bellong: I may want to answer this from my religious conviction. I do pray and get confirmation from God about marital commitment. If she gets to tell me during courtship, it will only strengthen my bond with her.

Telling me already gives me an idea of the battle to fight and the long road to walk. If I never knew about it before asking her out, I will go back to God and ask if He wants me to continue with the relationship. If the King of Kings can tell me to go ahead, I am so sure that children are coming in abundance on the way. It may be long but they will definitely come.

baby_123: No. I think about the long term, and I know without my own biological kids I will be miserable. It may be good up to a point, but I want to share such a special gift with hubby. That child that will have his head, my eyes, his skin...etc. I also say a complete and absolute NO to donor sperm. I will rather get a divorce and get married to the donor. Than to bring another mans child under my husbands roof. Who are we kidding? I don't think we can truly be happy with donor spe*rm. This doesn't mean that the man is a write off. Am sure he will find someone who doesn't care and is open to adoption. I am open to adoption, but I also want my own kids.

Royal Roy: Real tricky one!!!!

But in reality, I would marry her with the agreement that I can have kids from a "surrogate" mother through an appropriate means!!!

Siena:

You're a brave man. I was in such a situation some years back. I knew about my wife's infertility issues prior to getting married, because she told me. We talked about adoption and surrogacy before we got married, and agreed those were the routes we'd take. Sadly, after we'd said "I do", she changed her mind.

We began taking Adoption classes through Barnardos. It can take up to a year for applicants to become approved to adopt. Part of the process is having your background checked, including any ex-partners. We were aware of this, and knew it would be intrusive to a degree, but we were okay with it - at least I was.

7 months into the process, we had a session one afternoon. I left work early, got home and found my wife wasn't home. I called our case workers to enquire why they were 25 minutes late. I was told my wife had cancelled, and wasn't I aware? I said no, I wasn't, so when was the rescheduled session? I was told there wasn't one, that my wife hadn't cancelled just this session, she'd pulled out altogether.

My wife got home, and I queried her on her decision to pull out, without discussing things with me? Her response? "I find the process too intrusive, I don't like the way they question us." I was shocked. I tried to reason with her, that children have to be protected, and the checks the authorities make are pretty valid, and expected. But she was adamant, so that ended the adoption route to children.

So we had just one route left - surrogacy, which we had agreed upon before getting married. Again, I was the only one carrying out research, calling hospitals in the UK and Europe, getting ideas on cost etc. While my wife did nothing, and showed very little interest.

Each time I tried to pin her down so we could discuss things, there was always an excuse -

It's very expensive.
It's a long process.
It might not work.
The surrogate mother might pull out.
Yada yada yada.

We had two houses at the time - one in France, and the one we lived in in the UK. I said if money was the issue, we could always remortgage the UK house, children are priceless, and if it meant even selling the house outright, that's what we should be doing!

This dragged on for 4 years - I would suggest we talked, she would say she had a lot on at work, we'd discuss things later. Things came to a head one day, she returned from work, and I told her outright we were going to thrash things out here and now, no more procrastinating. It was only then she told me bluntly she didn't want surrogacy either, she didn't want me to have a child with another woman's eggs womb, that the child would be mine, but not hers. So basically, she'd deceived me in the cruellest way possible, and was prepared to condemn me to a life of childlessness, through her own selfish desires?!

I took it hard. At first, I tried to put children out of my mind, and simply make the marriage work, but it was impossible. With each passing day, I resented my wife more. I began a series of blatant affairs, and didn't give a rat's árse if my wife found out or not, part of me did want her to catch me out, and she did, on several occasions, with different women. But I couldn't care less. And for those who may wish to attack me with scriptures, go shake your tambourine elsewhere, because I'm not interested. Until your thrust into a certain situation, you can't tell for sure how you'd react, at least not with any degree of accuracy.

For those who can cope with childlessness or deception, good luck, I sincerely wish you all the best.

kunletiwoo: I'll go ahead and marry her! As long as I love her, nothing wey God no fit do. "There's miracle in love"

alutacontinua: Yes, I CAN!
I don't easily fall in love but when i do, it's always unconditional.
I don't mind adopting.

greatgod2012:


how you dey? Long time!
I love your faith, your faith made thee whole.........but.............

I dey fine and you? ..... And what could be the 'but' in taking such decision?

Siena:

You're a brave man. I was in such a situation some years back. I knew about my ex-wife's infertility issues prior to getting married, because she told me. We talked about adoption and surrogacy before we got married, and agreed those were the routes we'd take. Sadly, after we'd said "I do", she changed her mind.

We began taking Adoption classes through Barnardos. It can take up to a year for applicants to become approved to adopt. Part of the process is having your background checked, including any ex-partners. We were aware of this, and knew it would be intrusive to a degree, but we were okay with it - at least I was.

7 months into the process, we had a session one afternoon. I left work early, got home and found my wife wasn't home. I called our case workers to enquire why they were 25 minutes late. I was told my wife had cancelled, and wasn't I aware? I said no, I wasn't, so when was the rescheduled session? I was told there wasn't one, that my wife hadn't cancelled just this session, she'd pulled out altogether.

My wife got home, and I queried her on her decision to pull out, without discussing things with me? Her response? "I find the process too intrusive, I don't like the way they question us." I was shocked. I tried to reason with her, that children have to be protected, and the checks the authorities make are pretty valid, and expected. But she was adamant, so that ended the adoption route to children.

So we had just one route left - surrogacy, which we had agreed upon before getting married. Again, I was the only one carrying out research, calling hospitals in the UK and Europe, getting ideas on cost etc. While my wife did nothing, and showed very little interest.

Each time I tried to pin her down so we could discuss things, there was always an excuse -

It's very expensive.
It's a long process.
It might not work.
The surrogate mother might pull out.
Yada yada yada.

We had two houses at the time - one in France, and the one we lived in in the UK. I said if money was the issue, we could always remortgage the UK house, children are priceless, and if it meant even selling the house outright, that's what we should be doing!

This dragged on for 4 years - I would suggest we talked, she would say she had a lot on at work, we'd discuss things later. Things came to a head one day, she returned from work, and I told her outright we were going to thrash things out here and now, no more procrastinating. It was only then she told me bluntly she didn't want surrogacy either, she didn't want me to have a child with another woman's eggs womb, that the child would be mine, but not hers. So basically, she'd deceived me in the cruellest way possible, and was prepared to condemn me to a life of childlessness, through her own selfish desires?!

I took it hard. At first, I tried to put children out of my mind, and simply make the marriage work, but it was impossible. With each passing day, I resented my wife more. I began a series of blatant affairs, and didn't give a rat's árse if my wife found out or not, part of me did want her to catch me out, and she did, on several occasions, with different women. But I couldn't care less. And for those who may wish to attack me with scriptures, go shake your tambourine elsewhere, because I'm not interested. Until you're thrust into a certain situation, you can't tell for sure how you'd react, at least not with any degree of accuracy.

For those who can cope with childlessness or deception, good luck, I sincerely wish you all the best.