"I live for my kids" is one statement alot of us parents make, I know I do.Its just more or less to stress the importance of our kids to us.But I was just thinking yesterday to myself, should we really apply this or just leave it as an endearment? Is that not too much of a burden to place on a child?

We all hear of cases where one way or other kids deviate from the 'well laid out' plans their parents set out for them.Of course even we parents were once children ourselves and have come to realise in adulthood that we don't always share the same POV as our parents.

My kids are a very integral part of my life and most decisions we make as a family often has their welfare and needs put first.I think I am slightly better than my husband cos he does not mind sacrificing ALL just to make them comfortable and happy.But (maybe am selfish ) I believe sometimes some decisions need not be always about them but also slightly what might work for us.Why should we more or less "live" for them? I love and cherish my kids but I also want to impact on other kids that are not necessarily biologically mine.How can I give a bit of myself to others when I generally have used every bit of myself up for them?

So do you believe in 'living for your kids'?

No, I don't.

My parents should never live tgeir full life for me and I won't do that for my kids...but I'll always love and cherish them..

I'll teach my kids the full meaning of iindependence(especially my girls)....

I'll set up a trustfund for every child I have, once you are 22 you'll be out on your own, whether married or not....but my love and care shall never end. I and my future hubby must plan our lives aside our kids.....

Yes and no

Yes - they are expected to be one's legacy

No - you smother them and for the trend I'm seeing these kids will of necessity see themselves as more individualistic

Loneliness in old age

Lol

And if u don't hv a kid nko?

The day u came to this world,it was only u.
The day u will go,only u.
So how can u be living for ur kids?

In christianity,its idolatry.

Psychologically,u molded ur life around ur kids which when it didn't go as u planned(which is wrong) u will kolomental, abi u think most of the pschiatric cases we hv r caused by witches and wizards?

Exactly ypp..

Do your best, give them the scope and exposure but they are only human like you and thus fallible

Good point on the kolomental

We are just stewards and we water

God gives the increase

May God help us all

I guess it's mostly women who are in horrible marriages that mean that literarily.

The most important person is God, then your spouse and children second.

It might seem that way when they are dependent but as they become more independent, abeg the parents should let them fly.

Any parent living for me is on his/ her own.

Any child that thinks I will live for him/her is equally in OYO.

Will I love them? Care for them? Train, inspire and nurture them? Yes,

Live for them? In their dreams...

I am more for living for your spouse but even then, I have my God and myself to live for

Yes, you have to live for your kids. If you can't care for them, why bring them to this world in the first case. Children should be taken care of emotionally, spiritual, financial until they are old enough to fend for themselves. That is before they become independent around age of 21-27, when they can fend for themself and take major decisions for their own life. Although at the age of 21 years a boy or girl is now a fully grown adult under normal circumstances but due to nigerian factors some or majority are still indepentent.
Parent need to guide their children during the formative years . It is during this period that the future of most kids are destroyed. If you ask any street urchin, ex convict why he end up like this, he will always tells you about his childhood experiences.

I think the op touched on two important aspects
~Living for one's kids
~And living one's kids life
I believe as parents you're obligated to be responsible for your child(ren)'s welfare but there's a point where one begins to overdo it and start encroaching on their individuality, independence and privacy..it's at this point parents start living their kids' life .Which is wrong!!!

In short, respond to their financial needs and other aspects they need or require your guidance for. .As they begin to mature,start retreating and recognising their adulthood whilst giving subtle guidance and counsel on life challenges.

Kool insight buka.. Weird but tight

biolabee: Kool insight buka.. Weird but tight

What's weird about it?

Nice insights.I agree with Biola that we are just caretakers.

bukatyne:

What's weird about it?

weird as in unconventional in this part of the world where frankly we expect to do all for the kids and for them to take care of us in old age

But i like it - hence the word tight

I really would have been one of those mums, I went through a lot to have kids in my first marriage.
The heartbreak and pain of a failed IVF cannot be explained.
When I had my son, I was lucky to have my mother in law who didn't let me spoil him.
What I owe my kids
1. Love: Unconditional Love; I will always be there for you to love you and provide emotional support. I will also scold, spank and correct you out of this same love.
2. Stability: Provide some measure of stability emotionally and financially.
3. Let you grow and make your own mistakes.
4. Never live my life through you or try to make you live a life I want
5. Never cling to you, you are my child, I am just a vessel, You will live, grow, excel and do exploits, I am just there to provide some guidance and not to do these things for you

Sadly, so many people have nothing else, only their kids so they cling and cling, emotionally blackmailing them especially the boys.
For the girls some mothers relive their youth through them.

My own philosophy as a parent, love your spouse, love your kids and guide and also have a life.

Living for anyone is Idol worship in my humble oppinion.

We should all just remember that we are all just caretakers and not real owners, hence no one can live for anyone. The only one who is living for us is our lord and saviour.
That being said, since we are put in their charge to take care of, to nurture and to train up to independence, I think in my opinion, we are obliged to provide them with whatever they might need, finacially, materially, religiously, emotionally, morally, infact in every area, when they are still young and helpless, I mean in their formative years, and at this time also, to inculcate dependency spirit in them, till adulthood, show them love, care, guide them properly, allow them to learn and make mistake and also learn from their mistakes, so that when they grow to maturity/adult, they will live on their own and will not expect anyone to "live" for them.
May God help us all.

biolabee:

weird as in unconventional in this part of the world where frankly we expect to do all for the kids and for them to take care of us in old age

But i like it - hence the word tight

I make my rules and live by them...

Thanks for the compliment.

I usually say that most people do not know what marriage is about but they are like

It's the hubby or wifey that should be saying I live my life for my wifey/hubby (if both heads are screwed right)

Like I will tell my baby

It's Him&I (notice the lack of space) and ...........................................the kids!

No mind me, na so I like yori yori

bukatyne:

I make my rules and live by them...

Thanks for the compliment.

I usually say that most people do not know what marriage is about but they are like

It's the hubby or wifey that should be saying I live my life for my wifey/hubby (if both heads are screwed right)

Like I will tell my baby

It's Him&I (notice the lack of space) and ...........................................the kids!

No mind me, na so I like yori yori

One year after

Thank you God

I will live for myself,and take care of my kids. Living for them makes them totally dependent on you,and not bringing out the potentials in them. Nobody lived for me,I achieved everything based by God's grace,and solo effort. Let the kids hustle themselves,I will just guide them to follow the right part.

interesting topic and comments. i don't think it's a good thing to do. another way a parent can do that is by shutting his/her mind completely to remarrying after losing a spouse (d kids father/mother).

i get to hear things like 'if a widow remarries, d new husband will maltreat d kids' (in cases where the children are still young). true sometimes. but my issue with such decision is the fact that d woman/man may den give up herself/himself completely for d kids and should those children let the parent down tomorrow, the children are told the story of how he/she gave up the pleasures of remarrying just for them.