but my sister,its halal o

siddiq202:

Easy sis.

Don't forbid what Allah makes lawful/permissible

Lol. I will not accept it and that is the end of the matter.

tbaba1234: fellis,
What zeezy said is completely understandable. Islamic laws are for the greater good, even if individuals might feel hurt. Preventing fitna in the land is one of the objectives of law.
If getting widows married would save them and the society from sins, then it is important that they get married, even to already married men.
There is a wisdom behind why men can marry multiple wives and not the other way around.

I hear.

I am still not comfortable with it.

Don't want to get into a long discussion about this issue.

zeezzy: if your hubby tries that,do you mean you will walk out of the marriage?and allow the other woman in?Ha!Abeg no do that one o.At least try to win him over convincingly to stop him from going ahead with the other woman.Hemhemhem[in whispers]but my sister,its halal o

1.) Yes if he tries it I WILL walk out.

2.) I will not beg him to change his mind.

3.) Let the other woman have him all to herself, he is not the oxygen I breathe.

fellis:

1.) Yes if he tries it I WILL walk out.

2.) I will not beg him to change his mind.

3.) Let the other woman have him all to herself, he is not the oxygen I breathe.

Get married first before worrying your head about second wife or not. Your attitude towards the issue is not stellar but hopefully you may get your heart's desire.

maclatunji:
Get married first before worrying your head about second wife or not. Your attitude towards the issue is not stellar but hopefully you may get your hearts' desire.

Ok.

Well, for me, it's still never say never.

May Allah guide us amin