. . . just this morning I was surfing the internet as usual and I saw this post about Chika Ike officially informing the generally public via facebook about her finalised divorce proceedings from her estranged husband and marriage of 7year (http://lindaikeji..com/2013/07/chika-ike-officially-divorced.html). It got me thinking is this something to be proud about? Earlier this month it was Funke Akindele’s hubby via the same facebook platform informing us of his crashed marriage. And again I’m thinking is divorce the new trend?

Divorce or the dissolution of marriage, according to the Wikipedia, the on-line dictionary, is the final termination of a marital union, cancelling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties involved.

Prior to this time, the seven-letter-word was almost unheard of, not only did the society frown at it as divorced persons were viewed as damaged goods and generally termed a failure: it was even worse for women as they were excluded from social gatherings due to fear that they may attempt to steal someone's husband thus, divorced people would rather say that they were single and never married rather than be looked upon with scorn.

Unfortunately, the reverse is the case. Due to western influence, our society has lost her core cultural values and ethics such that divorce is now a way of life. The causes of divorce are numerous namely: domestic violence and abuse, childlessness, lies, lack of communication and commitment, extravagance, lies, high expectations, third party interference, adultery, religious and tribal differences, illiteracy, poverty, unemployment and so on.

I cannot but frown at the generation in which nature imposed on me. A generation where ENTERTAINERS are legends, ACTORS are role models, MODELS have become epitaphs of beauty, NUDITY the new fashion statement and a change of MARITAL status a synonym for fulfillment. In the nearest future( if it’s not happening already) just as we have parties in celebration of birthdays, house warming, baby bump, bridal shower, chieftaincy and the likes so would we also have for divorce with colorful asoebi and strictly by invitation cards to mark the moment.

To those of us who are still single we are most lucky as we have the chance to get it right. Just before you jump the broom, understand that marriage is an institution and is therefore sacred but never because its societal expectations!

Well, if you are married to a psycho and your life & health are in danger. When you two get a divorce, it is definitely a cause for celebration

^^^^^^ my thoughts exactly.on pointo!

@OP, things have changed from the 'olden' days and people move on.

Unlike before, those stuck in hellish marriages where domestic violence is the accepted norm, the women knew no better but to bow to societal pressures to remain married by-fire-by-force even if it meant putting their lives on the line. Right from childhood, it's been drummed in their heads that it's better to be a dead Mrs than a divorcee. That attitude is still rife amongst many women trapped in such unbearable situations.

You listed a couple of reasons that could account for reasons that lead to divorce. You omitted societal pressures to get married and how unmarried / single ladies in their mid-to-late thirties are looked upon as 'old cargos' with a ticking time bomb of a biological clock fastened around their necks. You get situations where even in social gatherings like marriage / naming ceremonies, birthday parties, etc people (family members and friends) target the single ladies, make jest of their unattached statuses and even go steps further to make it their business to 'hook' them up. They find it impossible to believe that marriage is not for everyone.

Don't get me wrong, I believe marriage is a sacred institution but there are situations where the couple got married for the wrong reasons, are certainly not a good match nor do they complement each other, are grossly immature (as can be seen from the numerous threads opened here alone with couples lamenting their choices), and people who sadly, are better off without each other.

Sometimes, when all else fails, divorce might be the only tenable solution - more so if lives are at risk.

I cannot but frown at the generation in which nature imposed on me. A generation where ENTERTAINERS are legends, ACTORS are role models, MODELS have become epitaphs of beauty, NUDITY the new fashion statement and a change of MARITAL status a synonym for fulfillment. In the nearest future( if it’s not happening already) just as we have parties in celebration of birthdays, house warming, baby bump, bridal shower, chieftaincy and the likes so would we also have for divorce with colorful asoebi and strictly by invitation cards to mark the moment.

To those of us who are still single we are most lucky as we have the chance to get it right. Just before you jump the broom, understand that marriage is an institution and is therefore sacred but never because its societal expectations!

When we celebrate
We dey pop champagne
Pop pop pop
Pop something

Divorce in most cases is freedom from slavery, oppression and abuse.....

Why shouldn't freedom be celebrated??

For years in this our society and with the help of African Magic we have had men throw their wives luggage outside with a crying wife and begging children, it was accepted, it was never a big deal, the woman will be asked to go and pray call everyone to beg him while he flaunts his new wife.
Some who were "lucky" not to be "thrown out" died from remote and immediate causes from a bad relationship.
Now that women are not waiting to be thrown out rather deciding to leave when the situation becomes unbearable it has become an issue.

No one in their right minds celebrates divorce, a divorce is an admission of failure, however that you fail doesn't mean you stay permanently down and die.

People fail and rise and move on, that's life. We fail in business, we fail in careers, it doesn't kill us, marriage is harder because it is the heart soul and mind, No one celebrates divorce even when you are in a abusive marriage you always nurse that small glimmer of hope that it will be well but most times its not

debrief08: For years in this our society and with the help of African Magic we have had men throw their wives luggage outside with a crying wife and begging children, it was accepted, it was never a big deal, the woman will be asked to go and pray call everyone to beg him while he flaunts his new wife.
Some who were "lucky" not to be "thrown out" died from remote and immediate causes from a bad relationship.
Now that women are not waiting to be thrown out rather deciding to leave when the situation becomes unbearable it has become an issue.

No one in their right minds celebrates divorce, a divorce is an admission of failure, however that you fail doesn't mean you stay permanently down and die.

People fail and rise and move on, that's life. We fail in business, we fail in careers, it doesn't kill us, marriage is harder because it is the heart soul and mind, No one celebrates divorce even when you are in a abusive marriage you always nurse that small glimmer of hope that it will be well but most times its not

C'mere, *hug*. You've said it all!

Na by force to stay UNHAPPILY-MARRIED-EVER-AFTER?
Kudos to them for doing the right thing!

If it doesn't fit. . .YOU MUST ACQUIT!

debrief08: For years in this our society and with the help of African Magic we have had men throw their wives luggage outside with a crying wife and begging children, it was accepted, it was never a big deal, the woman will be asked to go and pray call everyone to beg him while he flaunts his new wife.
Some who were "lucky" not to be "thrown out" died from remote and immediate causes from a bad relationship.
Now that women are not waiting to be thrown out rather deciding to leave when the situation becomes unbearable it has become an issue.

No one in their right minds celebrates divorce, a divorce is an admission of failure, however that you fail doesn't mean you stay permanently down and die.

People fail and rise and move on, that's life. We fail in business, we fail in careers, it doesn't kill us, marriage is harder because it is the heart soul and mind, No one celebrates divorce even when you are in a abusive marriage you always nurse that small glimmer of hope that it will be well but most times its not

gbam

biolabee:


When we celebrate
We dey pop champagne
Pop pop pop
Pop something

give me a galss of wine o jare

kulyie: give me a galss of wine o jare

noo.. i will not give you a glass of wine but rather shekpe and alomo

The imagery of people doing husband liberation showers was just too funny to me

But this is a disturbing trend...

I hope men will learn to treat women better and engage them rather than resorting to assault and battery
lets not forget women also assault men physically

Soon there will be wife liberation parties too

pop pop something...

debrief08: For years in this our society and with the help of African Magic we have had men throw their wives luggage outside with a crying wife and begging children, it was accepted, it was never a big deal, the woman will be asked to go and pray call everyone to beg him while he flaunts his new wife.
Some who were "lucky" not to be "thrown out" died from remote and immediate causes from a bad relationship.
Now that women are not waiting to be thrown out rather deciding to leave when the situation becomes unbearable it has become an issue.

No one in their right minds celebrates divorce, a divorce is an admission of failure, however that you fail doesn't mean you stay permanently down and die.

People fail and rise and move on, that's life. We fail in business, we fail in careers, it doesn't kill us, marriage is harder because it is the heart soul and mind, No one celebrates divorce even when you are in a abusive marriage you always nurse that small glimmer of hope that it will be well but most times its not

very well said, dont get me wrong please im in no support of staying in an abusive marriage where life's been threatened or a marriage where your dreams and ambitions are compromised. i blame the society in entity for measuring certain level of achievement based on marital status such that if you are single at a certain age you become a laughing stock or a synonymy for failure. yes people get married for very wrong reasons such that they are already divorced even before the union proper.

my major concern is the liberation of the act. its not something to the proud of no matter how much you try to coat it. a high percentage of children from divorced homes are psychologically traumatised such that they become a threat even to the society... yes life goes on you learn from the experience, shake off the past and strive to be a better you but the question's should divorce then be celebrated? with the trend of the act and caution thrown to the wind you'd almost termed 'old school' for nurturing a marriage and having a man Lord over you as divorce would be a norm and almost a way of life.

I think people should spend more time building their own lives rather than worrying about the choices of others.
Kids from abusive unhappily married homes end up more traumatised than those from divorced homes.
Most of the failures we see today is because of the see no say no and hear no evil marriages in the past. Kids who were raised that certain actions were "acceptable" and "manly", and those who were raised to look to bad standards as lifes standards.
You never know what someone faces so leave them to their choices, if it goes well they live with the benefits if it goes bad they leave with it.
I have heard and read here to men who say if their mothers tolerated abuse their wives are weaklings not to stay and take it.

Like I said, that someone divorces doesn't mean they should sulk crawl in a hole and die.
People react differently.

A good marriage is still a blessing and no one can take it from anyone who has a good successful one.
If anyone makes you feel insecure about nuturing a good marriage then you need to check yourself.

Unlike what people were told before they have come to learn divorce is not the end of life, you can still live, grow, move on and find partners hopefully you learn positive lessons and apply.

If you have a great marriage, congrats, if others choose to live an abusive marriage and survive let them be, so many in their situation ended up dead.

Will its stop our oxygen when people who are unhappy leave a bad marriage?
Why is society obsessed with forcing people stay in unplesant situations just so they can "fit in"?

debrief08: I think people should spend more time building their own lives rather than worrying about the choices of others.
Kids from abusive unhappily married homes end up more traumatised than those from divorced homes.
Most of the failures we see today is because of the see no say no and hear no evil marriages in the past. Kids who were raised that certain actions were "acceptable" and "manly", and those who were raised to look to bad standards as lifes standards.
You never know what someone faces so leave them to their choices, if it goes well they live with the benefits if it goes bad they leave with it.
I have heard and read here to men who say if their mothers tolerated abuse their wives are weaklings not to stay and take it.

Like I said, that someone divorces doesn't mean they should sulk crawl in a hole and die.
People react differently.

A good marriage is still a blessing and no one can take it from anyone who has a good successful one.
If anyone makes you feel insecure about nuturing a good marriage then you need to check yourself.

Unlike what people were told before they have come to learn divorce is not the end of life, you can still live, grow, move on and find partners hopefully you learn positive lessons and apply.

If you have a great marriage, congrats, if others choose to live an abusive marriage and survive let them be, so many in their situation ended up dead.

Will its stop our oxygen when people who are unhappy leave a bad marriage?
Why is society obsessed with forcing people stay in unplesant situations just so they can "fit in"?

'Ve read several of your posts from time to time. I'm a fan. If only more Nigerians reasoned like you do, most people will be happier for it. The freedom to make choices, if good, great! If bad, learn from it without reprisal from people who have no business with your issues in the first place. Live and let live to sum it up! Bless you!

biolabee:

noo.. i will not give you a glass of wine but rather shekpe and alomo

The imagery of people doing husband liberation showers was just too funny to me

But this is a disturbing trend...

I hope men will learn to treat women better and engage them rather than resorting to assault and battery
lets not forget women also assault men physically

Soon there will be wife liberation parties too

pop pop something...

yessss thats very true.you are so on point.i will pop o jare but not alomo and shekpe.it is too bitter for my liking.gime me a glass of cold baylis,cheers man

I do not see how divorce can be worthy of celebration and divorce should be discouraged. One of the reasons why divorce is on the rise is because lots more people rush into marriage. They fall in love over facebook and go ahead and marry people they do not even know. Divorce is not the solution, the solution is that people should use their brains before getting married.

A happy home is essential for bringing up stable kids. The biggest losers in any divorce are the children. You may say you were married to a psycho but my question is that why would you marry a psycho? Didnt you choose yourself or someone brought the man to you? And you find some people divorcing upto three times, didnt you learn anything from the first one. All in all, divorce for me is never a good thing. It is allowed and there are clear instances where it is ok to divorce,(eg cheating and extreme violence) but I still cannot see it as something worth celebrating.

People now use it to just satisfy their own lusts. A woman is eyeing some rich alhaji will divorce her husband and marry the alhaji. She will always have many things to claim as her husband cant be perfect anyway. A middle aged man eyeing some sweet 16 will divorce his wife and marry the new bride. He can always come up with 100 reason why the wife is a witch. For me, we should not celebrate divorce.

Divorce shouldn't be celebrated but in this age where the institution called marriage has become a joke of sorts,what can you do?
It used to be a difficult and heartbreaking process,something last resort but not anymore.
Who doesn't know that in every marriage,there are grounds for divorce but the trick is continuing to find, grounds
for marriage? But, No,people would rather the easy way out now.
I saw a quote that labelled "celebration" as an act of impressing the sadistic someone inside of you. I would think it applies in this case. Divorcees have failed. What more to do than to try to console themselves that they haven't?

slimyem: Divorce shouldn't be celebrated but in this age where the institution called marriage has become a joke of sorts,what can you do?
It used to be a difficult and heartbreaking process,something last resort but not anymore.
Who doesn't know that in every marriage,there are grounds for divorce but the trick is continuing to find, grounds
for marriage? But, No,people would rather the easy way out now.
I saw a quote that labelled "celebration" as an act of impressing the sadistic someone inside of you. I would think it applies in this case. Divorcees have failed. What more to do than to try to console themselves that they haven't?

Bolded is a very Honest response

Nashville: I do not see how divorce can be worthy of celebration and divorce should be discouraged. One of the reasons why divorce is on the rise is because lots more people rush into marriage. They fall in love over facebook and go ahead and marry people they do not even know. Divorce is not the solution, the solution is that people should use their brains before getting married.

A happy home is essential for bringing up stable kids. The biggest losers in any divorce are the children. You may say you were married to a psycho but my question is that why would you marry a psycho? Didnt you choose yourself or someone brought the man to you? And you find some people divorcing upto three times, didnt you learn anything from the first one. All in all, divorce for me is never a good thing. It is allowed and there are clear instances where it is ok to divorce,(eg cheating and extreme violence) but I still cannot see it as something worth celebrating.

People now use it to just satisfy their own lusts. A woman is eyeing some rich alhaji will divorce her husband and marry the alhaji. She will always have many things to claim as her husband cant be perfect anyway. A middle aged man eyeing some sweet 16 will divorce his wife and marry the new bride. He can always come up with 100 reason why the wife is a witch. For me, we should not celebrate divorce.

slimyem: Divorce shouldn't be celebrated but in this age where the institution called marriage has become a joke of sorts,what can you do?
It used to be a difficult and heartbreaking process,something last resort but not anymore.
Who doesn't know that in every marriage,there are grounds for divorce but the trick is continuing to find, grounds
for marriage? But, No,people would rather the easy way out now.
I saw a quote that labelled "celebration" as an act of impressing the sadistic someone inside of you. I would think it applies in this case. Divorcees have failed. What more to do than to try to console themselves that they haven't?

Finally im been understood... (Divorcees have failed. What more to do than to try to console themselves that they haven't?) it should be celebrated at all!

omoikhefue:



Finally im been understood... (Divorcees have failed. What more to do than to try to console themselves that they haven't?) it should be celebrated at all!

Falling (failure) is not the issue... it is rising up that matters.

It is mindset like this that makes people who should divorce still cling to dead marriages so as not to be labeled 'failures'

Nashville: I do not see how divorce can be worthy of celebration and divorce should be discouraged. One of the reasons why divorce is on the rise is because lots more people rush into marriage. They fall in love over facebook and go ahead and marry people they do not even know. Divorce is not the solution, the solution is that people should use their brains before getting married.

A happy home is essential for bringing up stable kids. The biggest losers in any divorce are the children. You may say you were married to a psycho but my question is that why would you marry a psycho? Didnt you choose yourself or someone brought the man to you? And you find some people divorcing upto three times, didnt you learn anything from the first one. All in all, divorce for me is never a good thing. It is allowed and there are clear instances where it is ok to divorce,(eg cheating and extreme violence) but I still cannot see it as something worth celebrating.

People now use it to just satisfy their own lusts. A woman is eyeing some rich alhaji will divorce her husband and marry the alhaji. She will always have many things to claim as her husband cant be perfect anyway. A middle aged man eyeing some sweet 16 will divorce his wife and marry the new bride. He can always come up with 100 reason why the wife is a witch. For me, we should not celebrate divorce.

I liked this post.

It would be great if the Christian context of divorce not pre-supposing re-marriage was also in view. This would focus people on the serious nature of the commitment and the soberness required to venture into marriage.

Contrary to popular opinion, most divorce is about selfish desire overcoming responsibility and commitment.

Our children and societies will reap this whirlwind.

TV

TV01:

I liked this post.

It would be great if the Christian context of divorce not pre-supposing re-marriage was also in view. This would focus people on the serious nature of the commitment and the soberness required to venture into marriage.

Contrary to popular opinion, most divorce is about selfish desire overcoming responsibility and commitment.

Our children and societies will reap this whirlwind.

TV

They have started reaping right from our grandparents...

Afterall, they trained the current set of parents right?

bukatyne:

Falling (failure) is not the issue... it is rising up that matters.

It is mindset like this that makes people who should divorce still cling to dead marriages so as not to be labeled 'failures'

That's real.

What I find interesting is SOME people encourage couples to remain in failed marriages until one or two kill each other. People say that the children suffer from divorces...I agree because when two selfish parents think about themselves and focus on what they can get out of the divorce. ...children suffer horribly.

There are two types of divorce...good or bad. Good divorce impact children more positively than the latter. Children aren't used as bidding pawns and counseling is offered. Children aren't forced to choose which parents they like the most and they are involve in both household equally.

When it becomes a matter of life and death..divorce is necessary.

When two people have issues connecting then separation is necessary. Counseling is imperative.

Infidelity is a huge deal and it's up to the victim to choose to stay or go and if they stay..they must forgive and forget.

Yes oh Divorcees are total failures, they are better off writing "letters from the grave" then we can celebrate them
A dead spouse is far more better than a living divorcee.
I will print the fliers

debrief08: Yes oh Divorcees are total failures, they are better off writing "letters from the grave" then we can celebrate them
A dead spouse is far more better than a living divorcee.
I will print the fliers

Put them in bold colors!

debrief08: Yes oh Divorcees are total failures, they are better off writing "letters from the grave" then we can celebrate them
A dead spouse is far more better than a living divorcee.
I will print the fliers

LOl!

As a woman, you are better spending your years learning how to ask"how high does my husband want me to jump?", suspend your reasoning and believe that happiness is something you must sacrifice at the altar of marriage, as long as you are married, which one be happiness again? The very fact that you are someone's mrs is the most women can achieve and without it, women are nothing. How dare anyone pursue happiness if it's not found in marriage?

shaybe baby: As a woman, you are better spending your years learning how to ask"how high does my husband want me to jump?", suspend your reasoning and believe that happiness is something you must sacrifice at the altar of marriage, as long as you are married, which one be happiness again? The very fact that you are someone's mrs is the most women can achieve and without it, women are nothing. How dare anyone pursue happiness if it's not found in marriage?

Damn!

I need a copy of whatever Nollywood / African Magic movies you've been watching.

Care to recommend any to a sister, Shaybe?

Efemena_xy:

Damn!

I need a copy of whatever Nollywood / African Magic movies you've been watching.

Care to recommend any to a sister, Shaybe?

Lol.

shaybe baby: As a woman, you are better spending your years learning how to ask"how high does my husband want me to jump?", suspend your reasoning and believe that happiness is something you must sacrifice at the altar of marriage, as long as you are married, which one be happiness again? The very fact that you are someone's mrs is the most women can achieve and without it, women are nothing. How dare anyone pursue happiness if it's not found in marriage?

Even you didn't believe the bullshit you have posted.