Lets get this straight, Is it appropriate for your kids to call your very close friends ( Nigerians) mummy/daddy or uncle /Aunty and relate with their kids as cousins when it's obvious we are not in any way related? Being the fact that kids tend to believe and grow on what they're told?

I thought it'll be an ideal way to raise kids together with the aim of them marrying date in future , I mean why are we friends if our kids are brainwashed as fake cousins ?

I also think that limits the chances for suitors for them with the rate of knuckleheads out there don't you think? (esp for parents living in western world ) And the devil you know is much better than a complete stranger from strange family.

Is it rude for kids to call your close friends Mr / Mrs X to avoid too much familiarity without the 'civilization' stigma? this is getting ridiculous.

Your take ?

PLEASEEEE NO DEBBIE DOWNERS!!!

Doesn't have to be a 10page thread, just reasonable opinions.

Erm, in Nigeria it's considered forward and rude for a child/younger person to call someone by the Mr/Mrs title.
And then, the uncle/aunty prefix is not taken literally. Believe me, everyone, kids even, knows who's family and who isn't. There's really no confusion as to who is uncle/aunty by blood or association. Hope this helps.

Its just a nigerian thing or rather african thing and it depends on the level of closeness.Eg when i was growing up till date i had(and still have)like 50 aunties.My mum obviously does not have 50 sisters but it was just normal to call younger ladies aunty.All or most of mum friends were called mummy to their face(but Mrs Lagbaja when they were not there).

Now my daughter calls a couple of people aunty x though i have only sister.She even calls her dad's elder sister aunty(my mum hates it and says she should be calling her mummy cos all her siblings kids call her big mummy).How wont we confuse the girl now cos when i tried she said But you are my mummy and you are a big person .Kids you just gotta love them esp this obodo oyinbo kids too outspoken for their own good i tell ya.My SIL is quite westernised and shot down the idea cos her kids call everyone aunty.My daughter calls most of my friends aunty this or A or B's mummy for those that have kids.I would find it a bit formal or hard sef(she is only 3 and a half)for her to be addressing my friends as Miss or Mrs (come to think she calls her teacher Miss Pearce ).

Its tricky ojare sis as will say May God help us all.

I call aunties and uncles "ma" or "sir". "mummy" is reserved for my own mother alone! My mother is a rare gem, a strong woman and a wise woman who sacrificed so much for us considering her background. it would be an insult to call anyone else mummy. Thanks.... That is all! . My kids will do the same. I thank God i come from an open family, and my siblings wouldnt mind being called aunty and uncle.

fresh_dude: Erm, in Nigeria it's considered forward and rude for a child/younger person to call someone by the Mr/Mrs title.
And then, the uncle/aunty prefix is not taken literally. Believe me, everyone, kids even, knows who's family and who isn't. There's really no confusion as to who is uncle/aunty by blood or association. Hope this helps.

Thanks Dude But Believe it or not majority of these kids are confused figuring it out. Would you be attracted to your supposedly Aunty/ another Mummy's daughter you're supposed to be cousins??

Do you think it's rude to for them to address adults with Titles?

baby_123: I call aunties and uncles "ma" or "sir". "mummy" is reserved for my own mother alone! My mother is a rare gem, a strong woman and a wise woman who sacrificed so much for us considering her background. it would be an insult to call anyone else mummy. Thanks.... That is all! . My kids will do the same. I thank God i come from an open family, and my siblings wouldnt mind being called aunty and uncle.

Sighs thanks sweetie , I don't know seriously , I'm seek and tired of these extreme culture thingy. At the end of the day , all responsible suitors are cousins.

Have you came across some people that will bluntly tell your kids to greet 'mummy'? Aghh

damiso: Its just a nigerian thing or rather african thing and it depends on the level of closeness.Eg when i was growing up till date i had(and still have)like 50 aunties.My mum obviously does not have 50 sisters but it was just normal to call younger ladies aunty.All or most of mum friends were called mummy to their face(but Mrs Lagbaja when they were not there).

Now my daughter calls a couple of people aunty x though i have only sister.She even calls her dad's elder sister aunty(my mum hates it and says she should be calling her mummy cos all her siblings kids call her big mummy).How wont we confuse the girl now cos when i tried she said But you are my mummy and you are a big person .Kids you just gotta love them esp this obodo oyinbo kids too outspoken for their own good i tell ya.My SIL is quite westernised and shot down the idea cos her kids call everyone aunty.My daughter calls most of my friends aunty this or A or B's mummy for those that have kids.I would find it a bit formal or hard sef(she is only 3 and a half)for her to be addressing my friends as Miss or Mrs (come to think she calls her teacher Miss Pearce ).

Its tricky ojare sis as will say May God help us all.

I hear you jare, the thing tire me.

jidegirl12:

Sighs thanks sweetie , I don't know seriously , I'm seek and tired of these extreme culture thingy. At the end of the day , all responsible suitors are cousins.

Have you came across some people that will bluntly tell your kids to greet 'mummy'? Aghh

Yep one of my mums cousins did that.She was like 'emi lonpe ni aunty se mo se egbe iya e ni'(its me you are calling aunty are me and your mum mates).My husband was like WTH.I quickly gave him eye not to vex and talk.Needless to say Bebe was out of cousin's way for the rest of the evening.

This thread has the potential of opening our eyes, i tell you, im really subscribing.

I think its african, or even Nigerian, and very or most common in our Yorubaland /culture, its a way of showing respect to someone old enough to be your mum or dad, i guess, but i also think some people are being too extreme about the matter.

I have a friend who told my kids that the day they call her mum-x, (her children's name), that she will slap them, i later jokingly told her that those kids are right, but she insisted that kids who call someone old enough to be their mother by their child's name means, if she doesn have a child for now, they would have called her by her name and such behaviour shows tht the kids are "asa"(not well mannered), in this case, what do i do?

Now, my kids call all their father's sisters "big mummies" and also all my siblings "big mummies and big daddies"(my hubby is d only guy and the last born and im also the last born of my mum), is that all right?

@ real families are okay IMO

As per your authoritative friend, I think you should explain to her how extreme she's taking this, and besides that's why I'm here too, to discuss this situation .
If I may also ask , would you want to have her as an in law? If not then she should take her mummy title to the bank.

Many kids end up with complete strangers as a partner because of this nonsense. #justsaying

Tell the kids which aunt is family/friend. That's what I do. Cousin level is a big no no IMO

^^ I hear you, I wish it's that easy, labelling goes beyond just verbal differentiation/ explanation , why not obliterate the act completely?

I have a friend who taught their little one to call others by Miss, Mr etc before their names.
I like that.
I like his lil voice saying "Miss H, can I get you something?" so sweet .

not aunty this and aunty that.

jidegirl12: ^^ I hear you, I wish it's that easy, labelling goes beyond just verbal differentiation/ explanation , why not obliterate the act completely?

I have never really thought of it that way but that is probably because I don't really refer to my friends as cousins. But I can I see the dilemma if a precedent has been set, it is kinda odd.

@armyofone, that is so cute but you know how some of our oversabi people be now?! The next thing na to start acting like winch around your children I don't I know why it should matter what other people's kids call me when I have my own kids. Some of these people act like 'iya mummy nje won' . ( forgive me o jide, didn't know how to write that in English ni o )

Its a no no for me,we didn't grow up with that!I can't imagine telling my kids to call an adult like me mummy.we grew up with d first name thing.no aunty or bro.its only a couple w'out kid that we can call aunty and bro, otherwise mummy and daddy this or that.I can comfortable call a mother by her first name and is never seen as insult.till her death,we call my mum by her name but in a modified way.its just normal from my side of d world. I don't encourage other kids to call me that too neither my hubby. my niece brought out dictionary infront of her mummy and the friend of whom her mummy told her to call mummy and start reading out d meaning of mummy!so embarasn for everybody. Ma is appropriate.I believe in doin something and doin it well.as 4 d younger ones aunty a b c and bro a b c but wen they r calld by all will answer ma and sir to all.

Lmao @ iya mummy n jewon ( desperate to be called mummy that translation works )
I guess we'd continue whining and only hope our generation will get it and stop these over sabi attitude.

armyofone: I have a friend who taught their little one to call others by Miss, Mr etc before their names.
I like that.
I like his lil voice saying "Miss H, can I get you something?" so sweet .

not aunty this and aunty that.

I even prefer that!this aunty and uncle thing is soooooo wrong.its a good idea! Will tell hubby to c his reaction.

I want to believe prior to western colonization, there was no word like aunty/uncle in our vocabulary. Kids then must have been calling "egbon mi" or "iya lagbaja" for the Yorubas while other tribes had their ways of expressing such. But with the coming of western culture and in a bid to be very polite using English along with native language, the aunty/uncle, mummy/daddy idea came in.
Personally, I think there is nothing wrong with children calling people Mrs/Mr/Miss if they are taught that way. However, in simplifying how to respect older people for kids, the uncle/aunty is not a bad idea but must come with parents explaining the relationship between you and the person to the Kid.

Nevertheless, I think its good not to give a damn about what people think in as much as you train your children to be respectful to all including their peers. Most times we get troubled because of what will people and environment say.

As for me, will always tell my boy who an individual is to me so he can define the relationship without getting confused. Mr/Mrs/Miss. aunty/uncle, grandma etc where appropriate. WIll teach him to use the right word at the right time for the right people.

jidegirl12:

Thanks Dude But Believe it or not majority of these kids are confused figuring it out. Would you be attracted to your supposedly Aunty/ another Mummy's daughter you're supposed to be cousins??

Do you think it's rude to for them to address adults with Titles?

I don't think it's rude but, considering the predominant culture and beliefs I'll just go with the flow. As for kids, they'll sort things in due time.
And, truly truly, I have absolutely no qualms marrying a supposed cousin because, I don't see her as a cousin, and rightly so too. Growing up my parents friends were referred to as uncle/aunty so-and-so and believe me, my siblings and I always knew where each person belonged.
In fact, when I was about 13, I had a crush on an "uncle's" daughter and tried my best to date her, even though I didn't succeed, I knew we weren't family.

well, maybe for kids outside Nigeria, there may be some confusion about who is really your aunty or just your mum's friend. But if you live in Nigeria I can assure you, no child is confused about who is their cousin and who is just an 'honorary cousin'.

honeychild: well, maybe for kids outside Nigeria, there may be some confusion about who is really your aunty or just your mum's friend. But if you live in Nigeria I can assure you, no child is confused about who is their cousin and who is just an 'honorary cousin'.

Are you positive bout that bolded? even if you tell them , wide chances are 'weird' factor ( dating) is never gonna happen btw them. I hope you get my point?

fresh_dude: I don't think it's rude but, considering the predominant culture and beliefs I'll just go with the flow. As for kids, they'll sort things in due time.
And, truly truly, I have absolutely no qualms marrying a supposed cousin because, I don't see her as a cousin, and rightly so too. Growing up my parents friends were referred to as uncle/aunty so-and-so and believe me, my siblings and I always knew where each person belonged.
In fact, when I was about 13, I had a crush on an "uncle's" daughter and tried my best to date her, even though I didn't succeed, I knew we weren't family.

Yeah I get it -the culture, hey I'm a huge fan of culture trust me I embrace it wholeheartedly , but the extremity of some precedent and 'decorum' in name of culture are twisted/ out of bounds.

I wonder why your 'uncle's' daughter declined your desirous pursuit ? ewww dude you threaded a dangerous path , inc est !

jidegirl12:

Yeah I get it -the culture, hey I'm a huge fan of culture trust me I embrace it wholeheartedly , but the extremity of some precedent and 'decorum' in name of culture are twisted/ out of bounds.

I wonder why your 'uncle's' daughter declined your desirous pursuit ? ewww dude you threaded a dangerous path , inc est !

Lol @ incëst. I guess it was all just youthful shakara, and I wasn't the most persistent teenager as I didn't have to work all that hard to land 'em, if you know what I mean. Haven't seen her in 15years though.

That's what happens over here
Jeez, everyone na mommy and daddy grandma grandpa etc, not even uncle/aunty.
At one time, I had to let my mom know I was uncomfortable with the mommy/daddy bullshit
She doesn't even care anymore
I only have one mommy and one daddy please.
And some would even get angry cuz I called them aunty and uncle, lol wtf?
I had to shift away from these people during my college years
Nowadays, no one even comes to me with any Nigerian cultural BS (I still kneel down when I greet tho )
Even dem know I stopped giving a fcukkkk lol
Rub me the wrong way and I end all ties, period. Nansense
You're a family friend, not my friend

I'll never teach any of my children these bullshid
Annoying Nigerians.....cant stand them

I call my mom and dads friends uncle and aunty till date.the ones i am not too close to i call them mr lagbaja or mrs lagbaja.the name aunty brings a sense of closeness.one of my moms friend who is 32 years older than me,who was even part of the people waiting for my delivery in the reception (according to my mom) i call her by the name aunty lagbaja,behind her i call her aunty lagbaja too.then on a second occasion calling someone aunty or uncle too can also drive the person away from you or create a distance or gap.ill give an example.when i was an undergraduate some couple of years back,there was one of my lecturers who was a married man making amorous advances at me and when he said i should come and see him in his office after the class,i went there.after all his toastings about how he can get his eyes of me and shit like that i said you are an uncle to me.its people like us that are looking up to you,he said he is not my uncle that i shouldnt call him my uncle,i said in yoruba,i will call you uncle,whether in your presence or behind you because i have uncles like you that are your age mate at home so you are an uncle to me beyond being my lecturer.so eventually he was disapointed with what he heard,he thought ill have giving him a yes answer.anyway i left his office since then i deliberatly desisted from calling him mr lagbaja,i call him 'uncle wa' meaning our uncle.that name uncle annoys him like crazy,so he stopped chasing after me because he didnt want to hear that name.so things like this is like a 2 edged sword

That^^ is exactly the point of this thread.

The Repulsive effect of that act/practice... wouldn't it be nice if you end up with one of your mom's son in your age group? Instead if searching and end up with a complete stranger? But cause you've established the unnecessary familiarity, you're more or less like relatives now abi? it'll be very weird don't you think?

You get my point now??

jidegirl12: That^^ is exactly the point of this thread.

The Repulsive effect of that act/practice... wouldn't it be nice if you end up with one of your mom's son in your age group? Instead if searching and end up with a complete stranger? But cause you've established the unnecessary familiarity, you're more or less like relatives now abi? it'll be very weird don't you think?

You get my point now??

I can't stop laughing o Jide, na the matchmaking part worry you pass

naijababe:

I can't stop laughing o Jide, na the matchmaking part worry you pass

That's the only point oh Abeg sounds selfish and Indian -ish but the devil you know right? Esp with all these witches everywhere , who wants them as inlaws??

jidegirl12:

That's the only point oh Abeg sounds selfish and Indian -ish but the devil you know right? Esp with all these witches everywhere , who wants them as inlaws??

I hear you sister on that one

I think it is Yoruba culture. I never called anybody except my mum "mummy". I cannot let my kids call anyone "mummy". My son calls his school teacher by her name, Mrs .... and it is the school policy. He can call aunties or uncles but mummy is a definite no-no.