Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most. —American proverb Money and friendship often does not mix very well. Money and friendship is often like drinking and driving. Money can part the best of friends, and can even sour sibling relationships in some instances. The borrower feels the lender should be more understanding, or even write off the debt entirely for the sake of friendship, especially when the lender seems relatively much better off financially than the borrower, and should be able to afford to do without the amount in question. The lender feels used and being taken for granted. Owing a friend can be awkward, especially when the debt is past due. You start to feel uncomfortable, and start offering excuses even in instances when none is demanded. When you hear the footfalls of your creditor, your heart begins to race, especially when payment is always demanded each time you meet. Soon you begin to avoid each other. Abuse of friendship Borrowing money from a friend is an abuse of friendship. There is an inherent emotional blackmail in the demand – if you love me, you will help, which means if you don’t, then you don’t care. That is subtle manipulation. Often, some friends abuse the privilege of being close to make demands when they know their friend just got paid some money – a bonus, pay rise, an unexpected windfall etc. Suddenly the ‘friend’ comes for a loan, more like his share of the windfall. Some friends borrow with no intent to pay back. They feel the money is one of their fringe benefits from the friendship. You are not in the shoes of the other person, you don’t know where the shoe pinches even when things look rosy on the outside. Even when you know there is a surplus, it is not your prerogative to tell your friend how to spend it. True friendship also means giving the other party freedom to be himself, enjoy himself if need be without having to feel guilty. A friendship where one party has to always lament and confess poverty so as to make the other party feel better is a toxic friendship. People’s Bank In the first instance, one should not have idle funds lying around to play People’s Bank with. By paying yourself first, you put your money to work for you, while you live on what is left. Your
savings should be out there in the money market and any other investment you are good at, working hard for you. This means the money is not available to start with. Let’s assume you have idle funds and your friend comes to you for a loan to start a business. The first question would be; are you equipped to analyse his proposal and business plan (if any?) We are not experienced in analysing business risks. That is the job of banks. They have professionals who do that. It is unfair to ask a friend to risk his funds on a business venture he cannot analyse even if his life depended on it. The
best place to get a loan for business start up is to borrow from your savings or from a bank and not from a friend (unless he truly buys into your idea). Such money often does not come back. The friend is often not bold enough to say “No, your plan is rubbish, I am not ready to risk my money on this”. Rather, he will swallow his apprehension and give his hard earned money, so as to avoid being seen as a dream killer or not wishing his friend well. Lack of forward planning Some people simply do not plan ahead. They operate on a pay as you go basis. Some look for money to borrow to pay maternity hospital bills, you begin to wonder if the baby dropped from the sky. All babies give 9 months notice, enough to plan ahead and get everything ready. You would expect anyone who is not ready to shoulder the responsibility of a new baby to locate the road to the nearest family planning clinic. Some look for money to borrow to pay for school fees for expensive private schools, but the same folks will turn their noses at public schools. When they attempt to carry what is too heavy for them, rather than lighten their load by scaling down, they look for help. When you help with the first term fees, what about second and third terms? Is the help or loan sustainable? Is there any end in sight? Protection from predatory borrowing To protect themselves from predatory borrowing (from friends who will likely not pay back), people adopt two methods. I call the first method the inoculation method. You lend an amount to your friends knowing full well he will default, and as expected, he does. Now here is the kicker, with that bad debt as a barrier, the debtor friend is not bold enough to come ask for another loan, knowing he has not paid back the last one. That first loan acts as inoculation to give immunity to the lender – to protect him from further lending requests, and peace returns to the planet. The debtor friend is forced to go look somewhere else. Mission accomplished. The second method is the gift method. A friend comes to you to ask for a N200, 000 loan, you let her know you don’t have that type of money lying idle, so you chip in N20, 000 as a gift, not to be repaid. If she comes back a second time and end up with another gift, she will get the message. She will either not come back again, or knows full well all she can get is another gift, which she may very well come back for. When the gift reduces in amount each time she returns, that becomes a disincentive to keep asking. Giving with wisdom This is not to say you cannot help a friend in need. We are to help others to the best of our ability. However, it is unwise to help other at the expense of our financial stability. It aircraft safety briefings, you are advised to put on your oxygen mask first in the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure before you help others. If you are panting for breath yourself, you put both lives in danger. If you are not an expert swimmer, if you attempt to help a drowning man, you will be caught in a death grip which will put both lives in danger. The best thing to do is to call for help. When you keep giving hand outs to a friend or keep funding half baked ideas, you are weakening your friend, not strengthening him. By feeding him fish, you are weakening his drive to learn how to fish. You are helping and abetting
financial illiteracy. If you keep helping long enough, both of you will go down, then he will go look for a new helper to pull down also. We need sound judgement, commonsense and a dose of financial literacy to be able to handle money especially when it comes to helping friends and family. Part of our monthly budget should include giving – tithes, charity, friends and family in need etc. Taking care of our aged parents is a responsibility which is not optional. However, whenever a friend wants to turn you to a bank or Automated Teller Machine, you need to decide which you need most, as money and friendship does not mix very well.

Although you made salient points you should have edited your work or is it copy and paste? You should still have summarized it.No wonder it's not generating comments.

Helping family and friends is a good thing. A friend in need is a friend indeed.If am in a position to I would help but if I find it's becoming like demanding on me I would step down a bit.karpish?

Helping friends is my number 1 priority,i don't ve rules for helping people and it has been keeping me above all obstacles.But, dont broadcast my favour 2u,likewise dont broadcast ur favour 2me.If not it can end our friendship.