isha.salam:
Hi.
Our destinies they say lie in our hands. I think picking up the pieces of a broken r/ship is hard enuf not to talk of an abusive one. You have moved on , keep moving and don't look back. A tiger rarely ever loses its spots. You have done and can still do better.

LaShawn: Thank you all. I understand what You're saying.

I'm just beginning to wonder if there is actually that Nirvana in a Nigerian relationship. I've also tried dating But the guy that I dated after my abusive ex said I wasn't religious enough for him. All Because I insisted he check his genotype Since I'm AS. HE said we should believe that he is of the AA genotype. I insisted and after months of arguing, he broke up with me, saying he needs a woman of faith as a partner as he will someday be a pastor.
P.S. He also got angry that I went to get vaccinated for hepatitis, saying I was always digging for medical issues and he is someone who doesn't believe in hospitals Or doctors.


Another came along, and during discussions, I asked about his culture. All he could tell me about his culture was 'women are not allowed to do this, women are not allowed to do that'.
What broke the camels back was when he told me that I would have to leave my job sooner or later. That he wanted a woman doing a small-scale business. I took offence Because nobody was ever there for me financially, except my parents, and to be honest, I didn't think he was in the position to tell me what not to do, especially as my longsuffering parents were over the moon about my job and I saw it as an opportunity to help out with some expense, both myself and siblings. And of course, it doesnt hurt to buy stuff and pay with my own money, without having to scrimp or ask my parents. I get it that my job gets crayzie, But it pays the bills. So that crossed out this guy as an option.

I'm beginning to view relationships as all having a measure of evil. And to get in a relationship, It's a case of choosing the lesser evil.

LaShawn: ^^
Thank you. It's not really the thought of going back Because the others were unfavourable.

Nah!

It's just that I was wondering if he truly had learned that certain behaviors are unacceptable and if he was truly changed as he claimed.
I myself know I can't live with his abuse if things are still the way they were.

Sky walker: Somethings they say will never change - An abusive man is one of them. The guy is your ex for a reason. Out of the millions of better men out there waiting to meet you, why would you wanna go back to someone who abused you?
Just make him understand that, the moment he did whatever wrong he did to you, was the day he cut the forbidden fruit from Eden - I cant remember things going back to the way they used to be after Eve did that.

debrief08: I am so happy for men like Obyrich and Nashville.

debrief08: I am so happy for men like Obyrich and Nashville.

debrief08: La shawn, Take time off and understand your self, write down what you want generally from life and from relationships.
Also write down your own strenghts and weaknesses, know them and own them.

The problem I see is that you are begining to panic and believe that you won't get married because of the ones you have met. So you are telling yourself that you might as well settle.

I also see a pattern, those men smell desperation, do you go about doing things to convince them that you are wife material? Calm down, remove your minds from the clock ticking on your head, concentrate on your own self, enjoy your own company, heal your own wounds or learn to manage them.

When you meet a man, don't start planning the wedding in your head, don't start showing him how good of a wife you can be, enjoy dating
When you build your esteem it glows and keeps aways losers and whinners, it attracts the right man with the right mind set.

The choice is yours, slow down, learn to enjoy life and Gods blessings or rush on, settle just to settle and say you are married. Which ever you make has benefits and consequencies, decide which you can live with

ayando: It is sad that most ladies have a general belief that an abusive person cant change. The truth is the man has realized his mistakes. The question is: Does she still love him? can she ever forget those bad incidents in the past. she needs to evaluate what is most important for her in a man because there are two sides of a person. We choose what we can put up with in a person.

Am in no way supporting an abusive relationship but what i am saying is we all get a second chance and we should not sound so perfect in course of advising someone in need.
If we read what she said, she said he was very good at first but along the line something happened. what happened? what went wrong? This clearly means any good person can turn to a bad person.
I wish you the best n I hope the Lord guide your thought to choose rightly. Shalom

LaShawn: Hi everybody.

I was here a while ago to talk about my abusive ex.

I have done what I can by not picking his calls or acknowledging his texts the past two years. He has sent friend requests to my Facebook, done all sorts to get my attention. All which I ignored. I even blocked him.

The latest is that he tracked down my best friend about 5 months back and talked her into begging me. When She tried, I flared up as the memory of the pain he made me go through came back in full force.

Yesterday, I logged into my chat and saw that she'd forwarded me his messages. He claims to have changed and sounds so pitiful. Part of me scoffs at that, Because he was always so good at begging. But just then part of me wonders what if he's truly changed?

The truth is that at the beginning of that relationship, it was so good. Then it all went downhill. I have done well for myself these two years. I got a great job and I just moved to stay on my own the first time in my life.

It's said that you don't know the worth of a good person, till you encounter the bad. He has been through hell according to him dating different girls these two years and he is really desperate for my forgiveness and was begging to atleast talk to me as I saw in the messages She forwarded.


Part of me is torn to hear what he has to say. At this point, is it safe or prudent or even wise to allow him dial me?