Dear All,

My marriage is just three months old. My father-in-law is a very good man, the kind of father I prayed for. I lost my father last year and he has become a fine replacement for him.

Since marrying his son, he has been there for me, telling me things he knows will help me live a wonderful life with my husband. Through him, I got to know what kind of things to avoid and what to hold tightly to.

He even went as far to teach me how to make his son's favorite food which incidentally is also his. He said his mother used to cook it for him and that my husband fell in love with the food too when he went to live with her.

His wife, my stepmother-in-law is also an angel. Unless one is told she isn't the biological mother of my husband, you won't know from the way she dots on my husband and his elder brother. Her daughters and son accord their elder brothers every respect they deserve.

On the other hand, my mother-in-law is a terror. She is divorced from my father-in-law. I learnt she didn't also last long in her second marriage. She is in her third marriage.

For some strange reasons, she and I didn't get off on a good start. But being the younger woman, I have tried my best to be civil and to avoid getting into her wrong side.

But with her latest decision and desire, there is no way I can avoid it. About three weeks ago, she packed into my house without notifying me or her son.

I came back from work to meet her fully installed in my guest room. She even had my sister staying with us made a different kind of meal for her, different from the one I instructed them to make.

As if that wasn't enough, she brought some clothes including her underwears she wanted my sister to wash. Out of respect, she did but left out the pants.

When I came back home, my sister was very angry and indicated her interest to go if she was staying. I waited for my husband to come back home before saying anything. He too didn't like the idea of his mother coming and tried to persuade her to go back to her husband's house.

Rather than face her son, she started raining curses on me and members of my family. There was nothing she didn't say, including manipulating her son to favor his father instead of her; my husband and I bought a car for the father during his birthday.

She told everyone who cared to listen that I will not enjoy peace in her son's home. Its been hell for me. My husband has been begging me but every day she spends in our home is hell. My father-in-law and his wife are currently in Ghana; I don't know if I should call him to report the development in my home.

Every night, I hear her cursing any woman who will not allow her enjoy her son. What do I do? I am not cut out for her kind of person. Please help me because I am getting fed up and won't mind leaving her son for my peace of mind.

I haven't told my mother because she is yet to recover from my father's death which affected her badly due to their closeness. Telling her what I am going through might kill her.

My-mother-in-law-is-a-terror, please help me.



Seun, Kindly post dis for me...

My sister,

Truth is you have no business leaving your house. For what - a mad woman? You husband loves you, you father-in-law loves you and so do your husband's siblings. Your mother in law is the only trouble here and your husband clearly sees it, so you and your husband have to agree on how to curb her excesses. Your problems are half solved.

I will advice you not to abuse her or do anything silly, just have a heart to heart with your hubby on how best to deal with her. Your MIL is in her third marriage so that just shows what type of person she is. Sit with your hubby and prayerfully come up with the best way to deal with her. Her son knows her best so let him deal with it, but just make she you register and continue to register your displeasure over your MIL's attitude.

My sis, i'll advice u stay put in ur matrimonial home rather dan leaving ur home 4 her. U shud thank God dat ur hubby is nt supporting her. Invite God into ur home and u will find everlasting peace. Goodluck.

This is the key.....
Please do not take any extreme measures

Let your hubby do the fronting for you

Nashville: My sister,

Truth is you have no business leaving your house. For what - a mad woman? You husband loves you, you father-in-law loves you and so do your husband's siblings. Your mother in law is the only trouble here and you husband clearly sees it, so you and your husband have to agree on how to curb her excesses. Your problems are half solved.

I will advice you not to abuse her or do anything silly, just have a heart to heart with your hubby on how best to deal with her. Your MIL is in her third marriage so that just shows what type of person she is. Sit with your hubby and prayerfully come up with the best way to deal with her. Her son knows her best so let him deal with it, but just make she you register and continue to register your displeasure over your MIL's attitude.

Marriage no dey easy at all.dear, where r u runnin to? I'm happy u hv lv sorrounding u.she is frustrated and a frustrated bein can do anythin to make others be like her.
Since u hv d backin of ur hubby, set rules in ur house and mean it. Eg,one pot,one food except it is known that d person don't eat that food.(When it comes to food,make her kind of food,so no excuse.at least for d time bein)be respectful and still be strict.
If she makes too much noise in ur house,tell her u will send her packin if she continues. period.
The earlier u set ur boundries,d better.she might want to test u to c whether she can bully u.don't give her d chance.just ask God for wisdom and deal with her woman to woman.it will not be easy butshe will learn to respect u as time goes on.
In all act maturely.
I discovered that when u confront this kind of pple(they always believe u can never challange them)they will back down,come up again with another tactics,meet brick wall.they will do either of d dis two.let u be or become ur friend eventually.
Congrats on ur marriage and I wish u d best.

Can't her husband just be a man and send this woman to her husband?

yellowpawpaw: Marriage no dey easy at all.dear, where r u runnin to? I'm happy u hv lv sorrounding u.she is frustrated and a frustrated bein can do anythin to make others be like her.
Since u hv d backin of ur hubby, set rules in ur house and mean it. Eg,one pot,one food except it is known that d person don't eat that food.(When it comes to food,make her kind of food,so no excuse.at least for d time bein)be respectful and still be strict.
If she makes too much noise in ur house,tell her u will send her packin if she continues. period.
The earlier u set ur boundries,d better.she might want to test u to c whether she can bully u.don't give her d chance.just ask God for wisdom and deal with her woman to woman.it will not be easy butshe will learn to respect u as time goes on.
In all act maturely.
I discovered that when u confront this kind of pple(they always believe u can never challange them)they will back down,come up again with another tactics,meet brick wall.they will do either of d dis two.let u be or become ur friend eventually.
Congrats on ur marriage and I wish u d best.

this is a good advice however the only problem i have with it is threatning a mother inlaw that you will send her packing especially when you know the kind of person she is.a troublesome/overbearing woman at that.

Anyway @ op,if you dont mind my humble advice,i suggest you give her her respect but stay miles away from her.ignore her cursing and whenever she wants to curse just wear your earpiece and listen to songs on your phone or better still watch t.v and raise the volume to the extent that you wont hear the cursing.its not like i am saying you should be rude to her,but if she is somewhere,leave the place for her.if she is in the sitting room,just say mummy is there anything you need and can help you with,if she snaps and says no,just leave.when you stay cleer of her,and you plug your ears or watch tv you wont hear all the cursing and it wont pain you.at least theres an addage that says what you dont hear doesnt hurt,focus your attention on your husband and kids.after she curses and nags and instigates wahala and your husband is seeing you are always ignoring her and she herself knows that the person she has just been working herself over does not even care about her,no one will tell her to leave.she will pack her things and leave angrily.infact if its weekend sef and you know your husband is not around,probably he travelled and left you with mama.use that opportunity to take your kids out so that as your kids are having a nice time,you are also staying away from her till your husband returns.the only thing is that you will prepare her food before leaving so that she will not use that as a justification to cause problems in your home for you

Call your Father in Law in Ghana to come and pick his wife

Women and their wahala sha, Hope in 30yrs time another woman wont be having the same complaints about you

First let me narrate what my mum's colleague went through with her MIL years back. The woman moved in with them out of the blue and decided to make the lady's life a living hell. She will ask mama 'what will you eat'? Mama will reply 'whatever you're making'. By the time the food is ready, mama will say she has changed her mind and will request for a meal that will have to be made from scratch. Without complaing, the DIL will oblige. There are times when she will even have to go to the market in the late evening to satisfy her MIL. One day, after making dinner. Mama said she felt like eating eko and vegetable. The lady had to leave the house looking for where to buy vegs, fish etc at such a late hour. She got home made late (of course) and proceeded to make mama's delicacy. All these was witnessed by her husband though he didn't say much at that point in time. While mama was enjoying her delicacy, he gently told her, 'pack your bags you're leaving tomorrow'. And that was the end of the woman's ordeal

I totally relate with the op for thinking of leaving the marriage. A marriage this young shouldn't be placed under this kind of pressure. You have to tell your husband to be more firm with his mother especially when you're concerned. Try and be respectful to her no matter how difficult it may seem. Stay put in your home and you will come out the victor. I wish you the best.

WOMEN! AH na wa o, hardly you hear complain of Father-inlaw or outlaw. thank God my tradition forbids Parents-inlaws from Pock-nosin into the affairs of their children's marriage. My Grandma enjoyed her home, my mom is currently enjoyin her home without interference, in the same vein my WIFE will enjoy without rival.

dayokanu: Call your Father in Law in Ghana to come and pick his wife

Women and their wahala sha, Hope in 30yrs time another woman wont be having the same complaints about you

That's if she disrepects herself and crosses her boundaries. I don't believe you read or undertood the story at all.

First let me narrate what my mum's colleague went through with her MIL years back. The woman moved in with them out of the blue and decided to make the lady's life a living hell. She will ask mama 'what will you eat'? Mama will reply 'whatever you're making'. By the time the food is ready, mama will say she has changed her mind and will request for a meal that will have to be made from scratch. Without complaing, the DIL will oblige. There are times when she will even have to go to the market in the late evening to satisfy her MIL. One day, after making dinner. Mama said she felt like eating eko and vegetable. The lady had to leave the house looking for where to buy vegs, fish etc at such a late hour. She got home made late (of course) and proceeded to make mama's delicacy. All these was witnessed by her husband though he didn't say much at that point in time. While mama was enjoying her delicacy, he gently told her, 'pack your bags you're leaving tomorrow'. And that was the end of the woman's ordeal
[b][/b]
I totally relate with the op for thinking of leaving the marriage. A marriage this young shouldn't be placed under this kind of pressure. You have to tell your husband to be more firm with his mother especially when you're concerned. Try and be respectful to her no matter how difficult it may seem. Stay put in your home and you will come out the victor. I wish you the best.

barcanista: WOMEN! AH na wa o, hardly you hear complain of Father-inlaw or outlaw. thank God my tradition forbids Parents-inlaws from Pock-nosin into the affairs of their children's marriage. My Grandma enjoyed her home, my mom is currently enjoyin her home without interference, in the same vein my WIFE will enjoy without rival.

Please if I may ask: which culture is that?

Poster, inaddition to what other have said, I enjoin you to please start rebuking, cancelling and rejecting any negative word/curse she utters from her mouth against you and your family directly/indirectly.

Don't let her use her foul words to destroy your marriage, future and happiness. Words are like seeds that germinate and the fruits(actions)harvested.

Does ur mil have ur spare keys? Who opened the door for her seeing she came with 911 load of ibu na nsogbu?

Your FlL already divorced her so this is not his problem. Why is she living with u guys, no house for her? Its your husbands duty to ensure she leaves. If it means getting her another apartment, let him do so. At the meantime, u and ur sister should ignore her.

ferhyntorlah: Poster, inaddition to what other have said, I enjoin you to please start rebuking, cancelling and rejecting any negative word/curse she utters from her mouth against you and your family directly/indirectly.

Don't let her use her foul words to destroy your marriage, future and happiness. Words are like seeds that germinate and the fruits(actions)harvested.

Exactly.