I would like some advice.

I first really met my extended family members in Nigeria a couple of years ago. I had just turned 18.I was a little nervous at first, but I really enjoyed my stay with them. We had so much fun talking about many things. Since then, I have remained in contact with a select few of them with occasional phone calls (some of my cousins). Many times, when I call them or they call me they ask me "When are you coming home?" I've been at a loss of what to say because coming back to Nigeria from the US is not an easy affair, especially if we are talking about more than one person. This past Christmas, I sent them a letter letting them know that I would like to come back to Nigeria soon, but that it was a difficult matter. Stories about kidnapping and home invasion in Nigeria have made me scared to revisit.

I do love my cousins sincerely. I worry about them often. But I am concerned. Even though they are my family, should I just trust them so quickly ? - we only stayed with them for one week. I would like to be completely open with them about my life, but could this lead to jealousy? Am I just romanticizing family ties? Am I being naive? We are all Nigerian, but being born and raised in America makes me different in a lot of ways. The way we see many issues, including this one, is probably not the same. Is there something that I'm missing here?

Thank you

Pls what is the problem?

obowunmi: Pls what is the problem?

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obowunmi: Pls what is the problem?

Ther doesn't seem to be one.

Ezigbo2010: I would like some advice.

I first really met my extended family members in Nigeria a couple of years ago. I had just turned 18.I was a little nervous at first, but I really enjoyed my stay with them. Stories about kidnapping and home invasion in Nigeria have made me scared to revisit.

I do love my cousins sincerely. I worry about them often. But I am concerned. Even though they are my family, should I just trust them so quickly ? - we only stayed with them for one week. I would like to be completely open with them about my life, but could this lead to jealousy? Am I just romanticizing family ties? Am I being naive? We are all Nigerian, but being born and raised in America makes me different in a lot of ways. The way we see many issues, including this one, is probably not the same. Is there something that I'm missing here?

Thank you

first of all go down low are you a guy a babe, which part of Nigeria are your family from? until then. lips seal..

I am a man. My family is Igbo, from the southeast of Nigeria.

The thing is, I'm uncertain how to connect with my relatives in Nigeria. The cultures that we were raised in are different. With the small amount of relatives that I have managed to communicate with by phone occasionally (I have a lot of cousins), the only thing we can manage to speak about is whether everyone is okay. We cannot have a deep conversation like this. I would visit Nigeria again to be with them, but I fear somewhat for my safety, although the week that I spent there a couple of years ago was problem free. The stories I've been reading and hearing frighten me.

Another issue is money. Some of them doubtless believe that because I come from America that automatically means that I have money to give them. Some of them know that I traveled to Europe (the trip was mostly paid for) and I fear they may be jealous.

As an American-born Nigerian, I have little experience dealing with Nigerians back in Naija. It's strange because although we are all Nigerian (Igbo even), I am indeed a foreigner. I know that I'm not the only one who is/has been in this situation so I am looking for some advice. I want to remain in contact because I want to help my people in the future.

How long are you planning to stay?
What state are your cousins based? That'd tell how safe it is. A lot of Nigerians come visiting all the time and they return to their base safely. I don't think you should be as worried as you are except your people have given you reasons to.

You don't trust people by not trying so give yourself a chance to know the kind of people you have as relations. Give only what you have and can afford. Don't dwell on what their expectations could be.
Come home, establish those connections and enjoy yourself if you will. Cheers!

Ezigbo2010: I am a man. My family is Igbo, from the southeast of Nigeria.

The thing is, I'm uncertain how to connect with my relatives in Nigeria. The cultures that we were raised in are different. With the small amount of relatives that I have managed to communicate with by phone occasionally (I have a lot of cousins), the only thing we can manage to speak about is whether everyone is okay. We cannot have a deep conversation like this. I would visit Nigeria again to be with them, but I fear somewhat for my safety, although the week that I spent there a couple of years ago was problem free. The stories I've been reading and hearing frighten me.

Another issue is money. Some of them doubtless believe that because I come from America that automatically means that I have money to give them. Some of them know that I traveled to Europe (the trip was mostly paid for) and I fear they may be jealous.

As an American-born Nigerian, I have little experience dealing with Nigerians back in Naija. It's strange because although we are all Nigerian (Igbo even), I am indeed a foreigner. I know that I'm not the only one who is/has been in this situation so I am looking for some advice. I want to remain in contact because I want to help my people in the future.

I understand the dilemma you find yourself in.. well, i'll advice you get to know them one by one by asking what they are into? find out if they're schooling or working.. if working, find out were they work and try and understand if they are okay with what they do and if they are schooling, find out the schools each of them are in, find out if they are okay with the course of their study.. find out their plans for the future, their goals and agenda.. add them as friends on facebook, twitter e.t.c get to know their friends via social networks.. This can be done through phone conversations, chats, skype, icall, e.t.c all this will help you know who they are to some extent.. and i also know that America as warned her citizens not to visit some states in the southeast due to Armed robbery & kidnappings and all that; so which part of the country do they reside in? and again, in all your conversations make them understand that you are struggling and hustling in America just as they are in Nigeria, make them understand that there's no difference between you and them.. make them realize that you are plain and simple and not pompous.. lastly, how did you connect to them in the first place? is it through your dad? or uncle? does any of them reside in Nigeria?

Right am afraid going back to America cos of the countless number of guns on the street, as u can see even the almighty America is not free from crime. So my brother no where is safe in this world. If you listen to the jargons the america media is telling you, you will be lost forever.

Nigeria don suffer

I know how you feel even though you are Nigerian you are still a foreigner. Most kidnapping happens when you are showing off like you have so much money. Don't be in fear, because what ever you focus on comes to you. I am like you and my husband was born in 9ja my father is an engineer and my husbands family have a very successful business but we moved around, the village with no fear our children play in the compound with others. We drove and even walked up and down everywhere. My husband is the only one married to American born and he himself a citizen he is the only one move around freely out of the brothers. They would warn us and complain everyday that he should not be moving with me like that because of my look and that I am too noticeable but we had no fear because my husband is a real life masquerade and I know my God will protect us. Nothing never happen to us ever if your from Anambra those kidnapping are family set up, so don't be too flashy.

Thank you all for your responses. They are helpful.

My family is from Anambra state, but some relatives live in Enugu.

I cannot visit at the current moment, but in the near future I hope to visit them and stay for maybe a week or two.
A lot of the ones that I have remained in contact with are on my father's side of the family. But as of recently, there has been a rift between my father's side and my mother over money. This has caused me some concern.

Ezigbo2010: Thank you all for your responses. They are helpful.

My family is from Anambra state, but some relatives live in Enugu.

I cannot visit at the current moment, but in the near future I hope to visit them and stay for maybe a week or two.
A lot of the ones that I have remained in contact with are on my father's side of the family. But as of recently, there has been a rift between my father's side and my mother over money. This has caused me some concern.

This is unfortunate and happens so much the same is going on in my husbands family and I now understand your concern,Enugu city is relatively safe though we have family that we visit, in the Government area.

It will take the youth to change our people, the lack of unity in familes, is the cause of the slowness of progression in our community . We must be prayerful and the agents of peace. I am sure that in 4 years time we are going to see remarkable changes . We must always pray that God will change and make pure the thoughts, hearts and actions of our people. The leaders are a reflection of the people. Until the common man changes things will stay the same.

We must organize ourselves, so that we can be ready to assist in the development of our father/ motherland. Building of mansions will not assist the masses, but create jeliousy.
Stay in contact with your family, like an earlier commentor suggested talk about what they are into ask about how school is etc; Plan for the future of our land. Pray for the unity f our familes and people. God is with you!