Hi every body here,
my name is daniel,i realy need advice on what to do about my brother wife,my brother is a business man he realy like me as his younger brother,but since he has got married last year things has change between me and him,because it seems his wife dont want to see me around him,and often time my brother always complain dat y did i stop coming to his house but i can not tell him about his wife behaviour,for instance d last time i went their is so unfortunate for me that my brother was not at home,but i met his wife,she did not even allow me inTO the house,the only thing she told me is dat she has a programme she want to attend now and she can waite for me,so that how she lock d house and left me their,so since then have makes up my mind that i will not go to their house again,but now my brother is disturbing ME to come n visit them which i ignor him............so please i need ur advice but no insult pls or should i tell my brother everytin or i should continue like this........THANKS

You did nothing wrong visiting your brother, reporting her will only cause undue tension.Why don't you try visiting only when your brother is available,that way you won't have much contact with this mean wife.Why does she hate you?are you not helpful around the house when you visit? Do your visit create extra tasks for her instead of relieving it? Do you act and comport yourself in a way that suggests you hate her?ask yourself these questions and make amend.


If she is just a mean person then you have to apply wisdom here.

You can't end your relationship with your brother simply cos of his wife. Just ensure you call your brother to confirm if he is around before you make your next visit.

Try as much as possible not to be rude to his wife. With time, an opportunity will present itself and you will be able to call your brother's attention to his wife's attitude.

Don't stay away from your brother please.

Tgirl4real: You can't end your relationship with your brother simply cos of his wife. Just ensure you call your brother to confirm if he is around before you make your next visit.

Try as much as possible not to be rude to his wife. With time, an opportunity will present itself and you will be able to call your brother's attention to his wife's attitude.

Don't stay away from your brother please.

exactly.she has said it all and if there is no change involve your bother and mother into the house.everyone deserves respect.as much as i dont like overbearing and nosy sister inlaws,i dont like women creating unnecessary defence and wahala when it is not called for

byvan: You did nothing wrong visiting your brother, reporting her will only cause undue tension.Why don't you try visiting only when your brother is available,that way you won't have much contact with this mean wife.Why does she hate you?are you not helpful around the house when you visit? Do your visit create extra tasks for her instead of relieving it? Do you act and comport yourself in a way that suggests you hate her?ask yourself these questions and make amend.


If she is just a mean person then you have to apply wisdom here.

byvan: You did nothing wrong visiting your brother, reporting her will only cause undue tension.Why don't you try visiting only when your brother is available,that way you won't have much contact with this mean wife.Why does she hate you?are you not helpful around the house when you visit? Do your visit create extra tasks for her instead of relieving it? Do you act and comport yourself in a way that suggests you hate her?ask yourself these questions and make amend.


If she is just a mean person then you have to apply wisdom here.

byvan: You did nothing wrong visiting your brother, reporting her will only cause undue tension.Why don't you try visiting only when your brother is available,that way you won't have much contact with this mean wife.Why does she hate you?are you not helpful around the house when you visit? Do your visit create extra tasks for her instead of relieving it? Do you act and comport yourself in a way that suggests you hate her?ask yourself these questions and make amend.


If she is just a mean person then you have to apply wisdom here.

You have already concluded she is a mean wife! Women!

I don't get..

His wife did not let you enter and you did not inform your brother

Is she acting on her own or rather it's their joint decision

Is there anything you do for your brother particularly that necessitates you goin to their home, if not see him in the shop

You don't have to go to the house or is there anything btw you and your wife

Next time call first. If she had plans already it will be unfair to want her to change them.
If you called before you visited and she did that she will have no excuse but now even if she did it on purpose she will have an excuse for acting as she did

Is he that bad that she could not even allow him in?
At least she should have asked if he wanted to wait instead of locking him out. Na wa o!

@de-gurl, check your signature (too many characters)

degurl@ what??

Op r u idle? Get busy! Must u go to d house? Go to d shop.let them be. U hv ur phone,use that and communicate with ur bro.
What pple don't get and will never get is that married couple no matter how good or bad one of them is needs to be alone especially at d beginning.
I don't mean to be harsh but just stop going there. Even if u will, do that when ur bro is around but don't forget its no longer d old time again.
(The same old argument will start all over again)

But the brother invited him so he shouldnt honor his brothers invite again because of another intolerant wife?

Bravo Mike: Is he that bad that she could not even allow him in?
At least she should have asked if he wanted to wait instead of locking him out. Na wa o!

It is always a very smart choice to try and avoid trouble at all cost if u FEEL its in d air.

Acidosis: @de-gurl, check your signature (too many characters)

degurl@ what??

@yahoo.com.
I wrote the full email in my signature but nairaland cropped out the @yahoo.com. I have edited and saved several times but it onto reflect so I gave up. I even pasted a link of the pics of my cakes on my food section but it refused to show on my signature.

brother inviting him for kini? come wash his clothes, gist, clean the house?

OP tell him you are quite busy. Make your stopping by rare and always call ahead.

dayokanu: But the brother invited him so he shouldnt honor his brothers invite again because of another intolerant wife?

Sirfergie90: Hi every body here,
my name is daniel,i realy need advice on what to do about my brother wife,my brother is a business man he realy like me as his younger brother,but since he has got married last year things has change between me and him,because it seems his wife dont want to see me around him,and often time my brother always complain dat y did i stop coming to his house but i can not tell him about his wife behaviour,for instance d last time i went their is so unfortunate for me that my brother was not at home,but i met his wife,she did not even allow me inTO the house,the only thing she told me is dat she has a programme she want to attend now and she can waite for me,so that how she lock d house and left me their,so since then have makes up my mind that i will not go to their house again,but now my brother is disturbing ME to come n visit them which i ignor him............so please i need ur advice but no insult pls or should i tell my brother everytin or i should continue like this........THANKS

@OP, how old are you? If you don't mind my asking? Because from the highlighted bits of your post, you do come across as quite immature. If you're in your teens, then you're forgiven. But if you're in you're 20's complaining and fault-finding as you are now...

Now you need to get some things straight here. First of all, it is NOT YOUR PLACE to do anything to your brother's wife. What do you want done anyway? A step-by-step recipe on how to kill and do away with the evil witch of a sister-in-law you have??

Secondly, are you sure you aren't the same person called ControFreak, who opened up a thread a few days ago, lamenting about his brother's new wife refusing to give him extra pieces of meat in his plate of food? The same person who compared the quality, shape, texture, quantity and size of his fish/meat to the housemaid's? You sure you aren't the same person??

Anyway, as per the second highlight in your post, just as Yellowpawpaw stated, a married couple do need their space, especially a newly married couple. So of course, things will change between your brother and yourself. You're no longer his number one priority. Wifey is.

Additionally, you need to learn some manners. Simple curtsey demands that before you visit a couple / friends / your boss / etc, the least you can do is let them know in advance about your intended visit. You aren't living in the pre 90's. Haven't you got a phone to call your brother up, to let him know you intend to visit his home? Or to find out where he is, so you can meet up with him at his shop or wherever he might be? No one here is saying you shouldn't visit your brother, far from it. What you ought to do is let them know that you'll be visiting. Find out what time would be most convenient for them. You might be surprised, wifey, expecting your visit might even prepare a meal for you and some gist for your visit. That is a whole lot better than you barging in unannounced and expecting her to drop everything because "my husband's brother don come." You don't even know the nature of the appointment she had to keep, or if it's something that would benefit the family. Were you expecting her to cancel everything for you?

You say the whole experience was so unfortunate for you? Really? How? Because she refused to leave you alone in the home? Or give you the keys to their home??

Abeg, yarn another thing jare.

degurl: [b][/b]

You have already concluded she is a mean wife! Women!

There was no conclusion to my post,read again.

I remember I said this few days ago, once some women enTer into families, they would wanna chase The husbands' people away.

This is a perfect example of an evil woman. If the guy was her own brother, would she have locked him ouTside?

And did I hear giving space? Does your husband's people visiting deprive you of your space? Or anything? Its noT as if the guy's is coming to stay. I mean whaT kinda happiness and stupid space would you as a married woman enjoy when you chase your husband's people away?


@Op; Just follow Tgirl's advice.

I remember when ( which I still so by the way)I pray my kinda prayer when my kids were just babies, my husband tell me, let them crawl first na before you start denoucing and rebuking lol Hmmm temi ye mi!

Siblings that were close friends prior to marriage should now be mere acquaintance because of some spoilt wife that has no family value. God forbid. My children and such wives must not even cross path talk less of saying hello to each other. Amen. If they do, God in his infinite mercy will break them up before they become mr and mrs Amen

Some girls are their own worst enemies. Poster, things like this always come to a head with the same "me and my husband only" wife coming to you to beg you to talk to the husband, you just watch. I will advice you to play the fool for the time been before kasala burst which it surely will ( trust me). Your "respect" and "politeness" inspite of her attitude is the right shovel for her to keep digging her hole, You just watch her.

Don't let any one intimidate you, if she has issues with you, she needs to talk to her husband not you. Next time, to avoid unnecessary arinfin, ensure your brother is home.

@ op i have married elder brothers,male cousins,uncles and other male relatives and if i must go and greet them which is rare anyway IT IS FOR A PURPOSE and rare.i dont do aimless visits. For example if there is a wedding or a function i have to attend,lets say in ibadan and as of that moment i dont have enough money to lodge in a hotel,i would have called my brother first over the phone and asked him if it is convenient for him and my presence is not an inconvenience to them,he will say kosi problem aburo and i will say oya pass the phone to aunty,ill be like i just spoke with ur husby dat i want to come to ur hoise because i have a function to attend,shey it is from your mind you want me to come,even if brother wale says its ok and you say no,i will find an alternative,na you own your house (i will say that jokingly) and she will chuckle and be like han han sister shewa why are you asking me that kind of questin,this is your house na,ill say na so.but when am coming i want semo and efo riro you go cook am abi you no go cook am, and she's like you know am not good in making semo and am like cook am any how you like,i will eat it with love.the point is try and create friendship with her but respect her privacy.no woman likes an inlaw that will just bump into their house without prior notice and comes very frequently.give them their space and let her know you respect her privacy
.with that she will let her guards down.treat her like your sister or friend,not a rival.sometimes sef when i see some jeans pant ill buy it for her on my way to their house and ill be like sis when am comming am not going to do any house work o except if i see you are very tired and she will be like kosi problem.tell her what you are capable of doing and what you cant do so she wont take offence.sometimes sef on your way back buy her favourite food.if shes someone that likes garri buy it,if it is someone that likes vegetable,buy it.if you can help her with the washing,if you cant fine.sometiems when i go to their house and they arent around and i see everywhere disorganized,i put everything in order,clean up the kitchen,tidy their bedroom,wash the bedsheets etc.she will be like you shouldnt have na and i will be winking my nose that if i didnt will you not be too tired to do it.endear her to you.no matter how mad she is,she will let go.

I seriously don't know why we girls are like this, couldn't she have been civil? I definitely won't like seeing a lot of my hubby's family making my home a second abode but I can be civil about keeping their focus on the front door.

Yeah, limit your visitations and ensure your brother is always there when you call plus never overstay your visit. The real Nigerian witches are from the east...they just don't sugar-coat anything

kulyie: @ op i have married elder brothers,male cousins,uncles and other male relatives and if i must go and greet them which is rare anyway IT IS FOR A PURPOSE and rare.i dont do aimless visits. For example if there is a wedding or a function i have to attend,lets say in ibadan and as of that moment i dont have enough money to lodge in a hotel,i would have called my brother first over the phone and asked him if it is convenient for him and my presence is not an inconvenience to them,he will say kosi problem aburo and i will say oya pass the phone to aunty,ill be like i just spoke with ur husby dat i want to come to ur hoise because i have a function to attend,shey it is from your mind you want me to come,even if brother wale says its ok and you say no,i will find an alternative,na you own your house (i will say that jokingly) and she will chuckle and be like han han sister shewa why are you asking me that kind of questin,this is your house na,ill say na so.but when am coming i want semo and efo riro you go cook am abi you no go cook am, and she's like you know am not good in making semo and am like cook am any how you like,i will eat it with love.the point is try and create friendship with her but respect her privacy.no woman likes an inlaw that will just bump into their house without prior notice and comes very frequently.give them their space and let her know you respect her privacy
.with that she will let her guards down.treat her like your sister or friend,not a rival.sometimes sef when i see some jeans pant ill buy it for her on my way to their house and ill be like sis when am comming am not going to do any house work o except if i see you are very tired and she will be like kosi problem.tell her what you are capable of doing and what you cant do so she wont take offence.sometimes sef on your way back buy her favourite food.if shes someone that likes garri buy it,if it is someone that likes vegetable,buy it.if you can help her with the washing,if you cant fine.sometiems when i go to their house and they arent around and i see everywhere disorganized,i put everything in order,clean up the kitchen,tidy their bedroom,wash the bedsheets etc.she will be like you shouldnt have na and i will be winking my nose that if i didnt will you not be too tired to do it.endear her to you.no matter how mad she is,she will let go.

What a beautiful post!

Your advice is spot on. No woman, no matter how 'suspicious' or 'unfriendly' would not respond positively to this sort of treatment. Really mature approach.

@OP, take heed. This is the best way. Gra-gra-gra won't get you anywhere, except make you look like a home wrecker.

@Kulyie: you are quite a two faced sword. Geez!
You did this on the other thread and you are doing This now, pls take a stand and let's know where you stand.


For the facT That you have no relaTionship with your broThers doesn't mean anyone shouldn't have with theirs.

Families are differenT, as a lady, before you go in undersTand the family you are going into. Are they very close people or jusT family by name? Whichever way it is, can you cope? Don't be all preTentious when you are coming in, and when u finally come in you now become The Tigress, it doesn't work that way. If you know you can't cope with family That has a strong bond, Take a walk. Don't come in and scatTer them.

This "give us some space" is jusT a phrase orchestrated by wicked women To justify their wicked acts. Does this space only apply to you in-laws? What abouT your own family? Your friends? Does this "space" bullshhit apply to them Too? Or are they family and your husband's people communiTy?

I believe love is a contagious, if you truly love your husband, you would love his people. Cos that's what love does. If his family is imporTant to him, they would be imporTant to you, cos that's what we do for the people we love. And when a family is important to you, you would treat them righT.


As for me, I'm a family person. For me family comes first, and I guard my family jealously. If a man unreasonably wanna make me choose between my family and him? He would lose, big time.

The same thing is applicable To a man I'm dating. If you don't treaT your own family righT? I have no business with you, cos I believe a man thaT can't Treat his own family righT cannoT Treat mine righT. If you can't take care of your own mum as a man, you can't Take care of mine cos I know chariTy begins aT home.

I also have no business wiTh a man That can't gaTher his people, cos I'm a gaTherer, heck I'm a mother hen.

God forbid thaT tomorrow I starT singing "space" song, buT even if I do, it would be applied to the boTh families.

Women should stop creating problems for themselves. Stop running when no one is chasing you, stop claiming territory when no one is dragging iT with you. I mean how can you possibly enjoy this family when you are 24hours on your toes?

If you know his family values and yours are differenT, quietly take a walk!

Efemena_xy:

What a beautiful post!

Your advice is spot on. No woman, no matter how 'suspicious' or 'unfriendly' would not respond positively to this sort of treatment. Really mature approach.

@OP, take heed. This is the best way. Gra-gra-gra won't get you anywhere, except make you look like a home wrecker.

when the bible says love conquers all things,it wasnt for no reason.like efemena has said you cannot come with gra gra approach or its my brothers house so i can boss everyone around.e.g i dont like this fish,change it,if na me sef na attitude you go get in return.when you enter their house like once in 3months with prior notice like 2 weeks before,if you say iyawo am comming o,help me pound yam,put turkey,chicken pomo,everything you can think of,she will do even more than.but when you come with all this nonsense iya oko,na attitude and reproach you go get in return.gone are the days they do iya oko thingz o.respect is reciprocal.even if you dont like the food she prepared or you dont eat what she had,tell her in love jokingly in private o,not where the husby is.e.g sis mi,you are doing something that is paining me o.please no vex help me change this.you do things with respect,wisdom and tactics.nobody dey moved by gra gra this days.if you kniw youve inconvenienced them too much by making them spend money,give the kids two thousand wach as a means of compensating them.another thing i do when i know i have stressed them,when they are on hols,i come to their house to take them so they spend the hols with their aunty at least to relieve iyawo.shes always so happy and calls me that your younger ones are on holiday,when will you come and pick them and ill be like what will you buy for me if you want me to pick them and she'll be like oya come,i will buy high heeled peep toes and ill be like now you are talking.thats how you should develop relationships with ur brothers wives.they will be the ones calling you and even the days you dont do any house work,she wont see you as a parasite

kulyie: when the bible says love conquers all things,it wasnt for no reason.like efemena has said you cannot come with gra gra approach or its my brothers house so i can boss everyone around.e.g i dont like this fish,change it,if na me sef na attitude you go get in return.when you enter their house like once in 3months with prior notice like 2 weeks before,if you say iyawo am comming o,help me pound yam,put turkey,chicken pomo,everything you can think of,she will do even more than.but when you come with all this nonsense iya oko,na attitude and reproach you go get in return.gone are the days they do iya oko thingz o.respect is reciprocal.even if you dont like the food she prepared or you dont eat what she had,tell her in love jokingly in private o,not where the husby is.e.g sis mi,you are doing something that is paining me o.please no vex help me change this.you do things with respect,wisdom and tactics.nobody dey moved by gra gra this days.if you kniw youve inconvenienced them too much by making them spend money,give the kids two thousand wach as a means of compensating them.another thing i do when i know i have stressed them,when they are on hols,i come to their house to take them so they spend the hols with their aunty at least to relieve iyawo.shes always so happy and calls me that your younger ones are on holiday,when will you come and pick them and ill be like what will you buy for me if you want me to pick them and she'll be like oya come,i will buy high heeled peep toes and ill be like now you are talking.thats how you should develop relationships with ur brothers wives.they will be the ones calling you and even the days you dont do any house work,she wont see you as a parasite

Kulyie, bless you!

You are a rare gem indeed. Your sisters-in-laws are all so lucky to have you as an in-law.

It is well

Efemena_xy:

Kulyie, bless you!

You are a rare gem indeed. Your sisters-in-laws are all so lucky to have you as an in-law.

It is well

amen o,thank you

kulyie: when the bible says love conquers all things,it wasnt for no reason.like efemena has said you cannot come with gra gra approach or its my brothers house so i can boss everyone around.e.g i dont like this fish,change it,if na me sef na attitude you go get in return.when you enter their house like once in 3months with prior notice like 2 weeks before,if you say iyawo am comming o,help me pound yam,put turkey,chicken pomo,everything you can think of,she will do even more than.but when you come with all this nonsense iya oko,na attitude and reproach you go get in return.gone are the days they do iya oko thingz o.respect is reciprocal.even if you dont like the food she prepared or you dont eat what she had,tell her in love jokingly in private o,not where the husby is.e.g sis mi,you are doing something that is paining me o.please no vex help me change this.you do things with respect,wisdom and tactics.nobody dey moved by gra gra this days.if you kniw youve inconvenienced them too much by making them spend money,give the kids two thousand wach as a means of compensating them.another thing i do when i know i have stressed them,when they are on hols,i come to their house to take them so they spend the hols with their aunty at least to relieve iyawo.shes always so happy and calls me that your younger ones are on holiday,when will you come and pick them and ill be like what will you buy for me if you want me to pick them and she'll be like oya come,i will buy high heeled peep toes and ill be like now you are talking.thats how you should develop relationships with ur brothers wives.they will be the ones calling you and even the days you dont do any house work,she wont see you as a parasite

First of all, I'm not gonna base my argument based on Efe's twisted stories ok?

So your bible says love conquers all huh? I wonder how a lady who doesn't believe in love would know how love works? Quiet funny tho.

So your own bible tells you that love should conquer your husband's family huh? Your husband family should stay away cos he married almighty kulyie, for instance. Hhehehehe, Kulyie is now religious, surprisingly!
Well, I'm not religious ok but I also know bible gave example of a good sisTer and daughter in law. Does the name Ruth ring a bell? Ruth said and I quote "do not ask me to go back or leave you, for where you go I will go, for where you sleep I will sleep, YOUR PEOPLE SHALL BE MY PEOPLE and your God shall be my God." And she said that to her mother in law. Well, I forget the bible quotaTion, sorry.
But if you Think "love conquers all things" means love asks you to chase your husband's people away, then you are a wicked woman.

My dear, if you only visit you brother only when you go for weddings and can't afford a hotel bill, then I'm sorry you don't have a relationship with them. But in this case, the poster acTually has, his own brother wants him in his life.

As for you and Efe's twisTed version of the sTory, na una sabi that one.

kulyie: when the bible says love conquers all things,it wasnt for no reason.like efemena has said you cannot come with gra gra approach or its my brothers house so i can boss everyone around.e.g i dont like this fish,change it,if na me sef na attitude you go get in return.when you enter their house like once in 3months with prior notice like 2 weeks before,if you say iyawo am comming o,help me pound yam,put turkey,chicken pomo,everything you can think of,she will do even more than.but when you come with all this nonsense iya oko,na attitude and reproach you go get in return.gone are the days they do iya oko thingz o.respect is reciprocal.even if you dont like the food she prepared or you dont eat what she had,tell her in love jokingly in private o,not where the husby is.e.g sis mi,you are doing something that is paining me o.please no vex help me change this.you do things with respect,wisdom and tactics.nobody dey moved by gra gra this days.if you kniw youve inconvenienced them too much by making them spend money,give the kids two thousand wach as a means of compensating them.another thing i do when i know i have stressed them,when they are on hols,i come to their house to take them so they spend the hols with their aunty at least to relieve iyawo.shes always so happy and calls me that your younger ones are on holiday,when will you come and pick them and ill be like what will you buy for me if you want me to pick them and she'll be like oya come,i will buy high heeled peep toes and ill be like now you are talking.thats how you should develop relationships with ur brothers wives.they will be the ones calling you and even the days you dont do any house work,she wont see you as a parasite

First of all, I'm not gonna base my argument based on Efe's twisted stories ok?

So your bible says love conquers all huh? I wonder how a lady who doesn't believe in love would know how love works? Quiet funny tho.

So your own bible tells you that love should conquer your husband's family huh? Your husband family should stay away cos he married almighty kulyie, for instance. Hhehehehe, Kulyie is now religious, surprisingly!
Well, I'm not religious ok but I also know bible gave example of a good sisTer and daughter in law. Does the name Ruth ring a bell? Ruth said and I quote "do not ask me to go back or leave you, for where you go I will go, for where you sleep I will sleep, YOUR PEOPLE SHALL BE MY PEOPLE and your God shall be my God." And she said that to her mother in law. Well, I forget the bible quotaTion, sorry.
But if you Think "love conquers all things" means love asks you to chase your husband's people away, then you are a wicked woman.

One honesT question; does this your "love conquers bla bla bla" apply To your own family?

My dear, if you only visit you brother only when you go for weddings and can't afford a hotel bill, then I'm sorry you don't have a relationship with them. But in this case, the poster acTually has, his own brother wants him in his life.

As for you and Efe's twisTed version of the sTory, na una sabi that one.

vivianc: @Kulyie: you are quite a two faced sword. Geez!
You did this on the other thread and you are doing This now, pls take a stand and let's know where you stand.


For the facT That you have no relaTionship with your broThers doesn't mean anyone shouldn't have with theirs.

Families are differenT, as a lady, before you go in undersTand the family you are going into. Are they very close people or jusT family by name? Whichever way it is, can you cope? Don't be all preTentious when you are coming in, and when u finally come in you now become The Tigress, it doesn't work that way. If you know you can't cope with family That has a strong bond, Take a walk. Don't come in and scatTer them.

This "give us some space" is jusT a phrase orchestrated by wicked women To justify their wicked acts. Does this space only apply to you in-laws? What abouT your own family? Your friends? Does this "space" bullshhit apply to them Too? Or are they family and your husband's people communiTy?

I believe love is a contagious, if you truly love your husband, you would love his people. Cos that's what love does. If his family is imporTant to him, they would be imporTant to you, cos that's what we do for the people we love. And when a family is important to you, you would treat them righT.


As for me, I'm a family person. For me family comes first, and I guard my family jealously. If a man unreasonably wanna make me choose between my family and him? He would lose, big time.

The same thing is applicable To a man I'm dating. If you don't treaT your own family righT? I have no business with you, cos I believe a man thaT can't Treat his own family righT cannoT Treat mine righT. If you can't take care of your own mum as a man, you can't Take care of mine cos I know chariTy begins aT home.

I also have no business wiTh a man That can't gaTher his people, cos I'm a gaTherer, heck I'm a mother hen.

God forbid thaT tomorrow I starT singing "space" song, buT even if I do, it would be applied to the boTh families.

Women should stop creating problems for themselves. Stop running when no one is chasing you, stop claiming territory when no one is dragging iT with you. I mean how can you possibly enjoy this family when you are 24hours on your toes?

If you know his family values and yours are differenT, quietly take a walk!

Just one question. How much do they charge for dowry in your area?

vivianc:

First of all, I'm not gonna base my argument based on Efe's twisted stories ok?

So your bible says love conquers all huh? I wonder how a lady who doesn't believe in love would know how love works? Quiet funny tho.

So your own bible tells you that love should conquer your husband's family huh? Your husband family should stay away cos he married almighty kulyie, for instance. Hhehehehe, Kulyie is now religious, surprisingly!
Well, I'm not religious ok but I also know bible gave example of a good sisTer and daughter in law. Does the name Ruth ring a bell? Ruth said and I quote "do not ask me to go back or leave you, for where you go I will go, for where you sleep I will sleep, YOUR PEOPLE SHALL BE MY PEOPLE and your God shall be my God." And she said that to her mother in law. Well, I forget the bible quotaTion, sorry.
But if you Think "love conquers all things" means love asks you to chase your husband's people away, then you are a wicked woman.

One honesT question; does this your "love conquers bla bla bla" apply To your own family?

My dear, if you only visit you brother only when you go for weddings and can't afford a hotel bill, then I'm sorry you don't have a relationship with them. But in this case, the poster acTually has, his own brother wants him in his life.

As for you and Efe's twisTed version of the sTory, na una sabi that one.

Excuse me!

What's twisted about what I've posted here on this thread? Can you kindly highlight or point that out for me?

Secondly, I think you need to look beyond your gripe with Kulyie, whatever that is and understand what she's posted here. Did she advocate 'chasing away' the inlaw away here? Or even her own?

I think you need to put on your reading glasses and re-read what's been written here - slowly. If anything, all that Kulyie's advocated for here is that it is better to spend the time and effort to build a relationship with your in-laws. Learn to acquire their trust in you by earning it. It the mature thing to do. If you can spend the time learning how to be cordial and civil with your colleagues at work, how much so an inlaw?

Not everyone chooses to go in there with guns blazing. Tell me, how does doing things your way, gra-gra-gra help the situation. You seem to have a problem with peace loving folk. If you wanna bring in your gripe from the previous thread, let's remember you were the one swearing and name calling people evil bi.tc.he.s blah...blah..blah.

Or do you have a problem with showing your inlaws some decency by calling to announce that you plan on visiting them? What's wrong with calling? Why must one drop in without any announcement whatsoever, and expect the inlaw to drop everything she's doing just to accommodate a badly behaved inlaw? huh?

If you feel fighting is the best way to make your stance clear, then good luck to you. Just don't come back here crying a few years down the line... "My inlaws hate me! How do I get rid of them?"

dayokanu:

Just one question. How much do they charge for dowry in your area?

A lot.

Efemena_xy:

Excuse me!

What's twisted about what I've posted here on this thread? Can you kindly highlight or point that out for me?

Secondly, I think you need to look beyond your gripe with Kulyie, whatever that is and understand what she's posted here. Did she advocate 'chasing away' the inlaw away here? Or even her own?

I think you need to put on your reading glasses and re-read what's been written here - slowly. If anything, all that Kulyie's advocated for here is that it is better to spend the time and effort to build a relationship with your in-laws. Learn to acquire their trust in you by earning it. It the mature thing to do. If you can spend the time learning how to be cordial and civil with your colleagues at work, how much so an inlaw?

Not everyone chooses to go in there with guns blazing. Tell me, how does doing things your way, gra-gra-gra help the situation. You seem to have a problem with peace loving folk. If you wanna bring in your gripe from the previous thread, let's remember you were the one swearing and name calling people evil bi.tc.he.s blah...blah..blah.

Or do you have a problem with showing your inlaws some decency by calling to announce that you plan on visiting them? What's wrong with calling? Why must one drop in without any announcement whatsoever, and expect the inlaw to drop everything she's doing just to accommodate a badly behaved inlaw? huh?

If you feel fighting is the best way to make your stance clear, then good luck to you. Just don't come back here crying a few years down the line... "My inlaws hate me! How do I get rid of them?"

Efe, you are the one who needs to put on your reading glasses. Nope, that wouldn't even solve it cos I think you understand Things upside down.

Who said anyThing about fighTing? You did! JusT The way you twisTed The oTher sTory. "The title of this thread is "what do I do or how do I please my sister in law." That means the poster is even looking for a way to please the sister in law but here is your posT....

Efemena_xy:

@OP, how old are you? If you don't mind my asking? Because from the highlighted bits of your post, you do come across as quite immature. If you're in your teens, then you're forgiven. But if you're in you're 20's complaining and fault-finding as you are now...

Now you need to get some things straight here. First of all, it is NOT YOUR PLACE to do anything to your brother's wife. What do you want done anyway? A step-by-step recipe on how to kill and do away with the evil witch of a sister-in-law you have??

Secondly, are you sure you aren't the same person called ControFreak, who opened up a thread a few days ago, lamenting about his brother's new wife refusing to give him extra pieces of meat in his plate of food? The same person who compared the quality, shape, texture, quantity and size of his fish/meat to the housemaid's? You sure you aren't the same person??

Anyway, as per the second highlight in your post, just as Yellowpawpaw stated, a married couple do need their space, especially a newly married couple. So of course, things will change between your brother and yourself. You're no longer his number one priority. Wifey is.

Additionally, you need to learn some manners. Simple curtsey demands that before you visit a couple / friends / your boss / etc, the least you can do is let them know in advance about your intended visit. You aren't living in the pre 90's. Haven't you got a phone to call your brother up, to let him know you intend to visit his home? Or to find out where he is, so you can meet up with him at his shop or wherever he might be? No one here is saying you shouldn't visit your brother, far from it. What you ought to do is let them know that you'll be visiting. Find out what time would be most convenient for them. You might be surprised, wifey, expecting your visit might even prepare a meal for you and some gist for your visit. That is a whole lot better than you barging in unannounced and expecting her to drop everything because "my husband's brother don come." You don't even know the nature of the appointment she had to keep, or if it's something that would benefit the family. Were you expecting her to cancel everything for you?

You say the whole experience was so unfortunate for you? Really? How? Because she refused to leave you alone in the home? Or give you the keys to their home??

Abeg, yarn another thing jare.

"Now you need to get some things straight here. First of all, it is NOT YOUR PLACE to do anything to your brother's wife. What do you want done anyway? A step-by-step recipe on how to kill and do away with the evil witch of a sister-in-law ." Does This part show you understand a thing about what you are talking abouT?

I guess you understand things upside down after all.