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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only (3229 Views)
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Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by feelgood(m): 3:28pm On May 31, 2006 |
My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, show me how to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. That was a long time ago. Now, in my "mature" years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain. When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of Women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance." In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance." To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get." By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this." As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" . . .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door. |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by mukina2: 3:30pm On May 31, 2006 |
chei!! feelgood u sef |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by Badman888(m): 3:54pm On May 31, 2006 |
yea i agree |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by hotangel2(f): 3:54pm On May 31, 2006 |
PERFECTLY RIGHT, NORMALLY CORRECT, TOO CORRECT sef. lol made me laugh and i see some truth in it. |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by feelgood(m): 3:55pm On May 31, 2006 |
Mukina u don come again? wetin u dey do here? FOR MEN ONLY!!! |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by mukina2: 3:56pm On May 31, 2006 |
aba feelgood ar go go husai ar wan go, |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by feelgood(m): 4:00pm On May 31, 2006 |
nA U SABI Mukina - anyway have fun & be cool (after all, hot angel also 'strayed' in) |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by mukina2: 4:10pm On May 31, 2006 |
feel good are you feelin good? |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by feelgood(m): 4:40pm On May 31, 2006 |
Mukina,mukinatu,mukinabe, - JUST FEEL GOOD |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by Ib(f): 5:40pm On May 31, 2006 |
Really good rea! But mind i still have to brush my hair, retouch my pancake and spray some perfumn. Damn how much time did that take. Nice one man |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by diddy4(m): 7:03pm On May 31, 2006 |
@ ib i guess your boy tells your 5 hours before time dat u guys will go out for dinner. if he tells u one hour before time u might end up completing only your eye lashes or whateva una dey call 'em. |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by spikelord(m): 1:50am On Jun 01, 2006 |
Haba, |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by ToyM28(f): 2:34am On Jun 01, 2006 |
very very true, lmao |
Re: Why Ladies Waste Time In Public Toilets - For Men Only by tmubee(m): 7:48pm On Mar 20, 2010 |
That article got me really laughing. I used to wonder what caused all this toilet camaraderie among women. I now see. But, by the way, everything women do just ends up in all kinds of complications; toilet and make-up are just two of them. |
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