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Very Funny Facebook Statuses by TeeJay22: 4:44pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Facebook is the voice of people. So most of the times Facebook status updates reflects the actual mood of the person. Sometimes you have to post something delicious to keep up with all kind of audience you have. It can be hilarious, shocking or just a spread-the-word- topic. However, if you posted something funny it will makes others happy, it also helps to brighten your social networking community’s day. Check out some of the funniest i have seen. I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities. At least mosquitos are attracted to me. Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny. I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying. It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones. When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you? Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either I am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time . . . . . . . . . lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones. I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work. Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore. The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading. Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull. Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship. I'll be back in five minutes. If I'm not, read this again I always hated weddings because old people would come over and poke me saying “You’re next.”. They stopped when I started doing it to them at funerals. U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown I am wondering if one can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars? Have you noticed that the “lol” symbol looks like a drowning guy? I bet hes not laughing out loud! I’m thinkin about takin my own life, I might as well. Except they might not sell weed in hell I sometimes think that Facebook should change the status question from “What’s on your mind?” to “What’s your problem today?” When people are singing Happy Birthday to me, I have no idea where to look. Phases of love. 1) xoxo. 2) Bleep. 3) ex. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner. Without ME, it’s just AWESO. I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.” I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. URGENT WARNING! Facebook now automatically scans your brain through your monitor. To block, go to kitchen, get aluminum foil, and wrap it around your head. Stay calm, and breathe through your left nostril ONLY. This is a serious problem and has been confirmed by a friend's cousin's girlfriend's neighbour's son's baby's mama and her pet chihuahua. Life’s a bitch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.I’d call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose. Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “you can’t fire me, I Quit!” I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos. FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END My mate changed his Facebook status to “suicidal, standing on the edge of a clifft” So i poked him… I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing. Weird discovery of the day. If you type a word in Facebook (in a comment, status, etc.) that happens to be the same as your password, after you click "Share", automatically converts it to asterisks to protect your security. Allow me to demonstrate. My password is *******. 1 Like |
Re: Very Funny Facebook Statuses by harlos: 5:08pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Lol (actually that was a lie, i smiled ) Very funny |
Re: Very Funny Facebook Statuses by sunday478(m): 5:17pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
To tell u the truth I enjoy facebook more than Fb, why because the level of interaction on NL is good compared to that of FB. On NL U are talking to professionals regardless of whther they are ur friends or not |
Re: Very Funny Facebook Statuses by harlos: 7:15pm On Aug 22, 2013 |
Woman Love Logic: When A Woman loves you, you are a HUSBAND. When A Few Women love you, you area MAN. When Many Women love you, you are a LOVER. When Hundreds of Women love you, you are an IDOL. When Thousands of Women love you, you are a LEADER. But, When All the Women in the worldlove you, you are not human… You are a diamond, gold, a pound, a dollar,a euro, or a yen. |
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