Mostly recycled but enjoy!

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news:

"I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from ZESCO rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last electricity bill:

"Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, ! it's in our files!" says the man from the electricity supply company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files??"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the ZESCO offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut it off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks."!

I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

GIRLFRIEND : (Low Voice)
Sweety,
Last night I had a dream about
you.
BOYFRIEND: (excited) Oh,tell
me something Honey...
GIRLFRIEND: I dreamt We were
travelling in a bus, Suddenly
the bus
lost control and fell in the
river. Everyone swam to save their
life,
but you were still swimming
and
searching for someone.
BOYFRIEND: (with love): Oh,definitely,
i was searching for
You..Right?"
GIRLFRIEND: (Frown) NO, You
were
shouting, Driver! Driver!! conductor! Conductor!!, Please,
Give
me My Change before You die..

Akpors The Police
One night armed robbers were tryin to break in and rob a rich man's house. The rich man quickly called d police with his
phone and Akpos, a newly recruited police man answered d call and assured d man he's comin. As he was comin alone, d
armed robbers halted him; come here, where are u goin wit dat gun? Akpos the police man suddenly stopped & started
shiverin. He replied; i heard u are robbin here so i decided to come & use dis gun to support u people! The armed robber
shouted; is dat not police uniform u are puttin on. Akpos quickly replied: No o, it's my night gown.
One word for Akpos.

More Akpors Jokes

The new house boy Akpos was given a list of what to buy in the market by his madam:

Pepper- N400,

Fish- N600,

Vegetable-N100,

Oil- N400

Total- N1500.

He took longer than expected and madam went looking for him.

After sighting him from a distance, with anger she said; What have you been doing for goodness' sake.

Akpos replied; Madam don't be angry, I have bought everything. Is 'Total' i've been looking for since.

Don't blame Akpos. DOn't come home if you didn't see the Total.