It was a funny moment for me when I visited my old school friend (now married) yesterday. He called me to come and play with him during weekend, which I called him before going. As my usual doing of buying something along whenever i'm paying someone a visit. I bought two meat pie for his son, one fruit wine, two slice breads and two can malt. I was given a warm greeting on arrival by the family, which I also reciprocated with a nice smile. I handed the gifts to the wife and started watching movie on dstv while I continue chatting with his child and father (my friend). My friend called his wife to entertain me after like 40mins. To my suprise she just brought out one of the slice bread with meat stew and a can malt. it's not that i went there to eat a special food, but being what I presensed to you as a gift is what is just funny to me.


Nairalanders, can you entertain a guest with what it brought as a gift for the family.

Taking note:
-That my friend is no more a bachelor
-They are aware of my coming
-Its sunday evening.

Lets hear you

Lol @ They were aware of your coming. On behalf of that wife wey no "prepare" for his excellency's visit I apologise.
Maybe they had no food, maybe she was tired, maybe she had a long week and just needed the rest. Nigerian women sha, always be prepared 24/7 to cook for all friends, guests and relatives at all times, because as long as your husband is no longer a bachelor people will insist on "proper food" and you were married to cook. If you make the misrake of serving coke or malt you will end up in Nairaland.
In my own naivity, I always thought when you visit someone you humbly accept what they have to offer, silly me.

Well Op,

I believe everyone is the king/queen of his/her home and behave as they deem fit.

I would have found it strange (infact, I have never seen/heard it before) but I have learnt to accept whatever anyone offers me with love.

As other posters said, there might be issues previously in the home and NOT everything that goes wrong is the wife's doing because you seem to stress on the fact he is married.

Appreciate the fact that they welcomed you in their own home and accept whatever they give you with love.

Now you know their MO, next time you are visiting, carry along what you want to eat

chaircover: The fact that the man had to call his wife to entertain you after 40 minutes of you being there shows that there is something not too right in that household . . it could be financial or husband and wife are not on good terms at that point or whatever.

The man could have also gotten up to give his friend a drink from the fridge if the wife was busy/tired. We also dont know if the wife knew about your visit in advance or the first she knew about it was the moment you stepped through the door.

One must always be sensitive to things and if I were you, the moment he told his wife to entertain you after such a long wait, you should have politely declined saying you have just eaten and taken your leave soon after.

. . you also dont know that it was the items you brought were used to serve you, It may just so happen that they had the same at home, especially with the Maltina and if you live in the same area, the sliced bread could have been from their own home.

I completely agree with you. I think the man and his wife may not be on good terms and she did that to embarrass him. Poster, it is quite weird and even funny. May be the man hasn't been providing house upkeep money so the wife wanted to prove a point. I dont think they are going through any financial issue neither was the wife tired, the marriage must have some k-leg. If I were poster, I will have left within 10 mins after the incident. What kind of house is that?

And poster, what is meat stew? Obe eran? So you brought bread ati obe to your friend's house?

If you're going to serve a guest a meal, it should be something proper, especially when you knew beforehand the guest is coming over. Even if she had just cooked simple rice (doesn't take long to cook rice!) and served you that, along with the stew, that would've been better. If, for whatever the reason, she was unable to offer you rice or something else - other than bread, then she should've just given you a cold drink alone, instead of the slice of bread & meat stew. That would've been fine. It's not by force to serve a guest a meal, BUT if you're going to do it, put some effort into it. The fact that you even tried and bought some goodies for their kids should've prompted her to entertain you better. Then again, no one knows what was going on in the home for her to serve you a slice of bread & meat stew. It's their house, so whatever. You just have to accept whatever they give you.

OP, next time eat before visiting someone.

Ah ah! If you no fit cook, go eat mama put.

I agree with Nashville . . . .

The woman clearly did that to embarrass the husband. After 40 mins she didn't think to offer you anything and had to be prompted by the husband in that manner

Serves him right. I don't understand Nigerian men . . . why did he call his wife and request for her to serve you in your presence. He would have gone inside and discussed with his wife privately. If she had anything to offer, she will if not he could have given her money to hurriedly go and get something.

You should know some people are terrible hosts . . . I once spent almost 5k (both ways) taxi cab to visit a friend's wife who just had a baby (I told them I will be coming a day in advance). I got there bearing monetary gifts for the baby and even after spending about an hour and half, I wasn't offered ANYTHING (not even a cup of water).

The lady was extremely nice to me and we talked and laughed but she didn't think to offer me anything. Not that they couldn't afford it, it just didn't cross her mind!

Of course I probably would have rejected anything they offered cos I went there immediately after having a heavy lunch, but I found it odd that a Nigerian hostess would neglect to offer her guest anything.

Bottom line is that not everybody think like you do . . . some just don't know any better!

Can I entertain a guest with their food? Yes. But not in a weird way like this couple. If I invite you to lunch and you bring something, we will all eat it in addition to what we have made. Same way I have taken stuff to people's houses and we all shared it together. So usually, it will happen in a setting where everyone is eating it together. If you bring some warm yummy pastries to my house when visiting, you think I will wait for you to go so it will be cold before I eat it? Not a chance! I break it out and begin to devour right away! And yes, I will offer you some.

But, what this woman did is very strange! Personally, I can't go and repackage what you bought for me and serve it to you as if I'm the one that bought and prepared it.

very strange,if i were the one i would leave.no time,i prefer they didn't offer anything or chilled water,than presenting your gifts back to you,even if they just qurelled.

Op maybe they had nothing and gave you the best they could at that time. People go through difficult situations and you cannot judge the wife based on this isolated event.

debrief08: Lol @ They were aware of your coming. On behalf of that wife wey no "prepare" for his excellency's visit I apologise.
Maybe they had no food, maybe she was tired, maybe she had a long week and just needed the rest. Nigerian women sha, always be prepared 24/7 to cook for all friends, guests and relatives at all times, because as long as your husband is no longer a bachelor people will insist on "proper food" and you were married to cook. If you make the misrake of serving coke or malt you will end up in Nairaland.
In my own naivity, I always thought when you visit someone you humbly accept what they have to offer, silly me.

#Booingthis

OP, stuff happens now. So, what will you say if your friend or his wife read this thread?

You should just take it in your stride and ignore it altogether.

No matter what, bad host or terrible host, courtesy demands that at least, a cup of water should be given. Whether she was angry or pissed before hand, she shouldn't take it out on a guest. BTW, 40minutes is enough to boil rice. #justmytot#

Please this is a totally innocent question. What do you expect to eat when you visit someone?



OP maybe she thought you would be there for a while so thought you would eat with them at lunch time or dinner depnding on what time of day you came. Visit again before you decide she does not like you or is a bad person.

I must confess I am a terrible host, but my husband is just too perfect a host. As terrible as I am, I make people feel free in my house, I don't know how to entertain people, but most times, after displaying that my bad habit, (covers face), I will just say something like, "You are doing like guest abi, go to the fridge and take whatever you want o, and there is food too, or should we cook together, if the person is a male, I will say, feel free at home o, and please entertain yourself cos u are family, most times it works, but if am extremely busy or not reaally in a very good mood, hubby will quickly eteertain the guest, and that usually happens like 80 of the time, aa always busy at home.

But as bad as my hosting habit is, I will never serve bread and stew or serve you with whatever you brought even if we have the same thing, or worst case, if it is the same drink we have at home, I would jokingly tell you am drinking what you brought and will serve you what we have, I am a typical yoruba lady and our thinking dey different o

afrobaby: I must confess I am a terrible host, but my husband is just too perfect a host. As terrible as I am, I make people feel free in my house, I don't know how to entertain people, but most times, after displaying that my bad habit, (covers face), I will just say something like, "You are doing like guest abi, go to the fridge and take whatever you want o, and there is food too, or should we cook together, if the person is a male, I will say, feel free at home o, and please entertain yourself cos u are family, most times it works, but if am extremely busy or not reaally in a very good mood, hubby will quickly eteertain the guest, and that usually happens like 80 of the time, aa always busy at home.

But as bad as my hosting habit is, I will never serve bread and stew or serve you with whatever you brought even if we have the same thing, or worst case, if it is the same drink we have at home, I would jokingly tell you am drinking what you brought and will serve you what we have, I am a typical yoruba lady and our thining dey different o

If someone offers me bread and stew I would eat it. Stew takes time to cook. I would be appreciative. If I go to someones home for the first time I usually take a bottle of wine and I have no problem with us sharing the same bottle though I can see the point you're making. Some people just happen to just be simple. They don't look at little things like that too deeply. You did not say what you would serve though in place of the bread and stew

Strange couple, a very unusual way to entertain a guest.

If you think this was bad
How about this true story
A friend had a baby and travelled with her new born to Nigeria
A couple she was friends with for a while came to see the baby about 10 am in the morning
They came empty handed
She served them 2 bottles of malt
The wife reached into her handbag and brought out bread and akara
Gave some to her husband and they proceeded to eat while drinking the malt.

So ghetto

Senator James: It was a funny moment for me when I visited my old school friend (now married) yesterday. He called me to come and play with him during weekend, which I called him before going. As my usual doing of buying something along whenever i'm paying someone a visit. I bought two meat pie for his son, one fruit wine, two slice breads and two can malt. I was given a warm greeting on arrival by the family, which I also reciprocated with a nice smile. I handed the gifts to the wife and started watching movie on dstv while I continue chatting with his child and father (my friend). My friend called his wife to entertain me after like 40mins. To my suprise she just brought out one of the slice bread with meat stew and a can malt. it's not that i went there to eat a special food, but being what I presensed to you as a gift is what is just funny to me.


Nairalanders, can you entertain a guest with what it brought as a gift for the family.

Taking note:
-That my friend is no more a bachelor
-They are aware of my coming
-Its sunday evening.

Lets hear you

That is just so bad
They couldn't get to a Kiosk nearby and buy one bottle of fanta and biscuit?


The man invited you and they serve you the gifts you came with?
She has beef stew and couldn't boil half a cup of rice ?

babyosisi: If you think this was bad
How about this true story
A friend had a baby and travelled with her new born to Nigeria
A couple she was friends with for a while came to see the baby about 10 am in the morning
They came empty handed
She served them 2 bottles of malt
The wife reached into her handbag and brought out bread and akara
Gave some to her husband and they proceeded to eat while drinking the malt.

So ghetto

They were hungry na, and they didn't think your friend would eat the Akara and bread.
Why your friend no give them tea sef instead of malt that early morning.

I once went for an interview in Lagos then, and had to stay in my friend's house for 2 nights. The morning of the interview, he left for work very early as usual, only for the wife to come around 10am to ask me if i would take tea with Chin-Chin as breakfast, because she had enough in the fridge. I told her that i don't eat Chin-Chin, and she said ok, that she's going to buy bread for me. I ended up not seeing either the woman or the bread again until i went to tell her by 2pm that i was leaving for the job interview.

Hot Potato: I once went for an interview in Lagos then, and had to stay in my friend's house for 2 nights. The morning of the interview, he left for work very early as usual, only for the wife to come around 10am to ask me if i would take tea with Chin-Chin as breakfast, because she had enough in the fridge. I told her that i don't eat Chin-Chin, and she said ok, that she's going to buy bread for me. I ended up not seeing either the woman or the bread again until i went to tell her by 2pm that i was leaving for the job interview.

So you were staying in their house for free and still expected them to feed you?

Even when she offered you what they had, you rejected it . . . . what exactly were you expecting? For her to go about looking for food for you?

Ujujoan:

So you were staying in their house for free and still expected them to feed you?

Even when she offered you what they had, you rejected it . . . . what exactly were you expecting? For her to go about looking for food for you?

If you cant feed a guest then its better you dont allow them sleep over
What is chin chin? To get 100 naira bread is not too much of a work after all she is not the one baking it in the bakery
Some people dont know how to entertain a guest.thats it

Mrs mansson:
If you cant feed a guest then its better you dont allow them sleep over
What is chin chin? To get 100 naira bread is not too much of a work after all she is not the one baking it in the bakery
Some people dont know how to entertain a guest.thats it

Would it have been better they asked him not to come just to avoid spending money they don't have on feeding him

Remember they didn't invite him instead they are saving him money on lodgings already . . . . I don't think he should feel entitled in any way here . . .

Hot Potato: I once went for an interview in Lagos then, and had to stay in my friend's house for 2 nights. The morning of the interview, he left for work very early as usual, only for the wife to come around 10am to ask me if i would take tea with Chin-Chin as breakfast, because she had enough in the fridge. I told her that i don't eat Chin-Chin, and she said ok, that she's going to buy bread for me. I ended up not seeing either the woman or the bread again until i went to tell her by 2pm that i was leaving for the job interview.

This is a totally different case. Did you expect her to wake up at 7am to make you breakfast? Did you even expect her to be making you breakfast? You knew you were going to be there for two nights and should've arranged your own meals. The most appropriate thing here would've been for you go out and grab something to eat for yourself, not expect the wife to be cooking your meals or buy your own food to eat at home. If you had stayed in a hotel, you would've paid, so these people already did you a favour by letting you stay in their home for free. If the woman offered you chin-chin and you told her you don't eat chin-chin ( did you even say thank you but just turned down her offer by saying "I don't eat chin-chin?" ) and told you she was going to buy bread for you and didn't show up until 2pm, oh well, TOO BAD! Maybe she had her own things she had to do. And If you had responded rudely to her that morning, no wonder. You were even waiting for her to show up with the bread, lol. If you're going to be staying in other people's homes for a few days, you should be shy with certain things; you should have some "itiju".

@ Yield and Ujujoan, i wasn't expecting anything, because even before that 10am, i had already gone out to a nearby restaurant to arrange my affairs, and i equally went back to that restaurant on my way from the interview. I still think that food is not so much a big deal to give to someone.

My thoughts were that the woman wanted me to feel so uncomfortable that i shouldn't even contemplate coming to stay in their house till i'm able to rent my own apartment, if i eventually i got the job.

Hot Potato: @ Yield and Ujujoan, i wasn't expecting anything, because even before that 10am, i had already gone out to a nearby restaurant to arrange my affairs, and i equally went back to that restaurant on my way from the interview. I still think that food is not so much a big deal to give to someone.

My thoughts were that the woman wanted me to feel so uncomfortable that i shouldn't even contemplate coming to stay in their house till i'm able to rent my own apartment, if i eventually i got the job.

Please don't mind them,some people just oppose stuff for opposition sake
Someone already gave a good answer
If you don't have the time or resources to entertain a guest properly especially when you knew they were coming,you either tell them so they are Prepared while coming or you ask them not to come
Simple
I absolutely do not have any respect for people who don't know how to entertain guests in their home
I am not talking about lavish entertainments but the basic stuff
It is inexcusable
Whenever you invite or accept a guest you should provide them with meals,proper meals,have a clean bedsheets and pillow slips on the bed and sweep and dust the room they will stay in.
That is what you sign on by allowing them to come
My hubby and I don't eat yam that much
I could go months without eating plantain
But when I invite guests overnight ,I buy yams,plantains,coffee and other things I don't have ordinarily because I don't know what they may prefer.
I usually ,like most Naija women have stew ,soup and cooked jollof in my fridge at almost anytime you come to my house and if there is a guest coming,I make sure you are provided for.
I show you where things are in the house so you can help yourself when I am away at work
I make out time to sit and chat with them and for the Nigerian guests drive them to stores for shopping
If I don't have that time to do all that I will decline your request to come at that time and tell you when you can come
Short and simple.
Some things are just inexcusable

Yield:

This is a totally different case. Did you expect her to wake up at 7am to make you breakfast? Did you even expect her to be making you breakfast? You knew you were going to be there for two nights and should've arranged your own meals. The most appropriate thing here would've been for you go out and grab something to eat for yourself, not expect the wife to be cooking your meals or buy your own food to eat at home. If you had stayed in a hotel, you would've paid, so these people already did you a favour by letting you stay in their home for free. If the woman offered you chin-chin and you told her you don't eat chin-chin ( did you even say thank you but just turned down her offer by saying "I don't eat chin-chin?" ) and told you she was going to buy bread for you and didn't show up until 2pm, oh well, TOO BAD! Maybe she had her own things she had to do. And If you had responded rudely to her that morning, no wonder. You were even waiting for her to show up with the bread, lol. If you're going to be staying in other people's homes for a few days, you should be shy with certain things; you should have some "itiju".

No way
I don't know if you are married or not but if you are, please do not do what you just described to guests in your home especially your husband's friends and relatives or else,I guarantee you will have a thread in this section asking for an intervention.
If unable to treat guest properly with the right etiquette ,tell them they cannot come
Be upfront
That is a more noble thing to do

If I call you and ask if I can stay overnight at your home and you accept,I expect you to serve me breakfast in the morning or tell me where I can get the breakfast stuff if you are leaving early
And you and I know that chin chin is not breakfast,it is a snack like peanuts
A cup of tea and two slices of bread won't make that family bankrupt.
If it was the last 2 slices of bread I had after the kids had eaten,I would give it to that guest and drink water.
That is the proper way to act in such circumstance
There are some things outsiders shouldn't hear and this is one
That someone came to your home and you treated them this shabbily including expecting them to go out in search of their own meals
Courtesy demands that you make provision for those meals,it is up to them to decline
That ,or you turn down requests from anyone visiting.

Hot Potato: I once went for an interview in Lagos then, and had to stay in my friend's house for 2 nights. The morning of the interview, he left for work very early as usual, only for the wife to come around 10am to ask me if i would take tea with Chin-Chin as breakfast, because she had enough in the fridge. I told her that i don't eat Chin-Chin, and she said ok, that she's going to buy bread for me. I ended up not seeing either the woman or the bread again until i went to tell her by 2pm that i was leaving for the job interview.

@BOLD,for real ?
That woman want make you fail the interview.Which kain wicked combo be dat one?
Some women are mean. Agege bread N70,milo and milk sachets N100 and breakfast is done.

An invited guest deserve to be well taken care of.Basic food at least. If its not convenient or the family is passing through financial crises then come clean with the guest before his or her arrival - that is what friends are for.

ifyalways:
@BOLD,for real ?
That woman want make you fail the interview.Which kain wicked combo be dat one?
Some women are mean. Agege bread N70,milo and milk sachets N100 and breakfast is done.

An invited guest deserve to be well taken care of.Basic food at least. If its not convenient or the family is passing through financial crises then come clean with the guest before his or her arrival - that is what friends are for.

Seriously, wicked combo no be small. She said that she had enough in the fridge, that was why she asked.

babyosisi:

No way
I don't know if you are married or not but if you are, please do not do what you just described to guests in your home especially your husband's friends and relatives or else,I guarantee you will have a thread in this section asking for an intervention.
If unable to treat guest properly with the right etiquette ,tell them they cannot come
Be upfront
That is a more noble thing to do

If I call you and ask if I can stay overnight at your home and you accept,I expect you to serve me breakfast in the morning or tell me where I can get the breakfast stuff if you are leaving early
And you and I know that chin chin is not breakfast,it is a snack like peanuts
A cup of tea and two slices of bread won't make that family bankrupt.
If it was the last 2 slices of bread I had after the kids had eaten,I would give it to that guest and drink water.
That is the proper way to act in such circumstance
There are some things outsiders shouldn't hear and this is one
That someone came to your home and you treated them this shabbily including expecting them to go out in search of their own meals
Courtesy demands that you make provision for those meals,it is up to them to decline
That ,or you turn down requests from anyone visiting.

Firstly, I’m not married. I’m single and the last thing on my mind right now is marriage. I’m probably the most welcoming person you will ever meet. Even if a friend comes over to my place, I will cook for her. Secondly, you do not have the right to tell anyone how to act in their home. If you go over to someone’s house and they offer you something to eat, show gratitude. Just saying “I don’t eat that” is rude and makes you an ingrate. I’m not sure why the woman asked if he wanted chin-chin, but even if he didn't want to eat that, he should’ve smiled and thanked her, but he thought he had a sense of entitlement in their home. Thirdly, we’re talking about breakfast here. If it was dinner and she had cooked for the whole family and didn’t cook for the guest, that would be a different story. Her husband had already left early for work that morning and gone about his own day. It is not their responsibility to feed this guy or approaching him in the morning with food, and that is the truth. I don’t know what sort of arrangement he made with the family, but since they were allowing him to stay in their home, I don’t think they would’ve had a problem with him making his own breakfast. I don’t think they would’ve had a problem with him making his own tea and eating bread or whatever. In my previous post, I wasn’t even saying he couldn’t eat any of their own food (I’m sure they never told him that either!), but the take-home I got from his post was that he “expected” her to be making food for him, which was the basis of my response. If a friend lets me stay over for two days, I would’nt expect him/her to be feeding me. You don’t go to someone else’s home and expect them to do jack. Knowing me, I probably would’ve offered him some good food to eat in the morning, but I’m not her. You can’t control what someone does, all you can control is your reaction. If you react negatively, depending on the individual he/she might just react negatively too or pull back from the situation, which was what the woman did and I don't blame her.