1. Your parents are basically demi-gods. It
doesn’t matter if you learned that the sky is
blue. If your parents say the sky is orange, the
sky is in fact, orange. At least, in their presence.
2. Your parents will seldom ever admit they are
wrong. And if and when they do, you will be too
stunned to even believe it.
3. Your grandparents are the only people who can
put your parents in their place. (And you will
enjoy those moments.)
4. Your house is a free for all. At some point a
relative, twice-removed, will be invited to stay
for an extended-period of time.
5. You will likely be raised the old-fashioned way
-“you spare the rod, you spoil the child” kind of
old-fashioned way. In your adulthood, you’ll
largely be grateful for it and you’ll always be
able to tell the difference between people who
were raised the same way and people who were
not.
6. God help you if you’re living under your
parent’s roof and you yell at them, slam a door in
anger, and/or curse in their presence. Yeah, God
help you.
7. The youngest child will be blamed for
everything….until he or she is able to talk.
8. The oldest child will be blamed for everything
that the younger children do.
9. If you cry while being accused of something, it
is assumed that you are guilty.
10. Your parents will call you from upstairs,
downstairs, outside, etc., to hand them something
that is literally 10 centimeters away from them.
11. You will not leave your parents’ home without
learning how to cook.
12. Religious attendance and practice is not an
option.
13. Everyone who is older than you is your
“auntie” or “uncle.” Calling them by their first
name is basically a crime against humanity.
14. You will probably never meet all of your
extended family because there are just so many
of them.
15. This one specifically applies to most Nigerians
(although I have to hand it to papa and mama
Biakolo for not putting this kind of pressure on
us): Doing well in school is not an option and by
doing well, parents have expectations that you will
be the best at everything. Example: If you get a
98%, they might ask, “What happened to the
other 2%?” If you get a B, your parents will
likely ask, “The person who got an A, do they have
three heads?” Just do well in school.
16. Your friends better greet your parents first
when they see them or that friendship is pretty
much over. R-E-S-P-E-C-T is H-U-G-E.
17. Sleepovers at friends’ houses are mythical
tales or basically only happen when your parents
have known the family’s family since the
beginning of time.
18. Another mythical tale – being in a serious
relationship with anyone when you’re in your
teens. And until your parents believe you are of,
“courtship age,” they will refer to anyone you are
dating as, “your friend.”
19. You will still be expected to have a traditional
engagement/marriage regardless of where the
person you’re marrying is from. (Have fun
explaining the details of that to all your
significant others!)
20. Your parents will talk to you in a lot of
proverbs and metaphors. For example, when I was
12, I spent half a day trying to figure out what
my dad meant when he said, “When I talk to you
and advise you, do I talk with water in my
mouth?” I eventually got it.
21. You will have maybe 3 conversations about sex
with your parents – one when puberty starts to
take its course, the second one when you start
secondary school Biology, and the third one when
you are about to leave home. The will all
surprisingly sound like the Mean Girl’s quote,
“Don’t Be Intimate because you will get pregnant
and die!” followed by “Do not bring shame to this
family!” Got it parents, I can’t start dating until
I’m married and I can’t Be Intimate until after
I’ve had children.
22. Your siblings will be the first people to bully
the crap out of you. Later on, you’ll realize that
they were preparing you for a big bad world out
there.
23. If your entire full name is being called, and
your native language is also being spoken, the day
shall not pass without tears.
24. Soda in the fridge? Either your parents were
in a REALLY good mood or there are visitors
coming over.
25. Surprisingly, alcohol is a hit or miss with
African parents. It depends on the set that you
get. My dad drinks, my mum doesn’t (at all). I got
to choose. I chose my dad’s viewpoint.
26. You won’t realize how incredibly hilarious and
somewhat bizarre your upbringing was until you
reach adulthood. And you’ll burst out into tears of
laughter when you’re sitting next to an African
woman who is telling her child who probably just
got a B, “So the person who got an A, do they
have three heads?” Hang in there kid, they
secretly boast that they have the best children
ever, just not to your face.

Soooooooo TRUE
I guess I grew up in the right place.
I have like a Zillion cousins. The annoying part is when u cry over an issue u re labelled guilty.
So unfair.
And the part where ur folks scream ur name from all over the house to hand them what is in front of them.
Last born don suffer

aadetoyin: Soooooooo TRUE
I guess I grew up in the right place.
I have like a Zillion cousins. The annoying part is when u cry over an issue u re labelled guilty.
So unfair.
And the part where ur folks scream ur name from all over the house to hand them what is in front of them.
Last born don suffer

True my sister

aadetoyin: Soooooooo TRUE
I guess I grew up in the right place.
I have like a Zillion cousins. The annoying part is when u cry over an issue u re labelled guilty.
So unfair.
And the part where ur folks scream ur name from all over the house to hand them what is in front of them.
Last born don suffer

True my sister