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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / I Knew The Day We Met (2931 Views)
The girl I knew / Rap Poetry: The Girl I Met In The Church / One Day We Will Live Together As One. (2) (3) (4)
I Knew The Day We Met by wharlzywee(m): 7:36pm On Oct 09, 2013 |
I knew the day we met That we were meant to be I knew our fate was set That you were the one for me I didn't even know you I only knew your name I wasn't sure what to do I didn't know who to blame I knew I thought you attractive I could tell that you were nice The butterflies were so active That I couldn't think twice Everything I did that day Didn't show you who I am Every time you came my way My heart began to ram My actions weren't natural My reactions weren't real I felt so very terrible But my heart I did not wield And when the group said goodbye to me My eyes were fixed on you I knew I was trying to see If you felt the same way too I liked you when I saw your face But maybe it was the touch My heart had begun to race I already liked you too much I knew the day we met That we were meant to be I knew our fate was set As friends, as lovers, as enemies |
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by enix2dmix: 10:56pm On Oct 09, 2013 |
Stick wit wot u r tryn to say.....' Enemies' is confusn d message, very nice poem tho |
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by wharlzywee(m): 7:19am On Oct 10, 2013 |
tanx i really appreciate |
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by ayd91(m): 9:09pm On Nov 11, 2013 |
Wow 33lines? That's in my view too long. It would have been nice to see it divide into stanzas or made shorter. Your punctuation need work too. Your ending (my opinion) is what I enjoyed the most. "I knew our fate was set As friends, as lovers, as enemies" its like saying, she is a stranger, who will become your friend, then you'll get closer to become lovers, in which you know you'll break her heart (or cause some form of hatred) and become enemies. But either way you'll do it all the same. You should also try to be consistent with your message. In line 4: "That you were the one for me" so if she is the one for you, why would you become enemies? Line 3: "I knew our fate was set" line 32: "I knew our fate was set". Which fate should we uphold? One can only have one fate. Nice write up though. |
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by wharlzywee(m): 3:54pm On Nov 12, 2013 |
Tanx 4 d correction |
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by ayd91(m): 7:09pm On Nov 12, 2013 |
Thanks man. Its my pleasure. |
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by liljboy(m): 12:08pm On Nov 26, 2013 |
Join this awesome poet group https://m./179240072282064?view=info&refid=18 |
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