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I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Iyandasdiary(m): 3:57pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
Dear readers, I am married with three kids. I have a good and God fearing husband. In fact, you wouldn’t be more proud of a husband. He is just one of a kind and I wish we could last forever until recently that it dawned on me that my marriage is at stake. My husband used to be the manager of a popular bank in Nigeria. During this period, I was still in my 100level in the university. He gave me a lot of support back then and because of him, I was able to live large among my friends. Some of them often try so hard to get his attention but, he was so into me that he didn’t give in to any of them. He made me happy and I was so proud of him. Despite the storms and squalls that tripped in along the way, we were determined to be together so, we overcame it. Time flew and I graduated with a second class upper. I felt so fulfilled that I swore not to start any work that offers me less than 150,000 naira for a start as a fresh graduate with a second class upper credit. I stood by my slogan and I was eventually employed with a monthly pay of 200,000 naira. I felt on top of the world and my husband was happy for me. We felt that we were ripe for marriage and we settled for it. We had a son soon after our wedding and we all lived happily. Our son went to one of, if not the best school in the neighbourhood. Soon after, I got pregnant again. It was then that I experienced the first moment of sadness in our home. My husband came back home on that fateful day and broke the news to me that he has been sacked from work. He further explained that there was a huge amount of money missing in the bank which he could not account for. According to him, the withdrawal of that cash was signed by him. but, he swore with God that he didn’t know anything about it. I believed him though but, nothing could have been done so we left everything to God. Pending the time that my husband was jobless, I made sure the house was balanced. When I gave birth to our second daughter, it was I who took responsibility for the naming ceremony but, nobody knew about it. And whenever I received my salary, I share it into two and give him one part. I helped a great deal in finding the new job he got shortly after the naming of our daughter. They were paying him 50,000 naira monthly. It was the highest offer so far so he had to take it anyway. And with that, I stopped sharing my own salary with him. After all, he had his own was what I thought. But, I didn’t stop all the support I render at home for any reason. I thought I was a good woman. Recently, I started noticing my husband’s change in attitude. I tried to understand that he may be frustrated but, it wasn’t helping. He started missing some nights out and all of a sudden stopped making love to me. Whenever our kids ask him for something, he’ll frankly tell them to go to their mum. “After all, she’s the breadwinner of the family.” My husband would say. Now, I feel very uncomfortable in the house. I even tried to ask him where I have gone wrong but, he doesn’t even pay attention to me anymore. I feel terrible right now and I don’t know what to do. Dear Iyanda readers, please help me out. Should I quit my job or just maintain it and watch my marriage cramp? SOURCE :www.iyandasdiary.com 1 Like |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by mascot87(m): 4:03pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
Continue to give him a certain percentage of your income for a while and see if there are changes. |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by icon8: 4:04pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
This was never about your job! |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by chiboyman: 4:26pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
continue 2 give him some % of your salary. Also b prayerful |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Obiagu1(m): 5:36pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
If he is used to taking financial responsibilities before he lost his job, then you should start taking that responsibility now that you earn more and he is not wrong to send the kids to you. If you want him to stop, then you should help up his earnings by giving him a certain percentage so that he will feel like a man again. |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Beync(f): 5:56pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
Quit ur job so the family will have to live on his 50? Huh, it will worsen the situation nau. have heart to heart talk with ur hubby, try finding out from him why he's started acting strange and see who and where there's need for amendment. |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by LewsTherin: 6:49pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
Nothing's wrong with you, my dear. You've done nothing wrong. That is if your letter is a true representation of the facts. But there's something wrong with your husband. One word. Ego. Manly pride. The feeling (no matter how wrong) of worthlessness. What can you do? I have no blasted idea. Sorry. 2 Likes |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by dplomaticVal: 9:36pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
pray over it gawd 'll make a way |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Nobody: 10:18pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
This man cared for you when you needed him,you could ve just let the family money be used jointly,that way his ego is intact.To whom much is given,much is expected ,You can be saving 50k monthly for yourself. |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by kntrovasialmi: 10:53pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
50k to above 200k? u sef checkia nuya! do you still expect him to carry most of the financial burden wen you earn far more dan he does? he's a good man, so I'll suggest you have a heart to heart talk with him on the way forward and also continue to support him financially until he's able to stand on his feet again. |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Tosinville(m): 11:06pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
kntrovasial mi: 50k to above 200k? u sef checkia nuya! |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Stegomiah: 11:38pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
Firstly, i think his friends must have talked to his head, its not also easy being a Man, to be in dat position he is now, considering d fact that it was d other way round before, it affects his ego, his tots, actions, self esteem.. And the wife too is not helping, she just stated dat dis is her perfect husband, i see no reason why she can't give d whole salary she earns 2 d man, and let him be d man and dictate, it will ease his burdens, afterall its not like he'll mismanage it, 4rm what she stated i can conclude he is a responsible man, so y cut im off after he got a job paying far less. She's definately not sending him d right signal and message. D best thing is for her 2 b submissive, ur husband comes first, he was dia b4 u got d job and who knows 2mao, you myt loose ur job or he gets a far far better offer, so she should act wisely, let d man dictate things, let im av access, act as if d money blongs to you both and see it that way, guess that will help, dats my 2cents! |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Nobody: 11:38pm On Aug 06, 2013 |
You have to understand, he is in pain. He feels like an imb3cile (or worse as the bible would say) because he currently cannot be the main supplier for his family due to factors he cannot control. We men have our egos, and we derive it from certain things, like being providers to our families. Please look at it with an understanding heart. Hug him tight and express to him that he is still your hero. Comfort and encourage him that there are greater things lined up for him in life and that you intend to be with him. Encourage him to not lose faith. Also, as to yourself, I know how Nigerian women act when they find themselves in this position. They may not even be aware when they begin their fuckup. BE VERY CAREFUL of any idle/thoughtless statements you make about the situation. Don't ever even come close to verbally kicking the man while he is down. If he is the same Godly man you married, he will come to with love. ...But on the real, are you both not supposed to be planning everything together from the same pot? Which one is this His thing/My thing? How do marriages like this even work in this day and age? |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by daisyella: 2:20am On Aug 07, 2013 |
I think its an ego issue and I know dat most men will go 2 any length 2 protect deir ego, it hurts him that you are d one earning more in d family instead of him, u described him as being nice and supportive till he lost his job,so dis might b d tym he needs ur support and understanding most even without asking it. Have u tried having a hearty talk with him abt dis issue? Have u been praying for him and encouraging him? Marriage is not a bed of roses and its hardwork, sometimes u have 2 compromise. 1 Like |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Mynd44: 5:32am On Aug 07, 2013 |
I am liking this thread |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by mekado83(m): 2:43pm On Aug 07, 2013 |
U are selfish. I must say that. This very man cared for you and was so nice to u as u stated before he loses his job. Y not allow him to still act as the bread winner of the house by having joint account. This man is in deep pain. Now the children knows that the mother is the breadwinner of the house . Wat do u expect the grieved man to do? Nawa 4 some women sef. 1 Like |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Nobody: 3:31pm On Aug 07, 2013 |
mekado83: Y not allow him to still act as the bread winner of the house by having joint account?Really? Say wetin happen This your talk funny die!! Abeg no kill me with laff. |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by dmcdad: 4:47pm On Aug 07, 2013 |
2buff: You have to understand, he is in pain.Your last paragraph is what lingers in my mind while reading the original post... |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by samyan12: 8:00pm On Aug 07, 2013 |
I doubt if the solution to this problem is for her to tender her salary to her husband every month, no respectable man would agree to that. Why would a man let a woman work all month, and then he'll happily collect her earnings from her, haba!! Make una fear God. The man is just suffering from ego crisis, and its normal, I even respect him for that. He's not comfortable with the fact that he isn't the breadwinner of the family anymore. The wife should just continue comforting, make sure he doesn't spend time dwelling on his loss. Pray together, do whatever she can to help lift his mood at all times. 5 Likes |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Nobody: 9:37pm On Aug 07, 2013 |
berem: Really? Say wetin happen So wait, I don't understand people. How will your marriage work WITHOUT a joint account? Is that all meant to come from one person? So what is the point of you working then if your are not putting something into the pot where bills are paid from. You make your money to eat your money ni? "What's mine is mine whats yours is ours" in marriage does not make sense. Now I can understand why some of you naija women look at marriage in such a hungry way. This is why you allow your assorted family members and even that distant uncle who had nothing to do with your upbringing to be requesting house from your husband in the name of "list" because y'all don't really give a shit about the poor guy. It's your husband's problem. May God deliver us from your kind. Before marriage, certain things will be clear between the lucky chick and myself. Even if we have individual accounts, there must always be a joint account where the bulk of each of our earnings go whereby everything is decided upon. There will be a severe understanding that any debts incurred during extravagant weddings will be suffered by THE FAMILY aka herself included, so she better act right and keep costs low on her end. 1 Like |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by dmcdad: 10:49pm On Aug 07, 2013 |
^^^^ Ride on bruv... I am with you on this |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Nobody: 10:31pm On Aug 09, 2013 |
samy ssuan12: I doubt if the solution to this problem is for her to tender her salary to her husband every month, no respectable man would agree to that. Why would a man let a woman work all month, and then he'll happily collect her earnings from her, haba!! Make una fear God. The man is just suffering from ego crisis, and its normal, I even respect him for that. He's not comfortable with the fact that he isn't the breadwinner of the family anymore. Is he collecting it to eat it or to plan for the family? Is most of it not to be made available to make family plans in the first place? |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by LesbianBoy(m): 2:13am On Aug 10, 2013 |
Iyandasdiary: Dear readers,Like this post if u also think the highlighted part is the reason for her husband's behaviour 1 Like |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by MrsChima(f): 7:09am On Aug 10, 2013 |
SMH at some insecure boys. |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by MrsChima(f): 7:13am On Aug 10, 2013 |
2buff: Good thing about marriage is that EACH couple can live their life how THEY see fit. If a joint account is what needed in YOUR marriage so be it. All marriages arent created EQUAL. It's their life. |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by jaybee3(m): 7:18am On Aug 10, 2013 |
Marriage is a partnership and you both are each others helper. Pay more of the bills until he can find his feet. I'm sure that's what he would have done if the situation was reversed |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Nobody: 7:20am On Aug 10, 2013 |
Men who expect too much from women go into depression when in crisis. I think this man is learning a lesson he should have learnt before marriage. 1 Like |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by richyblink1(m): 7:55am On Aug 10, 2013 |
There is this colleague of mine who lost his job in one of the new generation banks some years ago. His wife earns about 700k while he was earning about 400k. When ever the wife receives salary she transfers the whole money to the husbands account so he can pay their bills and that of the kids before handing over certain amount back to the wife for her personal needs. Today he is now an accountant in a famous oil company and embarrasses the wife with every good thing life has got to offer. @op, if your husband could treat you like a queen back then by giving you all you needed. Why not continue giving him a certain percentage of your salary to add up what he earns. Trust me, he will stop referring the kids to you and things will certainly be a lot better 1 Like |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Kanwulia: 7:57am On Aug 10, 2013 |
It is the trend of the future! WOMEN ARE GOING TO BE THE BREAD WINNERS ! Especially, as more 'men' refuse to grow up plus drop out of school! They are called MARRIED 'SINGLE-PARENTS!!!! Mu Che Che Che Che Che *Belchezzzzzz* 3 Likes |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Nobody: 7:57am On Aug 10, 2013 |
I am sorry but the whole post stinks of ego and show off from the wife "Living large among my friends" "Everyone wanted him but I got him" "I swore not to take a job lower than 150k because I had a 2.1" I can just imagine what she must be putting the poor man through. Showing off to him, hurtful side comments. Life no be like that oh, sometimes you are ahead sometimes you are behind, when you were behind he supported you, now he is behind you suddenly realise your power its all right. How much is N200k self? Lol, silly pride, you are not the first woman to earn more and you won't be the last but so many don't go making a Federal Case out of it. The way you presented the story with so much show off and ego, I honestly doubt he just "changed". I can imagine how much you rubbed it in. Anyway, whatever you want to do, do jor, after all you are a "Big girl" earning N200k na. 1 Like |
Re: I Earn A Lot More Than My Husband by Nobody: 8:03am On Aug 10, 2013 |
Mrs.Chima: If you even read the OP's post at all before succumbing to the urge to tricking your mouth/fingers up in here, you'd get that a joint account actually makes sense in HER marriage too given the current situation. |
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